Attraction, Weight, Thoughts

[luthiengirlie]

I'm in my early 30's. I really wanted to talk about Attraction issues. I"m overweight, but i'm in the process of correcting that now. I often seem to run into big men being attracted to me but I'm not into them at all. I"m into muscular men who hit the gym. and I hit the gym as well. I often deal with big men being attracted to me and me either giving them a chance. relunctantly or turning them down. I can't seem to attract the men I AM into. I told a guy recently I really liked him and he was like.. I"m really not interested.. it's frustrating..
I'd like your thoughts

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Fat dudes are going to hit on you at every size so you're never going to get rid of them. Honestly, the answer to your problem is working out in the gym until those buff body, health conscious heathens that you like start trying to holler. Yes, I called them heathens. I said what I said.

 

[luthiengirlie]

IT'S OKAY that they're heathens.. it counts in certain areas.. I hear what you are saying. Keep fighting the good fight

 

[Naveah2050]

Real talk... you gotta be what you want to attract. The kind of man who hits the gym is likely attracted to someone who likes the gym too.

 

[luthiengirlie]

@Naveah2050 you're right.. just never used to be a problem when I was younger

 

[biznesswmn]

Be careful. Theres more to a man than muscles. Big dudes can hit the gym and lose weight too

I understand its about attraction but... Some buff dudes are really full of themselves.

 

[luthiengirlie]

Be careful. Theres more to a man than muscles. Big dudes can hit the gym and lose weight too

I understand its about attraction but... Some buff dudes are really full of themselves.

I do realize that. I think i just need to figure out how to get past "put dude in friendzone" mode

 

[LivingInPeace]

If you aren’t sexually attracted to fat men you just aren’t. The beginning of a relationship is when you can’t keep your hands off each other. If you don’t want him in the beginning, how do you think you’ll feel years down the road?

 

[luthiengirlie]

If you aren’t sexually attracted to fat men you just aren’t. The beginning of a relationship is when you can’t keep your hands off each other. If you don’t want him in the beginning, how do you think you’ll feel years down the road?

I'm just trying not to be shallow because i'm working on going where I wanna be and im not perfect

 

[LivingInPeace]

I'm just trying not to be shallow because i'm working on going where I wanna be and im not perfect

You can not be shallow and still have standards.

 

[meka72]

If you aren’t sexually attracted to fat men you just aren’t. The beginning of a relationship is when you can’t keep your hands off each other. If you don’t want him in the beginning, how do you think you’ll feel years down the road?

I met my ex-SO after he had had a weight loss surgery. He wasn’t thin by any means but he was a lot smaller than he used to be. He knew that his frame was not what I preferred. Well he had some complications and had to have the procedure reversed. He gained 50 lbs in a short period of time and unfortunately my attraction to him waned. He’s a great guy so I tried to continue the relationship but eventually I had to let it go. I just was not physically attracted to him.

 

[ava2]

I'm in my early 30's. I really wanted to talk about Attraction issues. I"m overweight, but i'm in the process of correcting that now. I often seem to run into big men being attracted to me but I'm not into them at all. I"m into muscular men who hit the gym. and I hit the gym as well. I often deal with big men being attracted to me and me either giving them a chance. relunctantly or turning them down. I can't seem to attract the men I AM into. I told a guy recently I really liked him and he was like.. I"m really not interested.. it's frustrating..
I'd like your thoughts

What happened? What was the scenario here?

 

[luthiengirlie]

Well he was my trainer... actually.. he friendzoned me pretty quickly.. i was actually really hurt cause i left an abusive relationship 2 years prior where i dealt with constant rejection and abandonment.. and then i met him.. fresh air.. funny could connect with.. MY type. He rejected me too.. so it was a double whammy.. and it honestly made me question my self worth for a minute

 

[Saludable84]

Well he was my trainer... actually.. he friendzoned me pretty quickly.. i was actually really hurt cause i left an abusive relationship 2 years prior where i dealt with constant rejection and abandonment.. and then i met him.. fresh air.. funny could connect with.. MY type. He rejected me too.. so it was a double whammy.. and it honestly made me question my self worth for a minute

I questioned it after the first post. I think you need to reach a physical goal, along with inner work and then move on to men.

Also, the muscular dudes don’t really be the business. They be full of air too. Basically, they are good to look at but overrated. You’ll run through a lot of them before you find a good one. I know one; before he got buff, his girl was slim, pretty. Got some muscle and be with low budget straight HIT sloppy chicks (say that quickly with me). Maybe you just need the experience, but if you aren’t good with rejection, you may be aiming for the wrong guys. JMO.

 

[Lylddlebit]

[

Well he was my trainer... actually.. he friendzoned me pretty quickly.. i was actually really hurt cause i left an abusive relationship 2 years prior where i dealt with constant rejection and abandonment.. and then i met him.. fresh air.. funny could connect with.. MY type. He rejected me too.. so it was a double whammy.. and it honestly made me question my self worth for a minute

I would like you to consider your mindset before you get everything you're asking for. I have always been small. However before my husband I had a long term relationship with an overweight dude. Quoting from a past post I made “There were a lot of practical limitations that were introduced into our relationship because his weight gain that didn't meet the eye. He literally began to resent me because of his weight gain. Strangers would often mistake him for a relative instead of a partner based on the disparity in our physical appearances. I’d like to tell you being supportive, and encouraging without trying to change them has a positive impact, but that wasn’t the case for me. It doesn't matter how much potential a relationship has, if your partner has a major insecurity about something to the point where they don't believe they deserve you, then the relationship is doomed.”


I am pretty sure a guy who you are attracted to will fall for you if your a good catch, extra weight and all. I was around here working out cooking healthy meal making sure his clothes fit at every size in that relationship to be "super girlfriend" and make him feel valued at whatever size. Always represented my relationship with pride"Lyddlebit is that your cousin?"... "Nope that's my dude". A man would look right past him and hit on me. I would get pissed and be like " you see my boyfriend right here I know you see him". Sometimes they would be like "I'm sorry no disrespect I really didn't realize ya'll were together". Other times they knew they were just trying it to see if I would allow it. I could be committed, passionate and faithful. I couldn't be accountable for his self work and self esteem. Consider how the stupid things other people will do and say will make you feel. Consider how you feel about yourself as a bottom line without anybody thoughts other than your own. Consider how you feel standing next to a woman who is your perception of "ideal" and make sure you are confident why your man is lucky to have specifically you. Most importantly be able to handle any lingering negativity in healthy ways so your relationship can flourish once you have it.

 

[momi]

I do realize that. I think i just need to figure out how to get past "put dude in friendzone" mode

In that particular case the trainer was probably trying to keep things professional and his "no" may have had very little to do with your weight. Can you imagine how many of his female clients show an interest in him? Not blurring the lines is a necessity in that type of occupation.... unless you are a heaux and in that case you don't want him anyway.

 

[luthiengirlie]

In that particular case the trainer was probably trying to keep things professional and his "no" may have had very little to do with your weight. Can you imagine how many of his female clients show an interest in him? Not blurring the lines is a necessity in that type of occupation.... unless you are a heaux and in that case you don't want him anyway.

I get that NOW after really thinking about it. He wouldn't want his money messed with and I understand that. We're cool now

 

[luthiengirlie]

I questioned it after the first post. I think you need to reach a physical goal, along with inner work and then move on to men.

Also, the muscular dudes don’t really be the business. They be full of air too. Basically, they are good to look at but overrated. You’ll run through a lot of them before you find a good one. I know one; before he got buff, his girl was slim, pretty. Got some muscle and be with low budget straight HIT sloppy chicks (say that quickly with me). Maybe you just need the experience, but if you aren’t good with rejection, you may be aiming for the wrong guys. JMO.

Right now I am working on healing me, working out and getting stronger and to ME more beautiful internally and externally. If I can get past rejection issues and I KNOW I will. I think i'm going to be more than okay.

I don't think I am. I've always dated muscular guys since I was 18.. I was much smaller then. I think due to some things and my PCOS. I blew up and then from there.

 

[luthiengirlie]

[




I would like you to consider your mindset before you get everything you're asking for. I have always been small. However before my husband I had a long term relationship with an overweight dude. Quoting from a past post I made “There were a lot of practical limitations that were introduced into our relationship because his weight gain that didn't meet the eye. He literally began to resent me because of his weight gain. Strangers would often mistake him for a relative instead of a partner based on the disparity in our physical appearances. I’d like to tell you being supportive, and encouraging without trying to change them has a positive impact, but that wasn’t the case for me. It doesn't matter how much potential a relationship has, if your partner has a major insecurity about something to the point where they don't believe they deserve you, then the relationship is doomed.”


I am pretty sure a guy who you are attracted to will fall for you if your a good catch, extra weight and all. I was around here working out cooking healthy meal making sure his clothes fit at every size in that relationship to be "super girlfriend" and make him feel valued at whatever size. Always represented my relationship with pride"Lyddlebit is that your cousin?"... "Nope that my dude". A man would look right past him and hit on me. I would get pissed and be like " you see my boyfriend right here I know you see him". Sometimes they would be like "I'm sorry not disrespect I really didn't realize yah were together". Other times they knew they were just trying it to see if I would allow it. I could be committed, passionate and faithful. I couldn't be accountable for his self work and self esteem. Consider how the stupid things other people will do and say will make you feel. Consider how you feel about yourself as a bottom line without anybody thoughts other than your own. Consider how you feel standing next to a woman who is your perception of "ideal" and make sure you are confident why your man is lucky to have specifically you. Most importantly be able to handle any lingering negativity in healthy ways so your relationship can flourish once you have it.

many amazing points here. I just gotta shed the beggage,/ baggage literally and figuratively.

 

[Saludable84]

Right now I am working on healing me, working out and getting stronger and to ME more beautiful internally and externally. If I can get past rejection issues and I KNOW I will. I think i'm going to be more than okay.

I don't think I am. I've always dated muscular guys since I was 18.. I was much smaller then. I think due to some things and my PCOS. I blew up and then from there.

Please join us in support threads.

 

[luthiengirlie]

Please join us in support threads.

@Saludable84 support threads?

 

[Saludable84]

@Saludable84 support threads?

Sorry. Katarina Phang, Powerful and Feminine and a few other threads that work on inner and outer work. I came out of lurk mode from most of them, but they are good threads.

 

[luthiengirlie]

Sorry. Katarina Phang, Powerful and Feminine and a few other threads that work on inner and outer work. I came out of lurk mode from most of them, but they are good threads.[/QUOTEI will check these out

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Just do you and the rest will come. If you don’t like chubby men you don’t like chubby men. You have to sleep with these people not the rest of us. So do you. And truth be told IME most fit black men I’ve come across do not have gym rats for girlfriends. Mostly it’s white men that have that requirement. Logging off.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I'm just trying not to be shallow because i'm working on going where I wanna be and im not perfect

Be shallow. You are going to be the one having to look at the dude. I'm going to go against the grain and say multi-task, work on yourself AND pursue what it is you want. The funny thing about working on yourself is there's always going to be more work to do so if you wait till you're finished the old men at the gym won't look so appetizing.

 

[luthiengirlie]

Be shallow. You are going to be the one having to look at the dude. I'm going to go against the grain and say multi-task, work on yourself AND pursue what it is you want. The funny thing about working on yourself is there's always going to be more work to do so if you wait till you're finished the old men at the gym won't look so appetizing.

you're pretty awesome.. thank you.. I'll just keep working on me. Keep growing.. and keep looking for what I Need

 

[Chicoro]

I say if somebody is meant for you, he will be there whether you are fat, skinny, tall or short or whatever. The most important is to love and accept yourself. Even if you are a work in progress, sometimes men come into your life to guide you via a life lesson, to the next level.

Sometimes the woman you NEED to be, to have the man you WANT, requires that you go through some things so that you can be the woman you are destined to become. Sometimes that journey may be painful and hard and sometimes it may feel like you floated easily and lovingly to your destination and sometimes it may be in between the two.

I have seen this happen in so many people's lives.

I agree: Get who you want! Although one may never know unless one's partner tells you, but you wouldn't want man who felt he settled for you, right?

 

[Bette Davis Eyes]

Every since I got out of the military Ive carried 20lbs I couldn't shake. My SO at the time was a chef. Added an additional 20 lbs. I worked out to lose it and drove him nuts. He was always stopping by my job with food, cooking and I was always in the gym.

I'm still overweight and all this fat just brings the boys to the yard. My weight doesn't bother me but I am actively working on it for health reasons that I want to avoid later in life. My family is prone to heart disease and high cholesterol. I dropped it after my toddler came but lord, its still hovering in my thighs..

I have a big ego though , lololol So it really only bothers me. Men approach me regardless.

I say all of that to say, OWN your skin. Work on yourself and go out for what youre attracted to. If youre not attracted, youre not attracted.

 

[luthiengirlie]

I say if somebody is meant for you, he will be there whether you are fat, skinny, tall or short or whatever. The most important is to love and accept yourself. Even if you are a work in progress, sometimes men come into your life to guide you via a life lesson, to the next level.

Sometimes the woman you NEED to be, to have the man you WANT, requires that you go through some things so that you can be the woman you are destined to become. Sometimes that journey may be painful and hard and sometimes it may feel like you floated easily and lovingly to your destination and sometimes it may be in between the two.

I have seen this happen in so many people's lives.

I agree: Get who you want! Although one may never know unless one's partner tells you, but you wouldn't want man who felt he settled for you, right?

@Chicoro that's who my trainer was for me.. he really forced me to look at myself.. it's been a process of healing and understanding. and true who wants to felt settled for.. that's not a nice feeling. I am 32 I really feel like i'm at the cusp of some personal leap of evolution. I finally decided to stop settling ina lot of ways

 

[luthiengirlie]

Every since I got out of the military Ive carried 20lbs I couldn't shake. My SO at the time was a chef. Added an additional 20 lbs. I worked out to lose it and drove him nuts. He was always stopping by my job with food, cooking and I was always in the gym.

I'm still overweight and all this fat just brings the boys to the yard. My weight doesn't bother me but I am actively working on it for health reasons that I want to avoid later in life. My family is prone to heart disease and high cholesterol. I dropped it after my toddler came but lord, its still hovering in my thighs..

I have a big ego though , lololol So it really only bothers me. Men approach me regardless.

I say all of that to say, OWN your skin. Work on yourself and go out for what youre attracted to. If youre not attracted, youre not attracted.

@shawnyblazes I am learning to own who I am and loving it and that is an excellent reminder