ashamed of hair that's not even mine...

[chebaby]

ABSOLUTELY! i agree 100% with this post, and i didn't mean to upset OP with my post(s) in this thread.

And also, wording is everything. She could have came in here saying that she's totally not used to a kinky/coily hair type. But she came in here using loaded keywords like nappy (which some women embrace, but others find to be a slur), and equated the hair type to being dirty.

yes she recognized that this thinking was not cool, and that is a good thing, but... i have a hard time figuring out the purpose to posting an entire thread about this. did she want support? was she looking for other people who low key thought the same way? was she looking for an e-lashing? was she publically admitting her displeasure with people of this hair type? from the original post, it seemed like a plain ol' declaration. and those sort of things are much better suited for blog posts, and not thread topics.

just my two cents

wow, see we are on the same page. because like you said she could have just said she wasnt used to, or didnt like the weave. but what i dont get is why someone would think it ok to come on a hair board and toss around "nappy" like we all love that word. you hear us all the time say kinky, cottony, coily but you rarely see nappy tossed around all willy nilly.and dirty? ok you knew that was uncalled for.

 

[LovinLea]

have we gotten a flux from nappturality ?

maybe that's what we need... they'd be good people to educate the beauty of our natural hair

 

[LovinLea]

still no pics?

 

[DDTexlaxed]

still no pics?

Maybe she's afraid to post pics now. You guys can be a bit scary.

 

[femmemuscle]

wow! you guys are still posting? okay..i don't think it's worth it posting pics. it's something i have to deal with.

i am no more afraid to use the word "nappy" on this board no more than i am afraid to be myself. it's just a board, ladies. I believe a forum is a place where a person should be able to speak their mind. I also know there will be folks that won't approve of how i express myself, but that's okay.

I used the word "coarse", and there was controversy about that. i'm just plain spoken, and have no problem telling it like it is. If you've seen any of my prior posts, they are what they are.

Maybe "hitting a nerve" is probably what some folks need? it's very impressive to see the many different perspectives/perceptions that i am witnessing over this subject. Feel free to keep posting, this whole experience is enlightening in many ways.

thank you ladies. and no i'm certainly not upset from anyone's posts. it's just a forum.

carry on.

 

[Kurlee]

thank you

my point is that there is nothing at all wrong with opening up and telling us your opinions and how you feel. but you shouldnt do it when you can directly offend a bunch of ladies on here because they have the same hair type that you feel looks dirty.
thats like me getting a 3a silky weave and come on here to say i hate my 3a silky wig. it always looks so greasy like i never wash my hair. i mean, i love the look on other women just not on me. oh yea ladies i just went natural and my texture is 3a. lol im just trying to see her point i guess.

i really am not trying to start trouble. you can look at my history on here and see i usually dont respond to threads like this but this one just got to me i guess. and im not even a 4b but i found it to be offencive.

i think you're missing the point....

 

[Xavier]

...........................................................

 

[Kurlee]

maybe that's what we need... they'd be good people to educate the beauty of our natural hair

hell to the naw .Too militant and not accepting of the curl definers, texlaxers, relaxers, colourers, etc.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

This is a good thread, i don't care what anyone says. OP i don't knock your feelings. A lot of women with nappy hair have struggled with acceptance of it (either their own or acceptance from others). Alot.

 

[chebaby]

i think you're missing the point....

how is that?

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I don't think people are so much jumping on her for being open, so much as relaying their own feelings on what she said. I get that she doesn't like the texture, or whatever, but it doesn't change the fact that for some people - WITH SAID TEXTURE GROWING OUT OF THEIR SCALPS - may find it offensive. For those who are saying that people are hurtful, rude, whatever other word you may choose for commenting on it when she's just "expressing her opinion," I should think that if you post on a public forum, you're expecting a response. That response may not always be what you like, especially when you put something as "controversial" as this.

I wasn't really going to say anything because when I say the "dirty" part..I knew opinions were going to start flying. It's great you feel confident enough to share your feelings on it, and ask for help and whatnot, but I'm not even gonna lie. When I saw the TITLE I was like ...Thinking I was going to see something about someone you saw on the streets, lol. Then I come in and I was just blown away. I think most of us can relate on some level or another, but it was still kind of a shock.

Anyways, best of luck to you, OP. I really do feel it's a shame that you've had your natural hair for this long and you still aren't very accepting of it. Different strokes for different folks, though.

okay ladies...i'm over my reaction..i'm kind of wondering if this is the BHM forum....It's very refreshing to see folks "reaction" to my own "reaction"..Keep posting, i'm getting more insight on the biases, and feelings of our members here as well.

i was being honest..that's the only way i know how to be...it's great! and i won't change my writing style to suit anyone on this forum.

Yes, the board goes BOTH WAYS... i appreciate my honesty as well as yours. If you hadn't noticed, i took the time to "THANK" each of you ladies for your responses.

The more i look in the mirror, and learn how to work with all of this hair, the more i like it. i refuse to take the install out, because it's beautiful. The confidence is coming, it's just going to take time.

92 posts! my gawd..

carry on..

Just saw this. Good for you!

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Re: ashamed of hair that's not even mine...n

I think the OP just wanted to share her thoughts. Not for people to agree or disagree, I thought that was the purpose of the board to express oneself. I do not understand why is it that people get so offended when other people express themselves. She was talking about how she felt about her hair not yours, not mine but hers. I swear sometimes I do not know why people want to go e-gangster on this forum.

Well...technically, that's not true.
She said that she felt as if her 3c/4a/4b weave looked "dirty" and "nappy".

She knows that there are ladies here who are natural, and have 3c, 4a, 4b, 4z...all kinds of textures on their heads. By association, she is actually talking about their hair. And nobody (especially here) is going to just sit there and let someone call their texture dirty-looking.

And then, I agree with other posters who were wondering what she was trying to achieve with this...was she venting? I mean..there are better ways to do it.

 

[naijamerican]

hell to the naw .Too militant and not accepting of the curl definers, texlaxers, relaxers, colourers, etc.

I disagree. I don't think everyone on NP is like that. After all, quite a few members from here frequent NP and they/we are not militant.

I think this is an enlightening discussion. I thanked many posts, even those that I didn't agree with, because the arguments are compelling. All I have to say is that anyone who has natural hair in the 4 range (and I don't mean to leave out those of looser textures, but let's be real here) there is a purposeful, conscientious transition that needs to happen to fully embrace our hair. Every time I walk out of my apartment, I am fully aware that my 4B afro stands in direct defiance to the standards of beauty espoused by this society. In fact, it even contradicts some people's notions of who should be natural (3-range) and who should not. Mscocoface and JustKiya posed an important thought: now that the OP knows that this is how she feels, what will she do about it? Now that we know for a fact that there are many in this forum who feel this way (even amongst lurkers) - as evidenced by that infamous Jay-Z thread - what are we going to do about it? Even if the wording is off or the sentiments are controversial, we would do well to at least encourage honest dialogue about the very issues this thread has brought up.

 

[Hysi]

coarse hair refers to the width of the hair strand, not the texture. people can be type 1 and have coarse hairs (i.e., people of asian descent)





other than that... all i have to say is that those probably weren't the greatest choice of words to describe hair. you're on a hair board. calling a type of hair undesirable, when a good portion of the members of the hair board have that type you just described, is pretty hurtful.

that is all.
:exits thread nicely, swangin' her beautiful type 4a (w/ a bit of 4b) new growth on the way:

ooooh u did good girl! so proud-- so so so so proud!

 

[LoveisYou]

I disagree. I don't think everyone on NP is like that. After all, quite a few members from here frequent NP and they/we are not militant.

I think this is an enlightening discussion. I thanked many posts, even those that I didn't agree with, because the arguments are compelling. All I have to say is that anyone who has natural hair in the 4 range (and I don't mean to leave out those of looser textures, but let's be real here) there is a purposeful, conscientious transition that needs to happen to fully embrace our hair. Every time I walk out of my apartment, I am fully aware that my 4B afro stands in direct defiance to the standards of beauty espoused by this society. In fact, it even contradicts some people's notions of who should be natural (3-range) and who should not. Mscocoface and JustKiya posed an important thought: now that the OP knows that this is how she feels, what will she do about it? Now that we know for a fact that there are many in this forum who feel this way (even amongst lurkers) - as evidenced by that infamous Jay-Z thread - what are we going to do about it? Even if the wording is off or the sentiments are controversial, we would do well to at least encourage honest dialogue about the very issues this thread has brought up.

If the above isn't true, then I don't know what truth means. Well said!

 

[Kurlee]

Re: ashamed of hair that's not even mine...n

Well...technically, that's not true.
She said that she felt as if her 3c/4a/4b weave looked "dirty" and "nappy".

She knows that there are ladies here who are natural, and have 3c, 4a, 4b, 4z...all kinds of textures on their heads. By association, she is actually talking about their hair. And nobody (especially here) is going to just sit there and let someone call their texture dirty-looking.

And then, I agree with other posters who were wondering what she was trying to achieve with this...was she venting? I mean..there are better ways to do it.

see the thing is, she made the distinction that others she like it but herself? no. If I admit that I am insecure about something concerning ME, I think it;s extra if my personal struggle becomes personal. It;s not about my hair or your hair, it's about dealing with something internally. Yes, others may share the trait I am not exactly loving, but it's extra for them to take it personal. For example, I have big hips. If I were to say, hypothetically (not what I really think), my big hips make me look fat and like I eat too much mac and cheese. Should all the women on LHCF be offended that that's the way I feel about MY hips? It's me, it's MY struggle and encouragement is needed, not judgement.

 

[Kurlee]

how is that?

Just taking it the wrong way, not what was intended. It's cool to be in shock and not understand because your feelings about something are different about the subject but not everyone is going to be in the same "place" at the same time.

 

[Sexyred]

Re: ashamed of hair that's not even mine...n

Well...technically, that's not true.
She said that she felt as if her 3c/4a/4b weave looked "dirty" and "nappy".

She knows that there are ladies here who are natural, and have 3c, 4a, 4b, 4z...all kinds of textures on their heads. By association, she is actually talking about their hair. And nobody (especially here) is going to just sit there and let someone call their texture dirty-looking.

And then, I agree with other posters who were wondering what she was trying to achieve with this...was she venting? I mean..there are better ways to do it.

BUT she said on other women it looks good but on her she feels that its a no no because it looks a certain way. I am sorry whether you want to believe it or not there are a lot of AA women out there who are not happy with the napp that grows out of their heads. Thats why you have the relaxer business making money hand over fist from our community. OP stated exactly how she felt, at least she was honest enough to say so. The words she used was not offensive in my opinion. I am natural and have 3c/4a/4b hair and I didnt think she was talking about me and so what if she was. This is the internet and I can not take personally what is said in an hair forum where people express different opinions/beliefs. I have way bigger fish to fry. I love my napps regardless of what people might say or think, because that is something that I believe and comes from within me.

People are taking OP's statements personally, getting offended and I don't understand why. I think those people need to look within themselves and wonder about their own insecurities when it comes to hair.

Back to the regular programming.

skips ot of thread singing..sticks and stones may break my bones but words will do me no harm.

 

[naturalpride]

wow! you guys are still posting? okay..i don't think it's worth it posting pics. it's something i have to deal with.

i am no more afraid to use the word "nappy" on this board no more than i am afraid to be myself. it's just a board, ladies. I believe a forum is a place where a person should be able to speak their mind. I also know there will be folks that won't approve of how i express myself, but that's okay.

I used the word "coarse", and there was controversy about that. i'm just plain spoken, and have no problem telling it like it is. If you've seen any of my prior posts, they are what they are.

Maybe "hitting a nerve" is probably what some folks need? it's very impressive to see the many different perspectives/perceptions that i am witnessing over this subject. Feel free to keep posting, this whole experience is enlightening in many ways.

thank you ladies. and no i'm certainly not upset from anyone's posts. it's just a forum.

carry on.

If it's simply a forum to you why do you seek our input, you can keep your thoughts to yourself, you don't want to post pics so keep it moving. And if what forum members say is so irrelevant to you then simply cancel your membership

 

[Kneechay]

If it's simply a forum to you why do you seek our input, you can keep your thoughts to yourself, you don't want to post pics so keep it moving. And if what forum members say is so irrelevant to you then simply cancel your membership

umm... for real?

 

[happylife]

If it's simply a forum to you why do you seek our input, you can keep your thoughts to yourself, you don't want to post pics so keep it moving. And if what forum members say is so irrelevant to you then simply cancel your membership

wow...why so severe? why not respect her choice to not post a pic for whatever reason she deems appropriate. maybe things should be on the reciprocal /flipped and you should keep it moving and cancel your memebership since you are unsatisfied with the OP's final verdict to not post pics.





i am in no way sincere with my above comments...i am only saying what if the shoes was on the other foot??? You may not like the OP's choices but for the sake of keeping a peaceful and welcoming atmosphere why not just respect her wishes? Not saying it is mandatory that you should...just curious why not? what's it going to cost you?

 

[happylife]

.......it's very impressive to see the many different perspectives/perceptions that i am witnessing over this subject. Feel free to keep posting, this whole experience is enlightening in many ways.



carry on.

cosigning...that is why i love this board. just a wealth of knowledge here & so much helpful input!!! At the end of the day i think its fair to assume we take what we need and leave what we don't.

 

[Kurlee]

If it's simply a forum to you why do you seek our input, you can keep your thoughts to yourself, you don't want to post pics so keep it moving. And if what forum members say is so irrelevant to you then simply cancel your membership

 

[likeacharm]

OP, this is why I tell every little girl I see with tightly coily how much I love her hair. And I mean it. And my husband and I have a policy that whenever anyone oohs and ahhs over our older boy's loose curls, we say, "both our sons have gorgeous hair" because we don't want our baby to ever think that we agree with that foolish (and sadly popular) idea that because his curl is tighter and differently shaped that his hair is inferior. Undoing this kind of psychological damage requires daily action.

It's amazing how early children pick up on hair texture distinctions. It made me so sad when my little nephew (6) made a comment about how his hair is nappier than his little bothers in a sad tone . The crazy thing is that they both have 3a hair, it's just that the oldest has coarser hair. I questioned him about it and apparently someone told him his brother's hair is prettier than his .

 

[genesis132]

WoW OP...thanks for posting how YOU feel...you were true to yourself in your posting.

Now, I'm off to read the replies cuz I have an idea how this may turn out...

 

[Anew]

We have been brainwashed to think only certain textures are worthy of praise. It takes a while to get deprogrammed to these thoughts. Don't be so harsh on yourself - at least you felt uneasy about these thoughts and noticed they are incorrect.

Geez you have incredible growth. Sorry, don't mean to derail but I couldn't help but notice...

 

[Anew]

Re: ashamed of hair that's not even mine...n

I totally agree with bolded. dis is a hair forum about appreciating de beauty in all hair textures. so what is ur motive for posting dis? seriously i av NOTHING to say to you. I dont think anyone can help you because this isnt wat this forum is about. I see many others trying 2 "sugar-coat" this to make it sound understanding but IT IS NOT. Its good dat ur honest but perhaps this forum is not the place to be honest about such things because MANY pple will take great offense to this. Such things are bringing negativity around those of us, especially naturals, who are focused on grooming healthy hair amidst degrading stereotypes. Maybe am jes sensitive but am ashamed at reading this post, no offense.erplexed

But its a hair forum and her post is about hair. I mean, why not discuss all things hair both negative and positive? This is in fact the way some think.

 

[Marie_Star]

Just wondering if anyone had a pic of erykah badu with the gold teeth? I've really liked all the afro wigs I've seen her in.

On topic, I'm from the UK and I had no idea that there were so many people with hair texture issues in america. I still haven't got a clue what you guys mean by nappy and kinky. Hair's just hair, if you don't like it change it. Women of all cultures do, not just black women.

 

[chebaby]

Just taking it the wrong way, not what was intended. It's cool to be in shock and not understand because your feelings about something are different about the subject but not everyone is going to be in the same "place" at the same time.

ok, gotcha.
i tried to think about this last night from a different pov. i cant say i fully understand the op but i guess if you have been wearing weave and relaxed hair for most of your life its going to take some time to get used to your own hair. but then that brings me back to my point of transitioning mentally. so i guess in a way i get her. the word choice is what i think shocked those of us who were offended.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Guys, her confidence has to come in her own time. Not all women are lovers of big natural hair. She is working on it.