ashamed of hair that's not even mine...
- Thread starter femmemuscle
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mstar
Luxury bacon
I'm really shocked at the unsupportive atmosphere here. When did LHCF become so judgmental and ugly?
For those who say that "this forum is not the place to be honest about such things," I'm wondering where you got that idea from. We're here to support each other as we learn and grow. Many people here are transitioning, newly natural, or just getting used to wearing their own hair without wigs and weaves. And the adjustment period can be difficult.
OP, I'm really glad that you shared your feelings with us. It's hard to break through the brainwashing of our racist society, and even harder to be honest about it knowing that others might judge you. All I can say is that it will get easier in time, and I'm glad your boyfriend is there to support you through the process. Good luck!
For those who say that "this forum is not the place to be honest about such things," I'm wondering where you got that idea from. We're here to support each other as we learn and grow. Many people here are transitioning, newly natural, or just getting used to wearing their own hair without wigs and weaves. And the adjustment period can be difficult.
OP, I'm really glad that you shared your feelings with us. It's hard to break through the brainwashing of our racist society, and even harder to be honest about it knowing that others might judge you. All I can say is that it will get easier in time, and I'm glad your boyfriend is there to support you through the process. Good luck!
Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
I truly have a love/hate relationship with this forum. It is so...inconsistant
erplexed...I'm trying not to go as far as to say phony...
erplexed...I'm trying not to go as far as to say phony...
Mizz Diamonds
Well-Known Member
uh oh spaghetti-o
People are really being judgmental for someone asking for help or insight. She did not say she hated 4b hair in general, she said on her it brings out these feelings. Some people are not as enlightened as many of you think you are.
There are many people that come here who are new and just learning their hair texture, likes, and care. This board is about education and if someone asks for help, they should be offered a hand not a kick.
Op I am sorry that you feel this way. Give it time. I did not like my BC. I did not know what to do with it. It was thick and I never knew my hair was thick, but I decided to give it time and love/nurture it like I did when I was relaxed and now I love it. Short and all.
There are many people that come here who are new and just learning their hair texture, likes, and care. This board is about education and if someone asks for help, they should be offered a hand not a kick.
Op I am sorry that you feel this way. Give it time. I did not like my BC. I did not know what to do with it. It was thick and I never knew my hair was thick, but I decided to give it time and love/nurture it like I did when I was relaxed and now I love it. Short and all.
Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
Isn't this what the op's comments amounted to being?
I don't understand why the op is being thanked for "sharing her feelings" about many of our hair type looking dirty as if we were not aware that these feelings existed in society.
Thanks op, for enlightening us.
ETA: I never said she could not post her honest feelings. She has obviously paid her $6.50 just like everybody else. But on the reverse, don't judge my HONEST reaction.
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chebaby
Well-Known Member
im not trying to JUDGE anyone. i guess my thing is i dont understand how you can not like what grows out of your own head. i mean plenty of people grew up hearing they have bad hair but when you transition to natural i would think that you realize its a life change and you need to ajust your thinking so that you can love what yo have. you just dont cut off your relaxed hair or cut out your weave and magically have whatever hair you see as beautiful. which in and of itself is crazy because you should think your hair is beautiful no matter if you have 50-11 textures.
JenBenCal
New Member
I was never trying to dress it up and make anything "prettier", if that's what you're implying. I was relaying MY opinion on the topic, and it was directed towards the OP. I didn't read into the post in the same way that you did and, from what I understood, I am allowed to have my own opinion on the issue. I don't feel the need to bash anyone about coming out and speaking their mind on a particular issue.
SouthernStunner
My 13yr old Men
I understand where you are going with this and though if it was a perfect world I would totally agree. However how many times we look in the mirror and see something that we dislike or would like to change? We are never satisfied with what we are blessed with but it takes time and self love to be happy with the me within. I look at many pictures of hairstyles and when I get the same style as in a book it doesnt look right on me. I think that what the OP may mean (I am not trying to put words in her mouth) is just that the hair is not what she expected. Come on now many naturals start off with a twa and as it grows they have time to change their thinking and adjust, she went from twa to braids to straight big 4a/b with no adjustment time. I think she just needs time to accept it IF that is what she wants.
I am not natural but I do believe if I ever go natural I would transition first to give myself time to adjust.
Many Blessings
SouthernStunner
Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
I don't think I read INTO anything actually. I read what was plainly written...the Op says "ashamed" in the thread title...LOL.
Too through.
happylife
New Member
Thanks for sharing how you feel and your thoughts OP. I don't think your post was intended to be loaded with malice.
Imo , I think is less than fair your thoughts should be judged unless the judgement is steming from a source that has totally embraced their hair in its natural state from a to z and has not let one perm, hot comb, wig, weave, activator, flat iron etc ever touch their hair. Some people may not voice their complete thoughts about how they feel about wearing their hair a kinkier state on a hair board but whether they henna to loosen curls or spend a small fortune on a flat iron it speaks volumes! Because I alter my hair's texture I would feel like the pot calling the kettle black for frowning down on your conclutions about what you like and dislike.
Imo , I think is less than fair your thoughts should be judged unless the judgement is steming from a source that has totally embraced their hair in its natural state from a to z and has not let one perm, hot comb, wig, weave, activator, flat iron etc ever touch their hair. Some people may not voice their complete thoughts about how they feel about wearing their hair a kinkier state on a hair board but whether they henna to loosen curls or spend a small fortune on a flat iron it speaks volumes! Because I alter my hair's texture I would feel like the pot calling the kettle black for frowning down on your conclutions about what you like and dislike.
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happylife
New Member
So she is TOLD through commercialism what hair type is acceptable and pretty, what kind of hair she should want, like or not like and what hair type is considered pretty
Then.....she is TOLD on a hair board full of people who look like her what to think and feel and do too.......
Can't a sista just have an opinion without it being spun or bent into a personal attack ?
Then.....she is TOLD on a hair board full of people who look like her what to think and feel and do too.......
Can't a sista just have an opinion without it being spun or bent into a personal attack ?
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that_1_grrrl
New Member
I'm going to be honest and say that I don't care how you feel about it. I just want to see what this install looks like, and your post made me want a darn BAA again.
I just wonder what length an Erykah Badu afro would equate to? BSL?
I just wonder what length an Erykah Badu afro would equate to? BSL?
Dani.Nicole
New Member
I truly have a love/hate relationship with this forum. It is so...inconsistant
I think "phony" is a little harsh. I believe people are more so trying to create a welcoming environment as opposed to a hostile one on the board.
Now to go as far as to thank the poster and what not...I think that's a little too much. But we should be able to express our opinions without always feeling attacked. On most boards I've been on it's been exactly like that. You say something wrong and they brutallly attack you. But here that is unacceptable.
People probably just don't want to create unnecessary drama when it's so much easier to state their opinions in a respectable manner.
That's just my opinion...
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
Sexyred
New Member
Re: ashamed of hair that's not even mine...n
I think the OP just wanted to share her thoughts. Not for people to agree or disagree, I thought that was the purpose of the board to express oneself. I do not understand why is it that people get so offended when other people express themselves. She was talking about how she felt about her hair not yours, not mine but hers. I swear sometimes I do not know why people want to go e-gangster on this forum.
I think the OP just wanted to share her thoughts. Not for people to agree or disagree, I thought that was the purpose of the board to express oneself. I do not understand why is it that people get so offended when other people express themselves. She was talking about how she felt about her hair not yours, not mine but hers. I swear sometimes I do not know why people want to go e-gangster on this forum.
Bint Yusef
New Member
Thank you!! I cannot believe folks are trying to chide her for being open, if one has a relaxer they ought to especially take a seat on this one.
All the plopping, shingling, "curl" coaxing and texlaxing that goes on here to get a texture you werent born with...now folks are all of a sudden so deep. 
Maybe she is venting and trying to rationalize why she is having these ugly thoughts. Looking for guidance? Looking for an alternative way to see things? How do folks ever expect others to get help if they arent honest about how they feel. The difference between her post and many others is she highly aware that error exists in her thought pattern. It seems like a cry out and a desire from correction. She is not stating as a fact that type 4 hair is awful and dirty but trying to reconcile why she is feeling that way and buying into something she knows she should not feel or internalize.
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beans4reezy
Well-Known Member
I've seen folks literally stoned on this forum for stating that their hair is two inches longer than it really is. E-lynched for having the audacity to post comparison photos where the timing on the shots may have been questionable and virtually horsewhipped for the simple misspelling of a cousin's name......
But look at us here, standing in line to give E-hugs
to someone bold enough to reference 4b texture as "dirty."
Hmmmm. Interesting
But look at us here, standing in line to give E-hugs
to someone bold enough to reference 4b texture as "dirty."
Hmmmm. Interesting
LuvLiLocks
New Member
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
After the Jay Z thread,I realized that many people on this forum felt the same way as the OP. I feel bad for the OP. It must suck to hate such an big part of yourself 
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I truly have a love/hate relationship with this forum. It is so...inconsistant
Well, I see what you're saying, but do you know that it's the same people saying these contradictory things? Not everyone has the same opinion.
I'm not really surprised by the OP's feelings, but I am surprised that she said it.
Well, I'm a little surprised at "dirty". That's rough, OP, to think your own hair type is shameful, ugly, and dirty. Sorry about that. 
If you really think it's the volume (though I don't get how that would make it dirty), you might try thinning it out? I say wear that hair. The way to overcome this warped view of hair is to confront it directly. Avoidance only allows you to keep those negative feelings. Wear it, put some spring in your step, and listen to your boyfriend!
prettybyrd
Well-Known Member
Perhaps I'm simplifying here, but why should you have to become used to something inorganic? This is a weave right? Why go through all of these changes when you are dealing with hair that does not grow from your head?
Why not just take it out if you don't like it? I had in straight tracks once (I'm natural) and they were hideous on me, so I just took them down...it was quite easy and not at all dramatic.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
It's weird...I don't feel any kind of way about the OP. *shrugs* At least she admitted her feelings and wants to work through them. I don't get the shock and awe. Maybe she should have said the hair didn't look "manageable".
Sidenote: I think fake afros look ridiculous. Actually, most fake hair looks ridiculous to me, regardless of texture. I can see how one might think a fake afro looked dirty, because that one Erica Badu wears makes me want to retch.
ETA: I reread and the OP has always felt that way about nappy hair. I'm still meh about it.
Sidenote: I think fake afros look ridiculous. Actually, most fake hair looks ridiculous to me, regardless of texture. I can see how one might think a fake afro looked dirty, because that one Erica Badu wears makes me want to retch.
ETA: I reread and the OP has always felt that way about nappy hair. I'm still meh about it.
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Desarae
Well-Known Member
:mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob:GRAB YOUR TORCH AND PITCHFORKS! LETS BURN HER AT THE STAKE!
To all the people who have a problem with the OP's statements, how long was it before you were "enlightened" about loving every kink and coil that comes out of your scalp? Or are we imagining that the OP is the first Black Woman in history to have these thoughts or feelings?
Who are we to judge her? Sometimes we can be worse than the ones who got us in this mindframe to begin with...SMH.
I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything, it is a problem for anyone to think a certain texture of hair is superior to another. But who are you to tell the op to basically "Get over it" or "She should know better" Just like that?
I guess since she is a member of the forum, she should automatically not have these feelings, and since this is not the place to discuss these types of issues, who do you suggest she share her feeling with? Society?
To all the people who have a problem with the OP's statements, how long was it before you were "enlightened" about loving every kink and coil that comes out of your scalp? Or are we imagining that the OP is the first Black Woman in history to have these thoughts or feelings?
Who are we to judge her? Sometimes we can be worse than the ones who got us in this mindframe to begin with...SMH.
I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything, it is a problem for anyone to think a certain texture of hair is superior to another. But who are you to tell the op to basically "Get over it" or "She should know better" Just like that?
I guess since she is a member of the forum, she should automatically not have these feelings, and since this is not the place to discuss these types of issues, who do you suggest she share her feeling with? Society?
babyb900
New Member
i finally grew enough hair on this bald head of mine to change from braids/twists to weaves.
When i had my hair shaved off after a huge set-back, I always had dreams of wearing an afro kinky/curly type hair. I ordered Erena hair (natural curly) and AAMH afro kinky curly.
ladies, i can't believe how "prejudiced" i've become regarding our naps. When i installed the ERENA hair, i was very happy. it's a 3a/b texture. You know the type: soft brown, coily, bouncy. a big soft/curly afro. Which is not my hair color/texture
then i decided to go with my AAMH. on the track, it's gorgeous. it's more my hair type and color - a very dark brown/blackm, tight/curly and textured. Same afro style but different hair. i was mortified. I looked like Erica Badu when she wore that nappy wig in one of her shows.
The hair is a 3c/4a/4b type. nappy. and big. My beautician was ecstatic about it. But then again, she likes LOTS of hair. she'd be ecstatic if she saw a person walking around with two poodles on their head.
i don't know why, ladies..but i equated a big nappy fro with something dirty. when i looked in the mirror at home, i was thinking..i have to get this out IMMEIDIATELY!!
My boyfriend (who is white) says "it's just a bit more coilier than your last install - and a little bit bigger than the other hair". i couldn't go to the gym the next day, until he told me. "Your hair is fine, it's no different than any other natural style you've worn. So get to the gym, and hold your head up, you're beautiful!"
When i wear it pulled back, it's close to the head, and is a better match. The ERENA hair was not my texture/color so i had to wear it fluffed out to cover my own hair.
i can't believe my attitude about coarse hair. On other women, i think it's beautiful! but on me? i can only think of that damn pic of Erica Badu with the gold teeth.
Thank you!! I cannot believe folks are trying to chide her for being open, if one has a relaxer they ought to especially take a seat on this one.
Maybe she is venting and trying to rationalize why she is having these ugly thoughts.
Looking for guidance?
Looking for an alternative way to see things?
How do folks ever expect others to get help if they arent honest about how they feel?
The difference between her post and many others is she highly aware that error exists in her thought pattern. It seems like a cry out and a desire from correction. She is not stating as a fact that type 4 hair is awful and dirty but trying to reconcile why she is feeling that way and buying into something she knows she should not feel or internalize.
erplexedSome people just cant read between the lines. I mean, how blind can you be?
She obviously thought that hair was beautiful, until she saw it on her. She felt ugly and dirty, and is now wondering why. She realizes that is not the proper way to think and wants help or guidance in getting over that
And all yall can see is someone calling a hair texture dirty.
We live in America, where caucasian features are praised and considered attractive, yet you wonder why this girl is brainwashed to think this way.
Come on now
I don't feel much, either. Isn't it interesting? It's like her feelings have no connection to my hair. It just reminded me that there are people who think my hair is dirty. I should be offended, but I'm not . Curious.
And anyhow, she wouldn't say it looks unmanageable; she would say it is unmanageable.
Sometimes I wish I liked fake hair. I would love to wear a big afro out and not have to worry about combing and detangling it, and just throw it away when I'm done with it. It's the ultimate manageability! That is how it works, right? 
I've never worn a weave.
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
So much drama over something that MANY black women IRL and on here think. Geez, there are so many threads, with people talking all kinds of nonsense and exposing what they really think about their hair. Anyone remember when Jay-z "needed" a haircut? But umm, somehow this girl has a problem? Stop acting BRAND NEW and stop with all the drama.
CherieMarie
New Member
Cant we all just agree to disagree? jeez. Im not a fan of drama.. I hate seeing sisters arguing over someone's opinion about themselves...its not like she attacked anyone else. How she feels is how she feels....about herself. I welcome any and all opinions about any topic. I might not agree with everything said on these boards, but I at least try to process what is being said.
Dani.Nicole
New Member
:mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob::mob:GRAB YOUR TORCH AND PITCHFORKS! LETS BURN HER AT THE STAKE!
To all the people who have a problem with the OP's statements, how long was it before you were "enlightened" about loving every kink and coil that comes out of your scalp? Or are we imagining that the OP is the first Black Woman in history to have these thoughts or feelings?
Who are we to judge her? Sometimes we can be worse than the ones who got us in this mindframe to begin with...SMH.
I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything, it is a problem for anyone to think a certain texture of hair is superior to another. But who are you to tell the op to basically "Get over it" or "She should know better" Just like that?
I guess since she is a member of the forum, she should automatically not have these feelings, and since this is not the place to discuss these types of issues, who do you suggest she share her feeling with? Society?
You summed up exactly what I was trying to say in my previous post. I never thought nappy hair was "dirty" per se, but before I came to the boards I was convinced I had "good" hair because it could swing and it didn't look puffy and matted together like every other black girl I saw. I thought I was the ish
! But now I'm more enlightened about the various hair types that are in existence. Her opinion represents what the other 90% of AA women not on hair boards feel in society. So I think her opinion is valid. Just not worded properly 
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