ashamed of hair that's not even mine...

OP, I really appreciate your honesty!

I think it takes a lot for you to admit something like that, especially on here, where we have so many different women with differing hair types. By admitting to it, you are recognizing that there is something wrong with your thinking, and while some might say this isn't the best place to admit to it, I think the ladies here could help you change your way of thinking and maybe even help you to find all types of hair beautiful. :yep:
 
:look: I don't get what your point is? Okay you are offended at "dirty, nappy hair." Next..... Get in line with the rest of the brainwashed black women.
 
At least you know that your way of thinking about 4a/b hair is incorrect. Hopefully, you will spend more time on the board and see lots of beautiful heads of natural 4a/b hair and your mindset will change.
 
OP, do you have pics of this install?

i wonder if it's you having a problem with type 4 natural hair or if it's just this install
 
JayAnn0513 said:
I think alot of us here like to thing we are enlightened when it comes to natural hair and seeing the beauty in all textures. But you dont see a bunch of 4a 4b weave install pics being posted do you? I can't judge you becase I don't know what my reaction would be if I got an install like yours. I'd like to think I love it, but hey you never know until it's sitting on your head.
Click to expand...
that may be true but if natural 4b is growing out of your scalp thats a whole different story.
 
we always say we have been brainwashed to thinking 4b hair is not pretty. i have NEVER looked at someones hair that was not dirty, and thought "dang their hair looks so dirty or unkempt". esp. not because of the texture. if your hair looks a mess it has nothing to do with the texture.
 
I don't think my feelings are as strong as the OP, however, since going natural, I have had to and still am getting used to my natural texture. I also don't think that short hair suits me since I have a fat face. Sometimes it takes a while to get used to something different.
Yes, I am ignoring what could be underlying issues with the OP and hoping for the best.
 
OP, this is why I tell every little girl I see with tightly coily how much I love her hair. And I mean it. And my husband and I have a policy that whenever anyone oohs and ahhs over our older boy's loose curls, we say, "both our sons have gorgeous hair" because we don't want our baby to ever think that we agree with that foolish (and sadly popular) idea that because his curl is tighter and differently shaped that his hair is inferior. Undoing this kind of psychological damage requires daily action.
 
well OP. It's going to take time to get used to bigger, coilier, fuzzyish hair. I'm assuming you have been relaxed most of your life? Don't beat yourself up about it. I think it takes a big person to admit it and realize it's not a good way to think. Feel good that you have a man in your life that supports you and try your best to educate yourself about your own texture and natural hair. Hopefully, in time, you will adjust to the feel and look of natural hair and realize that it can work for you. You just have to find styles that compliment you and try to change your mindset to see the beauty in those textures. I know a lot of people are going to beat up on you, but a lot of people think those same things in their head and don't admit it.

I wish you the best of luck!
 
Although I don't agree 100% with the OP, the sad reality is that the majority of AA women in society feel this way about their natural hair texture. All these hair boards put together only form a minority of the black women in the world. That leaves high percentage of individuals who aren't as informed as we are.

I will admit, I'm not ready to accept my natural hair texture but that's MY choice. Because natural 4a or 4b hair is in huge opposition with my sense of style (pin straight hair), I'm choosing to remain relaxed at the moment. I think ALL hair textures are beautiful but going natural is not for everyone. Especially in society where napps = no.

The OP could've worded it a little differently, but we need to understand that these hair boards do not represent a majority. Although we may be a bit more open minded when it comes to certain topics, there's whole a lot women still out there who aren't.
 
Re: ashamed of hair that's not even mine...n

Theresamonet said:
Op, while I can't be mad at you for how you feel... I don't understand your rhyme or reason for posting this... were you expecting others to chime in about how they are disgusted by "nappy" 4a/b hair as well?
Click to expand...

I totally agree with bolded. dis is a hair forum about appreciating de beauty in all hair textures. so what is ur motive for posting dis? seriously i av NOTHING to say to you. I dont think anyone can help you because this isnt wat this forum is about. I see many others trying 2 "sugar-coat" this to make it sound understanding but IT IS NOT:nono:. Its good dat ur honest but perhaps this forum is not the place to be honest about such things because MANY pple will take great offense to this:sad:. Such things are bringing negativity around those of us, especially naturals, who are focused on grooming healthy hair amidst degrading stereotypes. Maybe am jes sensitive but am ashamed at reading this post, no offense.:perplexed
 
sigh...let me state something and then im done. usually on here people get so heated about hair types and i usually think its childish and uncalled for. because all hair is beautiful.
now here we have someone who clearly has a problem with the hair that grows out of her scalp and reference it as nappy and dirty and everyone wants to tell her no to beat herself up about it. thats odd to me because...idk...its just weird.
 
chebaby said:
sigh...let me state something and then im done. usually on here people get so heated about hair types and i usually think its childish and uncalled for. because all hair is beautiful.
now here we have someone who clearly has a problem with the hair that grows out of her scalp and reference it as nappy and dirty and everyone wants to tell her no to beat herself up about it. thats odd to me because...idk...its just weird.
Click to expand...

THANK YOU!!! :yep:
 
It's obvious from her post that she recognizes that there is something wrong with this type of thinking and admitting is a big step in getting to the underlying reasons why. Even though I don't feel the way the OP does, I wouldn't admonish her for saying what 80% of black women feel, whether or not they are aware of it consciously or unconsciously. If that weren't the case than you would see alot of people rocking their natural fros :look:.

This forum is here to provide hair education for women, no matter what their beliefs, and part of that is relinquishing the notions associated with certain hair types. Which is why I asked the OP (who I hope comes back to answer), what experiences had she had to make her feel this way. Maybe the last time she had natural hair (presumably in her youth), her hair would go unwashed or attract lint, WTH knows. If people are biased, or prejudiced towards something or someone, there's generally an underlying negative association. Now, in the OP's case I don't know what that is or where it stems from, but a solution to this type of thinking would be to figure out why

chebaby said:
sigh...let me state something and then im done. usually on here people get so heated about hair types and i usually think its childish and uncalled for. because all hair is beautiful.
now here we have someone who clearly has a problem with the hair that grows out of her scalp and reference it as nappy and dirty and everyone wants to tell her no to beat herself up about it. thats odd to me because...idk...its just weird.
Click to expand...
 
chebaby said:
that may be true but if natural 4b is growing out of your scalp thats a whole different story.
Click to expand...


So is it more ok if a 3B person thinks badly about 4b hair than someone with 4b hair????

Most women don't know what's growing out of their scalp, it's relaxed and weaved up.
 
JayAnn0513 said:
So is it more ok if a 3B person thinks badly about 4b hair than someone with 4b hair????

Most women don't know what's growing out of their scalp, it's relaxed and weaved up.[/QUOTE]
no. im saying its screwed up to hate your own hair. we are not kids that cant understand why we may not have the same hair as sara or maria. if you hate your 3b wig and 3b hair is growing out of your scalp, something is wrong with that. same goes for any other hair type.

ETA: alos you cant help what others think about you. which is more of a reason for you to love you and everything that comes with that. i dont think anyone should look at another head of hair and think "oh my hair is better than hers". its all childish and silly when it comes to that.

and to the bolded, thats why you have to transition mentally as well. i dont understand how people can want to go natural and then think "i dont have the hair i thought i would have". why the hell did you go natural then? if it was to have "pretty/good hair" then clearly you went natural for the wrong reasons from the jump. when you go natural you should be ready to love every crink, curl, kink and bend that comes out of your scalp.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
That's a damn shame.

Sorry. :ohwell:

Not judging you on a personal level. I know a lot of people have these types of issues.

but that doesn't take away from the fact that it is a shame.

Self hate is never pretty. "We" get hated on by ENOUGH people. Then we have many of our own that add to it. :nono:

Hopefully you and others like you can work through it one day! Good luck.
 
JayAnn0513 said:
So is it more ok if a 3B person thinks badly about 4b hair than someone with 4b hair????

Most women don't know what's growing out of their scalp, it's relaxed and weaved up.
Click to expand...

Not ok, just a bit more understandable. Although I feel that some things are better left unsaid!:sad:
 
I applaud you for being so honest about you feel. You were also clear about stating that sort of look on other women is great, but that same look on you freaked you out. You may never let your own natural hair get as big as the install you didn't like and that's your business. I think in time as your natural hair grows out you will become more receptive to kinky hair in general. You didn't mention anything about running out to get relaxer, so I'm assume you will grow from this episode and continue to evolve.

At the end of the day, you've got to be comfortable with how you look and honest about that look. All relaxed women don't look good because they are relaxed and all natural women don't look good because they are natural. Both groups may feel good about their choice and look terrible! Guess what? The earth keeps spinning.
 
chebaby said:
JayAnn0513 said:
So is it more ok if a 3B person thinks badly about 4b hair than someone with 4b hair????

Most women don't know what's growing out of their scalp, it's relaxed and weaved up.[/QUOTE]
no. im saying its screwed up to hate your own hair. we are not kids that cant understand why we may not have the same hair as sara or maria. if you hate your 3b wig and 3b hair is growing out of your scalp, something is wrong with that. same goes for any other hair type.

ETA: alos you cant help what others think about you. which is more of a reason for you to love you and everything that comes with that. i dont think anyone should look at another head of hair and think "oh my hair is better than hers". its all childish and silly when it comes to that.

and to the bolded, thats why you have to transition mentally as well. i dont understand how people can want to go natural and then think "i dont have the hair i thought i would have". why the hell did you go natural then? if it was to have "pretty/good hair" then clearly you went natural for the wrong reasons from the jump. when you go natural you should be ready to love every crink, curl, kink and bend that comes out of your scalp.
Click to expand...
i agree, but this is too idealistic. Age has nothing to do with it; people reach self acceptance in time. Not everyone has it or gets it easily and kicking someone when they're down will just make it worse.
Click to expand...
 
CheLala13 said:
I don't think she's trying to say "OMG this hair texture is so BAD." She's just being honest about how mortified she was that she felt this way. It's like saying "I can't believe I feel...this and that way about a certain topic."

OP, while I cannot say I understand how you feel, at least you know that you aren't comfy with that textured weave! But at least you love your own hair.
Click to expand...

you put it very, very succinctly. thank you! I am not comfortable with the thickness/volume of it. The ERENA was lighter/fluffier, etc., while this is very thick, and how can it put it? heavier looking.

I see women like Amnit or other naturals and it looks great on their heads. In time, i'll get used to it. Right now? i really don't think i have the beauty and confidence to carry out this style and such a voluminous install. I'm going to give it a few weeks and i'll be okay. I felt the same way about the ERENA hair at first, but after 2 weeks and learning how to work with it, i was fine...

How i felt was pretty much a reaction. I don't know why i felt that way. and i really was not looking for approval from folks on the forum. i have no idea who any of you really are. never met any of you in person - so, that's irrelevant.

So for those who understood my reaction - regardless of how i "worded it"..i appreciate your insight.

carry on..
 
No one can tell you how you should feel or not feel. OP I think your post showed self awareness, bravery and honesty.

I think it speaks volumes that she felt secure enough (in us and in herself) to post her thoughts about such a sensitive matter.
 
chelleypie810 said:
When I had weave it just didnt feel right, and thats with a normal straight hair weave..so I would say I understand even though it could have been worded a little different.
Click to expand...

chelleypie, your skintone is sooo pretty!!!
it looks so even and perfect in your siggy and your avi!!!!


ok carry on...:look:
 
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