Are you in a sex-less marriage? Would you stay in a sex-less marriage?

A

Alexis87

New Member
I was talking to a friend who has recently been having issues with her husband. One of the surprising issues is that they are not intimate. After talking with a few more folks, I am finding out that some married folks are more celibate than the single folks. I even heard from a married woman who has not had sex with her husband for over 2 years (and this is not due to a medical condition).

I know sex isn't everything, but if your spouse saw nothing wrong with holding out, would you continue with the marriage? What if you really like sex...how long would you stay in a sex-less marriage? 1 year, 2 years, forever if every thing else was going ok?
 
I think it takes two people who love & respect one another very much to make a marriage like this work (without cheating).

If a man is willing to do this without cheating, he must love the woman deeply and truly.
 
I am sorry, but i just wont do it..

How am i gonna wait until marriage to get some, then when the time comes not get any ????


Are you kidding me?


I thought sex was to be an expression of love and doggonit i wanna express myself accordingly.

No way, not unless there are medical reasons involved
 
Thanks for the replies. My friend is religious, and according to the church folks she can't leave the marriage unless he commits adultry. In the meantime she is miserable because he does not touch her. I personally do not think the Lord intended things to be this way, however he has not told me that personally, so I cannot puport to know the Lord's intentions. However, my friend is miserable but she plans to stay in the marriage (there are a few other issues as well).

-Alexis
 
joyousnerd said:
I think it takes two people who love & respect one another very much to make a marriage like this work (without cheating).

If a man is willing to do this without cheating, he must love the woman deeply and truly.
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But what about her needs? Would she be justified if she cheated? Just for sex? If she stayed with a man that is not intimate with her she must love him, but what about her physical needs?
 
Alexis87 said:
But what about her needs? Would she be justified if she cheated? Just for sex? If she stayed with a man that is not intimate with her she must love him, but what about her physical needs?
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Exactly. Who can you be intimate with, if you can't be intimate with your own husband? :ohwell:

ETA: That is not only physically limiting the intimacy but that can do a lot of damage emotionally not to mention how utterly SELFISH that is if there is no medical reason as to why we cant be intimate.
 
Good points.

amerikan said:
Exactly. Who can you be intimate with, if you can't be intimate with your own husband? :ohwell:

ETA: That is not only physically limiting the intimacy but that can do a lot of damage emotionally not to mention how utterly SELFISH that is if there is no medical reason as to why we cant be intimate.
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sunshinebeautiful said:
After all these celibate years as a single woman, my answer would be HELL NO!
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YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH!:lol::lol::lachen:

I think that's what baffles me so much about "sexless marriages"

I mean, it's like people are sexifying themselves so much prior to marriage that there's no "juice" left after.

I'm sorry, but if my future DH can't "put it down" I feel that our marriage is not going to work. I could NEVER imagine myself in a sexless marriage for 2 years (unless he was terminally ill:nono:)
 
No, I couldn't do it. A man that has low sex drive is one thing, but I can't see myself being doomed to no sex for the rest of my life :nono:

Couldn't she take him to a sex therapist? It's hard to re-charge a dead sex life...
 
FlowerHair said:
No, I couldn't do it. A man that has low sex drive is one thing, but I can't see myself being doomed to no sex for the rest of my life :nono:

Couldn't she take him to a sex therapist? It's hard to re-charge a dead sex life...
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I agree with the sex therapist part. I never think it's "normal":look: when I hear that a married couple is not having sex. Although, I am not married, so I can't pretend to fully understand this!:nono:
 
wow...those tags are killing me. but yeah if he's not giving me what i want, i will get it somewhere else and start filing divorce papers.
 
My question would be what are these women doing to turn their situation around. I mean if you are a prude and all you know how to do is lay on your back, I can see why a man could get bored after a while. :yawn:
 
I'm trying to think of what type of medical condition the husband has that would prevent him from having sex for 2 years. Maybe he had a heart attack before and now he is scared????? But even then, if he is taking his medication he should be able to still have sex.


I think what the husband is telling your friend is BS about medical condition. Maybe he just can't perform. :sad:
And if that is the case they need to be proactive about the situation and get help.
 
either he can't perform, his woman is turning him off or he's getting it from someone else.

i would only stay if dh was hurt in an accident or couldn't get it up do to old age. even then there are options out there that don't involve another person.
 
ClassyND said:
I could do it forever. No big deal.
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*passes out on the floor*

What happened to channeling your inner Miss S? :lol:

OP- I have heard of this, apparently it can easily happen. Kids, mundane day to day activities of being a parent, bills, etc....I can definitely see how sex is just one more thing 'to do'.

I think that's why its important for women, especially moms to let go of what they can and really keep the focus on themselves first, and the marriage second. Alot of times, you're just too worn out from being 50-11 thngs to 50-11 people, you're like SEX, dude are you crazy? I gotta do laundry/fold clothes/make 25 cupcakes for pre-K tomorrow/work/pick up dry cleaning/clean up....

Anyway, I've been there done that. I think my first couple of years in a dual role as a mom and wife really took a toll on me and yep my sex life. I know that's shocking coming from me right:blush: But it did, I just took a step back and re-focused. Now, we never went weeks or months like I hear some married people saying, but our errah..:look:.uh...well our timeframes for having are different than most folks :giggle: I'll just say it wasn't on our regular rotation:yep:

I've read alot about this and relationship experts just say basically "just do it" that is the only way you're going to want to do it, the longer you don't do it, the less you want it....so to get back in the swing of things, you just have to get back into it.

 
SweetCaramel1 said:
either he can't perform, his woman is turning him off or he's getting it from someone else.

i would only stay if dh was hurt in an accident or couldn't get it up do to old age. even then there are options out there that don't involve another person.
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Yup. He also may be gay.
 
Barring medical reasons/psychological reasons, I believe lack of sex is an indicator of the state of your marriage.
 
Xavier said:
My question would be what are these women doing to turn their situation around. I mean if you are a prude and all you know how to do is lay on your back, I can see why a man could get bored after a while. :yawn:
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LOL, well she didn't give me all of those details :lachen:. But what she did say is that they had a very good sex life; she is not the 'just lay on your back' type.
 
MissScarlett said:
*passes out on the floor*

What happened to channeling your inner Miss S? :lol:

OP- I have heard of this, apparently it can easily happen. Kids, mundane day to day activities of being a parent, bills, etc....I can definitely see how sex is just one more thing 'to do'.

I think that's why its important for women, especially moms to let go of what they can and really keep the focus on themselves first, and the marriage second. Alot of times, you're just too worn out from being 50-11 thngs to 50-11 people, you're like SEX, dude are you crazy? I gotta do laundry/fold clothes/make 25 cupcakes for pre-K tomorrow/work/pick up dry cleaning/clean up....

Anyway, I've been there done that. I think my first couple of years in a dual role as a mom and wife really took a toll on me and yep my sex life. I know that's shocking coming from me right:blush: But it did, I just took a step back and re-focused. Now, we never went weeks or months like I hear some married people saying, but our errah..:look:.uh...well our timeframes for having are different than most folks :giggle: I'll just say it wasn't on our regular rotation:yep:

I've read alot about this and relationship experts just say basically "just do it" that is the only way you're going to want to do it, the longer you don't do it, the less you want it....so to get back in the swing of things, you just have to get back into it.
Click to expand...

Thank you for this. I assume in my friend's case, maybe this is what is happening with her husband. It's not the wife that is not being 'available'. I can definitely see if other issues are building up, it can wreck the sex life. And too, I guess the longer you put if off, the easier it is to go with out it?
 
caltron said:
Yup. He also may be gay.
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I just wondered if he was turning gay or on the downlow or something.

I though of the couple that hasn't done it in two years. This may be easier for a woman, but from what men have told me it makes it hard for me to imagine a married man going that long without sex.
 
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