ARE WE GETTING OFF TRACK? relaxed vs naturals etc.

[SmartyPants]

I think its like a majority vs. minorty thing, or "powershift" or something.

I think it's also because people are so proud to be natural, and usually when people go natural they have alot of reasons why they dont like relaxers anymore or decided to stop using them, and they have the "finally natural" "natural and proud" ect. in the siggys. (nothing wrong with that )

When the majority of people were relaxed, it may have been more comfotable for the minority people with natural hair because no-one is saying "relaxed and proud", "natural hair/products are declining yay!" ect.

Also, it may feel like people are leaving your "team" when they go natural. Because even though it may be backwards, most people are relaxed, and this is their first time leaving relaxers.

And i think that if like 90% of the board were natural, and in a couple of years the majorty started relaxnig and were really happy about it, then the same feelings may come up again because relaxed isnt the "normal" anymore, natural is.


ETA---Also wanted to add that natural hair can never be a fad, but relaxers could be a fad thats dying off and that can be something that causes worry.

See... most of this post was on point. but, it's that last dig at the end about relaxers being a "fad" when most of the AA population is relaxed that starts the madness. That comment was completely unnecessary and took away from your, overall, peace and harmony message! These are the kinds of comments that are pissin' folks off!

 

[Sui Topi]

I don't know whats the problem with having conversations about natural hair, and conversations about texlaxed hair, and conversations about relaxed hair. In common, we all want health and length usually comes along with that. I haven't seen a versus thread in a while, and like someone else said, I feel some of these attacks are in the eye of the beholder. If someone says "I could never go natural", I am not going to assume they hate themselves and they hate natural hair. Maybe they are just not into that curly look, and would rather relax than have to flat iron their hair every day? It goes both ways. I really don't understand though why OP has a problem with people talking about their different hair categories? If you have something to add, go in and post, if not, I'm sure with the thousands of threads that come on here in any given day, you'll find something you want to post in. I guess some of us are being a little bit catty every so often, but I would never say the climate on LHCF is unsupportive. There is no bashing of any kinds, I haven't seen anyone be referred to as a "permie" or any other derrogative term (please don't tell me that the word permie used on other forums is something said in love). To me, our overall vibe is, be happy as you are. We would rather see a natural relax and be happy because she likes her hair straight rather than come on here sad everyday, crying about her breaking hair from flat ironing daily. In a sense, I feel like LHCF is the more liberated forum, because we don't let the shackles of hair hold us down. We've moved on and are like every other race who does different things to their hair for style purposes, not because we have anything to prove. People are always saying hair is not that deep and whatever, well, my relationship with my hair and what it means to me is so deep, I can let it do whatever it wants and whatever looks good. I don't have to prove anything to anybody. It's what makes ME happy. With that in mind, I'm sure not everyone on LHCF feels that way, some of us do see our hair in a more militant way, BUT...I don't find it common that these members push their agenda on others. They keep their feelings to themselves because they realize that not everyone feels the same way as them and it would be counterproductive to go on a rampage....



Thats more like 2 dollars, but anyway. That's how I feel. If you think LHCF is bad, go elsewhere. Your $5 subscription will still be standing when you come crawling back.

 

[missnappylady]

I honestly didn't even notice there was a relaxed vs. natural thing going on. I personally appreciate ANY nice head of hair.

 

[Celestial]

It seems as if the focus is becoming less about LONG HAIR and GROWTH and more about relaxed vs natural or BC or transitions. I LOVE all these subjects but I want to focus on LONG HAIR and GROWTH. I have goals to reach. I will be inspired by long hair no matter if they are relaxed ,natural or transitioning.I'm here for PICS, progress and help and to be helpful

I haven't noticed anything falling off the track between relax or natural but I agree with what you said. I'm interested in growth and LONG HAIR and remedies and regimens.

 

[Barbie83]

I haven't noticed anything falling off the track between relax or natural but I agree with what you said. I'm interested in growth and LONG HAIR and remedies and regimens.

It seems as if the focus is becoming less about LONG HAIR and GROWTH and more about relaxed vs natural or BC or transitions. I LOVE all these subjects but I want to focus on LONG HAIR and GROWTH. I have goals to reach. I will be inspired by long hair no matter if they are relaxed ,natural or transitioning.I'm here for PICS, progress and help and to be helpful

I totally agree. I've been here less than a year but I still notice a difference from when I first logged on. Some threads are downright scary.

I miss progress pics, magic potions, growth secrets and reggies! relaxed or natural makes no difference to me, healthy growing hair is healthy growing hair!

 

[Bachelorette]

OP's post still rings true a year later

 

[dachsies_rule!]

OT: Bachelorette i'm loving that siggy!

 

[GreenD]

I didn't notice the natural/relaxed thing until threads were posted as to why people will never "go natural" and vice versa. I don't think that means we're off track because of one or two posts. Those are just vents/opinion/statements being made in my opinion.

I'm still kinda new but overall I've seen nothing but advice, tips and suggestions that I love either way. I don't think things like taking vitamins, exercising, moisturizing, washing, protective styling and protein treatments etc. are "natural" or "relaxed" specific. I think they're "hair" specific and that's the point of the board. I think there's actually a great balance on here, where you get a plethora of information for any kind of hair imaginable and how to grow that hair long.

I think it's hard to talk about growing hair long and share your experiences if people don't share that information, such as being natural, texlaxed and relaxed. And I think everyone should be able to state how much they love their hair regardless of how it looks. Self love/confidence has never been a problem, but when condescending statements are made so that other's feel that their hair is sub par or inferior, I think that's a problem. Everyone is able to make decisions to how they wear their hair and not be judged for doing so.

 

[BostonMaria]

There were quite a few heated discussions on this topic last year. I remember a few getting the lock.

 

[GreenD]

There were quite a few heated discussions on this topic last year. I remember a few getting the lock.

After reading that I just heard what sounds like a jail cell door clamp down!! Yikes!! LOL!!!

 

[jamaraa]

People get defensive about this subject cuz it feels like one side or the other is questioning folks' choices. When we try to talk about it, the threads get shut which in turn leads to more threads of this type. It's a bad cycle folks. The focus SHOULD be on caring for you hair in order that it'll grow, but more and more it isn't.

 

[Leesh]

Yes, Just this Morning one was closed out, I actually was scared to read this one, thinking that one was being sorta ressurected in this one.

 

[SmilingElephant]

I do feel like we've gotten off track....we should be able to help one another regardless of what type of hair we have! And i do feel kinda like i have to defend myself bc i see AAAALLLLLLL these threads about natural this and natural that....i can barely find any tips for relaxed hair on here....or what kind of updos can i do with my almost waistlength hair?

The vibe ive been getting lately from this forum is that relaxed hair is basically weave and that my hair isn't my hair and that i'm a loser bc i put a chemical in my hair....its what works for me gosh darnit! And my hair is healthy...so relaxed ladies...if its working for you....work with it!!!

Like i say....you can't ride on everybody else's wagon....sometimes you gotta drive your own.

 

[longhairlover]

op it's getting on my nerves as well, when I first joined this site it was about healthy hair care regardless of texture, length, relaxed or natural. it's becoming pretty tiring all the vs crap and i'm natural and your a slave to a perm mentality I love my hair relaxed and I have very nice natural hair texture but that's not for me I look at all types of hair as long as it's nice I don't care if a person is natural or relaxed. it needs to stop it's pretty annoying!

I just want to read about pretty hair darnit! if your natural (applause) if your relaxed (applause) what's the big dmn deal?

I thought the site was called longhaircareforum..... not relaxed vs natural or vice versa care forum it's just ridiculous. I guess in life whatever the reason is people always have to create division.

maybe there should be a seperate forum for natural and for relaxed. i'm relaxed and it would be nice to have a section for relaxed ladies then that should solve the division because everyone would get what they want seperation because of hair lmao! right now there's a handful of threads with the same kind of topic lets get it together people.

 

[jamaraa]

What makes this place special, IMHO, was the fact that we never needed a separate relaxed and natural section. Help came to all from all. If it goes the way of separate forums, it'll be sad. I'm hoping we cycle back to a more neutral space and nobody feels left out/unsupported.

I've always liked this site because of it's balance of both natural and relaxed heads...if the site begins to tilt too far in either direction for long, we'll lose many members. This could literally become a natural or relaxed board.

 

[HoneyA]

You can only get sidetracked and feel as if you are being attacked or put down or whatever else if you forget what you came to this site for. I came here to grow long, thick, healthy hair. That is all I focus on. A lot of the time I ignore threads and posts because they don't fit in with my overall goals. Focus on what you came here for, find people of like mind and trust me, everything else falls by the wayside. Keep your eyes on the prize. HHG!

 

[TeeWhyAre]

A lot of the time I ignore threads and posts because they don't fit in with my overall goals. Focus on what you came here for Keep your eyes on the prize. HHG!

I stay focused on the threads that have info from the waist length ladies. There are atleast 2 that I can think of right now. I try not to get into the hair arguments, those are annoying.

 

[Theresamonet]

I'm getting sick of these right here too...

I don't think the proper way to combat the 10,001 relaxed vs. natural threads is to create 10,002 'Don't you Hate the Relaxed vs. Natural' threads. I'm just saying...

 

[changedname]

I'm fairly new and I love this site to death, but I too feel that the board is taking a turn towards a natural vs relaxed division. It's sad, but I do feel that there is a nasty undercurrent and most of it is directed towards the relaxed heads. I too feel like I have to defend myself against accusations that I've been 'brainwashed' into using a relaxer or that I'm less of a black person for using a relaxer. Yes I use a relaxer, but I've also had natural hair and I love them both. At the moment I'm happy with my hair relaxed. As India Arie said, I am not my hair...

There are so many natural and transitioning threads I find it hard to find information about relaxed hair. And when I do read posts about hair types it seems that many relaxed ladies do feel they have to defend their choice to relax their hair, which is sad. I appreciate healthy hair, whether long, short, natural, relaxed, texlaxed etc. Lets please get back to just discussing hair. When I initially joined this forum I was just so happy to see black women across the world helping each other achieve/maintain a head of healthy hair. It would be sad if that vibe was destroyed.

 

[Supervixen]

It seems as if the focus is becoming less about LONG HAIR and GROWTH and more about relaxed vs natural or BC or transitions. I LOVE all these subjects but I want to focus on LONG HAIR and GROWTH. I have goals to reach. I will be inspired by long hair no matter if they are relaxed ,natural or transitioning.I'm here for PICS, progress and help and to be helpful

Admittedly, I haven't read any of the posts in this thread besides the original one. BUT, I do feel that the focus (for me) had become more about things other than LONG HAIR and GROWTH. Thus, so many BC's around the board.

I'm actually kicking myself for BC'ing my hair over the weekend. I hate it so much I don't even want to post pics.

I lost track of myself here; in the quest for long healthy hair, I allowed 6-8+" to be cut off. HOW STUPID IS THAT? Maybe 1/2" needed to be cut, but it seemed like every problem I had, the solution was to cut the remaining relaxed (heat damaged or trained...depending on your school of thought) hair from my 3 year transition. I finally did it and I couldn't be more disgusted with the results AND myself. I can't believe that I was so influenciable, AND that now my hair is cut in to a length I absolutely abhor.

The positive thing is that at least the BC was a wake-up call of what my main objective is, and I refuse to be thrown off again. Honestly, relaxed hair worked for me, natural hair, yeah, but not as much. My Wash and Go's suck, and I don't like twists, braids and afros *on me.* Some of you all look great in it. Voluminous rollersets is what I like, but it's also a function of straight(er) hair.

Maybe I'm just having post-BC depression, but I'm feeling some kinda way. Maybe I'll feel better when I can acutally roll my hair around a roller or when I can do a wash n go I like. But, right now, I'm kicking myself for my BC.

 

[BostonMaria]

Admittedly, I haven't read any of the posts in this thread besides the original one. BUT, I do feel that the focus (for me) had become more about things other than LONG HAIR and GROWTH. Thus, so many BC's around the board.

I'm actually kicking myself for BC'ing my hair over the weekend. I hate it so much I don't even want to post pics.

I lost track of myself here; in the quest for long healthy hair, I allowed 6-8+" to be cut off. HOW STUPID IS THAT? Maybe 1/2" needed to be cut, but it seemed like every problem I had, the solution was to cut the remaining relaxed (heat damaged or trained...depending on your school of thought) hair from my 3 year transition. I finally did it and I couldn't be more disgusted with the results AND myself. I can't believe that I was so influenciable, AND that now my hair is cut in to a length I absolutely abhor.

The positive thing is that at least the BC was a wake-up call of what my main objective is, and I refuse to be thrown off again. Honestly, relaxed hair worked for me, natural hair, yeah, but not as much. My Wash and Go's suck, and I don't like twists, braids and afros *on me.* Some of you all look great in it. Voluminous rollersets is what I like, but it's also a function of straight(er) hair.

Maybe I'm just having post-BC depression, but I'm feeling some kinda way. Maybe I'll feel better when I can acutally roll my hair around a roller or when I can do a wash n go I like. But, right now, I'm kicking myself for my BC.

Looks like maybe you didn't transition long enough. Cutting off your relaxed hair is both liberating and scary at the same time. Everything you thought you knew about yourself is out the door. Are you upset because of the length or texture?

If it makes you feel any better, I cut off my hair back in 2007 and a year later I was exactly the length (maybe longer) than what I originally had in 07. My focus when transitioning was doing the BC. After the BC my focus has been retaining length. Just take it one day at a time.

 

[Leesh]

op it's getting on my nerves as well, when I first joined this site it was about healthy hair care regardless of texture, length, relaxed or natural. it's becoming pretty tiring all the vs crap and i'm natural and your a slave to a perm mentality I love my hair relaxed and I have very nice natural hair texture but that's not for me I look at all types of hair as long as it's nice I don't care if a person is natural or relaxed. it needs to stop it's pretty annoying!

I just want to read about pretty hair darnit! if your natural (applause) if your relaxed (applause) what's the big dmn deal?

I thought the site was called longhaircareforum..... not relaxed vs natural or vice versa care forum it's just ridiculous. I guess in life whatever the reason is people always have to create division.

maybe there should be a seperate forum for natural and for relaxed. i'm relaxed and it would be nice to have a section for relaxed ladies then that should solve the division because everyone would get what they want seperation because of hair lmao! right now there's a handful of threads with the same kind of topic lets get it together people.

I agree that We should all stay focused on why We initially joined this here Board, We started out as a Family, so I don't agree that We should resort to segregation, We should all be able to discuss anything here, just as long as its dealt with in a respectful manner, there shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Southernbella.]

I do feel like we've gotten off track....we should be able to help one another regardless of what type of hair we have! And i do feel kinda like i have to defend myself bc i see AAAALLLLLLL these threads about natural this and natural that....i can barely find any tips for relaxed hair on here....or what kind of updos can i do with my almost waistlength hair?

Why didn't you start some threads, then?

 

[SmartyPants]

Admittedly, I haven't read any of the posts in this thread besides the original one. BUT, I do feel that the focus (for me) had become more about things other than LONG HAIR and GROWTH. Thus, so many BC's around the board.

I'm actually kicking myself for BC'ing my hair over the weekend. I hate it so much I don't even want to post pics.

I lost track of myself here; in the quest for long healthy hair, I allowed 6-8+" to be cut off. HOW STUPID IS THAT? Maybe 1/2" needed to be cut, but it seemed like every problem I had, the solution was to cut the remaining relaxed (heat damaged or trained...depending on your school of thought) hair from my 3 year transition. I finally did it and I couldn't be more disgusted with the results AND myself. I can't believe that I was so influenciable, AND that now my hair is cut in to a length I absolutely abhor.

The positive thing is that at least the BC was a wake-up call of what my main objective is, and I refuse to be thrown off again. Honestly, relaxed hair worked for me, natural hair, yeah, but not as much. My Wash and Go's suck, and I don't like twists, braids and afros *on me.* Some of you all look great in it. Voluminous rollersets is what I like, but it's also a function of straight(er) hair.

Maybe I'm just having post-BC depression, but I'm feeling some kinda way. Maybe I'll feel better when I can acutally roll my hair around a roller or when I can do a wash n go I like. But, right now, I'm kicking myself for my BC.

I agree that it sounds like you didn't transition long enough. PM Miss Norway, I think she felt the same about her BC as well. She may be able to give you some tips on how to work through this phase.

I also BC'd mainly because I was on the forum "that must not be named." I let my hair grow back for six months then I relaxed again and since finding this forum I've found my relaxed hair much easier to deal with.

 

[Miss*Tress]

Nope. I think things are fine. There is something here for everyone.

Definitely agree; I must admit though that I am more interested in length and growth than anything else.

 

[Supervixen]

I agree that it sounds like you didn't transition long enough. PM Miss Norway, I think she felt the same about her BC as well. She may be able to give you some tips on how to work through this phase.

I also BC'd mainly because I was on the forum "that must not be named." I let my hair grow back for six months then I relaxed again and since finding this forum I've found my relaxed hair much easier to deal with.

I transitioned for 3 years. I think that's long enough, but part of it was allowing a stylist to cut it; she doesn't know my hair like I do. I think she ended up cutting length that was just naturally straight (little to no curl pattern).

I should 've just learned techniques to cut it myself from you all.

Either way, I'm not all that sold on natural-ness right now...for me.

 

[jamaraa]

I transitioned for 3 years. I think that's long enough, but part of it was allowing a stylist to cut it; she doesn't know my hair like I do. I think she ended up cutting length that was just naturally straight (little to no curl pattern).

I should 've just learned techniques to cut it myself from you all.

Either way, I'm not all that sold on natural-ness right now...for me.

Oh sheesh, no wonder you're depressed!!! I wrote something just like this the other day on a thread about cutting the hair. I'm sorry hon.

When or if you get your hair cut again, make sure it's freshly pressed before they cut it. Most stylists have NO IDEA about shrinkage issues and they insist on cutting the hair wet. For a natural, this means losing far more hair than intended even on the part of the stylist. Unfortunately these days, natural hair is not just "common sense".....most conventional stylists have no idea of what to do w/ it. If you cut it yourself, press it straight 1st. You can't "dust" accurately on unstraightened natural hair, IMHO.

I never recommend BCs to anyone even if they are dealing w/ major damage. If you don't like your natural hair, go back to relaxed/texlaxed (or BKTd) or wear it straight for awhile w/ heat. You can be a "straight natural" if the texture is the issue, ya know.

 

[tocktick]

These recent posts are interesting to me. Looking at the apparently "anti-relaxed heads" threads over the past few months or so, it is understandable to think that there is a divide.

However, I can think off the top of my head a bunch of seemingly anti-natural threads on this board too. Furthermore, once you look into past threads, it becomes even clearer that there simply isn't just some one-sided anti-relaxed hair bashing here. So I suppose I find it interested that this fact is glossed over in favour of thinking all naturals have something against relaxed heads. I've seen threads that more or less go like this:

"is natural hair a curse by God?"
"was our hair meant to be this difficult?"
"natural hair makes me look age 4"
"your SO finds your natural hair ugly and wants you do relax - you need to do it!"
"oh s**t son, naturals - who are only doing this because it's a "fad" - are quickly surpassing the length of my relaxed hair. How very dare they!"
"type 4 ain't cute"

Yet, despite the older threads and the more recent threads (such as "why I'll really never go natural" and "Sorry naturals, not BC'ing any time soon. Get over it because I know you all care, right?"), I've never looked at those threads as representing the whole relaxed population of this board. As thus, although I know there have been controversial opinions on each side, I've perceived a hostile divide on this board. Maybe it's because when I compare the amount of those "anti-XYZ" threads we have to the amount of naturals who go into a relaxed woman's hair update and give praise and vice versa, the review threads where everyone joins in, the threads where we all discuss issues in a mature manner, the threads were a natural once to BC and she's not pressured into staying that way etc, it seem the anti-XYZ threads are pretty thin on the ground.

I tend not to blow up the "negative" and ignore that fact the positive vastly outweighs all the other ish. It seems a thread is labelled controversial these days even if 3-4 people out of 50 say something (even in a respectful way) that goes against the grain. I know there are some unsavoury opinions on this board but I've always seen them as belonging to the minority as opposed to the majority.

 

[yellow08]

I'm not here too often but I do agree the tone has changed...I don't know why but I only hope we can get back to talking about growing long hair regardless of texture, natural, weave, relaxer, etc...Why can't we all just get along? Dang it's so annoying I tell you...

 

[Bachelorette]

Definitely off track.

I personally found alot of the comments on the chris Rock thread offensive. Many used that thread to hide and lash out at those that wear weaves/wigs, like they've forgotten that many on here wear those things esp as protective styling