ARE WE GETTING OFF TRACK? relaxed vs naturals etc.

[Hairsofab]

Honestly I think it does make a difference whether someone is totally natural or relaxed as far as retention. Some things are better for natural heads and some things work better for relaxed heads.

 

[SparklingFlame]

Just wow.

I'm here to grow my hair long and i happen to be newly natural. this is the LHCF right?

Others are here to grow their hair long and happen to be relaxed. this is the LHCF right?

Some other folks are here to grow their hair long but are learning how to stretch the time between touch-ups. this is the LHCF right?

Some people even make decisions to relax or go natural but still their ultimate goal is to grow their hair long. this is the LHCF right?

Aren't people going to ask questions about what concerns their particular head of hair? Of course alot of that information can be applied across the various kinds of hair but sometimes the answers need to be hair specific.

If someone posts a Help Me thread, don't we ask her if she's relaxed or natural first? If you (not OP but any of us) need suggestions on a hair problem, isn't it logical to identify yourself as relaxed or natural to get more specific help for that particular problem?

Now if the OP is referring to the relaxed is better than natural or natural is better than relaxed threads - these usually end up going south within the first few posts and do have a tendency to cause divisiveness and lot of unnecessary drama.

I guess i just do not understand the purpose of this post.

Dayum LB!!!

Your hair.......I'm SPEECHLESS!!!!

BTW Your whole post is on point.

 

[Moonxyz]

Yeah the atmosphere has really changed for the worse
Way different then when I first started posting here.

And Im going to go head and point fingers
Its a newly naturals who get preachy;on their high horse wanting to *teach* and preach to people.
Relaxed heads then get defensive.

Rinse and repeat and throw a few up dates and that's the hair board.... basically

 

[Morenita]

I didn't vote, because I don't think my response applied to any of the above...

I feel that there is unity where there can be, and there is separation where there needs to be. As a transitioner, I know first-hand that relaxed hair care is completely different from natural hair care. What works for some relaxed heads may not work for naturals and vice-versa, so there is usually some tweaking that is involved. So how do you get advice on how to care for your hair from somebody who has never been that route before? Its like asking somebody with type 1 hair which moisturizer is better for 4a hair. Ok, thats an extreme example, but you get my point

I think that for the basics, stuff like baggying, deep conditioning, rollersetting how-to's, finding the balance between moisture and protein, etc., we can all benefit from each others' advice. But there also comes a time when our hair care questions, comments and concerns have more specific needs, hence the separated threads at times.

I read most material on here though, regardless of if it is for naturals or relaxed, and if I feel that I have a helpful comment to add, I do it

 

[PanamasOwn]

I agree. Listen, I think natural hair is the most beautifulliest thing in the world. I don't think I need to straighten my hair in order for it to be polished and lovely. But I'm not going to reach through my computer screen to take flat irons and relaxers. Saying do you is getting played out as well. How many more times can you tell someone to be themselves?

I never thought I would say this since I wear my heart on my sleeve, but people are being too dang on sensitive. People say all our welcomed on this site, but it's beginning to feel quite hostile. Actually, there have been numerous threads asking for a separate natural forum because people were having trouble finding info. The site creators told naturals to be more proactive in asking questions because they would not break up the site. So, there you have it. Anywho, I have a self-imposed "natural vs relaxed" thread strike because I have figured out that no matter what you say someone will take it the wrong way! I'm just going to look at the pretty pictures.

Signed "I'm not a nappy nazi, just a natural enthusiast"

Sadly I have to agree. Some people find themselves being "the englightened ones" because they have found their absolute meaning to life through their hair. I don't give two squrriel farts it your hair is nappy, slappy or crappy. I came here to learn about my hair and what I could to make it healthy and long (Whether I am natural today, jacklaxed tomorrow)

This should be more like a sisterhood; we are going to complain, we are going to be *****y, hell we might even say somethings that we don't really mean, but at the end of the day we all came together for ONE reason: hair. (This is LHCF; Long Hair Care Forum) not nappy sisters united, not dark n' lovely locks inc. Meaning IT SHOULD be acceptable to ALL hair types and woes. There are enuff people in the world putting folks down lets be the ones to do something different and not live up to the stereotype (Y'all know exactly the one I mean)

 

[Queen V]

Yeah the atmosphere has really changed for the worse
Way different then when I first started posting here.

And Im going to go head and point fingers
Its a newly naturals who get preachy;on their high horse wanting to *teach* and preach to people.
Relaxed heads then get defensive.

Rinse and repeat and throw a few up dates and that's the hair board.... basically

I agree with this, unfortunately.

 

[Kurlee]

I don't see the big deal. If you are relaxed, most of the products you use, will not respond to my hair the same way because i am natural. The same way if you have hair like chilli from tlc, the products u use in your hair will probably not respond to my 4a curls the same and vice versa. I don't see the big deal in seeking help that is RELEVANT to you

 

[DreadlockedLady0171]

Yeah the atmosphere has really changed for the worse
Way different then when I first started posting here.

And Im going to go head and point fingers
Its a newly naturals who get preachy;on their high horse wanting to *teach* and preach to people.
Relaxed heads then get defensive.

Rinse and repeat and throw a few up dates and that's the hair board.... basically

R U serious?
Yes, some new naturals can be preachy but as with everything, it does go both ways.

 

[Harmony0221]

Yes, we are getting off track. We need to stop this ridiculousness and unite once again. This site is about HEALTHY long (or short) hair. Not about relaxed versus textlaxed versus natural. That's the problem with us. We AA are always on some divide and conquer ****. Why can't we just live as one for once? Please people, I'm begging you, let's reunite.

Let the church say Amen! Well said

 

[Moonxyz]

R U serious?
Yes, some new naturals can be preachy but as with everything, it does go both ways.

Im very serious.

BTW I was natural for 3yrs until recently so my POV is pretty unbias.

 

[Harmony0221]

THANX ladies! I love hearing everyones opinions.HHG!

BTW, this thread isn't a spin off but recent threads did make me finally create a poll to see how everyone is feeling!!

Glad you did this is something that needed to discussed.

 

[QT]

Dizang!!!!!! What is going on today it seems like its about to be a war on LHCF. WE NEED TO SET A EXAMPLE TO THE NEWEST LADIES THAT IS LOOKING FOR HAIR CARE. THIS IS NOT WHAT PEOPLE HAVE SIGNED UP FOR, IT'S UNFORTUNATE THAT WE'RE TAKING COMMENTS OUT OF CONTEXT. IT'S OK TO AGREE TO DISAGREE HOWEVER, THIS ISH HAS JUST OPENED UP A CAN OF WORMS.

CAN WE JUST GET BACK TO HAIR CARE..... ALL THESE SLY REMARKS NEEDS TO GO STR8 TO THE ENTERTAINMENT THREADS WHERE THEY BELONG.

SERIOUSLY THIS ISH HAS GOTS TO STOP!!!!!

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

I don't feel like we've gotten off track. The opinions of a few don't represent the masses.

ITA

No, I don't think that we've gotten off track, for the most part, we do support each other...I still feel the love

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Yeah the atmosphere has really changed for the worse
Way different then when I first started posting here.

And Im going to go head and point fingers
Its a newly naturals who get preachy;on their high horse wanting to *teach* and preach to people.
Relaxed heads then get defensive.

Rinse and repeat and throw a few up dates and that's the hair board.... basically

ITA. But I must admit it goes both ways. Some of us as relaxed try to push our methods and choice of style on some of the naturals too. I think that human nature in a way though. Everyone wants to be right. But in the world of hair there is no wrong or right

 

[seraphim712]

I have to say, I feel that it's my fault in a way that this relaxed vs. natural "war" started. I noticed that a curious question I asked a year ago popped back up on the first page, and it seemed like similar topics around the subject of my question started popping up recently. I'm not sure how my thread showed up, I assumed the topic was long gone and resolved since it was a question concerning my personal hair growth achievement goals. But if this insulted anyone, I do apologize.

Btw, why does it seem like growth aids such as OCT, MT, and Silica were being attacked so much after reports of ladies receiving hair growth from them?

 

[Neith]

Yes, there is a difference between natural and relaxed hair.

HOWEVER

it is NOT as big of a difference than some people seem to believe. Like I said before... we are basically using the same techniques and products.

What does any natural do to their hair that is vastly different from a relaxed head? It's the same basics, washing, conditioning, moisturizing.

You may have to approach styling in different ways, but even the styling techniques are similar.

It is really dumb to exclude and divide people up. Anyone can have a wealth of information and CAN help you. The more informed people around, regardless of whether they are relaxed or not, the better it is for everyone.

I have noticed hostility from naturals AND relaxed people here. Although honestly, I notice it a little more from naturals. I joined this board as a natural.

Yes, some naturals come off as being high and mighty. As if because you've decided to go natural, that everyone should because you are "right". I've had point out (not in this thread) that everyone here is informed, and everyone's choices should be respected.

Some relaxed heads can be oversensitive and dismissive towards naturals.

 

[Neith]

ITA

No, I don't think that we've gotten off track, for the most part, we do support each other...I still feel the love

On the whole, it is a good environment, but there is a nasty undercurrent here imo. If there wasn't one, I doubt this thread would have been made/ replied to so much.

 

[DreadlockedLady0171]

Yes, there is a difference between natural and relaxed hair.

HOWEVER

it is NOT as big of a difference than some people seem to believe. Like I said before... we are basically using the same techniques and products.

What does any natural do to their hair that is vastly different from a relaxed head? It's the same basics, washing, conditioning, moisturizing.

You may have to approach styling in different ways, but even the styling techniques are similar.

It is really dumb to exclude and divide people up. Anyone can have a wealth of information and CAN help you. The more informed people around, regardless of whether they are relaxed or not, the better it is for everyone.

I have noticed hostility from naturals AND relaxed people here. Although honestly, I notice it a little more from naturals. I joined this board as a natural.

Yes, some naturals come off as being high and mighty. As if because you've decided to go natural, that everyone should because you are "right". I've had point out (not in this thread) that everyone here is informed, and everyone's choices should be respected.

Some relaxed heads can be oversensitive and dismissive towards naturals.

Yes, I agree with the bolded. However, some naturals are hostile because of the history of our hair etc. and so on. That's the way it is. It's real life. Unfortunately, that won't change on a hair board.
For me personally, I have been natural for far too long to care. However, when someone does make a off the mark statement, and if I feel so inclined, I will respond.

I mean really, this is a discussion board and everyone on this board isn't going to agree on everything. Even naturals among naturals and relaxed among relaxed etc.
When things get out of hand, click-clack, that's it.

 

[Moonxyz]

ITA. But I must admit it goes both ways. Some of us as relaxed try to push our methods and choice of style on some of the naturals too. I think that human nature in a way though. Everyone wants to be right. But in the world of hair there is no wrong or right

Both parties need to go back to growing LONG hair.

The drama is so unecessary.

 

[Southernbella.]

R U serious?
Yes, some new naturals can be preachy but as with everything, it does go both ways.

I agree. I'm newly natural and I know I've been preachy a few times, but that's human nature. Newly saved, newly married, new parent...you are excited and want to share what you've learned. After awhile, you settle into your new status and it's not as serious.

On the other side, we have to read stuff like "I could NEVER be natural" and "thank God for relaxers!" and whatnot. People are excited about their relaxed hair too, and good for them.

Maybe people need to stop taking others' excitement as an attack on them.

Besides, at the end of the day, we're still family, at least in my mind.

 

[me-T]

these divisions are a lil bit easier for me to handle since i've been on both sides of the fence, but at the same time, the new "majority" of naturals with the full fluffy fros make me wanna go back natural, but i know that, for me, it would be a fad based on somebody else's hair. but i know i couldn't and probably dont want to(in the near future at least) make it a long-time decision. those perfect fluffy kinks take about an hour to get! but i do know that when/if i get the itch to really take that route, there's 50-11 posts to help me make that decision.

what i dont understand is why it has to be a militant thing? i believe most relaxed heads are past the whole "conforming to white" etc blah blah blah thing. It's an option now, jus like the option not to use it. idk, its all confusin to me. jus grow some hair, post some pics, unlock your dang fotki so i can stalk!

 

[Harmony0221]

I don't see the big deal. If you are relaxed, most of the products you use, will not respond to my hair the same way because i am natural. The same way if you have hair like chilli from tlc, the products u use in your hair will probably not respond to my 4a curls the same and vice versa. I don't see the big deal in seeking help that is RELEVANT to you

like I stated in an earlier post it's all good to seek out information that is useful to YOU... but the problem is when threads are created downing relaxed or natural heads. The problem is also when people start shutting down others because you THINK what they are saying isn't relevant to you.
The great thing about our sorority-like community is the common goal of wanting long hair and assisiting one another with achieving those goals.
Unfortunatly some folks are tearing that down and building up a wall between well, Everybody!!

 

[lilsparkle825]

On the other side, we have to read stuff like "I could NEVER be natural" and "thank God for relaxers!" and whatnot. People are excited about their relaxed hair too, and good for them.

Maybe people need to stop taking others' excitement as an attack on them.

Besides, at the end of the day, we're still family, at least in my mind.

i've been thinking about this thread; it was nowhere near this long when i posted early this morning! LOL!

but to the bolded, i agree; some people are asking where the natural- or relaxed-bashing THREADS are and i think it is just individual posts which are harder to track. i have seen many times where people say "i think about going natural but i cant deal with my NG" or "i have been relaxed for so long that i dont know what my natural texture is". these are the times where i agree people can try to be encouraging and come off as preachy. examples...i sometimes want to say things like "i had not seen my natural texture in 10 years so i forgot what it was like and i did it", or "yes you can learn to deal with it if you want to, cause thats what all us converters had to do" but people dont always take that the right way. we dont mean you need to go natural or anything, so please dont take it like that.

i also hope i/we dont come off as preachy when i/we say things like "i love my natural texture" or what not. those are times when ladies with relaxed hair (the "some ladies" part should be understood) seem to feel intimidated.

like many of you have stated we are all here for long healthy hair, so whether it is relaxed or natural is irrelevant.

 

[Mook's hair]

Newly saved, newly married, new parent...you are excited and want to share what you've learned. After awhile, you settle into your new status and it's not as serious.

Maybe people need to stop taking others' excitement as an attack on them.

Besides, at the end of the day, we're still family, at least in my mind.

Lauren, this is so very true. I really enjoy LHCF and I hate to see people get jumped on (even the times when they kinda asked for it)

We are a family and I prefer diplomacy.

I also have to agree that this and all forums go through cycles. I was recently reading some old locked threads from 2003 & 2004 where the same defensive issues caused a natural lady to start some mess and make a post that was completely out of pocket.
And a different thread where a relaxed lady was instigating and acting out of pocket! This is nothing new. As new people join and as people change and discover new hair practices. Some will occasionally catch feelings.

I also think there are many times when someone posts something that wasn't well thought-out and didn't actually intend to offend anyone BUT doesn't really realize the undertones or implications of the words they chose...It happens.

For the most part I just see many of the ladies who continue loving this forum and contributing in positive ways.

I love it here!

 

[iasade]

I value and respect others opinions because we all have them right? I used to be relaxed and can relate to them as well as natural since I have been natural for quite a few years. I am just glad to be in a place where so many, many beautiful women reside, natural and relaxed, where I can learn, share and progress in my journey to long hair.

At the end of the day, we are all here for the same reasons, to maintain healthy beautiful hair!

 

[MonPetite]

This saddens the wool offa' this little lamb.

I'll be posting my 158th and 159th reviews over the next to weeks and it would BREAK MY LITTLE FREAKING HEART TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE WOULD REFUSE TO READ A REVIEW I WROTE BECAUSE I AM NATURAL AND THEY ARE NOT.

Seeing this thread I went through my guest lists and fotki friends and...yes...the majority are natural. Which is cool, because as others have stated being relaxed IS STILL THE NORM.

That said:

CONDITIONER IS CONDITIONER! SHAMPOO IS SHAMPOO!

Trust me! Please!

Do I mention in my reviews where one may do more for a relaxed head than another? Yes. Why? Because chemicals alter hair. No brainer.

BUT IT IS STILL HAIR!

RELAXED, NATURAL, TEXLAXED, BONELAXED, JACKLAXED, OR I-DON'T-GIVE-A-WHAT-WHAT-LAXED!

Conditioner conditioners ANY type of hair.

Shampoo CLEANS any type of hair.

Combs COMB all types of hair (albeit not as well as others. A rattail isn't touching my napps anytime soon. But you know what I mean).

RELAXED HEADS CAN GET AS MUCH FROM MY REVIEWS AS NATURALS BECAUSE HAIR IS HAIR.

WE ALL WANT IT LONG AND STRONG.

THE DIFFERENCES ARE IN THE DETAILS ONLY!

One poo may have too much protein for a natural hair. Big deal, a relaxed head reading the same review should think: Imma' jump on that!

Take from each other what you can.

My regimen for a relaxed head may involve a little more protein and a light mist versus a styling lotion. WOW! OMGosh! Big Divide!

Head 'fer da' hills momma'!


I'm sorrowful people sense a divide just because more people are becoming natural. People saying they are glad they aren't relaxed because of no more burns is NOT AN ATTACK on relaxed heads.

Someone saying, "I could never go natural", is NOT AN ATTACK on naturals.

I think a lot of "attacks" (a lot, not all) are in people's perceptions.

There ARE differences in relaxed hair care and natural hair care, but not enough to be worth causing it's own thread!

That said, OP, you did a brave and wonderful thing! Let's hope it's the last time it will be needed!

 

[me-T]

I value and respect others opinions because we all have them right? I used to be relaxed and can relate to them as well as natural since I have been natural for quite a few years. I am just glad to be in a place where so many, many beautiful women reside, natural and relaxed, where I can learn, share and progress in my journey to long hair.

At the end of the day, we are all here for the same reasons, to maintain healthy beautiful hair!

you aint lyin bout that word! we're probably around each other more than our irl friends

the same with my job, 12hrs,6 days a wk*, we're around each other so much, mess jus kinda happens.

*hrs are bein cut.. that's gonna cut into my hair spending

 

[fluffylocks]

I agree. I'm newly natural and I know I've been preachy a few times, but that's human nature. Newly saved, newly married, new parent...you are excited and want to share what you've learned. After awhile, you settle into your new status and it's not as serious.

On the other side, we have to read stuff like "I could NEVER be natural" and "thank God for relaxers!" and whatnot. People are excited about their relaxed hair too, and good for them.

Maybe people need to stop taking others' excitement as an attack on them.

Besides, at the end of the day, we're still family, at least in my mind.

I agree.

But i think the difference is, alot of the ladies that say "I could never be natural! "...Have NEVER been natural, so their judging something they dont even know cant possibly be taken serious or is alittle ridicouls because they have no real reason behind it and no experience to go from

Versus when some people get alittle preachy with being newly natural, they've been relaxed in the past, so how/why do you judge?

That IMO is probally like a new parent saying "im so glad i have kids, this is the way life should be ect. ect.", vs a single person saying "im so happy i dont have kids, i never want them "



I think that in the past, natural hair was looked down upon, and relaxed hair was therefore put on a peddlestool without anyone actually having to say anything it was like common knowdlege..and so alot of people didnt relax for just a choice, but if felt mandatory so their hair would be "better"

But in reality, your natural hair is something that you should be proud of, and relaxed hair is more of just a "choice", that you can be proud of or not.

Now that this is being flipped around, that relaxed hair doesnt mean your hair is "better", its not mandatory, and people are showing their pride for their natural hair....I think some people are getting lost and intimidated because the "choice" to relax or not is now more obvious, and i think because relaxed hair isnt kind of so high up on a peddlestool anymore, people dont know whether to be proud of their relaxed hair or not or if their wrong or right for making their choice to continue.

But i think we just need to give all of are hair glory in whatever state it is and not judge or anything like that.

 

[Poohbear]

I don't feel like we've gotten off track. The opinions of a few don't represent the masses.

D I T T O !!!!

 

[RegaLady]

It seems as if the focus is becoming less about LONG HAIR and GROWTH and more about relaxed vs natural or BC or transitions. I LOVE all these subjects but I want to focus on LONG HAIR and GROWTH. I have goals to reach. I will be inspired by long hair no matter if they are relaxed ,natural or transitioning.I'm here for PICS, progress and help and to be helpful

I know. I just recently touched up after stretching my relaxer. I had to look long and hard for info about caring for relaxed hair. It almost got to a point where I thought I had to be natural to gain some length. NOw, I know it is easier to regain it, naturally. But, I found it harder to find information on growing hair with a relaxer verses, growing hair being natural!