anybody cut their dh off?

[Ladybelle]

Is it neccessary to cut your dh/so off on occassion? Cut-off meaning no coloring...


The reasons can and does vary, here are some examples:

1- cheating/adultery
2- hormonal changes that sometimes occur in woman's life for various reasons
3- a dh/so that is either selfish in bed or not meeting your needs
4- dh ain't acting right from the simple stuff to the complex
5- he doesn't give it to you when & how you want it, so you respond in kind
6- many others

Although the poll has several options, it seems to me there would only be two answers:Yes or NO

There are those who say No,never because you have to fulfill your wifely obligation no matter what and then there's those who say yes- sometimes it's neccessary for various reasons.

I'm interested in all responses - both Christian and secular....

If it's never neccessary, why? How does it affect a relationship?
If it's sometimes neccessary, why? How does it affect a relationship?

what say you?You can speak from personal or non-personal experience -whatever you're comfortable with.

 

[awhyley]

Dang, this had the makings of an interesting thread.

 

[Ladybelle]

Dang, this had the makings of an interesting thread.

I thought so too, but when I didn't get any responses I thought maybe it was too much.

You think I should repost my original question?


eta: I reposted the question, we'll see how this goes.

 

[p31woman]

I don't know about intentional cutting off.

1-I know if DH cheated, I wouldn't want him to come near me. I could see it happening then but it would only be in response to his behavior. Not intentional but I wouldn't be able to make myself touch him.

2-Any of the other reason fall under unintentional as well for me. If my hormones change, I wouldn't cut him off but I'm sure there'd be a cut back til I got my hormones in balance.

3-If DH wasn't meeting my needs, that's all the more reason not to cut him off. We're married and I can't/won't go outside our marriage so he would have to re-learn how to meet my needs.

4-This would prob result in a cut back. If I'm in a bad mood or if something is on my mind, sex isn't. This again wouldnt be intentional.

5-Nah, we are grown. There are times where he wants it more than me and vice versa. I'm not gonna cut him off for that when I know there are times when I'm the smae way and vice versa.

I dont think I would ever purposefully cut him off, but I do know that there are things that can happen that may make me cut back or not want it period but neither would be something intentional I did. I don't consider sex a weapon in our marriage.

 

[deltagyrl]

I did. It was all in total response to his behavior and mistreatment of me though. I never thought we'd get past that period but we did.

I dont' recommend using it as a control thing though. Sooner or later, he'll go someplace else.

 

[heyfranz]

I chose other - I cut dh off permanently. He cheated, and I didn't want him to touch me- ever.

 

[FlightsWifey]

I cut dh off because he wasn't spending enough time with me. I told him no time, no nana. The next day he told me he agreed with what I was saying and apologized. I am a born again christian who believes in being submissive but not a doormat.

 

[Ladybelle]

I don't know about intentional cutting off.

1-I know if DH cheated, I wouldn't want him to come near me. I could see it happening then but it would only be in response to his behavior. Not intentional but I wouldn't be able to make myself touch him.

2-Any of the other reason fall under unintentional as well for me. If my hormones change, I wouldn't cut him off but I'm sure there'd be a cut back til I got my hormones in balance.

3-If DH wasn't meeting my needs, that's all the more reason not to cut him off. We're married and I can't/won't go outside our marriage so he would have to re-learn how to meet my needs.

4-This would prob result in a cut back. If I'm in a bad mood or if something is on my mind, sex isn't. This again wouldnt be intentional.

5-Nah, we are grown. There are times where he wants it more than me and vice versa. I'm not gonna cut him off for that when I know there are times when I'm the smae way and vice versa.

I dont think I would ever purposefully cut him off, but I do know that there are things that can happen that may make me cut back or not want it period but neither would be something intentional I did. I don't consider sex a weapon in our marriage.

very interesting points made, especially the bolded.

I did. It was all in total response to his behavior and mistreatment of me though. I never thought we'd get past that period but we did.

I dont' recommend using it as a control thing though. Sooner or later, he'll go someplace else.

You bring up an intersting response too, I'm glad to hear you got past that phase. When you cut him off, was it difficult for you or were you so fed up it was no problem going without?

I chose other - I cut dh off permanently. He cheated, and I didn't want him to touch me- ever.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I cut dh off because he wasn't spending enough time with me. I told him no time, no nana. The next day he told me he agreed with what I was saying and apologized. I am a born again christian who believes in being submissive but not a doormat.

Talk about immediate results! Certainly in agreement with the bolded. But how do you navigate the difference between being submissive vs being a doormat?

 

[tailormade84]

i say never - my commitment in my marriage is first and foremost to God - not DH, so his foolishness can't get in the way of my worship(worship = doing the good/job you know you are supposed to do)....

now if something were to happen and I think I would be endangering my myself/health by having sex with him, then i would decline.

 

[DarkHair]

I wouldn't use it as a bartering tool. We learned that in premarital counseling. If he were to cheat or something against our vows, yes. If he didn't treat me right, I'd first explain how I felt and then make my decision from there.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

If I'm highly upset with my partner, and they haven't made a move to try and rectify the situation, it's not that I TRY to cut them off, but my desire for them drops to 0.

After a day or two, or as soon as my libido continues, I can have sex... but only if I want to. And how I want to, and if they're NOT invited... they just have to watch.

 

[ladysaraii]

I'm not married, but

I don't intentionally cut people off, but if I'm mad with you, I'm not in the mood. And I'm not having sex w/ someone who pissed me off.

 

[Triniwegian]

I am not married but my friend's mother who has been married to the same man for nearly 40 years said; "Whatever it is that is going on between you two in your marriage there is two things you should not deny him; food and sex, because he will go elsewhere for it if you keep it from him long enough".

I live by this with my SO, I never revoked his coloring priveleges.

 

[varaneka]

I wouldn't do this

esp after reading this LOL

Why You’re Still Single (And Upset About It)

 

[tailormade84]

I wouldn't do this

esp after reading this LOL

Why You’re Still Single (And Upset About It)

i dont agree with all of it but it had 2 AMEN points:
1. STOP WATCHING TELEVISION (it brainwashes you with lies about ur gender)
2. " I don’t know who told you that ‘coochie’ is in short supply, but trust and believe it’s not an endangered species, and you most certainly aren’t the only woman who has one. "

thanks 4 sharing...gave me food for thought...

 

[varaneka]

i dont agree with all of it but it had 2 AMEN points:
1. STOP WATCHING TELEVISION (it brainwashes you with lies about ur gender)
2. " I don’t know who told you that ‘coochie’ is in short supply, but trust and believe it’s not an endangered species, and you most certainly aren’t the only woman who has one. "

thanks 4 sharing...gave me food for thought...

you're welcome lol

what parts do you disagree with? I'm just curious

actually I will start a new thread hehe

 

[BGT]

I'm not married yet, but I probably would cut DH off during my period. Something about all those liquids being mixed up together, frothing.. ugh

 

[Ladybelle]

I wouldn't do this

esp after reading this LOL

Why You’re Still Single (And Upset About It)

I haven't read this thread yet- on my way to read it, but would these same philosophies apply to marriage? just curious.

eta: I read it & the question remains. I guess another poster said it, you can't withold it for too long or else?

 

[varaneka]

I haven't read this thread yet- on my way to read it, but would these same philosophies apply to marriage? just curious.

eta: I read it & the question remains. I guess another poster said it, you can't withold it for too long or else?

I think it applies

 

[deltagyrl]

I didn't find it difficult because I'd had it. Couldn't open the treasure chest to someone who saw no treasure...

 

[p31woman]

I didn't find it difficult because I'd had it. Couldn't open the treasure chest to someone who saw no treasure...

 

[Ladybelle]

I didn't find it difficult because I'd had it. Couldn't open the treasure chest to someone who saw no treasure...

wow! you said soooo much without saying much at all.

 

[tiara76]

Im not married just adding my two cents

I agree with the non intentional cutting off.....
there are many reasons to make a woman not feel like being intimate and I strongly feel that if she has reasons they are valid and she expresses why she feels this way

even in cases of cheating

its not cutting off to get revenge or punish him necessarily

but cutting off because she is emotionally hurting and wants to heal herself and possibly the relationship and this would be a point in the relationship where real intimacy needs to come into play meaning not sexual, but being completely open to each other to dig up issues on either end to figure out whats going on with each of them and with the relationship

to use sex as a weapon or bartering tool to get a man to act a certain way or appease the woman is a recipe for diaster....sex/sexual energy is the most misunderstood misused energy by people...use it for the 'wrong' reasons and watch wrong outcomes come into play in your life around it

 

[yokoyokogirl]

I cut my ex-husband off after I got fed up with him mentally/emotionally/verbally abusing me.

He called me all sorts of fat/stupid names but still tried to cuddle up a night.

When he didnt get the hint, I started sleeping head-to-foot, until finally he moved to the couch, and eventually I moved out. Be happier ever since.

 

[Ladybelle]

Im not married just adding my two cents

I agree with the non intentional cutting off.....
there are many reasons to make a woman not feel like being intimate and I strongly feel that if she has reasons they are valid and she expresses why she feels this way

even in cases of cheating

its not cutting off to get revenge or punish him necessarily

but cutting off because she is emotionally hurting and wants to heal herself and possibly the relationship and this would be a point in the relationship where real intimacy needs to come into play meaning not sexual, but being completely open to each other to dig up issues on either end to figure out whats going on with each of them and with the relationship

to use sex as a weapon or bartering tool to get a man to act a certain way or appease the woman is a recipe for diaster....sex/sexual energy is the most misunderstood misused energy by people...use it for the 'wrong' reasons and watch wrong outcomes come into play in your life around it

Very well stated & I think sums it up quite nicely. The reason will either yield a negative or hopefully positive result, if done intentionally for weapon or barter, is wrong. But for the first reason you mentioned is completely palpable. I get that.

I cut my ex-husband off after I got fed up with him mentally/emotionally/verbally abusing me.

He called me all sorts of fat/stupid names but still tried to cuddle up a night.

When he didnt get the hint, I started sleeping head-to-foot, until finally he moved to the couch, and eventually I moved out. Be happier ever since.

Oh, I'm soo sorry to hear this. Head to foot? You were really fed up weren't you? I'm glad you are in a happier situation.

 

[Zaynab]

I would never purposely cut my dh off from sex. I know women that do this in their marriage and it has a disasturous effect. It's counterproductive because whatever issue you are trying to resolve becomes clouded in a man's mind because he's not getting any.

If it were hormonal, I'd look into what was wrong. If it was how he was treating me,we'd have to communicate it. I think using sex as a tool to punish a man is a very slippery slope and could cause major problems. Men show love through sex often times and when you reject a man for sex, THEY feel rejected, not the sex. Also, from a Christian standpoint, it's the most egregious thing to do. Sex is plentiful and expected in a marriage,it's a selfless act that you are susposed to give if you're able to, it's not about 'you' but being pleasing to your spouse.

Adultery, I could see that as a willfull act on his part so I doubt I'd be ready to be intimate with him again very soon. But if you're gonna stay in a marriage with a cheater, with all things you have to move on and either give in to sex or not. If you're not gonna forgive then don't withhold sex as your "reason" just leave him.