Anybody COMPLETELY cut off the Ex?

[caltron]

I agree 100%...which is why I don't stay in touch with any of my exes except for one!

When someone has treated you badly, there is no room for that person in your life.

So true! I completely cut off my ex. I don't even have his number or forwarding address. The way he treated me over the years was completely unacceptable. Keeping contact would only give him a chance to worm his way back into my life. I had broke up with before a few years back, but I decided to stay "friends" with him. Big mistake. I have learned my lesson this time though.

 

[esoterica]

Friends don't screw you over and disrespect you, so no, ex's are not friends. Let some other stupid chick fall for that sh!t and spend the rest of her life in misery.

 

[MissYocairis]

I've NEVER played that "let's be friends" game with any of my exes. ALL of them got the snip snip. I don't believe in any communication after breaking up our dealing morphing into something it didn't start out as. Nope.

This whole entire thread reminds me of that Sex and the City Episode where Carrie asked the pivotal question...."When you love someone and you breakup....where does the love go?" Remember that episode? Where she was trying to decide whether or not to be Big's friend?

I have done it both ways. I have cut off completely people who were toxic and I have kept those around who were authentic throughout the relationship.

I have also contacted to say "hi", check in or wish happy birthday when I really shouldn't have. Don't you just HATE that? It's the WORST!!!!!!!!! Hell, even in a current relationship, you gotta leave an element of inaccessibility or they will take you for granted!

But, ultimately, if he's behaved in that trifling manner described, done some really inauthentic and disrespectful things, I would continue to ignore him....

 

[MissYocairis]

simma down now.. lol. breathe...
moms want the best for us. I think the man-situation in this generation is different from our parents generation. my mom did something similar. you just have to either ask your mom to trust you, or say "okay mom" and then not call him. she may just have wanted it to work. plus it's a breakup in a way for her, too. depending on how tight your relationship was, she may have been dreaming about weddings, babies, etc.

My mom is the SAME WAY! She taught me to never burn bridges and she doesn't believe in holding grudges. I agree, I do believe things are tremendously different in the dating world these days.

 

[loved]

I have. Was a great move. Tried to do the friend thing, but every contact dragged my mind (and parts of my spirit) to places and times I no longer wanted to revisit.

It felt like a weight was off my shoulders when I stopped pretending to be friends with someone who had done some crappy things to me.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

This whole entire thread reminds me of that Sex and the City Episode where Carrie asked the pivotal question...."When you love someone and you breakup....where does the love go?" Remember that episode? Where she was trying to decide whether or not to be Big's friend?

I have done it both ways. I have cut off completely people who were toxic and I have kept those around who were authentic throughout the relationship.

I have also contacted to say "hi", check in or wish happy birthday when I really shouldn't have. Don't you just HATE that? It's the WORST!!!!!!!!! Hell, even in a current relationship, you gotta leave an element of inaccessibility or they will take you for granted!

But, ultimately, if he's behaved in that trifling manner described, done some really inauthentic and disrespectful things, I would continue to ignore him....

Totally. And perhaps it's just me being that I've never had a relationship that was just going great and all of a sudden we both mutually get to this point with smiles on our faces that "let's no longer date, lets be friends" I will NEVER buy a friendship between used-to-be lovers. It may sound like a good idea ONE day, but I believe it never ever is because there's room left open for all types of emotional crap to occur between the two and it will. If it's that serious for both people to remain friends, (which I don't believe it could ever be THAT serious) there should at least be a significant time and solo experiences gained before that occurs. Then who knows, it could be nice (i guess, whatever)

To answer Carries question, it doesn't go anywhere for at least one of those people, maybe even both but under circumstances like "lovers to friends" the love left just don't get fed, it ain't healthy, and it becomes a sickness to one or both parties lovelives. Completely cutting them off is the ONLY cure.

 

[Sosa]

Me and my "ex" (I hate the term "ex") have been apart for about 6 months, after a 5+ year (on again off again relationship). But we still talk once in a while and see each other rarely.

But I'm about to cut his ass off completely - it isn't good for me and it probably isn't good for him - this back and forth stuff.

I just haven't figured out how to do it quite yet....:::and I'm afraid of being bored:::

Same here.

Reading this thread made me realize that there really is NOTHING good to gain from keeping in contact with an ex. Thatz it, all clean cuts for ex's by Dec 31.
I'm going to be sooo ex-free on Jan 1.

what was i thinking passively staying in contact with (i.e. never initiating but occasionally obliging) like 3 ex's. I guess its never 2 late to smart-up. They never did me dirty at all but it's still unnecessary baggage.

Anyone with cutting-off tips?

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Same here.

Reading this thread made me realize that there really is NOTHING good to gain from keeping in contact with an ex. Thatz it, all clean cuts for ex's by Dec 31.
I'm going to be sooo ex-free on Jan 1.

what was i thinking passively staying in contact with (i.e. never initiating but occasionally obliging) like 3 ex's. I guess its never 2 late to smart-up. They never did me dirty at all but it's still unnecessary baggage.

Anyone with cutting-off tips?

Don't make it out to be more than it is. Stop the initiating and when and if he does contact you, just be direct. Tell you need to move on with your life, spiritually, emotionally, and physically to embrace all the future has in store for you so you need to cut off relationships that really don't serve any purpose in your life and tell him he'd be one of those people. Since you feel you've come to the epiphany of "staying friends after a relationship is pointless" drop that understanding onto his lap, all left to say after that is Peace and have a good one.

 

[lisana]

Yes, I have completely cut off the exes. I didn't hate them so there was no drama, I was just done. Once I'm done, that's it. It had a chance to be whatever it was going to be and that's that.

 

[mzhotniz86]

I have only been in one relationship which lasted 3 years and was pretty bad the whole time.

For a very short time after the break up, we had sporadic contact as if trying to "be friends" or whatever...

The last time I saw him (Christmas 2005) we had an argument which confirmed that anything between us was completely gone.

I called him the next day. I should have never seen him or talked to him but once you let that person back in and get agitated, the cycle begins again. He said he did not have time for "this" and would call me back.

He never called. I called back three times over the next two days and told myself if he did not respond at the third call, I would completely wash my hands of the situation. (Some may argue that at this time he wiped his hands of me).

Mid January I received a facebook notification to update our "how do you know this person" status. (He had joined facebook after the breakup and added me as a friend. He wanted to update our status to "Past relationship/Was practically married"). I removed him from my friends list. I got an e-mail from him at three different email accounts saying he couldnt believe I did that.

Later towards the summer, I received phone calls from his mom saying she wanted to know how I was and that he was worried about me or wanted to know how I was. I ignored those comments and continued to ask her what she had been up to...

I got a few more facebook messages through the year. I ignored them all.

Over the two years, I have still had bad dreams, boughts of crying, and wondering thoughts...but thank God I am much better. In all of his communications, he never aplogized for the dirt he did to me. His words sounded as if he was checking with some distant associate.

I guess what I am wondering is, has anybody ever completely cut off the ex? to never speak to them again?

I could not accept letting him into any part of my life knowing how poorly he treated me and seeing he did not have the decency to apologize.

I guess I am curious to know if anybody else handled it like me. When I first began typing this post, I wanted to hear whether you all thought I did the right thing. After writing it down and seeing it plainly, I know I did the right thing.

@ OP:I AM SOOOO GLAD YOU MADE THIS THREAD. i cant express to you enough that i am going through the same exact thing RIGHT NOW. my ex and i got into it a couple of weeks ago and after not talking for that time frame , he called last week to see if i would drop off the rest of his stuff. THEN he decided on friday that he would just be "in the area" (he lives in the next city over)and wanted to know if he could see me, and like a fool we met up. *sigh* and like you said the cycle continued. sunday night /monday morning, i dropped him off somehwere and he said he would be back to my house in a few. he didnt show up until i got back from work around 6pm on monday.i asked a few questions to which the replies were a little shady and he was very anxious for us to go out to dinner etc. i went with my gut (which told me that 9 out of 10 , he was at a females house earlier in the day when i dropped him off) and told him to get the rest of **** and go. and slammed the door in his face and have not heard from him since lol. we were together for more than 4 years and wasnt until early this year when we started doing this on and off again thing.

i want to move on and dudes are getting at me, but we always end up talking again no matter what the situation. it makes me sick cause i know im not doing the right thing and im being weak. everytime i think i am putting my foot down and im "done with him" something happens to where he is available to me (the clothes @ my house, him being close by, etc) i figure now the only thing i can do is change my number...and address lol.


i need tips for cutting off too ladies!! i get confused cause i dont wanna bring the hurt i had with him into a new relationship ( whether its serious one or not) and it takes me a LONG time to warm up to new people. BUT i dont wanna be so bored and alone. i think im gonna get a kitten for the wintertime

 

[gone_fishing]

This is going to sound silly. I mean VERY silly.

After my divorce when I was finally DONE DONE I wondered if I'd take my ex back after all the stuff he did. I toyed with the idea a few times when I went into the dating pool and saw what was out there.

But anyway, I had made myself a video. I made it very detailed and I talked to myself (my future self) about how I was feeling and exactly why the marriage ended and that I had done the BEST thing for me.

Whenever I felt LOST...I watched that video. It halped me get over my ex. We sometimes romanticize a situation into being better than it really was. We forget (so to speak) the way we felt...DEEPLY the pain someone caused us and tend to reminisce on the good things and I think THAT is how we get sucked back in.

Looking at myself in tears on the camera pouring my heart out to myself really brought me back to reality.

I've been known to do a video journal when I have something really profound I want to remember...otherwise I right things down so I can reflect on them later.

It's a little "out there" but it really helped me recall the moment and what I was going through if that makese sense.

I also erplexed don't laugh...wrote myself a letter with a little oath at the bottom saying no way heck no never again. LOL. I laugh at that little paper now but it's my promise to myself that i'll never let him run me over again.

 

[SpyCats]

This is going to sound silly. I mean VERY silly.

After my divorce when I was finally DONE DONE I wondered if I'd take my ex back after all the stuff he did. I toyed with the idea a few times when I went into the dating pool and saw what was out there.

But anyway, I had made myself a video. I made it very detailed and I talked to myself (my future self) about how I was feeling and exactly why the marriage ended and that I had done the BEST thing for me.

Whenever I felt LOST...I watched that video. It halped me get over my ex. We sometimes romanticize a situation into being better than it really was. We forget (so to speak) the way we felt...DEEPLY the pain someone caused us and tend to reminisce on the good things and I think THAT is how we get sucked back in.

Looking at myself in tears on the camera pouring my heart out to myself really brought me back to reality.

I've been known to do a video journal when I have something really profound I want to remember...otherwise I right things down so I can reflect on them later.

It's a little "out there" but it really helped me recall the moment and what I was going through if that makese sense.

I also erplexed don't laugh...wrote myself a letter with a little oath at the bottom saying no way heck no never again. LOL. I laugh at that little paper now but it's my promise to myself that i'll never let him run me over again.

Video journaling! This is such a great idea, I will try this. This is a great way to not only hear the words but you also see the feelings/emotions associated with the pain you were feeling at that moment. Some people will say, why relive the pain but for some this is exactly what is needed to not repeat certain mistakes. I am not big on writing but this I can certainly do.

Sorry to hijack.

 

[Sosa]

Don't make it out to be more than it is. Stop the initiating and when and if he does contact you, just be direct. Tell him you need to move on with your life, spiritually, emotionally, and physically to embrace all the future has in store for you so you need to cut off relationships that really don't serve any purpose in your life and tell him he'd be one of those people. Since you feel you've come to the epiphany of "staying friends after a relationship is pointless" drop that understanding onto his lap, all left to say after that is Peace and have a good one.

thatz great stuff, thanks . sounds alot better than the "Yeah, maybe we shouldn't talk to each other anymore" line I was going for. that would have been followed by a bunch of "why?", "i thought we were friends" etc. etc. I may have just ended back at square one.

 

[Sosa]

This is going to sound silly. I mean VERY silly.

After my divorce when I was finally DONE DONE I wondered if I'd take my ex back after all the stuff he did. I toyed with the idea a few times when I went into the dating pool and saw what was out there.

But anyway, I had made myself a video. I made it very detailed and I talked to myself (my future self) about how I was feeling and exactly why the marriage ended and that I had done the BEST thing for me.

Whenever I felt LOST...I watched that video. It halped me get over my ex. We sometimes romanticize a situation into being better than it really was. We forget (so to speak) the way we felt...DEEPLY the pain someone caused us and tend to reminisce on the good things and I think THAT is how we get sucked back in.

Looking at myself in tears on the camera pouring my heart out to myself really brought me back to reality.

I've been known to do a video journal when I have something really profound I want to remember...otherwise I right things down so I can reflect on them later.

It's a little "out there" but it really helped me recall the moment and what I was going through if that makese sense.

I also erplexed don't laugh...wrote myself a letter with a little oath at the bottom saying no way heck no never again. LOL. I laugh at that little paper now but it's my promise to myself that i'll never let him run me over again.

I did that and recently (2 nites ago ) added more reasons y he's no good. The letter keeps me in check .

 

[sunnydaze]

I am so grateful that God has removed any residual feelings I may have had for my ex-husband. I mean I wish him wel,l am on pretty friendly terms with him and will always probably have to see him b/c of our daughter. But its been going on two years apart and every time I see him...nothin.

 

[Kiadodie]

I am so grateful that God has removed any residual feelings I may have had for my ex-husband. I mean I wish him wel,l am on pretty friendly terms with him and will always probably have to see him b/c of our daughter. But its been going on two years apart and every time I see him...nothin.

At one time, I didn't want to give up my feelings for him.
I finally came to the point when I finally did and asked God help me and remove the feelings I have for him. I don't think of him half as much as I used to and I can't WAIT until I am at your point, when I see him, nothin