any UNTRADITIONAL women here?

[kurlybella]

i've noticed that many of the women here are very traditional. this is just my op based off of my observation.

i see many comments about how to take care of a man by cooking and cleaning like a traditional wife should. or also labeled as wifely duties.

just wanted to know if i'm the only woman on here who does not subscribe to the majority of traditional roles many think women should subscribe to.

i don't mind reading and participating in threads in my own way that mention women's roles as such, but just wondered if there were any other women on here that were not as traditional.

i've never been a fan of socially imposed gender roles.

 

[TowsonGirl]

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[tocktick]

what do you consider "untraditional"? is it just that you're unwilling to do things a "traditional" wife does (most of the cooking, cleaning etc) is there more to it?

personally, i think in this day and age, the role and meaning of a "traditional" wife has changed quite a lot. sure, they may still do some traditional stuff but i think they have other duties. i tend to think gender roles are destructive when mass society believes everyone should fit into a neat box based on gender alone and anyone who deviates is discriminated against.

when gender roles are applied to marriage, i agree with some things. i don't agree with the idea of woman being subordinate at all; in the sense that she isn't her husbands servant or inferior; i can't get with the waiting hand and foot thing. however, i believe if possible that the man should be the breadwinner, although i don't have plans to be a stay at home mum or wife but i subscribe to the idea of a man being able to take care of his wife and children. i like to cook, so i believe i wouldn't mind doing most of this. as far as cleaning goes, i'd like to hope that duties could be split in some way and i'm not the sole person in charge of that. when it comes to child-rearing, i don't think the responsibility should fall entirely on the mother. i only see being a traditional wife as harmful when you have the triple burden of working, child-rearing and wifely "duties" and your husband is doing little to nothing to make the load easier. if he is helping then you have a partnership there and you're not overloaded with responsibilities in the name of being a traditional wife.

i've studied sociology and know for the main part that we're socialised to believe certain things. for a period of time, i rejected this idea of the "traditional" wife in absolutely any form, maybe just to "rebel" against that brainwashing but my mindset has changed over the years. i guess i won't really see how things truly are until i'm actually married and in the wife and mother role.

 

[kurlybella]

what do you consider "untraditional"? is it just that you're unwilling to do things a "traditional" wife does (most of the cooking, cleaning etc) is there more to it?

personally, i think in this day and age, the role and meaning of a "traditional" wife has changed quite a lot. sure, they may still do some traditional stuff but i think they have other duties. i tend to think gender roles are destructive when mass society believes everyone should fit into a neat box based on gender alone and anyone who deviates is discriminated against.

when gender roles are applied to marriage, i agree with some things. i don't agree with the idea of woman being subordinate at all; in the sense that she isn't her husbands servant or inferior; i can't get with the waiting hand and foot thing. however, i believe if possible that the man should be the breadwinner, although i don't have plans to be a stay at home mum or wife but i subscribe to the idea of a man being able to take care of his wife and children. i like to cook, so i believe i wouldn't mind doing most of this. as far as cleaning goes, i'd like to hope that duties could be split in some way and i'm not the sole person in charge of that. when it comes to child-rearing, i don't think the responsibility should fall entirely on the mother. i only see being a traditional wife as harmful when you have the triple burden of working, child-rearing and wifely "duties" and your husband is doing little to nothing to make the load easier. if he is helping then you have a partnership there and you're not overloaded with responsibilities in the name of being a traditional wife.

i've studied sociology and know for the main part that we're socialised to believe certain things. for a period of time, i rejected this idea of the "traditional" wife in absolutely any form, maybe just to "rebel" against that brainwashing but my mindset has changed over the years. i guess i won't really see how things truly are until i'm actually married and in the wife and mother role.

i'm not unwilling to cook or clean. i never said that. i just don't like traditional gender roles and do not support them.

you have to define your relationship for yourself but some women WANT to be a traditional wife and have kids, submit to her husband's role as head of home and maker of decisions. so i was only asking.

believing that the man should be the main bread winner is very traditional and rooted deeply in traditionalism.

for me untraditional means -- a woman who is comfortable and willing to work while her husband stays home as a house dad or just chill at home as a woman would if she had no kids.

does not believe that you must have kids

would be willing to be the main bread winner

there are many reasons. though i was just curious. in relationships, i look to define my happiness not by what i'm supposed to do as a woman, but by why i am willing to do as me.

though everyone does their own thing.

women are generally raised wheter consciously or subconsciously to be submissive, timid and nurturing.

though i must clarify, this is not about what's right or wrong which i never said. everyone has to define their own happiness.

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

I think I'm an untraditional woman. Both my husband and I are untraditional spouses. We take turns keeping our kids out of daycare.

I love to cook so I take my time and enjoy myself in the kitchen. He will tell me NOT to cook so that it can be prepared quicker by HIM. But my meals are infinitely tastier.

He does the vacuuming because of my allergies. He gets down on his hands and knees and goes over the kitchen floor with a wet towel and cleanser after the boys have eaten.

He consistently took my daughter to school and let me sleep in.

We've moved for MY dream job so he has nothing right now and I'm perfectly content for him to be home with the boys but since I won't have a 9-5 and will only work 9 months with summers off, that's probably why.

 

[tocktick]

i'm not unwilling to cook or clean. i never said that. i just don't like traditional gender roles and do not support them.

you have to define your relationship for yourself but some women WANT to be a traditional wife and have kids, submit to her husband's role as head of home and maker of decisions. so i was only asking.

believing that the man should be the main bread winner is very traditional and rooted deeply in traditionalism.

for me untraditional means -- a woman who is comfortable and willing to work while her husband stays home as a house dad or just chill at home as a woman would if she had no kids.

does not believe that you must have kids

would be willing to be the main bread winner

there are many reasons. though i was just curious. in relationships, i look to define my happiness not by what i'm supposed to do as a woman, but by why i am willing to do as me.

though everyone does their own thing.

women are generally raised wheter consciously or subconsciously to be submissive, timid and nurturing.

though i must clarify, this is not about what's right or wrong which i never said. everyone has to define their own happiness.

i agree to an extent with bold. but i think there are a generation of women growing up in matriarchal households due to having a single mother raise them. they watch their mother do everything; spend time with them, go to work (sometimes several jobs or for long hours), clean and take care of the home, cook, possibly have a social life etc. mother seems like superwoman and their girls believe that they can be like that too. so they deviate from being "timid" and "submissive". i think many more women in western society, raised in a single parent household or not, do not accept the idea of being timid any more.

i think it's totally fine to define what roles you'll play in your own relationship. it doesn't mean though that some who subscribe to traditional gender roles are never truly happy due to this "brainwashing"; you can be aware of what is responsible for you believing in traditional gender roles and still be content. i think it would be close-minded to believe that the only way to define who you are in a relationship is by being untraditional. however, like i mentioned i do not believe many women in western society are "traditional" wives like they were decades ago, i think the original ways and mindset of a traditional wife are dying out. some women do pick and choose what aspect of a "traditional" wife they'd like to fulfil but due to other factors (such as them working), they are no longer traditional. i don't think a woman not having children would be against traditional gender roles though. i know a few who still believe in courting, putting DH first etc. their not wanting children doesn't make all of that invalid.

i said the man being a breadwinner was ideal although not essential. however, i also said even if he was i wouldn't stop working to play that traditional stay at home wife/mother role who has dinner on the table when he comes back home. that's just not me and i wouldn't do it. i would want my partner to be as close to our children emotionally as me and not just be there financially, this is sometimes the case in "traditional" marriages. but as for him being a stay at home dad? i don't view that as ok full-time.

my views are based on how i was raised, i've had the opportunity to observe my mother and father's marriage, then my mother and former step-father's marriage and now i see her as a single parent. in some ways, the final marriage was untraditional (my mother was the breadwinner for a while, he was not just there for the child financially etc) and it just didn't work out.

i think even if you want an untraditional marriage and you may feel you've "rid" yourself of all social conditioning as it pertains to gender roles, finding a partner who is the same way can be difficult. i think men's gender roles are in some ways even more strict and unforgiving.

 

[BKVincy]

I believe that me and hubby are untraditional...
we both do every thing 50/50 if one is tired the other will pick up the
slack we both work and contribute equally. He takes care of our daughter just as much as I do ( he can even put clips in her hair if needed)
hes is just as nuturing as I am. He doesnt use him being a hard working man as an excuse to not spend time with his children or wash the dishes. He also takes it upon his self to do the chores that he is better at (typical man jobs-plumbing, fixing) and I take it upon myself to do the things im better at-( cooking, cleaning, folding clothes)

We have a good balance and I feel we respect and appreciate each other more. He understands how hard it is to run a home and take care of a child at the same time while working.

 

[Lebiya]

Well I believe in working together. Cooking, cleaning “house duties” etc. will not be a specific task for anyone. We will all work together, this includes kids as well. Also, Nothing is 50/50 in life, schedules change, people get sick, things happen, that’s why we work to get together. When I come home from work, dinner should be started/done and other duties should be taken care of by anyone who is able to do so.. Husband, kids etc.

I do not consider myself traditional. Gender roles (cooking, cleaning etc) IMO, is somewhat part of the reason why some men do not know how to care for themselves, some don’t even know how to boil water because they were not taught from home. Times have changes, that traditional gal may not be so easy to find anymore. What will daddy do?

 

[MD_Lady]

I don't consider myself to be traditional. When I cook and clean, I call myself doing what needs to be done, not fulfilling wifely duties. In my household, my husband and I focus more on taking care of business than the label that goes along with it. You do what you have to do, whether it's the 'manly' or 'womanly' thing to do isn't really part of the equation. No offense to people in traditional marriages and households, but our arrangement is what works best for us.

 

[Everything Zen]

Definitely untradtional. In fact one of my favorite things when I was working was to buy bacon, eggs, and bread so he could cook me breakfast on Sundays.

He insists on waiting on me more than I get to cook for us. I wash more dishes and he asked me if he could wash my clothes- still uncomfortable with the underwear. erplexed All in all I pick up/clean more around his place but I don't see why not since I have a key to come and go as I please.

However I do admit that since he is an alpha male and is quite a bit older it kinda automatically shifts my relationship personality into a more traditional one because I don't feel the need to be in control. I was always the leader in my past relationships with immature boys who didn't know their position in life yet.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I don't know if this counts, but I absolutely hate cooking, cleaning, and all of that Suzy Homemaker crap.

I can and will cook, but I would hate that there is some expectation that I'm "supposed" to have dinner warm and waiting on the table once homeboy walks through the door. I can cook some things, but I don't throw down in the kitchen.

I have a special gift for knowing the best places to order out from and the best thing on the menu. IF I have the means to do so, I will have a housekeeper. I'm much rather cook than clean.

I just have no interest in any of those types of things. And frankly, there are better ways to spend my precious time.