Am I A Whore For This? What Should I Do?

[girlonfire]

So I'm in a monogamous relationship with a guy and have been for 2 months now, lets call him B. When B and I were just talking I was talking to several guys, about 4 or 5. The one I liked the least if even at all, lets call him M. M is like a puppy. He's liked me for years but I wasn't really feeling it. One rainy night he invited me to hang out. I don't even remember how that came to be but basically I was in his car and we were talking. He was talking to me about my relationship status and I said point blank "I'm not trying to get into a relationship with anyone, just trying to chill" and I may have insinuated that I wanted to chill with M, not intentionally, but I did. So he starts divulging his lust for me how I'm so funny I'm so smart, etc. A whole bunch of other irrelevant things. The point is, I felt trapped and I said some things I didn't mean to make him feel good about himself. We end up going back to his house (I could just rant about the condition of his bathroom and bedroom but let's stay on topic) and I basically let him do whatever to my body except penetrate it. Not because I wanted too but I felt bad that I didn't return the same feelings. Crazy I know.

So fastforward maybe 3-4 months, he hit me up tonight (he's hit me up several times in that timespan but that's not the topic) just making conversation. Then he asked if I wanted to hang out (in his language that's a date with the possibility of a repeat of last time) and I threw every excuse in the book at him but made the mistake of saying thanks for asking after it all, too nice. That made him say, no problem, I won't hesitate to ask from now on...great.

Am I a whore for this?
My SO knows about the whole thing and disapproves but IDK what to do.
How can I iron out this situation. My preferred out come would be to put him in the friend-zone.

Edit: at one point I did tell him because of school I probable wont be available 95% of the time and shouldn't hold out for me but I don't think that took.

 

[PeaceLover]

OP, just cut ties with this man. If you hold on it may affect your relationship. He also needs to let you go so he can move on to someone who likes him. Why do you want to be friends with him? Because you feel sorry for him? You're not doing him any favors by stringing him along.

Also, it's your body. You are allowed to do what YOU want with it. You don't have to label yourself. You don't need our opinion(or anyone else's) about what goes on in your private sex life. Just be safe. I'm not judging. I'm thinking real hard about starting my "h*e stage" lol! I repeat...be safe. Just know what you are doing.

 

[Foxglove]

Ghost him. Block him on all social media and lose his number. Especially since you have an SO who is watching you string some other guy along

 

[Lucie]

I am not sure how your SO knows and you keep in contact with him. Seems disrespectful to your relationship. A whore? No. I think you like the feeling of being desired. Be careful hon.

 

[SuchaLady]

Y'all gotta use the block feature on your phones more often.

 

[LovelyRo]

Tell him you are in a relationship and that you aren't interested... and then block him.

Trust me... you can make these ninjas go away.

 

[JudithO]

Just cut ties with him.. you are not a whore... you are grown woman and can do whatever with whomever if you are not in a committed relationship...

 

[Browndilocks]

Are you really into your SO? I mean really into him because it's hard to believe a person would allow some other dude to occupy their time and head space like this if you were. The fact that you don't know what to do when you actually have a man? The fact that you brought it to his attention and somehow the issue has still not been shut all the way down. IDK. Something just isn't right about that.

 

[FelaShrine]

Uh did you charge him for this? where are you getting whore from?

and obviously this bothers you, tell him you have a SO now and move on? Unless you're not serious with your current SO?

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Your are entitled to have fun and have men make you feel good. Shiiii... A man doing what he can to please you and not wanting anything in return? Thats what I'm talking about! You do need to create boundaries with homeboy because your low key disrespecting your SO if you remain in contact with M.

 

[DarkJoy]

You aint a hoe. and hell, many of us have given a mercy **** a time or two . but you really got to cut dude loose. this is a losing situation for all 3 of you. you're really young IIIRC (19? 20?) so will learn better how to navigate these creatures (men) with more time and experience .

Don't sweat it. have fun. be safe. try not to string anyone along.

 

[Naveah2050]

You're a people pleaser who will end up only hurting yourself while trying to please all these other people. I think this dude took advantage of you, you need to really evaluate why you find it so hard to say no to this guy

 

[summertimewine]

LOL @ this whole situation
Wait your SO knows of the WHOLE situation (like how the dude touched you, and how you went to his house?)

You're not a whore, but you are disrespectful to your SO, and to this dude for messing with his emotions.
You put yourself in the most peculiar situations that just wouldn't happen if you just thought about it for one minute instead of acting on your emotions IMO.
But I want you to win like Ciara so keep making mistakes and learn from them

 

[ChasingBliss]

You're a people pleaser who will end up only hurting yourself while trying to please all these other people. I think this dude took advantage of you, you need to really evaluate why you find it so hard to say no to this guy

I agree with this. None of this will work if you dont buck up and move on. Also it helps to KNOW what you REALLY want and stick to it.

 

[OnMyThrone]

Op your not a whore

Your young and learning....

My only advice is to stand by a standard for yourself in regard to relationships... make sure your adhering to a few morals you have at any given time
Don't compromise your core

Short term satisfaction is not worth the drama

And make sure your dignity and self respect is always somewhere in the mix

You'll be fine...

 

[BonBon]

Just let him know you don't feel comfortable being friends anymore as you're in a monogamous relationship. Also you don't feel the same way.

He needs to find someone that likes him back anyway. He'll thank you in the long run.

 

[girlonfire]

Are you really into your SO? I mean really into him because it's hard to believe a person would allow some other dude to occupy their time and head space like this if you were. The fact that you don't know what to do when you actually have a man? The fact that you brought it to his attention and somehow the issue has still not been shut all the way down. IDK. Something just isn't right about that.

It's not that I don't know what to do. I know I could block him, I know I could tell him str8 up what the deal is with me and SO. I'm just really bad at doing things that I know will hurt peoples feelings.

So has made it clear that he's not having it. He offered last night to show up with me if I obliged M and be like this mygirl but I rejected that notion because AGAIN I'm bad at hurting peoples feelings. I don't have to worry about SO's feelings to the degree of being negatively self conscious, he's a brick wall I swear, it's kind of annoying sometimes.

I'll probably end up pulling the virtual trigger, block him. I really never see him out and about even though we live in the same area.

 

[girlonfire]

Uh did you charge him for this? where are you getting whore from?

and obviously this bothers you, tell him you have a SO now and move on? Unless you're not serious with your current SO?

Kinda wish I did...it was not hot.

We are serious. The reason I don't pull the trigger is because I have sweaty palms, so to speak. Like I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I'll probably end up blocking him. SO says I have a tendency in situations where I don't know what to do and feel trapped to just go along with what's currently happening even if I don't like it.

 

[girlonfire]

You aint a hoe. and hell, many of us have given a mercy **** a time or two . but you really got to cut dude loose. this is a losing situation for all 3 of you. you're really young IIIRC (19? 20?) so will learn better how to navigate these creatures (men) with more time and experience .

Don't sweat it. have fun. be safe. try not to string anyone along.

Yep, 20. LMAO I hope i never give a mercy **** out of the goodness of my heart again.

 

[londontresses]

Not a whore but lock this guy off. You don't even like him.

 

[Weezy Jefferson]

What would you be a "whore" for? For being overly accommodating to M's feelings? Or for letting M do sexual things to you back when you were single? In either case, of course you aren't.

M is taking advantage of you. He knows you don't like him and he knows you're a people pleaser, but he doesn't stop his pursuit because he's counting on you to eventually buckle and give in, as you did four months ago. I'm sorry you had that sexual experience you didn't want because you didn't want to hurt his feelings, but you need to work on that so it doesn't happen again. Your body is not a pacifier for men's feelings. Cut out contact completely- ghost him and don't feel bad about it, he's not someone whose feelings you need to worry about because he certainly doesn't give a damn about your feelings.

 

[qchelle]

Wow I wish I had these problems, op

You know what you have to do lol good luck on finding the strength to do it

 

[LiftedUp]

Just tell him you're seeing someone. He doesn't know that you have a SO, so showing up with your bf to a date with someone else will be beyond rude. Just pull the trigger, "I met someone and we are serious".

 

[NICOLETHENUMBERONE]

You're a people pleaser who will end up only hurting yourself while trying to please all these other people. I think this dude took advantage of you, you need to really evaluate why you find it so hard to say no to this guy

ITA. Who cares about what some guy thinks? If she likes him, that's one thing but in no way should a woman feel obligated to do anything for a man. Love does not make a person feel obligated, love inspires a person to want to do certain actions. @girlonfire

 

[Honey Bee]

So has made it clear that he's not having it. He offered last night to show up with me if I obliged M and be like this mygirl but I rejected that notion because AGAIN I'm bad at hurting peoples feelings. I don't have to worry about SO's feelings to the degree of being negatively self conscious, he's a brick wall I swear, it's kind of annoying sometimes.

Why are you so comfortable disrespecting your man and disregarding his wishes but so protective of this other dude?

If your man was my friend/ family member, I would tell him you like drama too much. And, to be fair, "drama" is one thing. But this here is drama related to leading on another man (who could potentially go crazy and kill everybody). I would have to vote nay. No offense to you, Ijs.

 

[MD_Lady]

A whore? Not at all. But do you REALLY not know what to do or are you just not ready to do what you know is best?

 

[Foxglove]

Why are you so comfortable disrespecting your man and disregarding his wishes but so protective of this other dude?

This times a million. I keep reading on to see if I'm missing something but the more I read the worse it gets

 

[hopeful]

It's not that I don't know what to do. I know I could block him, I know I could tell him str8 up what the deal is with me and SO. I'm just really bad at doing things that I know will hurt peoples feelings.

So has made it clear that he's not having it. He offered last night to show up with me if I obliged M and be like this mygirl but I rejected that notion because AGAIN I'm bad at hurting peoples feelings. I don't have to worry about SO's feelings to the degree of being negatively self conscious, he's a brick wall I swear, it's kind of annoying sometimes.

I'll probably end up pulling the virtual trigger, block him. I really never see him out and about even though we live in the same area.

What you are not understanding is that this guy's feelings will not be hurt. He's looking to get an easy lay. You say no firmly and KIM, he will find a new body to play with. If he persists, block him and again KIM. The issue is not how you feel about your bf or this guy. It's how you feel about and value yourself and your feelings. You could have effed this guy and no one here would consider you a whore. But you wondered if anyone would consider you a whore for participating in normal sexual activity, for giving in to a needy and persistent guy. Dust your shoulders off and let that puritanical guilt go.

What I'm saying is that this is about you, how you feel about you and your body, how you feel about sex and sexual activity. Your body is your body. Be safe and do only what YOU want to do. That's it. And give your bf the same respect you'd want from him.

Woman up and tell that guy you are not interested period. What's done is done but you are not interested. The end. Good bye. You don't owe him an explanation. You having a bf or not is none of his business. Again, your body is your body. It doesn't belong to anybody but you. It doesn't belong to your bf, the pest, the church, the president of the United States, or anyone else. Take good care of it, have fun, and be safe.

 

[girlonfire]

Why are you so comfortable disrespecting your man and disregarding his wishes but so protective of this other dude?

If your man was my friend/ family member, I would tell him you like drama too much. And, to be fair, "drama" is one thing. But this here is drama related to leading on another man (who could potentially go crazy and kill everybody). I would have to vote nay. No offense to you, Ijs.

I don't undetstand. I'm not entertaining him, we don't go out, I haven't seen him since that 1 time. What's disrespectful? SO didn't ask me to cut off all contact. I'm really just trying to figure out a way that I could be classy about rejecting him and not crush him because I don't like hurting people's feelings but I resolved to blocking his number.

Edit: I did not read all the bolded. I am not trying to disrespect him, it's just that we have these conversations all the time and he's pretty chill. There has been one time where I really did disrespect him before we were official and it scared the crap out of me. Not like abuse but he was really stern and I wasn't used to that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not trying to disrespect him I'm just trying too hard to make everyone happy.

 

[girlonfire]

OP, just cut ties with this man. If you hold on it may affect your relationship. He also needs to let you go so he can move on to someone who likes him. Why do you want to be friends with him? Because you feel sorry for him? You're not doing him any favors by stringing him along.

Also, it's your body. You are allowed to do what YOU want with it. You don't have to label yourself. You don't need our opinion(or anyone else's) about what goes on in your private sex life. Just be safe. I'm not judging. I'm thinking real hard about starting my "h*e stage" lol! I repeat...be safe. Just know what you are doing.

This is such a groupie answer but he's wannabe rapper, we live in north metro Atlanta, if he takes off I want to be connected. I know I know, I'm something else.