Almost Raped...

[vpoetic]

I am so sorry to hear that I hope that you feel better soon. Learn from your mistake and remember that you are still worth the same now as you were before this. I wish that I could give you better advise.

 

[Honey Bee]

I just found this, randomly. Interesting post at Racialicious "Original Essay: The Not Rape Epidemic" http://www.racialicious.com/2008/12/21/original-essay-the-not-rape-epidemic/

 

[DragonPearl]

So I can be clear, this was not a simple matter of this guy being pushy. While don't really want to get into details, he was very rough and managed to get my clothes off (which I tried to keep on) and pick me up and carried me into the bathroom, where he locked the door and put me on the sink. Before that I held onto walls to keep from being pulled in and he just grabbed my wrists. I was just hoping he wouldn't get violent because there's nothing I can really do to him. I'd already tried to choke him and push him off of me but that didn't bother him in the slightest.

I think there may have been some mixed signals during the night, but he did know I didn't want to sleep with him.

Just curious, after he had you naked in a locked room, and there was nothing you could do to him, what caused him to not actually rape you?

ETA: Nevermind, I just read your latest post, and you don't know why he stopped...

At first, I didn't think you need to speak with someone but I see that there is more to your story than meets the eyes. Your story is not a cut and dry black vs white case. Demonizing the guy might make you feel better but it will only be a temporary feeling and it will not be empowering to you as a woman. You have a lot to sort out in terms of boundaries, sexuality, helplessness and responsibility. Good luck with your healing process.

 

[LiberianGirl]

I'm sorry this happened to you and am glad that you are seeking professional advice and counseling. No means NO.

 

[brg240]

OP i'm really sorry this happened to you, I pray that you get the help you need and talk to someone. I also hope you reconsider reporting this to the police, because he probably has and will do this again. :/ Even if people say that he was drunk and this is miscommunication or whatever, he needs to be made aware that no he can't drink like that because he puts others' safety at risk.

So I can be clear, this was not a simple matter of this guy being pushy. While don't really want to get into details, he was very rough and managed to get my clothes off (which I tried to keep on) and pick me up and carried me into the bathroom, where he locked the door and put me on the sink. Before that I held onto walls to keep from being pulled in and he just grabbed my wrists. I was just hoping he wouldn't get violent because there's nothing I can really do to him. I'd already tried to choke him and push him off of me but that didn't bother him in the slightest.
This isn't some slight communication.

Attempted rape is a crime, sexual assualt is a crime, unlawful imprisoment is a crime.

I'm really baffled and disgusted that so many people think you should not contact the police. :/ Seems like victim blaming to me. Actually, this mindset is very scary to me and something I thought we were trying to get rid of.

 

[Blyss_curls]

OP i'm really sorry this happened to you, I pray that you get the help you need and talk to someone. I also hope you reconsider reporting this to the police, because he probably has and will do this again. :/ Even if people say that he was drunk and this is miscommunication or whatever, he needs to be made aware that no he can't drink like that because he puts others' safety at risk.



Attempted rape is a crime, sexual assualt is a crime, unlawful imprisoment is a crime.

I'm really baffled and disgusted that so many people think you should not contact the police. :/ Seems like victim blaming to me. Actually, this mindset is very scary to me and something I thought we were trying to get rid of.

Probably because a lot of what's been said in this thread IS victim blaming.

I'm also disgusted. Some of the comments don't seem supportive, or even kind.

I'm angry that some would offer such comments, to someone that shared they just experienced trauma. Some of these comments make it easy to see why so many victims are shamed into silence and never admit, share or report what happened to them.

 

[rosalindb]

Probably because much of what has been said in this thread IS victim blaming.

I'm also disgusted. Some of the comments aren't particularly supportive, or even kind.

I'm angry that some would offer such comments, to someone that shared they just experienced trauma. Some of these comments make it easy to see why so many victims are shamed into silence and never admit, share or report what happened to them.

I think of alot of the earlier comments were made in response to the OPs initial post which did not go into as much detail and I think people thought that she was initially a willing partner and the guy got mixed signals although I believe that no means no regardless of what level of intimacy has taken place.

The OP's last post describing the assault makes it clear that this was a serious sexual assualt and she was not a willing participant at all. This man needs to be locked up as I would hate for another girl to suffer at his hands

 

[Blyss_curls]

I think of alot of the earlier comments were made in response to the OPs initial post which did not go into as much detail and I think people thought that she was initially a willing partner and the guy got mixed signals although I believe that no means no regardless of what level of intimacy has taken place.

The OP's last post describing the assault makes it clear that this was a serious sexual assualt and she was not a willing participant at all. This man needs to be locked up as I would hate for another girl to suffer at his hands

I understand that. But I don't like it, or agree with it. This is NOT the way to treat someone who has experienced such a thing.

It's horrible that a woman, came here (to other women) for support and was treated this way. Some are lecturing her, some offering advice I wouldn't offer anyone I cared about in a similar situation.

On edit--some of the early comments were kind and empathetic, despite posters not knowing the entire situation. Others were not (kind or empathetic).

Disturbing is an understatement.

 

[JollyGal]

I'm so sorry about what happened to you. I'm in tears here. It's just not fair. Too many women experience this and the lack of support is shocking.

Please talk to someone and if possible get the authorities involved.

There are organisations out there for women who have been in the same situation as you. You are entitled to anonymity.

Don't feel bad about yourself and don't feel like it's your fault. It is NOT your fault in no way shape or form.

You're entitled to do go wherever you want and do what you like without fear of being taken advantage of. It's all too common and the victim gets the blame for "putting her/himself in the claws of the dragon (my name for people who are like the man you fought off)" but honestly and sadly it can happen any where.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. Thank you for finding the strength to fight him off. Just because you were not raped doesn't make what happened to you less than an actual rape. Rape (including attempted) is second to murder. THAT is how serious this crime is.

I really hope you get the help you need. It's possible to seek counselling without the authorities knowing but again I will stress that the police have a job to do and sexual crimes are unforgivable.

I will also say keep positive people around you. If you can only talk to one friend then ask her to look out for you when you go out.

I'm surprised at some of the comments. Anti-sisterhood is at large and spreading like a virus.

OP feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to online.