Were you physically compatible with him from day one? (kind of long)

[swirl]

Swirl... If you dont mind my asking, the heat hasnt come but you stayed on? Are you happy?

Yes and no...it's complicated. I was never repulsed by him sexually, we just were never on the same level. Being in love makes you feel that you can work thru anything. NOT! We've acknowledged that we are lacking in that area and we now have a somewhat open relationship. I don't recommend this band-aid solution for everyone, but it works for us right now.

 

[weaveologist]

This is an excellent point. I have always been very attracted to my dh from the first time I saw him. So even when I want to wring his neck a part of me still wants to him. I have to be really really mad for that feeling to go away. I had a friend who married a "nice" guy who she was not attracted to and I noticed that when things went bad they went bad really quickly.
.

See? Unfortunately sometimes the only thing that keeps us willing to deal and work it out with someone is our physical attraction to him. (Whether this is good or bad, I don't know). As time passes, we love our SO's, but the butterflies and googooness is out the window. He starts to get on your nerves and you know that he has one foot out the door and one foot in. And many times the only reason why he still got a foot in is because either the sex is great, or he is soooo cute, or you love the penis more than you love him at the moment. But with that no so cute guy or that guy who doesn't turn you on sexually??? You are quick to dismiss him! Like "fool, I am barely with you as it is!!".

 

[CurlyMoo]

You are not married to this man and not obligated to give anything a try that doesn't suit you. Leave now before you end up having sex with this man and hating yourself or getting pregnant. Out of all the men in this world, differnent culturals and races why pick the one you are not attracted to and only think of as a friend. Be truthful and FIRM with him and keep your options open. You deserve a wonderful man that you run home to. Good Luck to you.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Yes and no...it's complicated. I was never repulsed by him sexually, we just were never on the same level. Being in love makes you feel that you can work thru anything. NOT! We've acknowledged that we are lacking in that area and we now have a somewhat open relationship. I don't recommend this band-aid solution for everyone, but it works for us right now.

Swirl do you ever think to fing a guy that you are attracted?

 

[swirl]

Swirl... If you dont mind my asking, the heat hasnt come but you stayed on? Are you happy?

Swirl do you ever think to fing a guy that you are attracted?

All the time!!! LOL

 

[Naturelle]

I call this the "David Alan Grier" effect. Remember his character in "Boomerang"? He liked Halle Berry's character and he was the "good" guy but just not cute or really ugly. He was mediocre, average, not worth noticing and Halle's character went out with him but couldn't deny she felt nothing for him. However, his character ended up alone and her character ended up with the cute lead, Eddie Murphy's character and everyone was happy, except for David. lol


So I'm really happy that your guy worked out, but don't you think that attraction is key? Otherwise aren't you a bit more likely to cheat on your spouse if you never found him attractive to begin with?

See with my guy tho, I was attracted to him physically from the get go. What made it even more so was his character, sex appeal, charm personality etc (you know lol)

I completely agree. Usually I find with women I talk to, the guy they're with may not be their "ideal", heck not even what they're used to...but what keeps them attracted is the guy's personality, charm wit, intelligence "sagger", sex appeal etc. There is an attraction even if it aint a physical one and that's what matters.

I guess I wasn't clear or maybe I didn't follow properly....

@ Jnicole - Is there nothing that attracts you about him? Again it doesn't have to be physical, but there should be something that gives you a tingle, makes you want to get it on with him....I agree....if there is nothing about him that sparks within you, you might be doing yourself a disservice by staying just because he's nice...you know what you want honey, if he can't, aint or won't give it to you it doesn't hurt to wait or look for someone that can and will

 

[1QTPie]

Ladies,

When you met your SO did you have a physical attraction to him from the very start? Did he do everything right in the bedroom? I'm dating a guy whom I enjoy talking to and spending time with but I'm not physically attracted to him. I can see us being friends but I don't know if I want it to go further. He's not really ugly, just not who I would've chosen for myself. I don't know if I see myself being intimate with him. He's talking marriage and having a life together. He's also not very smooth in his approach to intimacy. One night we were "making out" (for lack of a better term) and he was so rough, biting, and grabbing and licking . It was so gross and I was so turned off. I literally felt like I had been in a fight the next day. I thought to myself I could never sleep with this man. I suggested we stop and just watch a movie. Should I try to teach him? He's kind of been growing on me emotionally. He's very attentative and continuously tells me he wants things to work out and he wants to make my happy. I'm waiting to feel that spark. What do you ladies think?

You know, I've dated some of the most gorgeous men in the world. Some were decent guys, a few were really good guys and others were complete jerks. Putting looks aside, is there chemistry?

Chemistry has NOTHING to do with the way someone looks. My girlfriend met her husband of 11 years AFTER he had been badly burned on his face (unrecognizable) and upper torso.

If there is no natural chemistry, put him in the friendzone. In time he may grow on you, or he may not. But don't force it.

Physical attraction is important in the sense that he must be beautiful to YOU! Forget what everyone else thinks.

 

[Xerxes]

PPSSSH I aint see cute in Eddie. I must have missed that. Eddie's character just had swagga for days.

LOL

I used to have the biggest crush on Eddie! I still think he used to be hot, nowadays, he's...<shrug>

 

[Xerxes]

See with my guy tho, I was attracted to him physically from the get go. What made it even more so was his character, sex appeal, charm personality etc (you know lol)

I completely agree. Usually I find with women I talk to, the guy they're with may not be their "ideal", heck not even what they're used to...but what keeps them attracted is the guy's personality, charm wit, intelligence "sagger", sex appeal etc. There is an attraction even if it aint a physical one and that's what matters.

I guess I wasn't clear or maybe I didn't follow properly....

@ Jnicole - Is there nothing that attracts you about him? Again it doesn't have to be physical, but there should be something that gives you a tingle, makes you want to get it on with him....I agree....if there is nothing about him that sparks within you, you might be doing yourself a disservice by staying just because he's nice...you know what you want honey, if he can't, aint or won't give it to you it doesn't hurt to wait or look for someone that can and will

Oh, it's quite ok. I understand you much better now. Because I knew you had to be attracted to some degree at first if you decided to stick with him past one date.