Almost Raped...

[TokyoReina]

I'm not sure how to make myself feel better. I went out with some friends yesterday and had way too much to drink and smoke. It's not something that happens often. Long story short, I ended up at a hotel with my friend (and I guy she met) along and a guy I hardly knew. It wasn't my first time meeting him, but I don't know him well. I had to fight this guy off of me for at least an hour or two before he got mad and left.

I don't know what to do. I know I put myself in a bad situation, and unfortunately did some things sexually that I never planned on doing with someone I didn't know. I'm glad he finally left me alone because I am waiting for someone special. I still feel very bad and worth a lot less. I don't feel clean anymore and it very hard for me to deal with. I keep trying to tell myself I wasn't almost raped, but the truth is I was. I was very,very, very close. Now I'm very,very, very upset.

 

[FluffyRed]

You probably cannot make yourself feel better.

Please talk to someone. Don't waste ten years trying to heal yourself, like I did.

 

[BrickbyBrick]

You're kicking yourself enough. I won't help you do that. But I will tell you to think of the good thing that happened in this situation. You DIDN'T get raped. You fought and won. You learned a valuable lesson. Strangers and Alcohol DO NOT mix.

You've given yourself a pity party. Now give yourself a victory party. You have the rest of your life to live. How lucky are you? Not many women in this situation were able to say the same.

 

[Dragone]

Being intoxicated does not mean you deserved what happened to you. Who knows how many other women he has done to exact same thing to, counting on their shame for something so trivial like being under the influence to prevent them from reporting him to the proper authorities? You were with people you thought you would be safe with and he violated that trust, go to the police. Would you blame a drunk person if an able-bodied thief robbed and beat them, leaving them for dead? So why blame yourself?

 

[BellaLunie]

this hits too close to home. I think you need to talk to someone and definately get the police involved. For some reason I don't think it was this guys first time and probably wont be the last and it has to be stopped. I hope it all works out for you

 

[Nonie]

OP, as others have told you, you didn't get RAPED. You are not dirty. You are a human being that made a careless mistake, but you are lucky you got out of it w/o getting hurt. You need to forgive yourself for putting yourself in a risky situation. So many others do. And many don't get as lucky as you.

I don't know if you believe in God; I do. And the God I believe in is a forgiving God. When I confess and repent a sin, He throws it into the deepest sea and puts up a sign "No Fishing Allowed". No it's not in the Bible, but I believe it in my deepest core, because I know His love keeps no record of wrongs. And knowing this makes it easy for me to forgive myself and move on.

Perhaps focusing on the many silver linings in this will help. You didn't get raped. You hopefully didn't catch something incurable. The dude can't talk about you to anyone as being an easy floozie who gave up the cookie willingly. You were not in your right mind or were just being daring and didn't think it would get that far. You have learned a valuable lesson and will never take such a risk again.

There are so many who'd give anything to be you...so give thanks for your lucky escape, and the opportunity you got to warn others of how easy it is to put oneself in danger. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You're OK now. You're safe now. Live now and be happy!

 

[BellaLunie]

Please Please get help in some form or the other. Anything can trigger a memory of that night, a cologne, the street, hotel, a type of car, someone who resembles him, the name, and so on. Don't torture yourself! It is not your fault. It's a miracle that he didn't do anything after you fought him off for so long. Count your blessings and know you're not alone

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Know your limit so you won't put yourself in these types of situations again.

 

[Theo]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think you definitely should go talk to someone you trust about what happened. You shouldn't try to deal with something like this alone.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Babe I have been there and it doesn't seem look good right now but this will be a great learning expereince.If you believe or not in God he is talking to you and this a wake up call.God at times will orkestrate things to show you how is hand is keeping us.I have been raped not by use of alchohol and that doesnt make the situation any less damaging..Talk to someone but more importantly pray..dont go to the phone go to the throne and allow God to guide you to the right people..I know that we always want to talk to someone about our problems but not everyone has a gentle spirit in these times and not everyone wants you to be better some will try to use this against you..I will be praying for you and if you can pm anytime..

 

[Qualitee]

Im glad you got out of there.

 

[DragonPearl]

When people drink and drink too much ANYTHING can happen. Alcohol is legal, but it is really no different than illegal drugs in the effect it has on the mind. Your judgment is clouded. You do stuff you wouldn't normally do if you were sober. And that goes for the guys who were drinking with you too.

Be grateful that you didn't get raped. Learn your lesson.

 

[shinyblackhair]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Please talk it over with someone you absolutely trust. I know you are probably re-playing the whole thing over and over in your mind, but try to get some rest, take care of yourself, and if you really feel distressed call an emergency line or like I said, someone you trust.

I pray you find healing from this close call...it's unfortunate that the night turned out this way. Just remember, even though yes, you may have put yourself in this situation, you reserve the right to stop any sexual activity at any point. Just because you go to 1st or 2nd doesn't mean you are going all the way...no means no.

 

[TokyoReina]

As far as drinking, I am learning my limits. I'm aware that I wasn't raped, and for that I am glad. But because I've done more than I would ever do, I feel very bad and like I've ruined something for myself. I'm going to see if I can talk with someone at my college tomorrow.

 

[Lucie]

(((( HUGS ))))

Don't beat yourself up. However, please be mindful of what you are consuming and who you are around in the future. Even if you weren't drinking or smoking the same thing could have happened. I am very happy you are safe but please find someone IRL to discuss this with who can help you.

 

[msa]

As far as drinking, I am learning my limits. I'm aware that I wasn't raped, and for that I am glad. But because I've done more than I would ever do, I feel very bad and like I've ruined something for myself. I'm going to see if I can talk with someone at my college tomorrow.

I'm glad you weren't raped and that you learned a valuable lesson, I'm just sorry it had to happen this way. I hope you don't put yourself in a situation like this ever again.

I also think that you may want to reevaluate your "friendship" with the girl you were also in the hotel room with. She clearly doesn't mind taking risks nor did she seem to notice what was going on with you (not that it was her responsibility but I do think friends should look out for each other).

You definitely should go talk to someone as soon as you can...or try one of the rape hotlines. They're really for anyone and are there anytime you just want to talk.

 

[msa]

this hits too close to home. I think you need to talk to someone and definately get the police involved. For some reason I don't think it was this guys first time and probably wont be the last and it has to be stopped. I hope it all works out for you

Unpopular opinion alert...

I don't think the police should get involved here. Just looking at it from his perspective, she did willingly go to a hotel room with him and engage is some sort of sexual contact. And while it took him awhile to understand that she wasn't interested in actual intercourse, he didn't rape her.

I am definitely NOT saying that his actions are her fault or that her engaging in sexual acts with him makes what he did ok, but I'm just thinking this could be a case of mixed signals because she may have appeared to be (through actions and words) a willing participant. Especially if they were both under the influence (which means his judgment was just as crappy as hers).

 

[Tarae]

I'm glad you weren't raped and that you learned a valuable lesson, I'm just sorry it had to happen this way. I hope you don't put yourself in a situation like this ever again.

I also think that you may want to reevaluate your "friendship" with the girl you were also in the hotel room with. She clearly doesn't mind taking risks nor did she seem to notice what was going on with you (not that it was her responsibility but I do think friends should look out for each other).

You definitely should go talk to someone as soon as you can...or try one of the rape hotlines. They're really for anyone and are there anytime you just want to talk.

Yeah, I was going to ask where the friend was when this was happening. When I go out with friends, we all know each others' limits and we look out for each other so that this doesn't happen.

OP, I'm glad you were able to fight him off, and that you're learning your limits. This could've been a lot worse. Definitely look into talking to someone. And please be careful so that there is never another situation like this.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Op, the ladies gave great advice, and I agree, you should find a trusted person like a counselor to talk to...
Depending on how far you guys went, also consider getting tested for STD's as many can still be passed on without penetration.
Where was your friend in all this? Does she know what happened??

 

[TokyoReina]

My friend was there, but she didn't know what was happening. She was with her guy,and she thought I was just doing the deed apparently. I will admit I should have called out to her, but I didn't. In bad situations, I have never been able to make a lot of noise or call out...I can't explain that, but I've always been that way. Not sure how to work on that. She was very upset when I told her after he left, and she was wondering why I just didn't tell them I needed help.

 

[DigitalRain]

Im just glad you were able to get out of there. Pray about it and learn. And think about limiting consuming alcoholic beverages at home in moderation. People are so evil, its dangerous to dull the senses with liquor in a situation like this.

 

[tenjoy]

Unpopular opinion alert...

I don't think the police should get involved here. Just looking at it from his perspective, she did willingly go to a hotel room with him and engage is some sort of sexual contact. And while it took him awhile to understand that she wasn't interested in actual intercourse, he didn't rape her.

I am definitely NOT saying that his actions are her fault or that her engaging in sexual acts with him makes what he did ok, but I'm just thinking this could be a case of mixed signals because she may have appeared to be (through actions and words) a willing participant. Especially if they were both under the influence (which means his judgment was just as crappy as hers).

My thoughts exactly.

OP im sorry for what happened, but if you both were drunk and high, you did things you didnt realize you were doing, the same could be said for him. If he was really in the force mode, it wouldnt have been 2 hours of oral and tussling, he would have took it.

It could be embarrasment, but im not saying your feeling are invalid. Have you tried to talk to him? Dont be embarrased, learn from your mistakes. I personally wouldnt get the cops involved, but then again i wasnt there. Im sure there is only so much you can express in words what happened.

 

[SmartyPants]

I think when you go out, it's not enough to limit alcohol consumption. You also need to always be aware of your surroundings and what you are drinking. You can order a Coke and someone can easily slip something into your soda. The drugs they are slipping into women's drinks these days are untraceable. Please, please, please be careful out there ladies!!!!

 

[TokyoReina]

I don't plan on getting the cops involved. I'm hoping I never run into him again. If I do, I certainly plan on going in the other direction.

 

[FluffyRed]

report it if *you* feel it's appropriate.

he will likely strike somewhere again.

and *attempted* rape is a crime, too. If not, it should be.

 

[BrickbyBrick]

My friend was there, but she didn't know what was happening. She was with her guy,and she thought I was just doing the deed apparently. I will admit I should have called out to her, but I didn't. In bad situations, I have never been able to make a lot of noise or call out...I can't explain that, but I've always been that way. Not sure how to work on that. She was very upset when I told her after he left, and she was wondering why I just didn't tell them I needed help.

Hey, don't second guess yourself. It is what it is. Maybe its worth it to look into this habit you have of not yelling for help. It's potentially dangerous. Good move to talk to someone.

As far as ruining something for yourself, I get it. I can only tell you to take it one moment at a time. Believe in yourself and your strengths. Find the support where you can get it. You were strong enough to talk about it here (never mind that we don't know you personally, it takes guts just to talk about it.). Make this experience just another brick in building the person you are meant to be. You already won by fighting back. Build on this. you can do it. I wish you well with all my heart.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Being intoxicated does not mean you deserved what happened to you. Who knows how many other women he has done to exact same thing to, counting on their shame for something so trivial like being under the influence to prevent them from reporting him to the proper authorities? You were with people you thought you would be safe with and he violated that trust, go to the police. Would you blame a drunk person if an able-bodied thief robbed and beat them, leaving them for dead? So why blame yourself?

I totally agree. I mean, yea you compromised yourself but, you still wanted him to get off you. Even if you were sober and in the same sitch you would STILL have to fight him off..

Make sure you speak to someone (professional) so you can stop having flashbacks. I know exactly (or, close) what you're going through. Don't ever think your less than because you made a mistake. that's how everyone learns

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

report it if *you* feel it's appropriate.

he will likely strike somewhere again.

and *attempted* rape is a crime, too. If not, it should be.

In my experience working with sex offenders that actually rape women, he would have taken what he wanted if that was his intentions, without regards to the people in the other room. To me there seems to have been mixed signals he got frustrated and left. Attempted rapist only stop when someone else is about to enter/come upon the location of the act. The guy in this case up and left. Again, there were mixed signals in this somewhere on both sides.

 

[laCriolla]

call the police!!

 

[Dragone]

Unpopular opinion alert...

I don't think the police should get involved here. Just looking at it from his perspective, she did willingly go to a hotel room with him and engage is some sort of sexual contact. And while it took him awhile to understand that she wasn't interested in actual intercourse, he didn't rape her.

I am definitely NOT saying that his actions are her fault or that her engaging in sexual acts with him makes what he did ok, but I'm just thinking this could be a case of mixed signals because she may have appeared to be (through actions and words) a willing participant. Especially if they were both under the influence (which means his judgment was just as crappy as hers).

I absolutely disagree. It is this type of mindset that progates unreported rapes in this country. If you give a homeless person a dollar, does that give them the right to hit you over the head and take your wallet? Of course not, and I refuse to believe the male species is so inept that they can't realize when a woman is saying 'no I don't want to do that.' It does not take HOURS for ANYONE to figure out that someone is unwilling, no matter their state. He attempted to rape her and was betting on both her shame, and the disapproval she would face in this society, to keep him safe and her quiet.

Report him and don't be ashamed when you see him. You are probably not his first and you certainly won't be his last as long as his victims are too afraid to speak up and bring him to justice.