Currently, I am dating a guy who injured himself a year ago. As a result, his job fired him. My mom was able to hook him up with a job cleaning an office building. The business ended up moving, and therefore my bf wasn't able to clean their office anymore. This was back in January. Since then, I have been paying the rent and utilities. I also often find myself having to feed both of us. I had originally told him not to worry about the rent and that i would pay five months straight and then he could pay just July and August until he can get back on his feet. This month i had a difficult time coming up with the rent money so this morning, i asked him if he could get a job. He blew up saying that he sends out resumes all the time and that there is really no point in him working right now because his law suit settlement comes in a couple of months. His lawsuit settlement is not going to be a whole lot. He then went on to tell me that I wonder why black men leave black women, and its because we don't support black men. Im so irritated. I've been with this man for over 2.5 years. He has not had any money for the past year, yet i have stuck by him. Plus, I have been supporting both of us for the past five months. And he tells me that I do not support him. What do you all think of this?
Advice Please?
- Thread starter Star86
- Start date
MayaB12
New Member
I think he needs to pack his $hit and hit the road - ungrateful ****.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Let him go find himself a Becky who'll carry his broke, non- working a**, cuz that's what it sounds like he wants.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
In the end it is your decision but this dude clearly has NO drive. I personally could not be with a person like that. He is using his settlement as a excuse to not get a job. Then he had the audacity to say that black men leave black women bc they don't support black men when obviously you have been very supportive. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
MissMasala5
New Member
Is money the main reason you are together? If so, cut him off like a diabetic toe. If he has other redeeming qualities outside of his potential to help pay your living expenses, be more patient. Lots of people are losing work and having a rough time recovering right now. Feeling hopeless and depressed is not uncommon. If your guy is worth it, be patient. If he's not, reevaluate the relationship.
VelvetRain
Well-Known Member
As a person who was temporarily disabled the past 4 months due to surgerey and just going back to work next week it's a very stressful situation. Thankfully I was in a good position to cover all my expenses without a steady paycheck but you do worry regardless of your situation. I understand his frustration.
However his statement was a low blow to me. In some cases that statement is very true. In your case not so much. You have proven to be that ride or die chick and have been more than supportive.
Unless he is in extreme debilitating pain why is he not looking to go back to work somewhere ?My surgerey on my foot has a one year recoverey time and here it is I am going back to work and not pain free. I still limp and have a slow gait pattern. You do what you gotta do to keep yourself afloat and not cause uncesscesary burden on those who were kind enough to help you.
He is one ungrateful sob.
However his statement was a low blow to me. In some cases that statement is very true. In your case not so much. You have proven to be that ride or die chick and have been more than supportive.
Unless he is in extreme debilitating pain why is he not looking to go back to work somewhere ?My surgerey on my foot has a one year recoverey time and here it is I am going back to work and not pain free. I still limp and have a slow gait pattern. You do what you gotta do to keep yourself afloat and not cause uncesscesary burden on those who were kind enough to help you.
He is one ungrateful sob.
carcajada
Well-Known Member
His frustration with his situation doesn't give him a pass to be disrespectful and ungrateful. When he accused you of not supporting him, you should have asked him "how". As for this:erplexed there is ALWAYS a point in working.
A man who is comfortable with a woman taking care of him like that and does not value an honest days work is pretty much worthless. Man-child.
You are doing all of this and you two are only dating? You are cutting off the gravey train and he is mad at you?
Set him free, he obviously does not appreciate what you are\were doing for him. In situations like this, as soon as a dude gets it together he will bounce on to the next woman who HE WILL TAKE CARE OF.
ETA: What an ungrateful fella he is.
Set him free, he obviously does not appreciate what you are\were doing for him. In situations like this, as soon as a dude gets it together he will bounce on to the next woman who HE WILL TAKE CARE OF.
ETA: What an ungrateful fella he is.
Connie
Well-Known Member
(Coming out of lurk mode)
He could've mentioned his efforts to find work without resorting to ranting about Black women. I suspect he made that comment to guilt you into backing off from pressuring him to find a job and to make you tolerate his refusal to step up to the plate by implying you could be yet another Black woman who loses her man to a White woman if you don't "support" him.
He could've mentioned his efforts to find work without resorting to ranting about Black women. I suspect he made that comment to guilt you into backing off from pressuring him to find a job and to make you tolerate his refusal to step up to the plate by implying you could be yet another Black woman who loses her man to a White woman if you don't "support" him.
omegachick31
New Member
Girl you know coming in here saying what you just said most people are going to be like you better leave his ***..he better call Tyrone..and all that other kick rocks philosophy but you know this man outside of this incident you have been with him for over 2.5 years by your admission. I guarantee anyone who has been in a serious relationship have said things out of frustration and anger or things that they wish they could take back but if you have a solid/trusting relationship then you should feel that the person you are with is not out to intentionally hurt you. I would advise you to sit down and talk to him about his words and how they made you feel and give him an opportunity to explain himself. I would also advise you to keep receipts from all bills paid solely by you during this time frame and if you are bold enough draw up an agreement ,that he signs saying he is liable for X amount owed to you when he gets this settlement because you have been taking care of his living expenses....because if the talk does not turn out how you think it should taking his bum *** to small claims court is only $50 dollars away (long live Judge Judy)...
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
For the first bolded. Do you really want a man like this? No point in working because he got a little money coming in. Marrying him would be a disaster. I personally need a man with the "if I cant get a job, I'll make a job" mentality. When our familiy needs to eat, I need you to do more than send out resumes on the internet and wait on a check.
VelvetRain
Well-Known Member
Let his mother take care of him now. He can move in with her and she can stay on his behind to get a job. You have done all you can do at this point. I could work with the brother if he was trying and working some minimum wage job trying to do better. He ain't even trying to do that. Cut your losses and move on.
MsBoinglicious
Well-Known Member
Wow...he really blew up at ya huh?
I mean I really don't know what to tell you! Does he normally act like that (blowing up at you) or was it was just this one time? People say the meanest things when they are depressed, stressed or their egos get bruised. Doesn't make it right but humans are a mutherf*cker with theirs! lol
It’s your choice what you want to do. I'm not going to tell you to kick him out or break up with him that's your choice. But I think he needs a plan fast! I mean I know you said he hurt himself on the job but is his legs broke or his arms? You mean he can't find a hustle NOWHERE!
Sell fruit, bean pies, roses or hell some DVD's on the corner...SOMETHING!!! lol Ya'll need to talk and if he not trying to hear it then you may need to make decisions that don’t include him! I think you may have made it too easy for him when you said you would take on the bill paying. You should have set down and had a concrete plan with. He was going to have to do something somewhere hurt broke injured body and all! lol
I mean I really don't know what to tell you! Does he normally act like that (blowing up at you) or was it was just this one time? People say the meanest things when they are depressed, stressed or their egos get bruised. Doesn't make it right but humans are a mutherf*cker with theirs! lol
It’s your choice what you want to do. I'm not going to tell you to kick him out or break up with him that's your choice. But I think he needs a plan fast! I mean I know you said he hurt himself on the job but is his legs broke or his arms? You mean he can't find a hustle NOWHERE!
Sell fruit, bean pies, roses or hell some DVD's on the corner...SOMETHING!!! lol Ya'll need to talk and if he not trying to hear it then you may need to make decisions that don’t include him! I think you may have made it too easy for him when you said you would take on the bill paying. You should have set down and had a concrete plan with. He was going to have to do something somewhere hurt broke injured body and all! lol
MsBoinglicious
Well-Known Member
NYAmicas
Seeker
I understand frustration in this economy & job hunting is not easy however I cant take an ungrateful POS. Has he thanked you or acknowledged what you've done at all? How the heck he even came out his mouth like that when you've been holding it down for over a year? Is it that hot outside he lost his friggin mind?
Like someone else asked does he at least cook & clean or just sit on his butt all day?
What's to stop him from blowing all his settlement money on a casino or something? Do you think he'll do the right thing & pay his portion of the rent for the rest of the year when he gets his money or ship on out with another woman? Questions you should seriously consider. I never understood the mentality of letting someone take advantage of me & I hope this guy isnt doing that to you OP.
Like someone else asked does he at least cook & clean or just sit on his butt all day?
What's to stop him from blowing all his settlement money on a casino or something? Do you think he'll do the right thing & pay his portion of the rent for the rest of the year when he gets his money or ship on out with another woman? Questions you should seriously consider. I never understood the mentality of letting someone take advantage of me & I hope this guy isnt doing that to you OP.
WhoIAm
Well-Known Member
I would have agreed with you if not for "He then went on to tell me that I wonder why black men leave black women, and its because we don't support black men." WTH?
NaijaTroll
New Member
Cant believe he tried the "soul burning" guilt trip and you're still asking us what you should do. I was understanding his frustration til he spewed that garbage
Proves what he really thinks of black women IMO. Yall can talk it out I guess since it's been 2.5 years BUT would NOT be surprised f he ends up using his chicken ish settlement to woo another..maybe another race.
Can women PLEASE stop moving in with men(or letting him move in) they arent engaged or married to :/
Is he waiting for your mom to find him another job?
yea I cant.
Proves what he really thinks of black women IMO. Yall can talk it out I guess since it's been 2.5 years BUT would NOT be surprised f he ends up using his chicken ish settlement to woo another..maybe another race.
Can women PLEASE stop moving in with men(or letting him move in) they arent engaged or married to :/
Is he waiting for your mom to find him another job?
yea I cant.
@ Naija Troll : Yes, i agree 100%. The only reason why I allowed him to move in with me was because when he was fired from his job after being injured on the job, he lost his home and I allowed him to move in with me unti he was able to pick himself up. Now, every time i tell him that i no longer wish to shack up, he runs guilt trip on me.
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
waydaminit....
a man will do what u allow him to do. some men don't understand shyt when u tell it to them. u gotta show dem bamas.
u don't owe him shyt. bad enuff u was phuckin n feedin his broke azzz, then momma went n got him a job cleanin buildings. he got u takin care f him, ur momma did look out for him, i mean dayum. he always got his dayum hand out.
he ain't dat gotdayum hurt dat he can't get up n find a job. u made it too easy for him. now he tawkin bout some imma bout to get paid off a settlement, to keep you around thinkin u bout to get a piece of da pie.
it's a dayum shame u gotta go to him and ask him for rent money and dis fool livin there. ain't dat much good dyck in da world chile. u can do betta by yo dayumself. if anything, look how much he owes u.
in da words of my girl Tamar, put his monkeybrokeazzzout.com. Period point blank.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
I'm usually weary of men who don't have a problem with situations like this. I would rather that he try to do something (legal) to get a job, talk to friends, do handy man jobs, cut lawn if necessary so that you feel you are contributing to the household. Waiting for a settlement is just being complacent.
"there is really no point in him working right now because his law suit settlement comes in a couple of months"
If he goes out to work will it affect his law suit settlement (i.e. the inability to work given his disability)?
I also think that he could've expressed his feeling in a better way rather than blowing up at you. Has he apologized for it? I guess it's up to what you are willing to deal with in the future if he doesn't apologize and change his behaviour and work ethic from now.
Good luck.
"there is really no point in him working right now because his law suit settlement comes in a couple of months"
If he goes out to work will it affect his law suit settlement (i.e. the inability to work given his disability)?
I also think that he could've expressed his feeling in a better way rather than blowing up at you. Has he apologized for it? I guess it's up to what you are willing to deal with in the future if he doesn't apologize and change his behaviour and work ethic from now.
Good luck.
