Advice Needed - Moving In With Boyfriend

[HollyGolightly]

It's official, I'm moving in with my boyfriend this Saturday! This is the first time I've ever lived with a guy. Does anyone have advice for making the transition easier?

How do you handle the chores? Is it important to have the same sleeping schedule as your partner? Do you ever get tired of constantly being around your SO? How do you handle fights when you're living in the same space? Do you feel pressured to be sexy 24/7?

Really, any advice would be helpful.

 

[chelseatiara]

Umm i may not be the right authority on this because i dont think an unmarried woman and man should live together unless there are extenuating circumstances...sorry

 

[Nina_deF]

Do not, DO NOT, start off being too domestic.

All of a sudden his underwear doesn't make it all the way to the hamper (no worries, you usually pick 'em up).

Chores should be equal.
Do the stuff you like and let him do the rest.

I don't like to handle trash or empty the dishwasher.

i will however vaccum because he never gets it right (Moving the armchairs, behindunder the TV). I don't like to change the sheets so he does it but I will take out the sheets I prefer for that week (I have summer sets and winter sets and he can't get it right).

And so forth....

Congratulations on taking this new step in your life!

 

[arosieworld]

Is it a 2 bedroom because I would want the ability to kick him out of something.......

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Betta pump ya breaks n go read Glib Girl's thread. The one about shackin and not having ur paperwork in order.

Matter of fact, make sure both names are on the lease and see to it that you have a savings account titled "in case shyt gets raggedy and I gotta get da he'll outtadodd" back up money.

Its called coverin ur azzzzz. Don't let da dyck getchu caught up in da trick bag chile........

 

[HollyGolightly]

Umm i may not be the right authority on this because i dont think an unmarried woman and man should live together unless there are extenuating circumstances...sorry

I understand, because I've always been against "living in sin". But we're engaged. I'm living with him to cut down on expenses, since I'm giving up my job and focusing on finishing school.

 

[Bulletproof]

Umm i may not be the right authority on this because i dont think an unmarried woman and man should live together unless there are extenuating circumstances...sorry

So you don't believe in what she is about to do and felt the need to come into her thread and not be helpful to her, oh and of course state that you disapprove. What a waste of your time and energy making a useless post.

Roxy - Nina (post 3) was on point. Be very clear about what you are willing to do and expect of him and his household responsibilities as well as find out what he expects of you. You may hate taking out garbage and maybe he does too so compromise should be scheduled ahead of the conflict. I know you are on your feminist stuff but when living with a man you have expectations of him (even if they are deep down) and there is nothing wrong with letting it be known.

 

[Mai Tai]

I think the best advice I can offer is to establish the rules early, and remember that regardless of how much you love him, he will need private time and so will you.

Make sure you talk about how you will split the bills, who will do what chores, who will be responsible for grocery shopping, etc. BEFORE you move in with each other.

I don't think having different sleep schedules should cause problem. To me fights are harder to deal with because simply running away is not as easy when you live together and have to look at each other the next day. Living together can sometimes force you to deal with issues. I agree with getting a 2 bedroom because like Arosieworld said...sometimes you have to kick him out of something.

 

[HollyGolightly]

Do you try to keep some mystery and hide your grooming? I can't imagine myself shaving my armpits or bleaching my moustache in front of anyone! And I feel self conscious about my elaborate haircare routine.

 

[carcajada]

It's official, I'm moving in with my boyfriend this Saturday! This is the first time I've ever lived with a guy. Does anyone have advice for making the transition easier?

How do you handle the chores? i did all of them Is it important to have the same sleeping schedule as your partner? nope, but it would make things like communication a little easierDo you ever get tired of constantly being around your SO? I'm in the other bedroom now so I won't have to look at this nikka. How do you handle fights when you're living in the same space? learn what buttons not to push, don't go for the bait/fight words when he does. Don't "go there" when you don't have to. Practice restraint. Breathe 10 times before you respond. Don't hold on to a fight longer than an hour. Don't go to bed angry at each other. Make it a point to come to a resolution before you go to bed or at the latest before you both go to work the next day. Forgiveness and the ability to let go goes a long way. Do you feel pressured to be sexy 24/7? nope.

Really, any advice would be helpful.

Yeah, don't do it! Been there, done that and it's better to have your own place until you're married.

Now that I've said that, all the answers to your questions largely depend on the both of you and what type of relationship and personalities you have.

I have a childhood friend who has been living with her boyfriend for 2 years. She never experienced what I did and both of them are really smitten with their living arrangement. They purchased a house together.

But me and dh? We're both dominant in personalities and it was like watching a two pit bulls. I didn't have to worry about schedules because I didn't work. Because I didn't work, I did the cooking and cleaning then laid around for the rest of the day.

 

[Bulletproof]

Do you try to keep some mystery and hide your grooming? I can't imagine myself shaving my armpits or bleaching my moustache in front of anyone! And I feel self conscious about my elaborate haircare routine.

If you feel self conscious about certain things it is called me time. Some women never show their beautifying routine to their husband, each relationship is different and the only thing that matters is that you 2 are comfortable with what standards you have set within your relationship. I just always think dang if I have his babies he will be shaving down there for me and doing my toes when my polish chips and I am too miserable to go to the salon , mine sees some things and other I choose to hide but I have referenced them.

 

[sunnieb]

Congrats on your engagement! You have a ring and a date, right?

As others have said, be upfront about the basics (bills, chores, etc.). I also like the suggestion about getting a 2 bedroom. Hey, a girl needs privacy! You can do your hair and some grooming in there in private.

Girl, don't worry about being sexy ALL the time! Just make sure your lounging around clothes are cute and hole-free. You'll be fine. Men will get turned on just by their women walking in the room!

 

[HollyGolightly]

Congrats on your engagement! You have a ring and a date, right?

As others have said, be upfront about the basics (bills, chores, etc.). I also like the suggestion about getting a 2 bedroom. Hey, a girl needs privacy! You can do your hair and some grooming in there in private.

Girl, don't worry about being sexy ALL the time! Just make sure your lounging around clothes are cute and hole-free. You'll be fine. Men will get turned on just by their women walking in the room!

We've set the date and told our families, but I don't have the ring yet. He's been patient so far, but he won't accept me stripping while wearing his ring. I don't get it until I quit my job. I'm working just a little bit longer to bulk up my "in case sh*t don't work out" fund and save for the wedding and a down payment on a house. (I have my pride. I'm not going to let him pay for everything.)

I don't feel like giving up my job is a huge sacrifice. I'm burnt out, ready to return to normal life.

 

[metro_qt]

Umm i may not be the right authority on this because i dont think an unmarried woman and man should live together unless there are extenuating circumstances...sorry

^^^wow great "ADVICE" ... i'm sure that's what the op really wanted to hear...

I agree with the rest of the posters OP, get your own paperwork in order, and make sure your name is on the lease too. Have your own bank account with your own money in it..

Just cover your *** just in case *anything* should happen.... like a boy scout.
We prepare for the worst, but hope for the best!

I'm really happy for you, Good Luck!

 

[CarmelCupcake]

All i have to say is, i hope he is thee one because if for any reason the two of you decide to split after living together, it feels like you're going through a divorce. But other than that, i wish you good luck and i hope everything works out!

 

[LongTimeComing]

I think you have been given some great advice already.

One piece I do want to add- be careful about laundry if your FH has sensitive skin. He may not be used to the detergent/fabric softener you use.

And I'm sure you have asked this, but ask again in case he forgot something: allergies. You will be a little upset if you make peanut butter cookies and find out he's allergic to peanuts. And make sure he knows yours too.

 

[chelseatiara]

maybe i should clarify myself. Even though i dont believe in what she is doing if she still wanted my advice i'd be glad to offer it. I dont see how that concerns anyone else but her.....

 

[abcd09]

It's official, I'm moving in with my boyfriend this Saturday! This is the first time I've ever lived with a guy. Does anyone have advice for making the transition easier?

How do you handle the chores? Is it important to have the same sleeping schedule as your partner? Do you ever get tired of constantly being around your SO? How do you handle fights when you're living in the same space? Do you feel pressured to be sexy 24/7?

Really, any advice would be helpful.

I've been living with my fiance since June for the same reasons you are. We're both in a new city where we know no one, so it's a little difficult because we see eachother all the time. It got kind of strange the first few months when I was out of school and he had a job (I was looking for one). We saw each other a lot. A lot. Just prepare for that. You learn new things about people and can use this to get closer or to grow apart. I would say to start doing things to keep the spark- kisses before work, cooking one another something, folding his laundry occasionally- little things that are sweet.

We don't usually fight, maybe because we're both passive pacifists , but when we do we try to make up quickly. My advice would be if you fight, and you're not one to get over things quickly, to leave the room, take a shower, do something where youre by yourself but you can mull it over a bit, and then return to him to talk about it. It is helpful to have a talk about what to do and he likes to do when he's mad, you're bad etc. This helps greatly.

My hair care routine--gah. I put so much time into my hair and my fiance, who is white, was confused at first. He said he never met anyone who took so long to do their hair lol. It made me feel a little self conscious. So I basically try to do my hair when he is at work, and if I cannot, then when he is busy doing something else, so he doesn't know how long it takes me in reality. It may seem like hiding, but it does give you more time together (rather then spending together time doing your hair). I try to do other hair care parts in private. If something isn't just right, he will understand. Many men appreciate the effort.

About being sexy- well I definitely want to look a certain way for him. But I don't feel the need to look put together all the time. It depends on how he is used to seeing you. Are you always dolled up/flawless? Have you ever just been in a t shirt and sweat pants around him? I would say wear cute lounge clothes and look neat- meaning a pony tail and moisturized skin. Most guys prefer women with no clothes anyway lol.

Sleeping patterns have actually been somewhat of an issue. We've always been on weird schedules. I worked evenings, he worked nights. One of us would be exhausted when the other gets home. I also have been having a hard time sleeping night, so I'm groggy and sleepy during the morning- the peak time for feeling energetic for him. I would say you both have to make an effort to be awake during a certain time and asleep during a certain time, not counting naps. It will help you feel productive and engaged in the relationship. It sucks being in the house together, yet one is always sleeping.

 

[CarolinaGal]

Nothing to add. I just wanted to say congrats on your engagement and good luck!

 

[phynestone]

Congrats on the engagement!

I agree with the other posters about having an emergency fund he doesn't know about and agreeing on the responsibilities for maintaining the household.

I wanted to send you a PM about something, but I couldn't.

 

[caltron]

You're engaged and have set a date, so that's the main thing. Just like everyone else is saying, just be sure you have an emergency Plan B in case things start to go sour. If things go bad, don't ever feel like you can't back out of the relationship. Have a clear understanding about money and finances. Other than that, there's really nothing else to add. The other stuff you will have to work out with your FH, because every couple is different.

Anyway, congrats!!!! Sounds like you two are off to a great start.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Don't do it!!!

 

[SND411]

Don't get pregnant!

But chances are, you probably will!













Just joking! LOL!

 

[HollyGolightly]

Don't get pregnant!

I don't play when it comes to birth control. I got on horomonal birth control as soon as we started talking about moving in together. In Feb I'm getting an IUD that's not coming out until we're both ready to have kids.

And I don't care how good we are right now, the condom doesn't come off until I say "I do."

 

[asakeba]

OP, you know what I like about you? Is you keep it real. You didn't have to tell people what you do, even though no one knows you but you did and I respect that honesty. Other than that, just wanted to say good luck and I'm planning on moving in with my SO too, so I'm equally anxious about the prospect. We both happen to own our places so we're renting both places out and then renting somewhere together, just to make sure we're not tying our finances together when it might turn out we hate each other , so I def agree that you need to have your own emergency stash in case it doesn't work out.

another poster mentioned having 2 bedrooms and i agree with this. it's important to have your own space and try not to spend all your time with your SO, ensure you have your own friends and interests that are separate from him.

Make sure you discuss your personal proclivities before hand ( e.g I hate it when my SO squeezes the toothpaste from the middle) so he knows what grinds your gears and vice versa

 

[Malaika1]

Congratulations! all the best on this new and exciting journey!

 

[gabulldawg]

It's official, I'm moving in with my boyfriend this Saturday! This is the first time I've ever lived with a guy. Does anyone have advice for making the transition easier?

How do you handle the chores? Is it important to have the same sleeping schedule as your partner? Do you ever get tired of constantly being around your SO? How do you handle fights when you're living in the same space? Do you feel pressured to be sexy 24/7?

Really, any advice would be helpful.

Girrrrrrrl are you sure you're ready for this?? But seriously, I was in the same place as you not too long ago. When I moved in with my now DH we were actually just "boyfriend and girlfriend." He is the first guy I've ever lived with (besides my dad ), so I was nervous as HELL! But things seem to be going okay.

In terms of the chores, We do good with splitting some and I just do others (cuz if I didn't do them they wouldn't get done ). For example, we both do dishes and baby bottles, but I clean the bathrooms regularly.

For me and DH we have similar sleeping schedules, which I like. I'm the type of person that doesn't like it when one spouse goes to sleep first and then the other spouse comes to bed later. There were times when we did do that when I was pregnant simply because I was exhausted, but in general we both go to sleep at the same time.

I will admit there are times when my DH gets on my nerves! Usually when we have a disagreement about something. But we are both really good about giving each other space until we cool down. Then we can come to each other in a calm mood and talk about why we were upset, etc. etc.

In terms of your last question, this is something that I actually constantly struggle with and IMO is one of the worst things about living with someone. The "surprise" is gone! My DH knows all of my beauty secrets. He knows the REAL me. I try my best to look good for him, though. I get ready for the day in the morning and keep myself "together" until we get ready for bed or whatever. I plan to buy more "sexy" lougewear (I have my eye on those pajama jeans ) to add to my collection as well.

I hope my post helped! In terms of moving in without being married, I did it and never thought that I would. But things turned out fine for me.

I understand, because I've always been against "living in sin". But we're engaged. I'm living with him to cut down on expenses, since I'm giving up my job and focusing on finishing school.

You know, that was going to be my next question! Just cuz I'm nosey! And don't know too many (or any) married people who work in the field that you work in...

Do you try to keep some mystery and hide your grooming? I can't imagine myself shaving my armpits or bleaching my moustache in front of anyone! And I feel self conscious about my elaborate haircare routine.

For the most part my DH doesn't know exactly WHAT I do. I shave in the shower, and we USUALLY don't take showers together, so he doesn't get to see that. Every now and then he will "catch" me grooming my eyebrows or face or nails, simply because he is at home. For example, during the holidays he was off for the past couple of weeks, so he was home during the times that I'd usually groom myself.

I also have an elaborate routine when it comes to my hair. He makes comments and asks questions, but I don't think it's a problem. I think he actually thinks it's cool that I take such good care of my hair. He has made comments about seeing women with busted hair and how he appreciates that I take such good care of my hair.

That's all I have to contribute. I know it was a lot, but I hope it helps! Good luck!

 

[Lovelylife]

Sounds fun, good luck!!

 

[MissYocairis]

Congratulations Holly on your engagement!

 

[southerncitygirl]

I don't play when it comes to birth control. I got on horomonal birth control as soon as we started talking about moving in together. In Feb I'm getting an IUD that's not coming out until we're both ready to have kids.

And I don't care how good we are right now, the condom doesn't come off until I say "I do."

Not to scare you but i have a family of women who have children who are here because of failed BC....my mom was on the iud and she got preggers with my brother i also have a cousin and aunt who are here cause of falied depo shots and the diaphragmdouble up girlie!!!