Serious relationship advice needed, ASAP!

[LadyPaniolo]

Oh, MBriggs.... This is a hard one, I'm sorry this happened... I'm sure it's a bit embarrassing for you.

Honestly, it sounds like he was running some game. He has probably been crowing to his friends about how he has an educated sista taking care of HIM like he's a dayum SAHM while she is out grinding.

Ok, he knows he has to go but have you seen him DOING anything to comply with your wishes? Has he gotten a job? Has he been looking through the want ads, checking out apartments? Because anyone knows it takes about a month to find a decent place, get your credit report/background check for the landlord, pay your deposit etc so you can move in.

If you haven't seen him doing those things... you may need to help him to comply with your wishes by reminding him over and over that he needs to be OUT by such and such a date. You can rent a little storage joint for cheap and pack alla his stuff and put it there, and have the locks changed on the day before his deadline. If he wants to cut up, be sure you have some backup (male friends, male relatives, and be ready to call the police) because he may well plan on intimidating you physically in order to get an "extension".

In all reality though, he's probably going to just find someone else to sponge off of... another woman with her act together who won't realize how worthless he is for a few months at least.

 

[frizzy]

OP, if he has ever had posession of your keys at one time or another, change your locks!
This happened to me a lot of years ago, copies of my house and car keys were made when dude went to check on my house for me, when I was staying over at his house for a few days. I just handed over all my keys while he was being nice.

 

[MissYocairis]

So, OP...you said you love him. As a woman who is progressive and accomplished (you)...how do you see the future of your relationship with him? Does he job hunt? Does have have an associate's or undergraduate degree or some kind of trade certification?

Are you interested in possibly living together in the future with him? Is marriage a possibility?

I'm asking these questions because it's always a good thing to pay attention to what we do and what we have and what we want in our relationships. It seems like yours is almost on autopilot (for him to have ended up living with you without invitation).

I know you love him. Do you think he will be a compatible partner for you? Just some things to consider on your own. You deserve exactly what your heart of hearts desires.

 

[Aveena]

I'm going to cosign frizzy. If he ever had possesion of your keys change the locks. I had someone turn on keys after pet sitting then 2 months later I came home and was completely wiped out. All of my valuables were stolen


The guy is/was in a bad financial situation and while I thought I was being supportive and a friend he was just green with envy and began to covet the things that belonged to me!

I have no proof because he was never caught but I know it was him because when he so called returned the key ( I had to ask for it) he gave me a key that looked similar but was not really it. When I finally figured out he'd given me the wrong key several days had gone by. I never thought he would do that to me.


I also agree with being prepared for violent behavior if he is forced to leave if he is not preparred. Desperate people DO desperate things!!!!


Be careful

 

[Zaynab]

I don't thnk your problem is whether or not to continue this relationship. If he can't take care of you now as a BF/roomie, then how could he take care of you as a husband? Is this the kind of man you'd want to marry?

I think your situation is a perfect example of women that waste time on unavailable men or men that you know you have no future with and five years down the road, you STILL may be in this situation. It's willy nilly dating with no direction. Is this someone you want to marry? Or just a "meantime" man to get some in house dcky from and company? I mean be real because alll men have a role whether or not we admit it. My point is, that this type of relationship,one that sort of developed with no direction...will turn into years and maybe a kid with you taking care of him Good hearts with no cars, no job and lint in your pocket doesn't equal a good man.

I would get him to move out and then worry about whether this is a REAL relationship you would like to foster and continue. everyone has dreams of what they want to do but as long as you're enabling him, he's not gonna be able to make it happen. And really do you WANT a man that can't provide and can't take of you now? Even if money isn't an issue to you, as a MAN it should be to him. I don't think he's a user per se, I think you've enabled him.

Good luck OP

 

[sharentu]

he is/was your man and he became your dependent. thats not attractive at all. smh. hope he can leave when you told him to.

 

[Zaynab]

So basically, you've taken in a homeless dude, huh.

Hey Bunny!!! Miss ya!

I've noticed that the homeless dudes seem to be the one with good sex Not saying that's what's going on here but dudes with no jobs, no cars and no home always seem to be slinging good dingaling and gots lint in their pockets

Oh to be a man

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Yeah OP, was the paynus like THAT??? oke: Inquiring minds want to know


ETA: Oh, Blizzard, I am SO SORRY that POS did that to you! People are so trife, it's hard for decent folks to even keep all the permutations of scams and shiesty stuff straight in our minds...

 

[MissYocairis]

Hey Bunny!!! Miss ya!

I've noticed that the homeless dudes seem to be the one with good sex Not saying that's what's going on here but dudes with no jobs, no cars and no home always seem to be slinging good and dingaling and lint in their pockets

Oh to be a man

 

[chicitygirl]

After putting him out, what you should do is see if you can claim that joker as a dependent on your taxes.

 

[hopeful]

Hey Bunny!!! Miss ya!

I've noticed that the homeless dudes seem to be the one with good sex Not saying that's what's going on here but dudes with no jobs, no cars and no home always seem to be slinging good and dingalingand lint in their pockets

Oh to be a man

Zaynab, girl you did not type the bolded, did you? Haven't heard that term in years!

 

[chocolat79]

I need some serious relationship advice.

I have found myself in a crazy living situation that I’m not sure how to get out of it without completely damaging my relationship. To make a long story short “Summer 09” was life changing. I graduated from grad-school, moved out my mom’s crib, and even found myself a man, younger but a man. Anyways, the problem is he’s un-established (meaning no house or car) and currently unemployed. Don’t get me wrong and goals and ambition he got, just no money in the bank to execute them out currently. Okay, so besides all of this I just mentioned he has also found a way to make my new place a permanent residence!! Believe me when I tell you, it all happened so fast and before I knew it he was sleeping, eating, and brushing his teeth at my place every night! I know… I know I should have put a stop to this foolishness in beginning before I started catching feelings, but honestly I really enjoyed and needed his company at the time. But, now the script has changed... I still love him, but I really need my space, so he’s got to go! I have giving him a deadline for the end of the month, but honestly I don’t think he even knows what his next move is….


I really don't understand the bolded...if you have goals AND ambition, you're trying to make it happen...I mean dude has NOTHING! Why would that be ok? I'm not trying to be mean OP, but I'm just saying, I don't understand how a guy with goals and ambition (supposedly), doesn't have a pot to piss in. That's really an oxymoron if you think about it. Sorry, OP, I agree with the ladies in that ol' boy has run some serious game on you...and obviously has had time to perfect it. So sad...I hope you find a safe solution that benefits YOU.

 

[chocolat79]

OP, I just read this post to one of my friends and she said to tell the guy to marry you! She said that would get him outta there real fast! LOL

 

[Zaynab]

Zaynab, girl you did not type the bolded, did you? Haven't heard that term in years!

Girl yeah me and my home girls used to say FINE dudes with good sex were always walking with nothing but bubblegum and dingaling in their pockets

 

[guudhair]

bumpin.....is he still there?

 

[ThickHair]

bumpin.....is he still there?

I would think so, since she didn't come back with the grand exit story. I could be wrong though, we will see.