Abusive Partners and Social Media

[KimPossibli]

One of the things I have lived through is an emotionally abusive relationship.

One of the techniques employed by the abuser was social media.

He is a heavy user of social media and cultivate friendships and an audience there through his business.

One way in which this manifests its self is in the arena of passive aggressive or just regular aggressive posts.

He did to his now most recent ex something that he tried to do to me (largely unsuccessful) he called her names and spoke of her body (vaginal looseness) and talked about her continually taking his money and not being supportive of him. He made it a viral campaign.

I know him to be a liar but in the small society I live in, this can be devastating.

Has anyone been through this? Does anyone know anyone who has been through this?

What is the best way to handle it?

 

[LiftedUp]

I could imagine how devastating that could be. If I were her, I'd print screen everything and privately seek a lawyer and find out what I action I can take first. Isn't this slander? I would see a lawyer first before going to the police because you don't know who are his friends and how the information could get back to him.

I feel really badly for your friend and hope that she can get through this.

I'm not sure about you but our laws are really old. I'm not sure if you have laws regarding the internet.

 

[LiftedUp]

I'm assuming that she is in Barbados as well. This is what I found:


Section 14, Computer Misuse Act. Malicious Communications. States that anyone who uses a computer to send a message, letter, electronic communication or article of any description that is indecent, obscene, threatening or menacing with the intent to cause annoyance, inconvenience, distress or anxiety to the recipient or any other person to whom he intends it, is guilty of an offense and is liable to imprisonment for a term of twelve months, a fine of $10,000, or both.
http://www.fosigrid.org/caribbean/barbados

I'm not a lawyer though but I feel for her. Living in a small society myself, it's not like you can just go to another state and reinvent yourself. People always remember and will always associate you with it.

 

[ThickHair]

Just stay off of social media. Don't feed the troll.

 

[ms.mimi]

^^^I think that's best. So glad you're free.

 

[KimPossibli]

Just stay off of social media. Don't feed the troll.

This seems to be the prevailing advice.

I'll be frank, the young lady in question is not my friend all though I feel bad for her.

I was really asking for myself because of how our relationship was very antagonistic and he has threatened this type of thing before. I thought I was immune to it, but now I am concerned and I would not be surprised I am next.

It is an interesting feeling.

 

[caribeandiva]

I have no advice but *hugs*

 

[bluevalentine]

One of the things I have lived through is an emotionally abusive relationship.

One of the techniques employed by the abuser was social media.

He is a heavy user of social media and cultivate friendships and an audience there through his business.

One way in which this manifests its self is in the arena of passive aggressive or just regular aggressive posts.

He did to his now most recent ex something that he tried to do to me (largely unsuccessful) he called her names and spoke of her body (vaginal looseness) and talked about her continually taking his money and not being supportive of him. He made it a viral campaign.

I know him to be a liar but in the small society I live in, this can be devastating.

Has anyone been through this? Does anyone know anyone who has been through this?

What is the best way to handle it?

Itgirl He sounds very manipulative. My ex is very manipulative as well, but he was the exact opposite on social media. He is a user and emotionally abusive loser in real life however he used facebook to sell himself as intelligent, loving, and always played the victim. After he realized I was totally done with him. (i went strict no contact), he began playing the victim to my sister, brother in law, and most recently to a friend of mine, all through facebook (sending them messages). He did this just to get a reaction out of me, which i haven't given him because i already have him figured out. Ignoring him and taking care of you is the best thing you can do in this type of situation I used to lurk on his page , but after awhile that got old and I eventually blocked him and ended up deactivating my page after a while.

 

[Shawn]

I actually unfriended my SO from fb. He's very afro-centric, and he liked a ton of pages about chocolate women or natural women, or women with huge bums. I found this offensive, as these pages don't describe me at all. When I questioned him about why he would be with me if I wasn't his type, he just said that he loved me and thought I was perfect as I was, but I still was offended watching him like all the photos from these sites. So I unfriended him and told him why. We don't focus on it; we just move on with our relationship.

 

[Fine 4s]

I actually unfriended my SO from fb. He's very afro-centric, and he liked a ton of pages about chocolate women or natural women, or women with huge bums. I found this offensive, as these pages don't describe me at all. When I questioned him about why he would be with me if I wasn't his type, he just said that he loved me and thought I was perfect as I was, but I still was offended watching him like all the photos from these sites. So I unfriended him and told him why. We don't focus on it; we just move on with our relationship.

Been there done that, wrote about it too many times here. Never got over it. I still don't get why men in relationships do this. Same on IG.

 

[abcd09]

How are people responding to his posts, OP?

 

[tru4reele]

This guy sounds like an immature and insecure arsehole. So are his Facebook friends. But legal slander for speaking of the vaginal looseness of a woman? I really wouldn't waste my valuable time in court but you can report his FB page.

On the other hand I have seen women be waaay more vocal with pictures included about the "short comings" of an ex.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Normally I would not advocate this but is is possible for you to reach out to her to offer support? Knowing that someone else "survived" his BS may be the light she needs to see at the end of the tunnel.

I'm more concerned with her than him. The island is small and eventually he'll run up on the wrong women that has brothers and cousins with no care for his supposed stature.

 

[KimPossibli]

Some of his friends were supporting him and advocating for him to keep going.

Some (most) were horrified.

He has since deleted the posts and I am told (I don't know for sure since I have him blocked) that his personal social media accounts have been deleted.

bklynbornNbred

I appreciate your concern and I thought about this, but I really don't think it would be appropriate for me to reach out to her. In fact she was part of a whole host of reasons why we broke up. Well not her, but the relationship they carried on which included a pregnancy.

In addition, at the time that we broke up she 'engaged' him in publicly bad talking me on social media (albeit not in as destructive and specific a manner that he did to her)

So while I do feel bad for her, I don't fool myself that I would be an appropriate support system for her. I so hope her friends and family pull through for her as mine did though.

 

[KimPossibli]

This guy sounds like an immature and insecure arsehole. So are his Facebook friends. But legal slander for speaking of the vaginal looseness of a woman? I really wouldn't waste my valuable time in court but you can report his FB page.

On the other hand I have seen women be waaay more vocal with pictures included about the "short comings" of an ex.

He threatened photos and specifics, but I have him blocked and after a while I told my mutual acquaintances that I didn't want t hear any more.

So I really am not sure what was posted and circulated.

He is the only person I have ever seen behave like this on social media.

 

[JaneBond007]

I'm confused about the situation but it seems you're emotionally attached to him still. You cannot figure out an abuser other than they are evil. Let him go totally. Whatever she did to you, move on. Don't try and "help" her. You are only going to be bitten. Your power is in seeking bigger, better things. Let all of them go in great distance. Don't be even tempted to catch up on his life.

 

[KimPossibli]

I'm confused about the situation but it seems you're emotionally attached to him still. You cannot figure out an abuser other than they are evil. Let him go totally. Whatever she did to you, move on. Don't try and "help" her. You are only going to be bitten. Your power is in seeking bigger, better things. Let all of them go in great distance. Don't be even tempted to catch up on his life.

Agreed with everything you say here. My immediate reaction was fear that it would happen to me. Believe I'm not trying to catch up on his life.

But I definitely have no intention of feeding the troll as was stated up thread, so that's about it.

Maybe my post isn't clear. He isn't in my life and is blocked on as many areas as I can think of.

I have no intention of trying to help her. I thought about it but I quickly put an end to the thought. It would be inappropriate in the extreme.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Given the additional information please ignore my original post. I thought she was a fellow victim. Sounds like she made bed and now has to lie in it.

As for you - I know on the one hand you want to be aware in case he comes for you again but on the other hand from experience just let it go. If anyone forwards something to you or bring it up let them know he is no longer a topic of discussion good or bad. You are giving him power when you allow fear that he may act up again with you to make him a subject of concern no matter how minor. Leave it to God (or your cousin Winston ). One way or the other when you least expect it he will get his. Don't allow him to continue to feel like a victim - take your power back.

 

[KimPossibli]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciated all of the responses.

I posted this literally the day after it happened, but I'm back on even keel and continuing the process of putting this behind me