A Married Man

roxyg22

roxyg22

Member
Hey ladies

Ive been lurking for a while unfortunately this is my first post:

Im feeling heartbroken. So this guy at work was pursuing me like crazy I even avoided him for some time but he still pursued me. So I gave in and began seeing him. So one night after intimacy he says he has to pick up his daughter from his mother in law? I said: YOURE MARRIED?! He did not answer instead he said this is the thing he has a 12 week old baby. I was so in shock he left immediately then he calls me and asks me if Im leaving him (as if we were ever together) I shouted Yes.

A day go by I avoided him att work he was to stop by Saturday but I didnt answer his call. So now that its been a few days we had lunch at work then the convo turns he asks me if I want kids at this age I told him I dont know yet then he brings up I should look into getting married. Then he goes on to say he knows some good guys he can hook me up with. ( I told him No.)
I was never looking for a hook up at all. Then to add even more insult to injury he asks me how many guys am I seeing right now. For the record I was not seeing anyone else.

I assumed we had a relationship and it would lead to more. He figured I would go go along with it after he blurted out mother in law (on purpose) but my reaction told him different. But yea Im done with him but getting over this hurt is another thing...

Any comments will be helpful
 
Last edited:
Im sorry this happened to you.

Next time , look harder into the person you're willing to date. Ask those questions that may have popped up and you ignored. Better now than later.

Pray on it and cut the conversations going forward. You owe him nothing, not even your time or future thoughts.
 
I’ve also learned to explicitly ask men if they are married. Or in a relationship. Or if there is a woman out in the world who would say they are in a relationship :rolleyes: You would think if they are pursuing, the answer is no, but unfortunately that’s not the case. Yes they can lie, but I try to cover all bases.
 
Yeah...you got straight up played and it sucks. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You need to block him immediately and never speak to him again.

While this is not your fault I do feel like this is the perfect opportunity to change the things you DO have control over in an effort to better vet your relationships...

1. Get to know a man better before sharing genitals, inviting him to your house, etc. Ask him if he's married...if anyone is married to him, whether he has ever been married, who he's dating, the status of his last relationship...stuff like that.

2. Do your Googles. Most people who get married nowadays have some type of trail online like a wedding website, a Facebook/Instagram post, a wedding registry. Something.

3. Never and I mean NEVER get involved with a coworker. PERIOD! Next time when you receive unwanted advances from a coworker don't avoid them, give them a strong and visible "No!", start documenting each occurrence and report them to HR for sexual harassment.
 
sgold04 said:
I’ve also learned to explicitly ask men if they are married. Or in a relationship. Or if there is a woman out in the world who would say they are in a relationship :rolleyes: You would think if they are pursuing, the answer is no, but unfortunately that’s not the case. Yes they can lie, but I try to cover all bases.
Click to expand...

This extends to children as well/babies on the way. I’ll never forget how shocked I was when this guy I was seeing popped up with a newborn after he told me he didn’t have any kids. And his response was well you never asked if I had any on the way. :rolleyes:
 
sgold04 said:
I’ve also learned to explicitly ask men if they are married. Or in a relationship. Or if there is a woman out in the world who would say they are in a relationship :rolleyes: You would think if they are pursuing, the answer is no, but unfortunately that’s not the case. Yes they can lie, but I try to cover all bases.
Click to expand...

I sure did ask him. He told me its just him and he has a 12 year old daughter. Come to find out he has a 12 week old daughter.
 
roxyg22 said:
I would. But he knows where I live.
Click to expand...
I wouldn't bother. One, he's not worth the ink. Two, taking his bold actions into context, wifey probably knows he's a cheater.

You're blessed in finding out so early on. She's got 2 kids with him and is probably still with him due to pride or financial reasons.

Dust yourself down and keep it moving, and next time, don't do your doings on your own doorstep. Things tend to get messy that way.

Trust me, he will meet his match.

ETA

Just realised he has one kid not two. Regardless, it still stinks.
 
sgold04 said:
You were played and it sucks. Cut off all communication with him. He’s trash. His friends are trash. Keep it moving.
Click to expand...

All of this and don't bother with these lunch meetings. Like why? To hurt more? To analyze what he says more? No. Just cut it off clean and kim.

I am so sorry that this horrible excuse of a human being entered your life. But the good thing is now that you're aware, you can end any communication (that isn't a necessity to your work relationship).

mrselle said:
He's married and has an infant. He slept with you, then offered to hook you up with someone else. In case it isn't already clear, cut him off and move on with your life.
Click to expand...

For emphasis. #Neverforget

He doesn't deserve your time, tears, or sorrow. I know that you are probably in your feelings but if you're going to be in your feelings I hope this can muster the appropriate feeling so that you can get mad and easily shake him off. That way you won't continue to do things like oh say have lunch with him so that you don't give him the chance to have the audacity to pass you off to his friends. And I'm thinking he just wanted to make you feel like you didn't matter to him, but that's just me. :look:

Either way, whatever his motive, he's trash.

So please do not allow him to have any point of residency in your heart, mind, or spirit (not even for a second longer than possible).
 
Last edited:
sgold04 said:
I’ve also learned to explicitly ask men if they are married. Or in a relationship. Or if there is a woman out in the world who would say they are in a relationship :rolleyes: You would think if they are pursuing, the answer is no, but unfortunately that’s not the case. Yes they can lie, but I try to cover all bases.
Click to expand...

Yup I also ask if there are any children or if there may be children, if he has a criminal history and if he has ever been violent towards a woman before. I ask in the beginning to he can never say that I didn't give the opportunity after I do my own investigations. Also, I do not let him know where I'm living before doing my investigations.

You're young. Chalk this up to being a learning experience, allow yourself to feel sad for a set period each day, and continue with your usual routine. He's an idiot but unfortunately idiots are part of life :bighug:

Also please do not contact his wife. Apart from knowing where you live you both work in the same organization and you wouldn't want to bring this messy situation into the workplace.
 
This guy concealed a child and a marriage. He knocked you down then tried to pass you the homies. He has no honor as a man. He has no respect for you on any level and he never remotely cared about you. I can assure you that the "offer to hook you up" along with the questions on if you were seeing other people only served the purpose of discrediting you if/when this affair comes out. He is stacking his deck to sabotage you. Consider him dangerous. Seriously that is the type of dude who will leave you in shambles to avoid accountability for his actions.
 
Last edited:
While it didn't get this far, I had a similar experience that could have easily turned into yours :

My first real world job. Fine looking man that I never would have thought about really as I was a workaholic then, started sliding over my way, acting 'shy' but friendly.

Then he started flirting. Alot. Everyone noticed.

Little by little we started talking more. I found myself enjoying the convos, the flirting. I even caught him doodling my name over and over on a piece of paper!

THEN one day he slides into the convo that he was almost late cuz his wife didn't wake him up. #record scratch!

I played it off and then got away from him. After that I refused to even say hi.

One day he cornered me in the copy room, still trying to talk all sexy. There was no one else around. I let him have it. :censored:I told him to never confuse me with a woman that sleeps with married men and to not EVER talk or approach me again.

THE END.

Don't beat yourself up, but stay far away from him. You seriously dodged a bullet.
 
roxyg22 said:
Hey ladies

Ive been lurking for a while unfortunately this is my first post:

Im feeling heartbroken. So this guy at work was pursuing me like crazy I even avoided him for some time but he still pursued me. So I gave in and began seeing him. So one night after intimacy he says he has to pick up his daughter from his mother in law? I said: YOURE MARRIED?! He did not answer instead he said this is the thing he has a 12 week old baby. I was so in shock he left immediately then he calls me and asks me if Im leaving him (as if we were ever together) I shouted Yes.

A day go by I avoided him att work he was to stop by Saturday but I didnt answer his call. So now that its been a few days we had lunch at work then the convo turns he asks me if I want kids at this age I told him I dont know yet then he brings up I should look into getting married. Then he goes on to say he knows some good guys he can hook me up with. ( I told him No.)
I was never looking for a hook up at all. Then to add even more insult to injury he asks me how many guys am I seeing right now. For the record I was not seeing anyone else.

I assumed we had a relationship and it would lead to more. He figured I would go go along with it after he blurted out mother in law (on purpose) but my reaction told him different. But yea Im done with him but getting over this hurt is another thing...

Any comments will be helpful
Click to expand...

You did the right thing...why settle for a married man. There would not be enough lies, complaints or flattery to trade your self worth. He is a jerk and needs to have several seats. I bet he'll leave you alone you tell his wife!
 
I remember my ex friend knowingly got involved with a married man. Then when things weren't going well she sent the wife a nice letter informing her. The wife had no idea and she crushed that woman. He in turn was furious with her and it was a wrap and the wife left. My friend could not believe he stopped talking to her.

I told her I don't know one man that would not have been furious and continued to talk to her. The only man that would do that is one who didn't care if the wife was contacted. Most will cut all contact, even though they are the married one.

I take it he didn't wear a wedding ring. OP did you guys communicate a lot? Did you not pick up any signs of marriage?
 
Lylddlebit said:
He has no respect for you on any level and he never remotely cared about you. I can assure you that the "offer to hook you up" along with the questions on if you were seeing other people only served the purpose of discrediting you if/when this affair comes out. He is stacking his deck to sabotage you. Consider him dangerous. Seriously that is the type of dude who will leave you in shambles to avoid accountability for his actions.
Click to expand...

Quoted for emphasis.
 
roxyg22 said:
Im feeling heartbroken.
Click to expand...

So how long did you guys date? Would you say you were in fact dating? If, not I don't know if you should be heartbroken. Don't give him that much credit. I wonder who else he has slept with at the workplace. Yeah, I wouldn't date a coworker because I wouldn't want to see them everyday like that. People's business seems to get around as well.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

DayStar
He wont invite you to his house..but he loves you....
2
Replies
37
Views
867
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Glamorous_chic
interview dating. lol
Replies
15
Views
213
moonglowdiva
moonglowdiva
G
The Loving Thread
Replies
2
Views
100
Ganjababy
G
Curlybeauty
How to Conversate W/ A Very Untalkative Man
2 3
Replies
67
Views
1K
ambergirl
ambergirl
ALWAYZL8
What are your intentions?
2
Replies
38
Views
786
GeorginaSparks
GeorginaSparks
Back
Top