A Dating Question...

[BrownSkin2]

Ladies, I need advice please:

Okay, I met a nice guy over the X-mas holidays at a jazz spot. We had our first date a few days ago at a Grapes (a wine bar/resturant). For the second date, he wants to come to my house and cook dinner for me...(some things he mentioned cooking were sea bass, calamari, maybe pasta, etc.) He says he prefer to cook at my house because he don't have a dining room or living room furniture because he just gave it to his mother, who needed it, and he's planning to buy more furniture for his house very soon. For first impressions, he prefer not to cook at his place. After dinner, he wants to go out to listen to some jazz.

His background... He's 39, a small business owner, no kids, never married. He told me that his last friend he dated for a while turned out to be a little crazy. He assured me that he lives alone and have nothing to hide.

My question to you ladies is, is this too soon for him to be coming over cooking dinner for me? I've had guys to cook for me before, but it was at thier place. erplexed What do you think?

 

[HairQueen]

Ladies, I need advice please:

Okay, I met a nice guy over the X-mas holidays at a jazz spot. We had our first date a few days ago at a Grapes (a wine bar/resturant). For the second date, he wants to come to my house and cook dinner for me...(some things he mentioned cooking were sea bass, calamari, maybe pasta, etc.) He says he prefer to cook at my house because he don't have a dining room or living room furniture because he just gave it to his mother, who needed it, and he's planning to buy more furniture for his house very soon. For first impressions, he prefer not to cook at his place. After dinner, he wants to go out to listen to some jazz.

His background... He's 39, a small business owner, no kids, never married. He told me that his last friend he dated for a while turned out to be a little crazy. He assured me that he lives alone and have nothing to hide.

My question to you ladies is, is this too soon for him to be coming over cooking dinner for me? I've had guys to cook for me before, but it was at thier place. erplexed What do you think?

Yes I think its too soon, he may be very genuine but I doubt it. I always say be weary of men who want to come to your house too soon because remember they are right where they need to be - near a bed.

After the dinner he will not want to go out and listen to Jazz, he will want to stay in and get jazzy with you..

 

[BrownSkin2]

Yes I think its too soon, he may be very genuine but I doubt it. I always say be weary of men who want to come to your house too soon because remember they are right where they need to be - near a bed.

After the dinner he will not want to go out and listen to Jazz, he will want to stay in and get jazzy with you..

Thanks for your advice. This is something to really think about. From my experience, it's best to keep men away from your house.

 

[TinyT]

No of us can dictate how many dates you should go on for you to feel comfortable with this man coming to your house. It may be 5 dates for one lady and 5 months of dating for another.

The fact that you are asking the question and questioning yourself, means that you aren't completely comfortable with him coming over. If he really is a man that will have longevity in your life, he should want to cook for you at whatever location you feel comfortable and whenever you feel ready to have a private date at home.

Also for your personal safety, you may not want a person that you don't know well to know where you live. I like to do group or public dates to evaluate a guy over time. So let him know that you would love to have him cook for you in the future, but for now lets spend more time out doing activities where you can learn more about each other and build a friendship, if one is to be built at all. If he questions this or tries to persuade you to do otherwise, you may need to evaluate why he is rushing the process and if you want to continue forward with a man who isn't respecting your need to take this at a comfortable pace.

It is always nice to meet new people, so enjoy yourself, but always do a gut check on how comfortable YOU feel throughout the dating process, based on your morals and desires.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I think it's too soon.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

No of us can dictate how many dates you should go on for you to feel comfortable with this man coming to your house. It may be 5 dates for one lady and 5 months of dating for another.

The fact that you are asking the question and questioning yourself, means that you aren't completely comfortable with him coming over. If he really is a man that will have longevity in your life, he should want to cook for you at whatever location you feel comfortable and whenever you feel ready to have a private date at home.

Also for your personal safety, you may not want a person that you don't know well to know where you live. I like to do group or public dates to evaluate a guy over time. So let him know that you would love to have him cook for you in the future, but for now lets spend more time out doing activities where you can learn more about each other and build a friendship, if one is to be built at all. If he questions this or tries to persuade you to do otherwise, you may need to evaluate why he is rushing the process and if you want to continue forward with a man who isn't respecting your need to take this at a comfortable pace.

It is always nice to meet new people, so enjoy yourself, but always do a gut check on how comfortable YOU feel throughout the dating process, based on your morals and desires.

I agree with every word

Let him down easy since it seems like you like him, but definitely express your concern and if he's a keeper he'd totally respect that.

I'm a bit uptight, but I generally just don't like ppl inviting themselves over to my house, period. So unless I suggested it I would say no on that principle alone.

 

[Bublin]

I hate it when men invite themselves to a ladies house. IMO Its just so rude.

His excuse seems very strange to me.

Tell him you don't mind having dinner at his place and sitting on a nice rug in his living room sounds romantic. As long as he has heating then its cool with you. You are not dating him because he has furniture, you're dating him for him. See what he says.

 

[sonce]

My question to you ladies is, is this too soon for him to be coming over cooking dinner for me? I've had guys to cook for me before, but it was at thier place. erplexed What do you think?

Yes, it is too soon for him to come to your place for a date and too soon for you to go to his for a date. You should be going to restaurants until you figure out that this man has the sort of character that makes you want to deepen your relationship, and one date with a 1-2 week acquaintance is not nearly enough time to figure all that out IMO. What if you invite him over, or go over to his place, and he gets rough with you? What then? Can you honestly say you know him well enough to say this is not a possibility? If he's serious about you, there'll be ample opportunity later for him to cook you dinner. He sounds like a broke guy trying to save money and get in your pants at the same time.

 

[Bunny77]

If he's serious about you, there'll be ample opportunity later for him to cook you dinner. He sounds like a broke guy trying to save money and get in your pants at the same time.

Exactly.

I dunno, but I feel that the "cook you dinner" date is the biggest game going. I am always suspicious of men who suggest this so early in the dating process -- now there's nothing wrong with it if he's MY MAN and he wants to cook for me... go right ahead!

But for a first date, you suggest coming to MY place to cook? And maybe this man can really ncook, but I find it funny that all of these men these days are suddenly big-time chefs as often as they suggest "cooking dinner" for women... yeah right.

Make him take you on a real date. Even if it's an inexpensive date, he should be trying to take you out and shouldn't even be suggesting coming to your house at this point.

 

[SUPER SWEET]

He would not be coming to cook at my house if I could not see his home :scratchch Make me wonder....
But I would ask do you have a breakfast bar we can EAT dinner on?

 

[aqualung]

He'll invite you to his place when he's ready for you to see it.
Let him take you OUT for the first 5-6 dates. Don't be alone behind closed doors at his place or yours at first. And let friends/family know about when and where your dates take place for the first couple of months.

 

[CandiceC]

Too soon. There will be plenty time for that later.

I agree about him taking you out.

You need to be wined and dined! And not at your house.

 

[intergalacticartist]

Do you live alone? I would be weary of entertaining men in my home if I were, you don't want him to know where you live. You might come home one day to find all your stuff gone.
Plus, what if this fool is crazy? You'll come home at night to people prowling and stalking you behind bushes and crap.

 

[sonce]

But for a first date, you suggest coming to MY place to cook? And maybe this man can really ncook, but I find it funny that all of these men these days are suddenly big-time chefs as often as they suggest "cooking dinner" for women... yeah right.

This is the latest trick in the game. Linguini with a side of booty.

 

[sky_blu]

You cant dictate how many dates it takes but if you even questioning if you think its too soon then IT IS TOO SOON! It would take a few months before he coming to my place, especially since he talking about coming to cook. Do you have his home number or just the cell?

 

[lexi08]

It's too early for him to come to your house. He is either cheap or broke. You don't need to deal with either scenario. Make him take you out on real dates. If he does not want to and insists on making dinner, let him go. Please be very very cautious of men that don't want to invite you to their home. They can have a live in girlfriend, wife or could be lying about where they live.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I think it's sweet that he wants to cook dinner for you!

BUT...what's the point of him suggesting doing such a thing if he can't do it at HIS place? I don't want a guy in my crib that soon. Maybe he doesn't see it that way. He's probably ashamed of his place. But I think for now he should stick to taking you out. Plus like others said, it's too early to play chef..wine and dine me out on the town!

 

[Caramela]

Yes I think its too soon, he may be very genuine but I doubt it. I always say be weary of men who want to come to your house too soon because remember they are right where they need to be - near a bed.

After the dinner he will not want to go out and listen to Jazz, he will want to stay in and get jazzy with you..

Right on! U took the words right out of my mouth

 

[guudhair]

It's too soon for him to be at your place and for you to be at his place...I would want to be around other people when we are together until I feel comfortable going over each other's house...going to the movies, bowling, museum, etc are some of the things I would do.

I'm really scary about things like that (maybe I watch too much Court TV) but if you really want him to come over just have a few other couples there too so the two of you are not alone.

And no, he shouldn't be inviting himself over either...that's a big no no in my book (regardless of how many dates we've been on)...so I would make that known while it's still early so later he just wouldn't assume you're okay with that.

 

[FunkyMunky]

Too soon.

I recently had a guy pull this one on me on our 3rd date. I agreed. After that he wanted to do everything indoors and didn't want to do anything outside a house anymore. Granted he didn't make any serious moves that night but it doesn't matter. Even when I would make cheapo suggestions (parks, tennis, beach, etc) he would have a reason to decline.

I politely told him he needed to take me out and court me like the lady that I am or keep shopping. He fought me on it every time. Needless to say I dropped that zero and kept shopping.

Beware... He's either cheap, broke, waiting for you to do for him, or hiding something. He's probably living with his mother or a family member. You have the rest of your lives to be at home cooking dinner etc...

Don't fool yourself into thinking you will go out more once a relationship has been established.

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

His story sounds like a crock of you know what to me. He gave his furniture to his mother erplexed? He may be married or living with another woman, that is the impression I get.

 

[Isis]

No of us can dictate how many dates you should go on for you to feel comfortable with this man coming to your house. It may be 5 dates for one lady and 5 months of dating for another.

The fact that you are asking the question and questioning yourself, means that you aren't completely comfortable with him coming over. If he really is a man that will have longevity in your life, he should want to cook for you at whatever location you feel comfortable and whenever you feel ready to have a private date at home.

Also for your personal safety, you may not want a person that you don't know well to know where you live. I like to do group or public dates to evaluate a guy over time. So let him know that you would love to have him cook for you in the future, but for now lets spend more time out doing activities where you can learn more about each other and build a friendship, if one is to be built at all. If he questions this or tries to persuade you to do otherwise, you may need to evaluate why he is rushing the process and if you want to continue forward with a man who isn't respecting your need to take this at a comfortable pace.

It is always nice to meet new people, so enjoy yourself, but always do a gut check on how comfortable YOU feel throughout the dating process, based on your morals and desires.

ITA with everything in this post. Excellent points.

 

[BrownSkin2]

Update:

You all were right on with this guy. This guy is broke!! He took me to a jazz spot for dinner, which was where we first met. First of all, he wore the same outfit as the first date. That was my first omen that something was weird. He also appeared to know alot of the patrons in the spot. After eating dinner, I notice that he tipped the waiter, but never received a bill. We both had a t-bone dinner. He frequents this place I believe and also knows the owner. It was free meals for us, thus his suggestion to eat there after I declined him cooking dinner at my place. How clever, huh? It appears he may be a free loader, or just plain broke, or both. Who knows.. I am so happy we went out instead of him coming to my place. You have to be on your P's and Q's with these men. Needless to say, I won't be going out with him again. erplexed

ETA: During dinner he tried to pump himself up by saying," let me tell you who I really am...he said he was working in politics and that I would be seeing him on tv at some point and will wonder what is going on." I'm still laughing about that as I type.

 

[LaShanne]

Ladies, I need advice please:

Okay, I met a nice guy over the X-mas holidays at a jazz spot. We had our first date a few days ago at a Grapes (a wine bar/resturant). For the second date, he wants to come to my house and cook dinner for me...(some things he mentioned cooking were sea bass, calamari, maybe pasta, etc.) He says he prefer to cook at my house because he don't have a dining room or living room furniture because he just gave it to his mother, who needed it, and he's planning to buy more furniture for his house very soon. For first impressions, he prefer not to cook at his place. After dinner, he wants to go out to listen to some jazz.

His background... He's 39, a small business owner, no kids, never married. He told me that his last friend he dated for a while turned out to be a little crazy. He assured me that he lives alone and have nothing to hide.

My question to you ladies is, is this too soon for him to be coming over cooking dinner for me? I've had guys to cook for me before, but it was at thier place. erplexed What do you think?

There's no way you should even CONSIDER allowing this STRANGER anywhere near your residence so soon. You JUST met the guy. Too soon, too dangerous.

This guy is either married or living with his mother. Who gives away living room AND dining room furniture. He's LYYYYIIINNNG!!

And I dont know too many 39 yr old NEVER married guys with NO kids running around. Can you say GAY? (just kidding, sort of )

 

[Minx]

Thanks for the update and BRAVO!

I am soooo glad you found out about this guy before you got deeply involved and THANK GOD he doesn't know were you live.

You could have had a real problem on your hands trying to get rid of him!



dk

 

[sonce]

Update:

You all were right on with this guy. This guy is broke!! He took me to a jazz spot for dinner, which was where we first met. First of all, he wore the same outfit as the first date. That was my first omen that something was weird. He also appeared to know alot of the patrons in the spot. After eating dinner, I notice that he tipped the waiter, but never received a bill. We both had a t-bone dinner. He frequents this place I believe and also knows the owner. It was free meals for us, thus his suggestion to eat there after I declined him cooking dinner at my place. How clever, huh? It appears he may be a free loader, or just plain broke, or both. Who knows.. I am so happy we went out instead of him coming to my place. You have to be on your P's and Q's with these men. Needless to say, I won't be going out with him again. erplexed

ETA: During dinner he tried to pump himself up by saying," let me tell you who I really am...he said he was working in politics and that I would be seeing him on tv at some point and will wonder what is going on." I'm still laughing about that as I type.

Oh my Lord. This dude is HILARIOUS. I laughed so hard that my eyes filled with tears. Broke with delusions of grandeur. Please dump this chump ASAP.

 

[Bunny77]

Update:

You all were right on with this guy. This guy is broke!! He took me to a jazz spot for dinner, which was where we first met. First of all, he wore the same outfit as the first date. That was my first omen that something was weird. He also appeared to know alot of the patrons in the spot. After eating dinner, I notice that he tipped the waiter, but never received a bill. We both had a t-bone dinner. He frequents this place I believe and also knows the owner. It was free meals for us, thus his suggestion to eat there after I declined him cooking dinner at my place. How clever, huh? It appears he may be a free loader, or just plain broke, or both. Who knows.. I am so happy we went out instead of him coming to my place. You have to be on your P's and Q's with these men. Needless to say, I won't be going out with him again. erplexed

ETA: During dinner he tried to pump himself up by saying," let me tell you who I really am...he said he was working in politics and that I would be seeing him on tv at some point and will wonder what is going on." I'm still laughing about that as I type.

Good for you! His game was so WEAK! Any time a man suggests a cooking date super early (like, first, second, third date), that is a sign that he's cheap, a playa or both!!!

I know you aren't going out with him again, but it would be funny to hear his suggestions if he wanted a third date... and if you entertained it, suggest a different restaurant just to see what he says! (Seriously, you don't have to do that, I just think it would be funny)

Oh, and what type of "politics" is he supposedly involved in?

 

[sonce]

I know you aren't going out with him again, but it would be funny to hear his suggestions if he wanted a third date... and if you entertained it, suggest a different restaurant just to see what he says!

See, we think alike because this is the kind of thing I would do just for laughs. I can just hear his response now: "Err, baby, why don't we go hang with my boy? Him and his family having a barbecue and we can fix us some plates and go chill on his patio."

 

[BrownSkin2]

Good for you! His game was so WEAK! Any time a man suggests a cooking date super early (like, first, second, third date), that is a sign that he's cheap, a playa or both!!!

I know you aren't going out with him again, but it would be funny to hear his suggestions if he wanted a third date... and if you entertained it, suggest a different restaurant just to see what he says! (Seriously, you don't have to do that, I just think it would be funny)

Oh, and what type of "politics" is he supposedly involved in?

He's running for city council. "He said he's been campaigning for a year. He said he's very recognizable and that people he don't know approach him all the time." Sounds like a wannabe celebrity!!

I may entertain a conversation to see where he asks me out to next. (Probably will be a barbecue at his partner's house, like Sonce said.)

 

[MzTami]

It's funny, but then again, it isn't funny. I know OP gave this man the benefit of the doubt and hoping for the best, instead, he turned into a pumpkin before midnight. I'm sorry he wasn't the one and I know that you are disappointed.

I'm glad that you find humor in him, but most importantly, you know that he's full of game.

Good luck to you!(((HUGS))))