A classmate posed the question: Ladies would you help your man financially?

PrissiSippi

PrissiSippi

Simply Komplex
He typical question from a slob bum type guy. I explained my piece that if he was truly my guy he wouldn't fix his mouth to ask me for money in the first place. I would help my man out in things such as finding a job, updating his resume, picking out work clothes, or helping him expound on qualities he already has but I don't financially help men. Of course he disagrees. My fiancé and I started talking and I told him I never thought about my reasoning behind it. Why I think the way I do. I just think this way because this is how I was brought up. My fiancé was brought up with this same notion in mind regarding asking a woman for finances. What's your thoughts or reasoning behind it?

I said that first of all I only date self sufficient men. And a self sufficient man had the ability to critically think his way out of problems and adequately plan to get himself out of problems rather than relying on a woman, the woman should be self sufficient as well.
 
I would but he wouldn't. He is more of a provider and will give up materialistic items if it was that extreme and would tell me he will handle it and it's ok. I would shove the money his hand if I had to. I will be there in his time in need as he is for me. But if he was a whiner and not about doing his own thing in the first place I wouldn't be with him. I think less of a dude if he is like that. He will see it in my behavior as well
 
I've done it and it is not about not having self respect or self esteem. It's about helping someone who may be in need at that moment. if you won't help make sure you find a man that will never need your help at all dot period for anything. But also don't be shocked if he won't help you.
 
I am not saying everytime som little thing pops off drop him something BUT if it is a rare thing why not help a brother out? I tell you what stuff happens, life happens. Some of yall wonder why you aint got no man. If a man has falling on hard times and this is not the norm he probably wont ask anyway. I have helped a previous boyfriend and when he got back on his feet I was the first that got paid back. He was just good knowing his woman had his back and would do the same for me.

Oh and my self esteem and respect is in check.
 
Sure, I would. I help people in need all the time. Thing is, it KILLS the attraction factor for me. One of my former SOs needed tires or something to pass inspection and he asked me for $500 which I GLADLY gave him. He got the tires and he repaid me within a month or two and all was well but I didn't feel the same way about him. I felt like hmmm...what kind of potential spouse would this guy make? If I had someone who was down to their last $500, he had no ability to handle things in a manner I would need a mate to. What if we were married and his truck went up? WHO would be repairing it or buying a new one? ME! What if I wanted to take a trip to the South of France? Who would be paying for that? ME! I did not mind doing it or being there for him in his time of need AT ALL and I was impressed with how he made it a priority to pay me back so quickly but it took me out of relationship mode immediately. He's been in the Friend Zone for years now.
 
I found a promissory note my ex (while we were exs) sent to me. I loaned him a g and he paid it back on time.
 
SouthernStunner said:
I am not saying everytime som little thing pops off drop him something BUT if it is a rare thing why not help a brother out? I tell you what stuff happens, life happens. Some of yall wonder why you aint got no man. If a man has falling on hard times and this is not the norm he probably wont ask anyway. I have helped a previous boyfriend and when he got back on his feet I was the first that got paid back. He was just good knowing his woman had his back and would do the same for me. Oh and my self esteem and respect is in check.
Click to expand...

Why'd y'all break up?
 
If he is a boyfriend then no I'm not giving him any money. I'll take care portions of dates/outings if he has proposed to me or the proposal is within the foreseeable future. That's about it. Once we're married then no problem. His money is mine. My money is his.
 
I used to when I was much younger, but now I wouldn't do it unless the following was in place:
1) We are at least engaged
2) It's an amount of money I don't mind losing for good
3) The situation is an anomaly
4) There is a 99% chance he will have the means to pay me back

So here's my thing...I am very fiscally responsible. I have savings accounts for my savings accounts. I can count on one hand the number of times I've ever needed to borrow $$ from anyone (friends and family) in my adult life. I just can't imagine dating a man who would ever need to borrow $100, $500, $1500, etc. to cover something. I'd expect a grown man to have an emergency fund with at least 4-6 months of living expenses available if his checking account balance was a bit low. I'd expect that man to have non cash assets he can liquidate if he needs to float himself for a while. While upsets in the job market happen I can't see myself with a guy who wouldn't be able to find another position before using all of his emergency fund, cashing out all mutual funds, and possibly even taking money from his 401K. The only way I can see a man in a position to have to even ask me for $$ to pay his basic bills or take care of an emergency is if he was back in school as a full-time student (which is rare for men in their 30s) or if he had funneled all of his savings and assets into an entrepreneurial venture that had yet to turn profitable. I just can't think of any other situation where my man would even need to ask me for money.
 
Depends on the issue. The thing is if you do it once he'll expect you to do it again. I always seek for potential in a mate does not have to be rich but have a job and goals. My husband while dating worked 2 jobs, cleaned his credit and bought a house. Every relationship is about building up one another and supporting each other. It shouldn't be one sided or begging for money. Then you lose my respect.
 
There are times I pay for things for DH, I get my money back ASAP within a very short period and with interest (he just does that).

I would NOT do that for any dude if we weren't married and it is a habit to not get my money back ASAP.

Please note the stress on ASAP. I am not Capt Save-a-broke-turd. All my friends that have done the giving partners money have always regretted it and it also says a LOT about their relationships including the men that use those funds on other/side-chicks and lifestyles they should not be concerned with seeing that they are broke.
 
If we were just dating, this would be a major red flag for me. It is not healthy to enter into a long-term relationship with somebody who has nobody. In other words, if I'm his girlfriend and I am the only person he can depend on when things go bad financially, that sounds like a lifetime of misery. I would give this same advice to men. If ever we are both in a financial bind, what would we do? I understand not everyone has friends and family that can help, but you need to assemble a strong support network and get in good with a bank before thinking about trying to become someone's husband. I don't mind being there for you, but I need to be the absolute last resort. This is why these days I don't date men who don't network or have strong support systems.
 
Of course...for every thousand he deposits...he gets $100 credit :lachen:

No, I "does not" give money to men...for any reason.
 
We broke up because I moved away and I don't do long distance relationships. Had nothing to do with money.

AND I am sorry I didn't answer as quickly as you would have like BUT I am with my kids football team. We are a traveling league. Not that I owe anyone an explanation
 
Lol to the whole thread. For the ladies that responded, what is your reasoning behind it? Or is this just one of those things you really don't have reasoning for?

I asked another one of my close friend guys and they said a man shouldn't ask a woman for a dime but he doesn't do it because of the connotation it gives a man as a broke deadbeat guy. He said on the other hand women ask men for money all of the time for things such as getting their hair done, nails done, shopping, a new purse, and etc. he told me he doesn't see the big deal that a woman can ask men for money but a man cannot given that women harp about wanting to be "equal" *side eye*
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

T
How would you feel?
Replies
28
Views
680
greight
greight
Aviah
Would you wait for a man in jail?
2
Replies
46
Views
812
jamaica68
jamaica68
C@ssandr@
Help! Guidance for a financially dependent wife
Replies
15
Views
309
C@ssandr@
C@ssandr@
LuvLiLocks
Ladies how'd you get your man?
Replies
27
Views
1K
bluediamond0829
B
-Volare
Question? Would You Break Up With A Guy If He...
2 3
Replies
69
Views
3K
ChocalateDiva
ChocalateDiva
Back
Top