30 year old man. Never been in a relationship

[locabouthair]

I just want to say, it seems this guy is considered by most people to be handsome. So I dont think looks have anything to do with it. Even if he were unattractive, I dont think that would be a factor. We all have known someone who was unattractive but had an SO.

 

[bimbabe]

Someone else's problem...not taking him on as mine.

I would run too the hills....in the opposite direction!

I wouldn't even think he was shy- shy guys would have been in a relationship before...some women like shy guys.

I would think something was wrong with them...whether it be how they socialize or what.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Stay clear of him.
I need someone who can be on the same page with me, not someone i have to teach how to behave in a relationship.
Besides, my experience with people who have never been in relationships is that they have a hard time dealing with other people because they are so set in their ways.

...And why haven't he been in a relationship before? I would start to think something is wrong with him.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Ive never really been in a rlp either BUT theres nothing wrong with me whatsoever. I like seeing diff guys and when Im ready to get serious I will *shrugs* Not being in a realtionship doesnt mean he's completely shunned himself from any female contact for the past 30 years of his life and clueless as to how to be committed to someone

 

[KEWLKAT103]

That he is probably on the shy side and maybe "nerdy".
It was well into my twenties when I had my 1st relationship.
I was quiet, nerdy and not interested in men for quite awhile.
I could imagine it taking a man until 30 to get into a relationship and there not be anything "wrong" with him.

 

[Vshanell]

I wouldn't think anything of it and I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

[locabouthair]

Ive never really been in a rlp either BUT theres nothing wrong with me whatsoever. I like seeing diff guys and when Im ready to get serious I will *shrugs* Not being in a realtionship doesnt mean he's completely shunned himself from any female contact for the past 30 years of his life and clueless as to how to be committed to someone

I agree.

 

[Vshanell]

I'm one of them - I'm 36 and never a relationship. So please don't judge this guy without getting to know him first. Still, I can understand the thought "something must be wrong with him." Heck, I say it to myself!

There's nothing wrong with you....good things come to those who wait.

 

[locabouthair]

I'm one of them - I'm 36 and never a relationship. So please don't judge this guy without getting to know him first. Still, I can understand the thought "something must be wrong with him." Heck, I say it to myself!

((HUGS)) I only had one rlp and that was 6 years ago. I understand how you feel. Don't beat yourself up about it.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, something wrong with him, he may be a stalker,crazy, woman beater, or just a lier, or worse, thats a RED FLAG alert.

 

[Bunny77]

I would just keep my eyes and ears open... his behavior will let you know what the deal is. It may be nothing, or it may be something major!

Just let him do the talking and observe...

 

[CurlyMoo]

That he's never been in a relationship and it's his business and I'm sure he's had his reasons. Not everyone has been fukked and chucked by the age of 22. I would have no judgment against this man.

 

[Ediese]

I dont' think it's so hard to believe. My SO is 34, and he's only been in 2 serious relationships prior to me. The last one was 10 years ago. That doesn't mean that he hasn't been doing whatever though, I'm sure. He was just not interested in a relationship.

 

[aribell]

I think that this is a lot more common than people realize. I know several people who the world would think should have been in LTRs by now. They're out there, it's just that people who haven't been in serious relationships don't talk about the relationships that they haven't been in...and people assume that they're just single at the moment.

ETA: But I do agree that I would be concerned if this person had never dated casually, spent one-on-one time with the opposite sex in a romantic context, had someone at some point in time that they were really into, etc. It might not mean that they're "messed up" or anything, just that there could be fear and other social/emotional issues there.

 

[Renewed1]

I would think that he was ugly.

He's lying.

Player.

Momma's/daddy's boy.

 

[missann]

I would think nothing of it. I'm relatively old and haven't been in a LTR since undergrad; even then it was only for nine months. Maybe he's not on the prowl or has other priorities. If he's a professional, he may not have time to be bothered.

Having said that, I don't like being in your typical "social" situations - dressing up, standing around smiling, and all the other pretense. So maybe I have social issues.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

I'm one of them - I'm 36 and never a relationship. So please don't judge this guy without getting to know him first. Still, I can understand the thought "something must be wrong with him." Heck, I say it to myself!

You have discussed this before on this board. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, from what I can see. I truly believe in the notion of things happening at the right place and time. I am sure you are tired of waiting and meeting the 50-11 Mr. Wrongs but the reality may be that you might have to make some change to meet the right one, such as amove, go back to school and change career paths.

I have a really good friend who was in a job she loved. She was bright and beautiful and could never get a realtionship off the ground. Nothing seemed to work. She was downsized and as a part of her serverance package, she received out placement career service. Well her employment counselor happened to be in a building where a major law firm took up three floors. She met one of the attorneys about a month into the program and married him about a year later. She was 34 and had never had a real boyfriend. She never got another job because he knocked her up within the first six months and now she is a SAHM to three rambling boys.

I know of a couple, I was friends with the husband first, he met his wife as a 35 year old virgin who not only never had a boyfriend, she had never even been out on a date. She was a nurse who had decided to go back to school for her MSRN, and he was there getting his MS in computer science, he worked at the computer lab and was the on call tech support person when her computer crashed. They married within a year and have to lovely children.

I know it has been said to you many times but really focus on building the life you want and the relationship will come.

 

[QUEENDIVA1]

Huh?w.t.h.! would come to my mind...

 

[DMJ's Mom]

Well to me not being in a relationship doesn't mean that he's never been on a date or had sex so really all I would think is that he just wanted ready for a relationship and was at least up front about that fact. The older women in my family always told us growing up that a man doesn't really start maturing until close to 30 anyway. Not to mention the fact that he's not likely to be as jaded and into bad habits or thoughts of what ex-girls let him do or get a way with or what they did for him

 

[Murjani]

I would think that he probably spent his 20's being a player and not wanting to be tied down.

I have a cousin like this, now 30 and still has trouble committing.

 

[missty1029]

Ok, I just came out of a realtionship with a guy who at 34 never had a girlfriend. He may have hung out and whatever but nothing significant. He is very shy and does not have a comfort level to talk to a girl. Him and I were friends first and thats how it happened and I initiated it really.

Now I will not judge anyone based on the lack of relationships, which I didnt by getting involved, but it is not fun and not easy depending on your relationship experience. He didn't know how to date me, how to court me, how to be in a relationship. I have been in several serious long term relationships. I know what I want and what I expect. He had to talk to a friend to understand what he should do for a woman. Me I did not have the patience to teach anyone. Also he expected me to take the lead. If I did something nice then he would know to do something back. There were other issues but it all depends on where you are at. If you're new to the game then yea maybe you guys can learn and grow together. Or if you want to take the time to mold him go for it. But I don't believe in molding men. It seems like the ones that mold them are not the ones that end up with them. But every situation is different.

 

[Bunny77]

^^^Yet another reason why I don't believe in initiating things... the initiator will always be the one leading things and that can be quite annoying!

 

[inthepink]

You have discussed this before on this board. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, from what I can see. I truly believe in the notion of things happening at the right place and time. I am sure you are tired of waiting and meeting the 50-11 Mr. Wrongs but the reality may be that you might have to make some change to meet the right one, such as amove, go back to school and change career paths.

I have a really good friend who was in a job she loved. She was bright and beautiful and could never get a realtionship off the ground. Nothing seemed to work. She was downsized and as a part of her serverance package, she received out placement career service. Well her employment counselor happened to be in a building where a major law firm took up three floors. She met one of the attorneys about a month into the program and married him about a year later. She was 34 and had never had a real boyfriend. She never got another job because he knocked her up within the first six months and now she is a SAHM to three rambling boys.

I know of a couple, I was friends with the husband first, he met his wife as a 35 year old virgin who not only never had a boyfriend, she had never even been out on a date. She was a nurse who had decided to go back to school for her MSRN, and he was there getting his MS in computer science, he worked at the computer lab and was the on call tech support person when her computer crashed. They married within a year and have to lovely children.

I know it has been said to you many times but really focus on building the life you want and the relationship will come.

Thanks so much!

I have moved across the country and gone to grad school but there has to be more that I can do so I am going to seriously think about it. I have to find areas where there are men - seems everything I am interested in only involves women!

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I'd think that was a G'damn shame and that fact would make him slightly unattractive to me.

 

[inthepink]

Ok, I just came out of a realtionship with a guy who at 34 never had a girlfriend. He may have hung out and whatever but nothing significant. He is very shy and does not have a comfort level to talk to a girl. Him and I were friends first and thats how it happened and I initiated it really.

Now I will not judge anyone based on the lack of relationships, which I didnt by getting involved, but it is not fun and not easy depending on your relationship experience. He didn't know how to date me, how to court me, how to be in a relationship. I have been in several serious long term relationships. I know what I want and what I expect. He had to talk to a friend to understand what he should do for a woman. Me I did not have the patience to teach anyone. Also he expected me to take the lead. If I did something nice then he would know to do something back. There were other issues but it all depends on where you are at. If you're new to the game then yea maybe you guys can learn and grow together. Or if you want to take the time to mold him go for it. But I don't believe in molding men. It seems like the ones that mold them are not the ones that end up with them. But every situation is different.

I can definitely see how this would be frustrating. Being someone who is probably on that end - I always worry and think "I don't even know HOW to be in a relationship." It is scary b/c men also do not want to deal with a woman who knows nothing. I can understand that it would be tiring and exhausting to have to "teach" someone what to do. Sure, some of it is common sense but some of it has to be learned. In your 30s, many of us don't have the patience anymore.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I would think that he is shy and has trouble approaching women.

But I think most people still look at these behavior as something is wrong with him. Being shy and having a hard time approaching women is okay, maybe even cute in your early to mid twenties, but after that something most women want to deal with.

 

[Imani]

..............................

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

Thanks so much!

I have moved across the country and gone to grad school but there has to be more that I can do so I am going to seriously think about it. I have to find areas where there are men - seems everything I am interested in only involves women!

Well that is it. While it is great to meet other women, because after all they can introduce you to men like their brothers, friends and coworkers, you still have to be in the business of meeting men directly. The best place to start is the gym, especially if they have early morning hours. Most working men, at least in my experience, went in between 5-7 AM because they had to get their workout before they worked. The added benefit is that you get to stay in shape in your pursuit. Other places I have found men, even on a Saturday night and especially in this economy, bookstores, Blockbuster and Starbucks. Once you do meet someone you may think is a match, relax and just let it flow. If he is the one, he will stick around as long as the environment is comfortable.

 

[sky_blu]

What would you think of this?

What's the first thing that would come to your mind?

Good for him! *and no Im not being sarcastic* If we all could be so lucky not to have the trials of relationships.

 

[kryolnapps]

Ok, I just came out of a realtionship with a guy who at 34 never had a girlfriend. He may have hung out and whatever but nothing significant. He is very shy and does not have a comfort level to talk to a girl. Him and I were friends first and thats how it happened and I initiated it really.

Now I will not judge anyone based on the lack of relationships, which I didnt by getting involved, but it is not fun and not easy depending on your relationship experience. He didn't know how to date me, how to court me, how to be in a relationship. I have been in several serious long term relationships. I know what I want and what I expect. He had to talk to a friend to understand what he should do for a woman. Me I did not have the patience to teach anyone. Also he expected me to take the lead. If I did something nice then he would know to do something back. There were other issues but it all depends on where you are at. If you're new to the game then yea maybe you guys can learn and grow together. Or if you want to take the time to mold him go for it. But I don't believe in molding men. It seems like the ones that mold them are not the ones that end up with them. But every situation is different.

About a year ago, I too dated a 37 yr old guy who only had one gf. I don't even think she was really his gf because now he tells everyone that I'm his ex, even though we only went out on 5 dates before I told him things were not working out. I too didn't have the patience to teach him how to be on dates, let alone in a relationship. There were so many things wrong right from the start. He is awkward, has little social skills and is very clueless. He looks good on paper, professional, own his own house, car, ambitious etc. He is not the most good looking guy around and he is short (but taller than me), but looks doesn't matter to me. However, I could understand why some women might not find him physically attractive.

But his real problem was his personality: he lacks charm. He has so many issues and also lacks self confidence. Plus he is sooo cheap and very set in his ways! When I found that he only had one relationship before that lasted only a few weeks, everything made sense!

Everyone was on my case about not giving him a chance, but I really did. Now I have to add to my ever growing lists of must-haves in my future husband 'prior relationship experience'