Are you 25 years old or older and have NEVER been in a relationship?

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

Celina, there's nothing wrong with you.

Most of the women who are considered 'normal' as far as relationships go from what I've seen have problems. They say they're 'in love', sex these 'boyfriendd', go out from time to time, and about 6 months to a year later, they repeat this 'normal' cycle.

My first real relationship was when I got married at 25. I am 30 (about to 31) soon.

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[softblackcotton]

I'm 25, single my whole life, virgin. I only started dating since I was 23, but I've had so many point less and painful crushes. I've "dated" a couple of incompatibles and jerky boys. I guess I just "haven't found the right one yet." SO tired of hearing that sh*t. I told my parents to stop telling me "when you get married or when you have kids..." They should have had a more attractive child.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

I'll turn 25 this year. I don't feel badly about never having been in a romantic relationship. I know exactly what I want and I know I can do well for myself.
TBH, I have always had ambitions for my own charms (and vajayjay ). Squandering their powers would be foolish and inauspicious.

 

[EccentricRed]

I'm in my late 20's and I haven't had a good adult relationship to speak of. I'm stuck in a small suburb in a college town, and although I have dated several men, they have all failed the mission in one way or another. (Lies, 1 slept with my roommates, 1 got his ex preggo while we were dating, 1 picked my bestfriend over me, 1 started dating me when had a g/f still...etc I have amazing stories) Some where just not compatible with me, which is also something that could happen. I had to sit back and think about what in the world the problem could possibly be...my conclusion was that I need to move. So when I work on my Ph.D, I'm getting the heck outta here.

I have asked myself many times if it is me or if God just wants me to be alone. Who am I to question God's plan? We, as women, need to be honest with ourselves. I get annoyed hearing that speech, "There is someone out there for you and he will be all of that and blah blah blah..." Honestly, there are rich people and poor people, there are married people and single people. What we need to do is stop questioning God, let his plan run it's course, and enjoy life! I'm human, and it hurts to be single at times, but he wouldn't have me going through this if I couldn't handle it right?

You are fine, and no, you are not normal, because there is no NORMAL way to live, or we'd all be the same...okay...I'm done rattling!

 

[belldandy]

I'm 25, single my whole life, virgin. I only started dating since I was 23, but I've had so many point less and painful crushes. I've "dated" a couple of incompatibles and jerky boys. I guess I just "haven't found the right one yet." SO tired of hearing that sh*t. I told my parents to stop telling me "when you get married or when you have kids..." They should have had a more attractive child.

OMGosh, I am sure you have no trouble attracting a man!
I envy you though

 

[belldandy]

CelinaStarr, as far as not believing that anyone will ever like you, I can relate. I used to feel this way when I was younger. But you know what, I like you and I dont even know you! You just seem really kind and sensible. I never saw your face but I am sure you are beautiful, and dont get me started on that hair! I think that if you want to date you just need to be careful because there are MANY guys that would try try try to take advantage of your kind nature!!

This is the age of the "bad *****" well, I never wanted to be someone like that. I am a lady...plain and simple....I feel weird sometimes becuase of that...just remember that we are living in this age and it can be hard for women like us I guess.

 

[belldandy]

Celina, there's nothing wrong with you.

Most of the women who are considered 'normal' as far as relationships go from what I've seen have problems. They say they're 'in love', sex these 'boyfriendd', go out from time to time, and about 6 months to a year later, they repeat this 'normal' cycle.

My first real relationship was when I got married at 25. I am 30 (about to 31) soon.

she's right, i think i am a prime example. i did this twice. i really dont know what a normal relationship is like. i'm messed up. glad i'm done dating though

 

[BlackMarilyn]

I've tried dating websites and asking my friends if they know any suitable guys (strangely they all claim they don't). Lately, I've given up.

I do go out (not often though), but I really don't know how to act around guys (and don't think most are interested in me). At this point I'm pretty open to dating/marrying almost anyone that's going to be faithful and just accept me.



I wish I could thank you twice.



You're not being un-pc at all. You're speaking the truth.



I'm in my mid 20s. I'm too embarrassed to give my exact age.



I strongly agree with the underlined. I'll go even further and say that women that have been in relationships before carry themselves differently than someone like myself. No matter what anyone says, knowing that we are desired and wanted by someone makes us all feel good and increases our confidence and self esteem. Should your self esteem and well being soley depend on being desired by others and being in a loving relationship? No, but it certainly adds to it. It's one of the many things that make us feel good about ourselves.



No, I'm not dating.

It's so true that being in relationships during the teens and early 20s is a developmental milestone. I'm very behind most women my age and I see how this affects my relationship with other adults. I don't feel grown up and feel as if I can't relate to most people (because I truely haven't had the same "normal" life experiences). In real life, especially on job settings, other adults have a tendency to bully me and treat me like a kid and now I'm starting to see why I allow this...

i cant thank you enough for this.

 

[softblackcotton]

OMGosh, I am sure you have no trouble attracting a man!
I envy you though

Why do you envy me? I don't find my status enviable at all. I hate that I am still this way at 25 and counting. I believe that I should have had at least one/two serious long-term relationships by now. It's kind of killing me because I have no idea how much longer I have to wait or whether I will ever meet this so called "One" and get married. At least women who have had serious, long-term relationships by 25 know that they could attract someone who is willing to be in a relationship with them. They have experience with love and know better what they want/need. A woman with little or NO experience at my age is at a disadvantage because there are still things that they have yet to figure out in how to handle being in a relationship. If I ever do find someone or they find me, I will have to figure out all these things at an older age. I would have much rather go through first dating/relationship/heart break experiences a bit younger so I could have more time to learn what I want.

 

[1QTPie]

I find it usual to be well into adulthood and never having one single long term relationship. But if it doesn't make you sad or unhappy, what difference does it make? Hopefully when you have your first real relationship it won't be hard, it will be perfect and bring much joy to your life.

The only two people that I know very well that have never had a "real" relationship have emotional "issues." One is a man, the other is a woman. For them the desire to have a relationship is there, but no one wants to stay with them after so long because of the way they interact and behave. Both a work in progress. Both good, kind people to me as their friend. They just have stuff in their lives that don't allow them to connect romantically to people. (She has a sharp tongue, she's bossy and can be overly selfish and she piles it on her love interest right from the beginning. I don't know any guy that could deal with it. He on the other hand is a "diva dude." He doesn't think any woman is worth real effort.)

 

[carolinetwin]

My sister is 25, and has never had a BF. She was talking to some dude via FB who turned out to be a woman and is devastated. She made the same comment, that something must be wrong with her. In life, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs and I did until I met my SO. Your time will come, just make sure you have a full and rich life.

 

[tropical-punch]

Although I have had a few boyfriends. I feel behind sometimes.

 

[SleepyJean]

I feel behind as well. I am talking to a guy, now, but I feel so out of my element. I also secretly feel like I will mess up things.

Although, I'm not experienced by any means, I've made a decision to step out of my element and get to know guys and people in general. I wasn't happy being so withdrawn. It wasn't me. So I got out there. That is how you learn. My mom calls me a late bloomer.

So you haven't been in a relationship yet? Big whoop. Like someone else said, at least you avoided some heartache. It's not a competition anyways. You're an individual. You move at your own pace, BUT I do encourage you to put yourself out there a little. Go out where there are some guys. It may be awkward(it sure as hell was for me), but it is such a great learning experience. If you want a guy, you can get it! Just believe in yourself!

 

[Kalani]

I feel behind as well. I am talking to a guy, now, but I feel so out of my element. I also feel like I will secret mess up things.

This is so me! I'm fine talking to guys if there are no strong feelings involved. But if I really like I guy, I feel like I am always struggling to maintain my cool and not do or say something stupid. erplexed

 

[lnana04]

Don't feel alone. I'm 26 and I've never had a boyfriend, nor been on a date. Sometimes I think I'm weird, and it's actually interesting to see that I'm not alone, but for the most part I don't care as often as I probably should. I do agree that there's a lack of emotional maturity without the experience, and I know I'll eventually regret not starting sooner, but ever since I was in junior high and high school I viewed relationships as tiring and a bit draining. My friends would talk on the phone with their boyfriends all night then cuddle up with them at school, and it's just something I didn't care to do. Now that I'm older I worry that I've become a little selfish and reserved emotionally, but hopefully the right one will be patient and understanding.

I remember when I was 21yrs old I has a job doing taxes and this guy(27ys old) walked in and asked me what was wrong(I had a headache), then offered to buy me something to eat. I turned down the offer but he sat and we talked for hours. He even ran to his house, which was around the corner, and brought back a piece of his artwork to show me. The whole time and I was thinking that he was nice and cute and I was enjoying our conversation.. So after a few hours of talking and laughing it was time for him to leave so right before he left he told me that I was standoffish. Although it wasn't in a mean way, I was devastated because I thought I was really showing a little interest...that really hurt my feelings a bit. Since then, I've been a little insecure that I won't be able to really give a guy whatever it is he needs in a relationship, and since then I've kind of dismissed the whole idea of being in one.

 

[Kalani]

So after a few hours of talking and laughing it was time for him to leave so right before he left he told me that I was standoffish. Although it wasn't in a mean way, I was devastated because I thought I was really showing a little interest...that really hurt my feelings a bit. Since then, I've been a little insecure that I won't be able to really give a guy whatever it is he needs in a relationship, and since then I've kind of dismissed the whole idea of being in one.

Boy, do I get this! Just recently I asked a guy friend how I came across when he first met me (forgot how the subject came up) and he admitted I came off a little cold. I was like "darn it! I thought I was getting better". I think I'm a little guarded when it comes to men and obviously that translates through my body language and facial expressions. Gotta work on that.

 

[sidney]

I'm actually surprised that so many women haven't had relationships by 25. I've had relationships with some decent guys but I've been purposely single for the past few years. It makes me sad when ladies feel discouraged, down, or not good enough.....you don't need all the men in the world to like you. You just need one person that thinks that you are the best thing ever. There is someone out there for everyone. Whatever size you are, being plus size can look great. Being skinny can look great. Being querky can be great. Everything doesn't work for everyone but there is someone who will think that that too skinny girl or that querky girl is the best thing ever. Have a good self image where you are because that is what makes you attractive. Plus, I doubt that most people have great things to say about people they dated before 25.....

 

[caribeandiva]

me.. My longest relationship lasted 2 months. I'm a commitment-phobe. I date. I don't have boyfriends. I've decided it's time to get over that fear because I'm missing out on a great guy I could've had years ago, If i was more serious about him.

 

[softblackcotton]

So after a few hours of talking and laughing it was time for him to leave so right before he left he told me that I was standoffish. Although it wasn't in a mean way, I was devastated because I thought I was really showing a little interest...that really hurt my feelings a bit. Since then, I've been a little insecure that I won't be able to really give a guy whatever it is he needs in a relationship, and since then I've kind of dismissed the whole idea of being in one.

I have a feeling I may be a little bit standoffish when it comes to dealing members of the opposite sex who I find attractive. There are alot of guys I've encountered throughout the years who seemed to express interest in me, but they seem to just stare from afar for months/even years, make small talk, and act a bit weird around me. I wasn't really certain until I heard through mutual acquaintances that so and so had a crush on me. I had a crush on them too. But nothing panned out because they did not approach me in a way that I could be certain. I don't respond to subtleties when it comes to things like that, I have to be sure. The only guys who give a sure sign are the overly aggressive old men, jerks, players, baby daddies and thugs who I don't want. The attractive, smart, and nice guys act just like me giving "hints and clues" crushing from afar for years, expecting destiny and our magical telepathic abilities to bring us together. I guess?

 

[necklengthcutie]

I'm freshly 25 and I'm single. The thing is, I date, and I'm happy. Sure, I'd like a relationship as I've only officially had 1-2 real ones, but lately I haven't met any guys worth long lasting. I'm also really picky but in order to get more attention and the guys I want I've started working out and exercising. It helps.

Enjoy yourself, figure out what you want and what you have to give in a partnership. A lot of it is all giving, and a lot of heartache. Some people don't think about it and BAM- they meet the love of their lives. It hasn't happened to me yet but when it does, everyone will know

 

[EagleEyes85]

I have a feeling I may be a little bit standoffish when it comes to dealing members of the opposite sex who I find attractive. There are alot of guys I've encountered throughout the years who seemed to express interest in me, but they seem to just stare from afar for months/even years, make small talk, and act a bit weird around me. I wasn't really certain until I heard through mutual acquaintances that so and so had a crush on me. I had a crush on them too. But nothing panned out because they did not approach me in a way that I could be certain. I don't respond to subtleties when it comes to things like that, I have to be sure. The only guys who give a sure sign are the overly aggressive old men, jerks, players, baby daddies and thugs who I don't want. The attractive, smart, and nice guys act just like me giving "hints and clues" crushing from afar for years, expecting destiny and our magical telepathic abilities to bring us together. I guess?

I agree completely with your post. I am 24 (25 in December) and never been in a relationship, but I have had close relationships with men so I know that I do not have a problem with the opposite sex.

I have always been more like the little sister to boys all of my life. They never considered me girlfriend material, but I would have contact with them on a daily basis. It never bothered me. Now it does bother me just a bit because I have experienced a powerful feeling for another person. It's too complicated to explain, but it was like bells ringing and white flashes, dreams of us together and all that. The only problem was me and my confidence. I didn't think he would want me. We first interacted at his family's annual sundance. He literally jumped out of his seat to come introduce himself to me. I was used to never being noticed by guys, so when I first came to the place there was nothing but guys there, but he noticed me. My heart skipped a beat. None of the other guys sitting around even looked up, but he did. The rest of the time, he barely spoke to me. I was so confused, until I felt eyes on me and realized he was staring at me from afar. I even tried to make conversaton with him and he was really stand offish. I don't want to chase a man, but I don't want to let him slip away. His sister gave me his email and we chat from time to time. He still hasn't admitted to any feelings, and neither have I. He's my age, but he's had relationships apparently from some of he things he's told me. He was even married briefly. That intimidates me because he's more experienced than I.

Anyway aside from him all I've ever gotten is somebody's grandpa trying to hit on me, someone who is mentally challenged, and thugs who don't want nothing but my body. I used to think "Is this all I can get?!" I know that's not true. I just have to be happy with myself right now, and the right relationship will come along. I read somewhere that Tina Fey hadn't had a relationship until she was with her husband, who she's been with for 10 years now.

I don't think there is anything wrong with anyone who has never had a relationship at 25. I consider myself stable and mature. I can be a bit playful and childish sometimes, but I think that would be true if I had had a few relationships by now. I am just enjoying life. I am travelling the world, pursuing my career, and loving my family. If I had had to deal with a man, I probably would not have gone to these places and done that amazing things I've done. I have love, just not romantic love. But it will come to anyone who believes in it, and it will be worth the wait. In the ,meantime we should be happy with the love that we have, including God's love.

 

[lnana04]

I have a feeling I may be a little bit standoffish when it comes to dealing members of the opposite sex who I find attractive. There are alot of guys I've encountered throughout the years who seemed to express interest in me, but they seem to just stare from afar for months/even years, make small talk, and act a bit weird around me. I wasn't really certain until I heard through mutual acquaintances that so and so had a crush on me. I had a crush on them too. But nothing panned out because they did not approach me in a way that I could be certain. I don't respond to subtleties when it comes to things like that, I have to be sure. The only guys who give a sure sign are the overly aggressive old men, jerks, players, baby daddies and thugs who I don't want. The attractive, smart, and nice guys act just like me giving "hints and clues" crushing from afar for years, expecting destiny and our magical telepathic abilities to bring us together. I guess?

Wow. I thought for a second that I had wrote this. This is exactly word by word what happens to me. Wow, again.

 

[hasabe]

I'm 20, in college, and I've never been in a relationship. While some women may have "baggage," I feel like I just carry around empty suitcases. I honestly feel like I haven't "lived" enough to rush into a relationship. I'm very level-headed, shy and somewhat standoffish but I don't think that makes me undesirable--it just makes me harder to approach. I do have a tendency of isolating myself because of my social awkwardness but sometimes I just want to be alone. I feel very conflicted on this issue; I really can't see myself in a relationship until many years down the road.

 

[MzV1991]

i see people saying dont put this on god...but it is possible...god knows each and everyone of us and he does whats best for us...just like death when it is your time it is your time.

 

[Bunny77]

i see people saying dont put this on god...but it is possible...god knows each and everyone of us and he does whats best for us...just like death when it is your time it is your time.

My reference was to the OP saying that maybe God wants those who've never been in a relationship to remain single.

I don't think any of us can accurately say that's the case. Just because something is currently happening doesn't mean that it's God's will or not. I think it's easy for us to think that way, because it prevents us from taking a look at the bigger picture and also some of our own self-inflicted actions.

Saying "this is God's will," I find, is often people's easy way out of addressing a difficult subject with some actual depth and thought.

 

[Imani]

I thought I had responded to this thread before, but I guess not.

I'm 27, my first "real" relationship is the one I'm in now, we started dating last year when I was 26.

I had a high school boyfriend, but honestly I didn't take it too seriously. I needed a prom date, he was cute, popular, so I asked him out, and then he just kept hanging around, and he had a car (I didn't) so he became my boyfriend

I never wanted a boyfriend. I didn't see the purpose. I was one of those straight A serious students (who also was a hard party-goer; u know, work hard, play hard), and I also went to the "hood" school in grade school. So my main drive as a young adult was to succeed professionally, so I could make something of myself. My image of relationships was that they were dramaful and stressful, something I didn't need at a young age when I was trying to get my life together and not end up with some dead end life like a good bit of the black people in the city I grew up in. This was also encouraged by my family, focus on your schoolwork and have fun. Which is exactly what I did. And I couldn't see how a boyfriend would fit in this scenario. Especially since most guys that age are so immature, I couldn't really see the point. Not to mention, I wanted to party and do my thing as well.

On top of that, I can be fiercely independent, stubborn, non-traditional in my thoughts/beliefs, and also very introverted. Even now in my current relationship I find myself thinking how much easier things would be if I wasn't in one. And I still havent grasped the idea of being married.

But, yes, I've sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with me for not having a strong desire for a boyfriend/relationship esp as I get older. I can be overanalytical, and have psychoanalyzed myself to death and have many different theories

 

[DaPPeR]

:waves: this would be me....and I feel that because I have lack of relatiionships, when I do ever get in one, I would not know how to treat it and then he will run away..its a big circle...idk its frustrating nonetheless

 

[Imani]

:waves: this would be me....and I feel that because I have lack of relatiionships, when I do ever get in one, I would not know how to treat it and then he will run away..its a big circle...idk its frustrating nonetheless

this is how I feel sometimes in my current relationship, like I don't know what I"m doing/doing all the wrong things. Starting to think maybe I just am not meant to be in one ever or at least not right now. erplexed

 

[Jenibo]

............