2021 Dating & Relationship Thread

I’m sick of these entanglements. (Family and foolishness) been seeing a therapist and I’m already sick of that person too.
 
Hey ladies,

I didn't see a dating and relationship thread for 2021. The last one I saw was for 2019. Even though the year is halfway over I wanted to make one so I can converse with you ladies about dating and relationships.
 
I officially started seriously dating in like April. And I've decided that I'm keeping my options open until a man commits to me. I used to close off my other options when I met a guy I really liked, but that hasn't really served me well.

So I have like 3 guys on my roster right now. I have my Lebron James, who I really like and then two other guys that I have in my rotation. I'm not sleeping with any of them. We're just dating and getting to know one another better. Keeping my options open keeps me from getting overly invested in just one guy when we aren't officially together.
 
i just met someone i really like.... hes this cool guy at the hotel where i stay.... we've only hung out a couple of times... i met him the day b4 yesterday and then yesterday we chilled outside. he didnt do anything but i was drinking and smoked a lil weed. hes super cool. he use to be in the coast guards but left... he has ptsd i think but is really sane (unlike me)... i felt comfie enough to tell him about my mental **** etc... he was really cool about it. i'd **** him... i'll see where it goes...

on the other hand theres this older guy who i call pops... he reminds me of my father. he tried to come in my room yesterday... i was like no... and he was like let me in etc.... that ***** scares me. i dunno just wanted to talk....
 
BrownSkinPoppin said:
@VictoriousBrownFlower omg stay safe with the pops guy!

But I'm glad to hear that the other guy makes you feel safe enough to be vulnerable with him
Click to expand...
i told my nephew about pops (hes literally 2 doors down from me and be in the hallway all the time. i smoke but cant smoke in the room so need to go outside... hes also cool with the maintinance man... i dont know if i should trust the maintanience man either to be honest. he seems cool though so i could be jumping the gun but he sells drugs... theres this other guy johnathan and hes like a tweaker... he does heroine and meth i think maintanience man sells it to him (the heroine)
 
Men are funny!
I saw this guy I dated yesterday. It was the first time we saw each in a while. I waved and smiled he gave me the head nod that men give each other. Lol... I'm sure he has some feelings about how things ended and blames me.

I was very upfront about the fact that I don't chase men. He found out.
 
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I think folks were using another thread but never officially titled it 2021. Let me go find it because I'm sure there are updates in there that I missed.
 
Thanks for creating this one @BrownSkinPoppin.

New update on my end. My guy bought us a new home in AZ. We've done everything online so far - including the walk through. We plan to see it in person in Oct and meet with designers to bring our vision to life. It's in the foothills of mountains and has a spectacular view of them from the backyard, which is an entertainer's paradise. I can't wait to see it.
 
How are y’all responding to “send me pic” texts? Like uuuggghhh. Idk bout y’all but this really annoys me. I just say “I’m feeling confused about why you want a pic when there are plenty of pics on my profile. It feels weird to send additional pictures to a stranger.”

and then I just go broken record if they keep asking.
 
BrownSkinPoppin said:
How are y’all responding to “send me pic” texts? Like uuuggghhh. Idk bout y’all but this really annoys me. I just say “I’m feeling confused about why you want a pic when there are plenty of pics on my profile. It feels weird to send additional pictures to a stranger.”

and then I just go broken record if they keep asking.
Click to expand...
I agree with @OneShinyface. They are really just looking for sexual pictures to masturbate with. Most profiles have several pictures that a person can look through to see if they like you or not. Anything additional is just the guy being pervy.
 
I agree re the additional pics. It also makes me feel like I'm auditioning for a man's interest and the way my pride is set up....that don't work for me. It's kind of like they are saying , "you're close ma but in order to cross the final hurdle, you're going to have to sell yourself to me". Eat a D*** my *****

I think that everyone on a dating app should have non catfishy pics and definitely include at least one full length pic in their profile. Have a couple glam pics for sure but make sure there's some natural cute ones in there for good measure. Most women do this so yeah if a man is doing the most with asking for pictures, he is just trying to get some free 'pleasure material':ohwell:
 
VictoriousBrownFlower said:
i told my nephew about pops (hes literally 2 doors down from me and be in the hallway all the time. i smoke but cant smoke in the room so need to go outside... hes also cool with the maintinance man... i dont know if i should trust the maintanience man either to be honest. he seems cool though so i could be jumping the gun but he sells drugs... theres this other guy johnathan and hes like a tweaker... he does heroine and meth i think maintanience man sells it to him (the heroine)
Click to expand...
Maintenance men have keys. They have access to keys, usually to individual hotel rooms. Be careful of yourself.
 
lesedi said:
I agree re the additional pics. It also makes me feel like I'm auditioning for a man's interest and the way my pride is set up....that don't work for me. It's kind of like they are saying , "you're close ma but in order to cross the final hurdle, you're going to have to sell yourself to me". Eat a D*** my *****

I think that everyone on a dating app should have non catfishy pics and definitely include at least one full length pic in their profile. Have a couple glam pics for sure but make sure there's some natural cute ones in there for good measure. Most women do this so yeah if a man is doing the most with asking for pictures, he is just trying to get some free 'pleasure material':ohwell:
Click to expand...
VictoriousBrownFlower said:
i just met someone i really like.... hes this cool guy at the hotel where i stay.... we've only hung out a couple of times... i met him the day b4 yesterday and then yesterday we chilled outside. he didnt do anything but i was drinking and smoked a lil weed. hes super cool. he use to be in the coast guards but left... he has ptsd i think but is really sane (unlike me)... i felt comfie enough to tell him about my mental **** etc... he was really cool about it. i'd **** him... i'll see where it goes...

on the other hand theres this older guy who i call pops... he reminds me of my father. he tried to come in my room yesterday... i was like no... and he was like let me in etc.... that ***** scares me. i dunno just wanted to talk....
Click to expand...
This place sounds very unsafe. Please keep your guard up hun
 
tl;dr: I am so happy I didn't give up on love. I've never been happier, and I suggest even people dating do couple's coaching!

I found Elitia & Cullen's When Love Works company randomly last summer on Eventbrite in the height of the pandemic. I was looking for something fun, interactive, and romantic for Maurice and I to do to celebrate our anniversary while social distancing.​
Little did I know their virtual couple's retreat would open the door to such amazing relationship resources!

That day Maurice and I had a huge fight... due to a surprise gift of a hamster (longstory). The hamster was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I was about ready to break up with him. My ultimatum was for us to do Elitia & Cullen's couple's workshop series. I wanted to really see Maurice INVEST in the relationship (time and money). It was the most amazing experience for us both. I actually learned a lot about myself.

Now this NYC-based husband and wife team are hosting "Love Lessons ATL" tomorrow (DM me if you'd like to learn more). This isn't an advertisement for them, but getting able to meet them a year later in person feels surreal. While they didn't SAVE our relationship...WE DID. They did give us the tools and language to problem-solve and be a team.

​
 
Yesterday was FH's birthday and I was mad at him all day. :angry2: I felt bad but I wasn't about to pretend. I had a rough week and this was the final straw. I admit I need to be clearer about what I want because he's ready to give it. I can't hold him accountable for not doing something he doesn't know. That's my work. It's hard for me to tell people what I want. Part of it is that I feel like he should know this already. :ohwell: But like our priest says, men often aren't motivated to do something until they're told to.

Irritating AF. :tantrum:
 
I really don't understand how declining something that I don't want equates to me not letting him do anything for me.

Now he's sulking about the apartment.
 
We've made all the selections for our home in AZ and now we're waiting for the designer to get the drawings rendered so we can approve and materials can be ordered. So glad we were able to purchase our appliances and get those delivered. Supply chain issues are making this so difficult to accomplish as soon as we'd like. As a result, our ceremony date is up in the air!!

Hope everyone else is well.
 
I really got to pray on this one. We went on a date and it was nice. The thing is hes saying that we should to get to know each other more and to spend time together but Im just not comfortable yet going to his place for now so were talking on the phone until our next planned date for a comedy show. And the thing is he lives about 50 minutes away I would be driving to be with him on the weekend he doesnt drive that does not bother me though. He is very irritated about me not coming over and its annoying me I do like him and he seems serious like he wants us to be "us."
 
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Ayesha81 said:
I really got a pray on this one. We went on a date and it was nice. The thing is hes saying that we should to get to know each other more and to spend time together but Im just not comfortable yet going to his place for now so were talking on the phone until our next planned date for a comedy show. And thing is he lives about 50 minutes away I would be driving to be with him on the weekend he doesnt drive that does not bother me though. He seems to be getting very irritated about me not coming over and its annoying me I do like him and it seems he is serious like he wants us to be "us."
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@Ayesha81 RED FLAGS if he isn’t respecting your pace and boundaries!
 
Ayesha81 said:
I really got to pray on this one. We went on a date and it was nice. The thing is hes saying that we should to get to know each other more and to spend time together but Im just not comfortable yet going to his place for now so were talking on the phone until our next planned date for a comedy show. And the thing is he lives about 50 minutes away I would be driving to be with him on the weekend he doesnt drive that does not bother me though. He is very irritated about me not coming over and its annoying me I do like him and he seems serious like he wants us to be "us."
Click to expand...
Just one date and he is already pushing for you to come over? Regardless it's about when you BOTH feel comfortable.
I hope he is able to respect your pace and boundaries. Although it can be a red flag, some guys just need you to slow them down a tad - I hope it's the latter for you since you said you like him.
Maybe there is a compromise? If he wants to spend time with you in a less public setting. I know in my area there is drive in cinemas.
 
Ayesha81 said:
I really got to pray on this one. We went on a date and it was nice. The thing is hes saying that we should to get to know each other more and to spend time together but Im just not comfortable yet going to his place for now so were talking on the phone until our next planned date for a comedy show. And the thing is he lives about 50 minutes away I would be driving to be with him on the weekend he doesnt drive that does not bother me though. He is very irritated about me not coming over and its annoying me I do like him and he seems serious like he wants us to be "us."
Click to expand...
Please listen to your intuition. I know you like him, but you don’t really know him that well to drive 50 minutes just to chill out his house. It’s too early to be visiting each other’s apartment he could be crazy, a serial killer or a rapist. From my experience guys who rush to either go to your apartment or vice versa are trying to have sex or make out . All that talk about getting to know each other better is just a way to get you into his house. There are a million other places you can go to get to know each other, it does not have to be at his apartment. The fact that he is irritated that you don’t want to come over is a red flag, as others have said if he’s not respecting your boundaries and giving you attitude about it, run! Some guys are persistent about breaking boundaries and making you feel guilty or bad about holding them. Also, I know you said it doesn’t bother you that he doesn’t drive, but trust me it’s going to be annoying when you have to drive him around for all your dates and he starts making you his personal chauffeur.
 
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I have been dating a guy for 3 months and I really like him. Everything is generally going well as we spend more time together, but he has recently made it very clear that he does not like that I have mainly male friends.
I am 31 and the shortest friendship I have at this point is 12 years, and it's been purely friendship with all of them.
Although I understand it's not the 'norm' it is my normal pretty much my entire life, so for me it would be impossible to give up the friendships I currently have. In my opinion I don't even spend much time with my friends anymore because we are in that stage of our lives were we are settling down etc. It's mostly a few group WhatsApp check ins and maybe a zoom call once a month. I have only physically seen my friends twice this year and there are no plans to change that because like I mentioned previously, we have other priorities now and all of us are more than happy to take a step back and love and support from a distance.
Although I have explained this to him he still insists that he doesn't trust the situation, even though my friendship circle is open (once things become more serious) to him whenever he wants and I am willing to put extra effort in to reassure him that they are just friends.
I am just wondering if anyone has any advice on this.
 
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