2021 Dating & Relationship Thread

Im pulling back some of my niceness I expected a surprise on Valentine's Day and only got a text l. I didnt go off on him or expressed how I felt I understand he's moody but Valentines's Day he should have come through heck he could have had flowers delivered so I'm thinking on my next move with him.
 
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I have been exclusively dating an AMAZING guy since August 2022.

There are some things that I have accepted that I thought I would NEVER be interested in.

Main thing: He was married for 10 years and is now divorced, with children.

He has been divorced since 2019 and there is no drama or weirdness.

On one hand I wonder if this is settling or if this is a compromise.

He is 42 I am 38.

I have always been the type that did not care if I had children or not, however I have never dated a man with a child(ren).
 
yaya24 said:
I have been exclusively dating an AMAZING guy since August 2022.

There are some things that I have accepted that I thought I would NEVER be interested in.

Main thing: He was married for 10 years and is now divorced, with children.

He has been divorced since 2019 and there is no drama or weirdness.

On one hand I wonder if this is settling or if this is a compromise.

He is 42 I am 38.

I have always been the type that did not care if I had children or not, however I have never dated a man with a child(ren).
Click to expand...
It’s only compromise if your taking things that don’t satisfy you and it’s out of scarcity. Your someone who has options and can move with ease. The kid thing is a interesting one as I get closer to 40 esp since I like older kids probably will be in the mix but if he is caring for them it’s fine.
 
yaya24 said:
I have been exclusively dating an AMAZING guy since August 2022.

There are some things that I have accepted that I thought I would NEVER be interested in.

Main thing: He was married for 10 years and is now divorced, with children.

He has been divorced since 2019 and there is no drama or weirdness.

On one hand I wonder if this is settling or if this is a compromise.

He is 42 I am 38.

I have always been the type that did not care if I had children or not, however I have never dated a man with a child(ren).
Click to expand...

You sound like me, as far as accepting things you never thought you would..Lol

Let me ask you this, and you don't have to answer but maybe something to think about.
Do you feel your happiness and overall satisfaction with the relationship is lessened by dating a man with children? Or is your sense of self or inner peace being negatively affected by dating him? If not, then you're compromising.
I believe settling is when you put up with something to your own detriment.
 
Sosoothing said:
You sound like me, as far as accepting things you never thought you would..Lol

Let me ask you this, and you don't have to answer but maybe something to think about.
Do you feel your happiness and overall satisfaction with the relationship is lessened by dating a man with children? Or is your sense of self or inner peace being negatively affected by dating him? If not, then you're compromising.
I believe settling is when you put up with something to your own detriment.
Click to expand...

I honestly do not feel like my satisfaction has been lessened at all dating him. My sense of self / inner peace has also not been affected negatively.

My concern is that pays $4k+ a month in support to his ex-wife and that money could be going to me.. Laughing but serious :look: .
The kids are 12 and 8 so he has a ways to go with paying CS unless he has custody of them more the court-ordered arrangement they have.

We travel, he spoils me, his character is on point (so far).. and he has brought up marriage several times.

I am not in a rush for marriage.. marriage benefits men more than women.
 
yaya24 said:
I honestly do not feel like my satisfaction has been lessened at all dating him. My sense of self / inner peace has also not been affected negatively.

My concern is that pays $4k+ a month in support to his ex-wife and that money could be going to me.. Laughing but serious :look: .
The kids are 12 and 8 so he has a ways to go with paying CS unless he has custody of them more the court-ordered arrangement they have.

We travel, he spoils me, his character is on point (so far).. and he has brought up marriage several times.

I am not in a rush for marriage.. marriage benefits men more than women.
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I here you. That is a lot of child support. I personally wouldn't be able to date a man that was financially disadvantaged due to child support. I have needs Lol.
Are you happy with what he's spending on you now? If there are actually things he can't do for you due to paying child support, then that's an issue. And for me that would be settling coz I'd be aware I could have more with someone else.
But if he pays child support and still has enough to take care of you (and you're ok with it) then, that's a compromise. And Im with you about not rushing marriage if at all.
This is a perfectly valid concern on your part.
 
Sosoothing said:
I here you. That is a lot of child support. I personally wouldn't be able to date a man that was financially disadvantaged due to child support. I have needs Lol.
Are you happy with what he's spending on you now? If there are actually things he can't do for you due to paying child support, then that's an issue. And for me that would be settling coz I'd be aware I could have more with someone else.
But if he pays child support and still has enough to take care of you (and you're ok with it) then, that's a compromise. And Im with you about not rushing marriage if at all.
This is a perfectly valid concern on your part.
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Oh he is not financially disadvantaged (I will not compromise on that).
He makes great money (6 figure earner), but I am use to a different level of spending (on me).

My last boyfriend made 800k+ a year (the character was TRASH).... so I try not to compare the 2.

For now, I can deal bc i'm not going in my purse for anything and we have a great time. I feel "safe"
February 24th made 6 months.
 
yaya24 said:
Oh he is not financially disadvantaged (I will not compromise on that).
He makes great money, but I am use to a different level of spending (on me).

For now, I can deal bc i'm not going in my purse for anything and we have a great time.
February 24th made 6 months.
Click to expand...
I hear you. Since he sounds like a great guy overall, maybe just enjoy the relationship for now while paying attention to how you feel and what you think with time. Especially currently this sounds like the only flag. And it's a pink flag, not a red one from how you describe it ☺️. Plus, no one is perfect.
You sound self aware enough to not waste time on a relationship that doesn't work for you, so I'm confident you'll figure it out.
 
As I grow older, I learned that this glorified 'list' people make is BS but I can see how comforting it might be to create, you get to dream big!
IRL, people don't connect based on a list though. Sticking to this 'list' could make you miss out on great people because of this 'box' created based on perceptions of what men with children or divorced men or women with children or women with many sexual partners etc. are like AKA stereotypes. I've also never heard an older woman 50+ married or unmarried and available, talk about a 'list'. The only one I can remember who did mention it made a joke that her list now is just "must have teeth." This is a perfect example of what happens as you get older, it never fails. Do you want to grow old alone because someone doesn't tick a box is a reality for many.

Options and decisions depend on your life circumstances, how you see yourself today and in the future, they are not fixed.
Nothing that I said above should matter as we all have our unique life journeys and our choices are based on a variety of factors but the universe has a funny way of testing all these 'rules' that we swear to live by. Probably because there's often a gap between how we perceive ourselves to be and how we actually are. So be humble, be open and trust that you will know how to make the best decision in that moment.
 
I'll probably be single again soon lol..
Laughing but 100% serious.

This man has asked me to get rid of my dog when we live together. He already went to my parents and asked for my hand and has purchased the ring.. He said I'm choosing my dog over him, and that his biggest concern is that its a gift from a previous relationship. Keep in mind that relationship ended probably 9 years ago and I don't even know what that man is doing with his life lol.

I made the mistake at the beginning of our getting to know you phase by telling my current boyfriend that I was never a dog person, but that I was gifted my Maltese back one Valentines by an ex and my dog is my best friend.

He's jealous of the dog yall.

My dog turned 13 years old this year. I got him when he was 11 WEEKS old.

He has been the most constant thing in my adult life. He's a great dog. Trained and leaves people alone. Still filled with energy and super healthy. I'm not getting rid of ish when we live together. We will part when he dies naturally or if he gets to a point where I have to put him down.
 
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@yaya24 Now that I dogsit I’ve grown attached to several pups but I’ve always loved dogs. My friend almost got a divorce because her husband wanted her to get rid of the dog they lived with for years but he never truly liked the dog. In the end someone realized the absurdity of the request. It would be a difficult decision for me for sure but at the same time I would also consider my long term life plans with this partner. However, his reason for wanting you to give up the dog might give you valuable insight about him and a clue about your future with him. Something as non threatening as a dog causes him to be jealous because it came from a ex, may reveal controlling tendencies. Not an easy decision but at least don’t do anything rash, take your time….
 
yaya24 said:
I'll probably be single again soon lol..
Laughing but 100% serious.

This man has asked me to get rid of my dog when we live together. He already went to my parents and asked for my hand and has purchased the ring.. He said I'm choosing my dog over him, and that his biggest concern is that its a gift from a previous relationship. Keep in mind that relationship ended probably 9 years ago and I don't even know what that man is doing with his life lol.

I made the mistake at the beginning of our getting to know you phase by telling my current boyfriend that I was never a dog person, but that I was gifted my Maltese back one Valentines by an ex and my dog is my best friend.

He's jealous of the dog yall.

My dog turned 13 years old this year. I got him when he was 11 WEEKS old.

He has been the most constant thing in my adult life. He's a great dog. Trained and leaves people alone. Still filled with energy and super healthy. I'm not getting rid of ish when we live together. We will part when he dies naturally or if he gets to a point where I have to put him down.
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This was the issue with my sister and her ex although she's in her mid-20s. Our dog died last year after they broke up but it was a major issue of contention. We had a small chihuahua and my sister was very attached to him. We got him as a puppy and had 11 years with him. My sister was with this man for less than two years, probably about one year when you factor in their first break up.

In the end they had other issues but his jealousy of the dog did not help. My sister is in grad school, aiming to get two MA degrees and he told her he didn't think the relationship would continue if she went to a school more than an hour or so out of our area.
 
You're not choosing the dog over him, he's choosing the dog over you.

Instead of focusing on meeting "the one", being the lucky guy who gets to be in your life and getting to wake up with your beautiful face every day at some point for 30+ years, God willing.... he's focusing on a 13-year-old dog with a max life expectancy of around 15? He prefers you go through heartbreak than work on his jealousy, or reach compromise.

I don't think it was a mistake to tell him the backstory, as it revealed some personality traits you didn't know about, which is really important before entering marriage IMO. At least you can make an informed choice when he asks to move on to the next stage. Glad the doggie will get to stay with you.
 
yaya24 said:
I'll probably be single again soon lol..
Laughing but 100% serious.

This man has asked me to get rid of my dog when we live together. He already went to my parents and asked for my hand and has purchased the ring.. He said I'm choosing my dog over him, and that his biggest concern is that its a gift from a previous relationship. Keep in mind that relationship ended probably 9 years ago and I don't even know what that man is doing with his life lol.

I made the mistake at the beginning of our getting to know you phase by telling my current boyfriend that I was never a dog person, but that I was gifted my Maltese back one Valentines by an ex and my dog is my best friend.

He's jealous of the dog yall.

My dog turned 13 years old this year. I got him when he was 11 WEEKS old.

He has been the most constant thing in my adult life. He's a great dog. Trained and leaves people alone. Still filled with energy and super healthy. I'm not getting rid of ish when we live together. We will part when he dies naturally or if he gets to a point where I have to put him down.
Click to expand...

Oh my goodness. I couldn't imagine getting rid of my dog. What a crazy request. I'm mind blown because I've had my dog about the same amount of time. She'll be 12 and she's still a go getter. Hugs to you and your dog.
 
UPDATE:

So he apologized :look:

He's never had a dog (Nigerian), and is not a dog person. We are moving forward & my furry bff is coming along for the ride :heart3:.

I still think he's a hater lol.

Sooo he asked me to be his wife yesterday evening..and I said YES. I'm getting married yall :)

:love4: :bouncy:
 
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@yaya24 Oh my gosh you're freaking gorgeous :infatuated:

It's fascinating how mere days can change everything. Congratulations, girlie.

And please come do my lashes so I can be in the wedding. I tried magnetic ones about two years ago and it was a travesty :cry:
 
weaveadiva said:
@yaya24 Oh my gosh you're freaking gorgeous :infatuated:

It's fascinating how mere days can change everything. Congratulations, girlie.

And please come do my lashes so I can be in the wedding. I tried magnetic ones about two years ago and it was a travesty :cry:
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Thanks sis :cupidarrow::infatuated::love5:

I started practicing w/ the magnetic lashes in 2020 while stuck inside.

Both of my sisters are pros now too. I promise it's easy after a few tries.

My lashes are so baby short (always have been). I was tired of paying for lash extensions and dealing with the "ugly" in between times.

Strip lashes .. now those- I have never mastered and gave up on bothering with them lol.
 
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