2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

BlackRinse said:
I miss my ex. I don't know if he is dating anyone at the moment. And we agreed after our breakup that we were not going to have any animosity towards each other. One of the things I did say on impulse during our break up was "I don't chase men". In response to the fact that I didn't hear from him for 4 days. The fact that he did not contact me for 4 days may make him seem like a POS. However considering I wasn't an affectionate girlfriend. There were times I may have made him feel unloved. So I have faults too. We broke up like May 2015. And I kind of want us to get back together because I think I was really immature and clueless back then. Being that I never dated anyone. I guess in a sense I still haven't officially dated anyone. But I know what I want now.

We actually had a chat like 2 weeks ago via text. I got busy with something and the convo died. But he did update me a bit on his life. I told him I was proud of him. And I recommended a facebook group I thought he and his brother would enjoy. I don't want us to get back together immediately or anything. As there are a few things I need to get in order first.

A part of me says, well wouldn't it be better for him to contact you. Where is your pride? Doesn't this defeat the purpose of saying "I don't chase men". But I don't see that happening. Can someone give me some advice? In thread or privately. Doesn't matter. I can give more details just didn't want to have like a bunch of paragraphs lol.

Thanks.
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Hmm you've been separated for less than a year and you think you've matured and changed that much? Not to say you haven't but it seems silly to say that. IMO you seem to just want back that familiarity. And for him to not reach out to for four days and then to preemptively break up with you seems narcissistic on his end. I had men who I only saw once text me good morning/goodnight messages everyday, whether or not I responded. Even if you were being fickle with your expression of love, sending someone a text is one of the easiest forms of love communication.

Have you dated? What forms of self love do you practice?
 
@BlackRinse

Why have you not been dating since then? It reads like you have been waiting around for him.

How long was the relationship with your ex?

You reached out by saying hi so I would say that puts the ball in his court.

I'm not saying the relationship isnt worth another chance but generally speaking the man should initiate and put in some work.
 
Sorry for late response. I had no idea how to multi-quote properly. Kept showing up weird in the previews so couldn't reply.


TayMac said:
@BlackRinse

Why have you not been dating since then? It reads like you have been waiting around for him.

How long was the relationship with your ex?

You reached out by saying hi so I would say that puts the ball in his court.

I'm not saying the relationship isnt worth another chance but generally speaking the man should initiate and put in some work.
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Please don't clown me, but my ex and I dated maybe less than 3 months.

After breaking up with my ex. I was later then violently assaulted by someone, I won't go into detail. Because I don't want it to be quoted.

I then ended up in some weird situationship with someone I thought was my friend. But turned out to be very controlling. And I found myself thinking, how did I downgrade to this mess?


frogkisses said:
Hmm you've been separated for less than a year and you think you've matured and changed that much? Not to say you haven't but it seems silly to say that. IMO you seem to just want back that familiarity. And for him to not reach out to for four days and then to preemptively break up with you seems narcissistic on his end. I had men who I only saw once text me good morning/goodnight messages everyday, whether or not I responded. Even if you were being fickle with your expression of love, sending someone a text is one of the easiest forms of love communication.

Have you dated? What forms of self love do you practice?
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I didn't really know how to "be" with someone back then. I enjoyed being with my ex. I think he is a pretty good "catch". And has a lot of great qualities.

I am unsure what you mean by what forms of self love do I practice.
 
I wasn't intending to poke fun at all. Just wanted to see if you were being stagnant in pursuing other relationships because you were waiting for him.

If he is a good guy and worth a second chance, go for it. Try not to let the bad experiences cloud you or have you put him on a pedestal.
 
@BlackRinse First I'd like to say I am so sorry about your recent experiences, and I emphasize. I am never a fan of back tracking to ex's. IMO it ended for a reason. I hope your experiences after him don't make him seem way better than he truly is.

By forms of self love, I mean what do you do daily to cultivate love for yourself?
For example: I go to the gym, get my nails done, continue my education etc these things make me happy everyday, they don't feel like tasks and when I don't do them I can feel upset or like the day was unproductive
 
@frogkisses Oh ok, I am working on being more present and improving my physical and mental health. I've started praying and journaling lately. I want to get back into yoga. I have been making a habit of taking care of my hair, body and skin. I drink bamboo leaf tea, take supplements, do gycolic peels, get my eyebrows done. And I also want to start getting my nails done too. I am in a paid job training program. And hopefully may start working in March. I was supposed to get a placement at Starbucks this month. But I was having mental health issues. And they thought the demanding nature of the job would not be good at this time* because I get panic/anxiety attacks. I really want to work though I think that would be a healthy routine for me.

I hope i am not taking up this thread, sorry if i am.
 
I think I would leave it be. You have shown him the green light that you were thinking about him and miss him (even if you didn't say that) by contacting him out of the blue.

If it's been 8 months that's more than enough time for him to move on emotionally from a short relationship. If he was missing you a lot he would have either contacted you to see how you were, or seem eager for more contact when you did open the gates. If he has said something that indicated he still has feelings that's different.

Glad to hear you've been able to focus on self improvement. If you feel ready to entertain dating/attention then I deffo wouldnt put all your eggs in an old basket lol.
 
BlackRinse said:
@frogkisses Oh ok, I am working on being more present and improving my physical and mental health. I've started praying and journaling lately. I want to get back into yoga. I have been making a habit of taking care of my hair, body and skin. I drink bamboo leaf tea, take supplements, do gycolic peels, get my eyebrows done. And I also want to start getting my nails done too. I am in a paid job training program. And hopefully may start working in March. I was supposed to get a placement at Starbucks this month. But I was having mental health issues. And they thought the demanding nature of the job would not be good at this time* because I get panic/anxiety attacks. I really want to work though I think that would be a healthy routine for me.

I hope i am not taking up this thread, sorry if i am.
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I would continue to focus on you and maybe date 2-5 men. You already reached out to your ex so he knows you are willing to talk to him. If he hasn't initiated any contact then he isn't interested.
A man will move mountains if he wants to be with a woman, I have witnessed it to many times.
 
Received a text message from XH (ex husband) yesterday. He wants to know who this guy is that I am dating and wants to meet him before there is further interaction between my SO and our son.

I told him no. When I asked that he introduce me to his affair partner turned girlfriend, he refused... Even though he had her babysitting our child. I asked him not to introduce affair partner to our son and he refused. Now here we are 1.5 years later- I have moved on into a new relationship. My SO has a child and we decided our relationship was serious enough to meet each other's kids. My son is CRAZY about SO.... Mainly because XH barely sees him and he is craving male attention. My son is currently with XH's family for visitation (instead of XH who couldn't be bothered to spend time with his child he rarely sees) and I guess ex MIL reported back to XH that our son is gushing over my new guy.

Is XH upset that I moved on? Is he upset our son likes my SO? Is my SO reminding XH of how he is failing as a dad since my son would rather talk to SO than his own father?
I tried to place myself in XH's shoes to understand his feelings- but then again, I didn't cheat, leave for her and broke up my family. I thought he would have been happy to know that I have moved on. Why isn't he happy getting what he wanted?
 
@movingforward13
I think we had a thread about why men might feel this way.

He may be happy and these feelings or questions have nothing to do with his current relationship. But more importantly don't fall into the trap of trying to understand him or the motive for his questions. That will only trip you up!

I'm so happy you said no to the meeting lol! I have an issue with parents who pull that card to control the other. He's not even an active father but now he's going to be upset that your son found someone he likes?! Lol laughable. Maybe he'll step it up.

I say don't worry about all the whys, they don't matter, that's the minutia.

Good for you!
 
Fine 4s said:
@movingforward13
I think we had a thread about why men might feel this way.

He may be happy and these feelings or questions have nothing to do with his current relationship. But more importantly don't fall into the trap of trying to understand him or the motive for his questions. That will only trip you up!

I'm so happy you said no to the meeting lol! I have an issue with parents who pull that card to control the other. He's not even an active father but now he's going to be upset that your son found someone he likes?! Lol laughable. Maybe he'll step it up.

I say don't worry about all the whys, they don't matter, that's the minutia.

Good for you!
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Do you remember the title? Would love to read.
The reason why I asked those questions are because of the specific questions he asked me:
Who is he? What does he do? Does he have a car?
None of that is important. He just needs to know our son is being treated well. Move on and worry about your girl you broke up your family for.
 
@movingforward13

It's precisely because it's not important that you shouldn't even CARE why he's asking. To me, it's only to trip you up.

I don't remember the title but it was about an ex who still wanted to keep in touch or something like that...if I find it I'll send it.
 
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movingforward13 said:
Received a text message from XH (ex husband) yesterday. He wants to know who this guy is that I am dating and wants to meet him before there is further interaction between my SO and our son.

I told him no. When I asked that he introduce me to his affair partner turned girlfriend, he refused... Even though he had her babysitting our child. I asked him not to introduce affair partner to our son and he refused. Now here we are 1.5 years later- I have moved on into a new relationship. My SO has a child and we decided our relationship was serious enough to meet each other's kids. My son is CRAZY about SO.... Mainly because XH barely sees him and he is craving male attention. My son is currently with XH's family for visitation (instead of XH who couldn't be bothered to spend time with his child he rarely sees) and I guess ex MIL reported back to XH that our son is gushing over my new guy.

Is XH upset that I moved on? Is he upset our son likes my SO? Is my SO reminding XH of how he is failing as a dad since my son would rather talk to SO than his own father?
I tried to place myself in XH's shoes to understand his feelings- but then again, I didn't cheat, leave for her and broke up my family. I thought he would have been happy to know that I have moved on. Why isn't he happy getting what he wanted?
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Ciera, is that you? :sekret:
 
BlackRinse said:
@frogkisses Oh ok, I am working on being more present and improving my physical and mental health. I've started praying and journaling lately. I want to get back into yoga. I have been making a habit of taking care of my hair, body and skin. I drink bamboo leaf tea, take supplements, do gycolic peels, get my eyebrows done. And I also want to start getting my nails done too. I am in a paid job training program. And hopefully may start working in March. I was supposed to get a placement at Starbucks this month. But I was having mental health issues. And they thought the demanding nature of the job would not be good at this time* because I get panic/anxiety attacks. I really want to work though I think that would be a healthy routine for me.

I hope i am not taking up this thread, sorry if i am.
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Did you ever seek professional help? I think you need to be working on self love in the meantime as well. You might be suffering from ptsd
 
BlackRinse said:
I have Complex ptsd. I see a psychiatrist weekly. I've decided to just focus on meditation, self-healing & self-love.
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Yew..that's exactly what I meant and I pray you recieve what you are looking for. Dating right now would be too complicated for you but I wouldn't close the door indefinitely. Sometimes the Lord sends someone that is necessary for your journey **hugs**
 
"Lee" came over last night and spent time with me and my son. We played Mario Party 10 and had a lot of fun. Like it was a really good game. Then, he had to leave to see his dad in the hospital but he called me as he was driving there. My son asked to talk to him and got on the phone gushing to him about how much fun the game was. So then even more of my heart went with Lee last night.

So I think I want to start sleep overs.... How early did you guys start with your men?
 
I've been at his place all weekend anda I'm going home today because I have nothing to wear to work tomorrow. He just asked me not to go :-( I have to but clearly neither of us are happy about it.

I'll miss him. 3 nights :cry3:
 
I am in love... "Lee" has so much going on but he is showing me little ways that he is putting me first. He came over yesterday to play video games with my son and spend time with us. He was so exhausted that he ended up sleeping for 3 hours but I was happy to have him sleeping at my house than not seeing him completely.
I found out he is now spending the nights at the hospital. Fortunately though, his father should be released soon with a wheelchair, but that means he is probably going to have to be there more to help him out. His father refuses to get a visiting nurse.

We talked about him moving closer to DC. His father lives in DC and I live on the outskirts of DC. He lives about an hour away from us. He said it has been on his mind (2nd time he has mentioned it). There was a fleeting thought of him moving in that popped in my head but I really want to be engaged before I start living with a man again. The two income house would have been nice though - we both have financial goals we are actively pursuing that could be achieved quicker if we lived together.
 
Sooo, I guess that's that. My bf and I broke up today, amicably. I was fine until tonight, now I am all up in my feelings.

We both know it's for the best. We had a great time together, and he is a really good guy but we both had come to realise over the last couple months that there were some important differences that can't be reconciled. We did the dance of 'should we or should we not breakup' for the last 2 months but would never make a concrete decision.

Well now, my boo is no longer my boo.

Sigh.

Lemme go have a drink....or two.
 
bajandoc86 said:
Sooo, I guess that's that. My bf and I broke up today, amicably. I was fine until tonight, now I am all up in my feelings.

We both know it's for the best. We had a great time together, and he is a really good guy but we both had come to realise over the last couple months that there were some important differences that can't be reconciled. We did the dance of 'should we or should we not breakup' for the last 2 months but would never make a concrete decision.

Well now, my boo is no longer my boo.

Sigh.

Lemme go have a drink....or two.
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Oh no! ((Hugs))
 
Two weeks ago a guy at Starbucks approached me. He asked about my life and blah blah blah. He said he's seen me there many times before. Turns out we have running and a love for the outdoors in common. Oh and being totally judgy in public. We're good at that. Anyway, he said twice during the conversation that he was late for work but couldnt bring himself to leave because he was having so much fun talking. His boss called and he had to leave but he asked to meet me there again soon. I agreed. The next two meetings are more of the same. Chatting, people watching, etc. At the end of the last one, he asks to meet me there again soon and says my coffee is on him. He also says we can pick a place to run together and get lunch afterwards. But im getting a little annoyed since all of our convo has been platonic and he hasnt made it clear what he wants. I cant tell if he *likes likes* me, but i know he likes me in general. I appreciate the lunch date and all, but why not ask for my number? Anyway, the day we are scheduled to meet again comes and he doesnt show. If he had my number he could have called. But he doesnt. That was wednesday of last week. I havent decided if i want to go by Starbucks tomorrow around the time we originally agreed on to see if he will show up. Im kinda in my feelings because im really not looking for a new male friend. Especially since i find him attractive. But he behaves like he just wants a new friend. I'd rather go back to my solo coffee trips than spend the whole time talking to him or anyone else. Men -__-
 
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