2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

my boyfriend and his buddies are going to have a vision board party and it's tickling me so much :lol:

i commented in OT how vision board parties seemed like the THING to do in the first two weeks of the school year for young, educated black women. i went to one and was invited to two others.
well, it looks like the men got wind of this and they want in!!!! LMAO.

i'm trying to hide my laughter every time he mentions it though because he's so earnest and it's cute.
 
Rocky91 said:
my boyfriend and his buddies are going to have a vision board party and it's tickling me so much :lol:

i commented in OT how vision board parties seemed like the THING to do in the first two weeks of the school year for young, educated black women. i went to one and was invited to two others.
well, it looks like the men got wind of this and they want in!!!! LMAO.

i'm trying to hide my laughter every time he mentions it though because he's so earnest and it's cute.
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Omg that's so cute! :lol:
 
So he met my family last night :2inlove:
My mom says to me "So you're finally bringing home good ones now!" :lachen:

ETA: Last night he got a flat tire on his precious car (lol). He had his spare tire but not a jack. :look: My family was literally only 5 minutes away waiting for us at the restaurant. It was my first instinct to call my family to bring us a jack so I could get off the dang freeway!! :spinning: But I thought about it and asked him what he wanted to do. I politely said my family probably has a jack, but he didn't want my fam coming to save us as his first impression. :look: (In my head I was like IDC get me off the damn road!) but instead I started deferring to him. He ended up getting a jack and getting us to dinner in the nic of time. Later that night he gets all cuddly and cute, thanking me for always supporting him. :toocool:
 
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caribeandiva said:
You deferred to him?! Gurl how did it feel? It's still weird for me every time I do it.
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It actually wasn't that bad. He's very much a mans man. He will take care of something if he feels like its his duty. So I just relaxed and instead of speaking my ideas I just asked "What do you want to do?" He just sprung into action and took care of it all. I didn't stress him, nor did I make backhanded comments (ex: "Now we're really gonna be late!" Etc) I just let him figure it out while I stayed delightful, made jokes, kissed and hugged him etc. He was very upset that we were going to be late but I talked him back to reality ("You didn't purposely pop your tire", "we will get there when we get there.") He seemed to really appreciate it and the night was very delightful afterwards.


It's all about trust. I trust he will make the best decisions for us, even if I don't necessarily think his way is the best way. It's not always necessary for me to be correct or to always have the right answers.
 
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frogkisses said:
It actually wasn't that bad. He's very much a mans man. He will take care of something if he feels like its his duty. So I just relaxed and instead of speaking my ideas I just asked "What do you want to do?" He just sprung into action and took care of it all. I didn't stress him, nor did I make backhanded comments (ex: "Now we're really gonna be late!" Etc) I just let him figure it out while I stayed delightful, made jokes, kissed and hugged him etc. He was very upset that we were going to be late but I talked him back to reality ("You didn't purposely pop your tire", "we will get there when we get there.") He seemed to really appreciate it and the night was very delightful afterwards.
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Goals. I need to take a page out of your book
 
Date update: My date with the older gentleman didn't happen. I rescheduled it cuz it conflicted with my prior engagements. Then he got sick and moved it. Then I couldn't make the group dinner he wanted me to go on for his birthday. I'm taking that as a sign to leave this one alone. Oh well. On to the next one. Oh and he's been leaving me public messages and romantic pictures on my Facebook wall. Oy vey!!
 
.:Eden:. said:
Kinda long...


The bf and I have been dating for two years, and I feel like the relationship is slowly moving towards a breakup. So, I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after coming to terms with the fact that I was sexually abused for a period of 9 years. The BF has knowledge of this and has been supportive of my healing and recovery. Due to how controlled my life was during the years of being abused there are certain areas in my social/emotional/mental development that needs "rewiring" (i.e. trust, sharing how I feel, speaking up for myself, settling for things/people that aren't good for me, etc.). I'm introverted and BF is very extroverted and this on top of my PTSD causes a lot of issues for us.

I've been in therapy, the BF has come with to get educated on childhood trauma victims, PTSD and what that means in terms of our relationship. I recently moved out of state and the BF decided to move too bc he felt a ld relationship would be too difficult for us since I have trouble with communication.

Moving to a new state and not knowing anyone has really amplified our problems since we are now around each other 24/7 with no close friends for an outlet. I find that I when we're at home I tend to shut down because of triggers, moods or nothing at all. We sometimes go days and only say a few words to each other. I end up feeling guilty because I feel that I'm either being selfish or not considering what he needs from me. He tells me that he just wants me to concentrate on healing and doesn't want me to think about what he needs, bc what I need is what matters. Even still, unconsciously he's no longer being affectionate with me. No kisses, hugs, sweet nothings, coloring unless I initiate it. And even when I do he acts like I'm bothering him.

He says that when I'm engaging he sort of gets "incentive" to be affectionate with me and when I'm not he doesn't feel like it. He's trying to learn to do those things even when there's no "encouragement" to do so. I told him I felt he was inadvertently punishing me for things that I am not always able to control.

I've told him I don't think this is gonna work out because 1. We are so different in terms of introvert/extrovert and 2. I'm simultaneously trying to heal from my past and regain my identity while maintaining a relationship. So I feel like what I'm dealing with is kind of sabotaging us. The BF doesn't want to break up over some emotional decision, he wants us to work through this.

I go back and forth because a part of me feels like I'm not relationship material and just am better off alone and not having to carry the responsibility of another person. But then I think about how he's been encouraging and supportive in my recovery. He's thoughtful and only wants the best for me so the other part feels like he's willing to go through the hardest times with me so I should just hold on until we get to smoother roads.

He also has told me on several occasions that if he or I realize that he's hurting me (in terms of recovery) that he will remove himself because ultimately he wants my best.

Today we're snowed in and we're not even talking. We live together now, but are planning to get separate apartments at the end of the year since living together is just not working. I believe the next step will be a breakup. I feel like a burden, he says I'm not but that's what I feel.
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:bighug:

Hoping you get the healing, peace and love you deserve.
 
LDR suck but I'm glad we had the weekend together. He keeps alluding to having to get his finances in order etc. I hope he knows I was dead serious when I said I don't see a future with a broke man. Dave Ramsey. Budget. Whatever. Love him but I can't sign up for that life. I'm glad he's taking the steps
 
Coming back into this thread- last year I was dating an Army man while he was in Basic Training and after he came home shortly afterward.... He was talking marriage, us moving in together, etc. but when he got home his controlling side appeared. It got pretty bad, especially since I was studying for a major exam and he literally would not let me study. Imagine arguing about nothing with someone for an hour or more via text message- even when you tell them you need to study and will talk to them later. Complete nonsense. I broke up with him in the summer and he wouldn't let go. Guilting me for breaking up with him, he was going to marry me, I will never find the man I am looking for, blah, blah, blah...
I eventually blocked his number and stayed focused on studying. I feel like I really dodged a bullet there.

So any way- I met "Lee" October of last year, right after I took my third exam. I definitely wasn't looking for a relationship with him but the chemistry was there from the first phone call. We made things official last month. He has met my son and introduced me to his daughter this past weekend. Sweet girl the same age as my son but she has moderate to severe autism. Lee has a lot going on, so my focus isn't on our relationship but more so trying to be a rock for him and deepen our friendship. I feel like Lee has all the qualities I am looking for in a man but his is a bit distracted due to family issues. He is opening up to me about them though and sharing his feelings.
 
So even though me and my most recent ex didn't work out, his friends still keep in touch with me. :look: :lol: I'm just out there enjoying myself. Not looking for a relationship right now.:drunk:
 
I miss my ex. I don't know if he is dating anyone at the moment. And we agreed after our breakup that we were not going to have any animosity towards each other. One of the things I did say on impulse during our break up was "I don't chase men". In response to the fact that I didn't hear from him for 4 days. The fact that he did not contact me for 4 days may make him seem like a POS. However considering I wasn't an affectionate girlfriend. There were times I may have made him feel unloved. So I have faults too. We broke up like May 2015. And I kind of want us to get back together because I think I was really immature and clueless back then. Being that I never dated anyone. I guess in a sense I still haven't officially dated anyone. But I know what I want now.

We actually had a chat like 2 weeks ago via text. I got busy with something and the convo died. But he did update me a bit on his life. I told him I was proud of him. And I recommended a facebook group I thought he and his brother would enjoy. I don't want us to get back together immediately or anything. As there are a few things I need to get in order first.

A part of me says, well wouldn't it be better for him to contact you. Where is your pride? Doesn't this defeat the purpose of saying "I don't chase men". But I don't see that happening. Can someone give me some advice? In thread or privately. Doesn't matter. I can give more details just didn't want to have like a bunch of paragraphs lol.

Thanks.
 
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Ask him if he wants to catch up in person, lunch or whatever.
Sometimes you have to put the pride aside. Catch up in person and see if his feelings come back. He should make the next moves after that.

BlackRinse said:
I miss my ex. I don't know if he is dating anyone at the moment. And we agreed after our breakup that we were not going to have any animosity towards each other. One of the things I did say on impulse during our break up was "I don't chase men". In response to the fact that I didn't hear from him for 4 days. The fact that he did not contact me for 4 days may make him seem like a POS. However considering I wasn't an affectionate girlfriend. There were times I may have made him feel unloved. So I have faults too. We broke up like May 2015. And I kind of want us to get back together because I think I was really immature and clueless back then. Being that I never dated anyone. I guess in a sense I still haven't officially dated anyone. But I know what I want now.

We actually had a chat like 2 weeks ago via text. I got busy with something and the convo died. But he did update me a bit on his life. I told him I was proud of him. And I recommended a facebook group I thought he and his brother would enjoy. I don't want us to get back together immediately or anything. As there are a few things I need to get in order first.

A part of me says, well wouldn't it be better for him to contact you. Where is your pride? Doesn't this defeat the purpose of saying "I don't chase men". But I don't see that happening. Can someone give me some advice? In thread or privately. Doesn't matter. I can give more details just didn't want to have like a bunch of paragraphs lol.

Thanks.
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Sumra said:
@BlackRinse How did you begin chatting 2 weeks ago. Did he contact you?

Also did you break up with him or the other way around?
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I decided to say hi, and we went from there.

I impulsively verbally attacked him regarding not hearing from him. And so i guess he presumed I was going to break up with him. And said he thinks we should be friends. That he doesn't think he can offer me what I want. I can't really say who broke up with who.
 
movingforward13 said:
Ask him if he wants to catch up in person, lunch or whatever.
Sometimes you have to put the pride aside. Catch up in person and see if his feelings come back. He should make the next moves after that.
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I agree. @BlackRinse You admitted that you messed up too and were really immature back then. Taking the first step to reestablish a friendship in this case isn't chasing. He chased you at first, you dropped the ball (so did he). I don't see anything wrong with you putting some work upfront this time.
 
BlackRinse said:
I decided to say hi, and we went from there.

I impulsively verbally attacked him regarding not hearing from him. And so i guess he presumed I was going to break up with him. And said he thinks we should be friends. That he doesn't think he can offer me what I want. I can't really say who broke up with who.
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y'all seriously need to talk.. In person!
 
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