2012 Whats happening Relationship Folks

Oh he told me he doesn't know how to go from being in a relationship right back to a friendship as effortlessly as I seem to be able to. I told him its not easy for me either but hell I've done it twice. Also I usually ended up being cool with an ex because hell things don't always work out the way we want. I truly believe people are put in your life for a season or a reason. Sometimes you have to make decisions even if it hurts. He knows my story. I told him if he needs some time that is cool with me. He will build my latest project next week but he said he doesn't want to babysit the dog next weekend when I go out of town. Ain't that a btich! LMAO I've always told dude I want him to be happy with or without me. Heck I guess he preferred the way I did him in 2008. This was an agreed breakup WTH is the problem????????? Oh well...................
 
FelaShrine said:
Lol I get the gist but dont tell me you'll be one of those women that gain 100lb then start yelling at dude "why didnt you tell me?!" :lol:
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Lol! Nah! I have a sister and mother who are allowed to be (and are) brutally honest when interventions are needed.
 
firecracker said:
This was an agreed breakup WTH is the problem????????? Oh well...................
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firecracker
There's no such thing IMO...
But what is the reason ya'll broke up anyway. I know you say he has health issues that he's not dealing with appropriately and something about him driving you and you don't want to die driving in the night? This must be grown folk break up...

Do bullet points for me please :look:
 
Firecracker, I thought you were joking, but you packing his stuff and sending him on his way makes it official. :look:

If you're happy....I'm happy! :-)
 
Finer4s I've posted about this situation for months in those other random relationship threads since March and here also. Those threads are not in thread heaven so if you want more deets where I was like oh hell to the nawl crash dummy etc LOL use the search. I've known this man 10 years up close and personal. So I knew and dated him when he wasn't having any health issues.

Here is the summary:
*He takes meds for HBP(it runs in his family/all his siblings has it)
*He had a triple bypass at 40yrs old. That was 7 yrs ago.
*He has been having short term memory and information processing issues since late last year.
*His mother passed from Alzheimers late last year.
*He has been going to the doctor & getting tested but its been a slow process.
*He promised in May after he got the results from the latest round of testing/MRI he would change insurance providers. Ie: Cedar Sinai Medical Group for faster & better service. Its been a process of elimination and changing up meds situation. His PP is full of bs imo. Due to a few of his request and the timeframe.
*He lied and never had any intentions of changing. He finally admitted it in an angry outburst.
*The latest test shows his ammonia levels are high so he is waiting another 4-5 weeks to see a specialist.

I couldn't handle his stringing me along. His behavior and decision put a strain on the relationship. I am no longer attracted to him intimately. I don't trust him driving because of his response time, slow processing information, short term memory lapse etc. At first I thought maybe he had an unknown mild stroke or something. Hell even early Alz signs so I did handle him and the situation delicately because I know its a scary situation for him but lying and making bs excuses. F that bs.

There is a such thing as an agreed upon breakup. Yes its what grown folks do when the relationship is not working. Its too stressful and I cannot change the way someone handles their business or situation. Health is a personal thing and we each chose how to handle our own personal health issues. I refuse to let him drive me because of the obvious and he wants to act like nothing is really wrong but its affecting his life, business and our relationship. He admitted that a few months ago. His first defense is an offense when you remind him that he forgot something. I refuse to repeat myself in the same paragraph or 5 minutes, to be his mother & lover wrapped up together and take the lead in a relationship. I can be a better friend to him than a woman at this point. I will always love him and will stand by his side but as a friend. I am the first close female friend he has had in his life. We have gone from being intimate to being platonic before and for years but this time its different for him I guess. To me its just time to move on and be the bestfriend he can ever have. I'm not going anywhere but I don't want to lose my respect and admiration for him. He is hardheaded now and I've never seen this side of him. Its reminding of my mom and those damn cigarettes that lead to her stage 4 lung cancer that never had to happen. They want folks to sit and watch them kill themselves and I cannot do it. He agreed its not working and its too much stress for him too so yeah its an agreed breakup dear even if it after the fact. He admitted that its hard for him to reign his emotions in and be around me right now. Its not as hard for me. He knows I've been down this road with one of my exes in NYC but it was for different reasons that we had an agreed breakup. Life and things happen. Yes he would never do this to me but we have different tolerance levels and I would never not take my health serious. I hope I broke it down enough.

Oh did I forget to say F that softy:lachen: His new name is Mister Mindless not Forgetful.
 
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Lucie and A856. Its cool. I will try to give him some time and space to deal with his emotions. I realize we are different in that regard. My cousins tried to influence my decision but they need to be his chick if they feel that strongly. LOL I'm not married to him and after he showed me how he was going to handle his situation I didn't want to be his wife anyway. He said that was kinda insulting but he knows he wasn't ready for all of that. I'm not going to be anyones nursemaid. His lack of action wasn't going to become my emergency. Well I'm done and off checking which place I'm boarding Mr B during the Jazz Festival.
 
Omg, how do you console a man when he's upset??

The other night a male friend and I had dinner and we touched a sore topic. I asked him if he is depressed and he just looked at me like he was choking back tears :(. I asked him if he needed a hug and he just looked at me cus he couldn't say no. But he then he became uncomfortable and asked me not to (we were in a public place). So we decided to leave and ended up walking and talking for about 2 more hours.

I know when I'm upset I don't mind being consoled in public. But it seems men are different all around. I had this isue with my ex, I didn't know when to give him space and when to be all like "Hey! you need me? I'm here, See?!". In this case this guy is a close but strictly platonic friend. Any pointers?
 
firecracker said:
. I've known this man 10 years up close and personal. So I knew and dated him when he wasn't having any health issues.

I couldn't handle his stringing me along. His behavior and decision put a strain on the relationship. I am no longer attracted to him intimately. I don't trust him driving because of his response time, slow processing information, short term memory lapse etc. At first I thought maybe he had an unknown mild stroke or something. Hell even early Alz signs so I did handle him and the situation delicately because I know its a scary situation for him but lying and making bs excuses. F that bs.

Oh did I forget to say F that softy:lachen: His new name is Mister Mindless not Forgetful.
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:clapping:
:clap:

I totally understand where you're coming from firecracker;
I've had to break up with someone for similar reasons... It hurts that they're so invested into you, but they're not invested in their own health... Making you their mother... Their woman.. Their everything...

It's one thing if you were married to him, and it all went down hill, but it feels like he's purposely misleading you... To keep you... He's not changing, and soon he'll *expect* you to care for him no matter what because that's what a good woman does... When... If he took care of himself NOW, he could have avoided a lot of complications...

If his health continues to degenerate, you'll be put into the caregiver role... And that's not sexy at all... How are you supposed to be intimate with a man that you're mothering... Yuck!

I've read that relationships that devolve into caregiving roles never end up lasting anyway...
 
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metro_qt said:
:clapping:
:clap:

I totally understand where you're coming from firecracker;
I've had to break up with someone for similar reasons... It hurts that they're so invested into you, but they're not invested in their own health... Making you their mother... Their woman.. Their everything...

It's one thing if you were married to him, and it all went down hill, but it feels like he's purposely misleading you... To keep you... He's not changing, and soon he'll *expect* you to care for him no matter what because that's what a good woman does... When... If he took care of himself NOW, he could have avoided a lot of complications...

If his health continues to degenerate, you'll be put into the caregiver role... And that's not sexy at all... How are you supposed to be intimate with a man that you're mothering... Yuck!

I've read that relationships that devolve into caregiving roles never end up lasting anyway...
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OMG metro_qt at least you understand firsthand.:grin: Bev does too since she's been around. I'm kinda glad he is being hardheaded because then its his sibling and teenage daughters problem. His sister had no idea he was going thru this. She is how I found out that HBP ran in the family. When he had the triple bypass his older sister flew in from Louisiana to take care of him along with the younger sister that lived here. I'm glad they are insular like my mother and her siblings. I have my own set of issues that are manageable and under control. I would never do that to my kids or family but I guess if you have a lack of will or self control you don't care about other folks.

When I was having potassium issues which made me foggy brained and off balance when I stood up I didn't drive for months. I basically hibernated outside of the doctors appointment. I didn't go to work either. I was too afraid I'd harm someone else let alone myself. Heck I went to two doctors each month and it kept saying my cholestrol was high.:nono: I never had any health issues outside of the slip and fall issues and Gerds. Hell I ended up having a seizure then we found out what it was. Thank goodness I wasn't driving at that point and time. Well I've vented enough.

Ya'll enjoy the rest of the day and love.
 
firecracker whoa that dude is a ticking time bomb! U made the right choice. I've dealt with patients that have high ammonia levels and that ish ain't pretty either they eventually comatose or extremely belligerent and crazy until they get some lactulose in their system. And even if ur dude got some lactulose half of y'all time would be spent on the toilet. It makes u poop like crazy :lol:
 
BillsBackerz67 said:
firecracker whoa that dude is a ticking time bomb! U made the right choice. I've dealt with patients that have high ammonia levels and that ish ain't pretty either they eventually comatose or extremely belligerent and crazy until they get some lactulose in their system. And even if ur dude got some lactulose half of y'all time would be spent on the toilet. It makes u poop like crazy :lol:
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BillsBackerz67 :lachen::lachen::lachen: are you serious?????? Why you make me scream!!! Po thang I shol can't tell him that bs. He'd really be like you are a mean uncaring btich fo real. :lachen::lachen: My stomach is hurting from laughing so hard. Thank goodness he ain't keeping my pup. I'd kick his arse if he did some flip mess on my baby.:look: OMG I'm even happier now. Girl when he told me that mess I started to tell him let me use your excess ammonia to clean the house Mister Mindless. :look: I ain't shti. :lachen:
 
Today we have been driving each other crazy for exactly 4 months lol. Also, I'm pretty excited that we have a summer anniversary cuz u can take ALL the good trips then lol.
 
Twin told me to go look at the trailer for the movie cloud atlas. It looks good and I told him I plan on seeing it next weekend. He tells me we should see it together. But um he is going to be in costa rica!

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours.Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
We are still going to the Mint Condition concert this Friday for his birthday. I bought the tickets a few weeks ago and just decided today that I would still attend. He asked me several times if I would still go but I wasn't sure if I was up for it. Nothing else, besides dinner, will be occurring. I am still not ok with things.
 
Yesterday he brought me a giant cup of snowcone ice with no syrup. For me, this is like being surprised with two dozen white roses :lol: And then he gave me a massage! I really hope this overt niceness continues.

I've decided to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. We need to talk first though. Like does his family know I'm coming? I ain't trying to play the Sidney Poitier role in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner."
 
Je Ne Sais Quoi said:
We are still going to the Mint Condition concert this Friday for his birthday. I bought the tickets a few weeks ago and just decided today that I would still attend. He asked me several times if I would still go but I wasn't sure if I was up for it. Nothing else, besides dinner, will be occurring. I am still not ok with things.
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Maybe you'll meet some cute guys at the concert :look:
 
So.....you mean to tell me that you added your ex back on FB? The same ex who cheated on you twice, got pregnant by the dude, and tried to say it was yours...and you didn't find out until you went with her to the hospital for the check-up and did the math? You can't even say her name because you'll get upset, but you can be her FB friend? Ok.
 
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Lenee925 said:
Maybe you'll meet some cute guys at the concert :look:
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:lol: you never know.

But the thing of it is right now I just don't want to be bothered starting all over again. I don't know how I feel about all this.....

On another note he went to his first session yesterday. I'm curious to see how long he keeps this up. I don't think he will. Just saying.
 
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