2011 - Christian Random Thoughts

Maybe the other person put her up to it? I have definitely encountered such people and still do. You just have to get to the point of ignoring their judgments.
 
Today is the day the Lord has made and I will be glad in it.If you don't encourage me I will encourage myself,if you don't high five me I will high five myself if you don't praise with me I will praise by myself...Lord your awesomely amazing I see how things have happened this morning to see if I m going to let it ruin my day.Lord I'm going to be joyful today and allow no devil in hell to try to take it.I will be listening to the Word on the way to work and will do my best to praise you with my work...be awesome this morning.
 
Reading a blog post on marriage and singleness, I have heard and read over and over again that singleness is a period where we really can accomplish a lot for the Kingdom or devout more time to ministry.

This time however, it hit me that I am not using this time to do that. I am not really actively involved in any ministry. Yes I am new, but still!!!

I felt some sense of urgency, like this needs to change stat!
 
Lord I thank you for this day you made.I am so out of sorts however.I want to not feel so rejected by coworkers.Help me to know they are merely coworkers nothing more.I need to be fine alone as I use to but I have been alone for so long I have bored with it.

I thank you for this 10 dollar off coupon the simple things Lord.I asked for one last night and what you know I got a email from the very store I wanted it for..Lord you make provisions so often but I get so wrapped up in inabilities and lack that I don't always praise you the way you deserve.
 
As much as I'm not a fan of Oprah bc of her views and attitude at times I did learn some things from her life class I watched tonight.I just remember she is the creature and God is the creator so what she does he made her to do.

The feeling of worthlessness and not being enough is really plaguing my life.I can't get close to anyone and people eventually just ignore me.I'm un easy with my life bc Im scared I will never be successful in my eyes.I want to have nice things as I didn't have that growing up period.I did things I knew where wrong so I could have the basics.I don't always want to struggle and have to shop at thrift stores.My inadequacies I find are hanging me bc I'm so scared and nervous of moving I'm paralyzed.It's not a good feeling always thinking why am I suffering so badly and others get to enjoy life without to much burden.I didn't ask to go through abuse God so why do I have to always be in such pain.I want to keep the hope that one day maybe after death it will make sense and some how twisted like it helped someone else.
 
Dear Lord,

There has to be more to this life with you than buildings, books, and sacraments. What does it truly mean to have a relationship with you? I must be honest, I have fallen away due to the pain and hurt I have experienced by mainstream christianity. I want to follow you and only you, but I sometimes feel that even such a desire is unrealistic. I don't believe in a God who gets hung up on rules and regulations just to keep people out of hell. I believe in a God who truly seeks the lost and helps the helpless. A God who loves unconditionally and who doesnt see us as we see ourselves. I just want to live a life with you and be content in all of it. To grow,learn, and experience the life I am often daydreaming about.There has to be more to being your child than what I see and what I have experienced. Eventhough religion almost sucked the life out of me, I love you too much to walk away. I just believe that you are more than what is being offered in your name.

Sincerely,

Your daughter Calii.
 
I who has breathe at this moment will praise you Lord even though inside I feel a war going on.There part of me who is still so hurt and hasn't been touched and repels from any praising.I want to be optimistic and believe without a shadow of doubt that I will be healed of my physical affliction and also my internal pains.I'm tired of crying though Lord I'm tired of not being able to enjoy life bc I see so many things wrong with me.I have to stand on the rock and not believe that I'm inherently deformed and damaged as I know God doesn't create damaged people but this world has damaged me.Lord what I wouldn't do for the love of a real parent and support.But I know I'm 25 Im grown so I should just shut it up and just live alone.But I just want to feel love that is pure but I wonder if its even possible.


ETA:Promotion is determined by your performance at your current position.God uses the desert to groom,training,and shaping us.I'm listening to a sermon about employment as my job isn't fun.This hurts me and def shows some conviction in me.I do somethings but there are other areas that I'm not doing well.
 
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GoddessMaker,

Do you have a mentor? An older, married woman of God that you can talk with and she can feed into you?

Mothers don't have to be the person that gives birth to you. You need someone you can look up to and pour your heart out to.

A pastor's wife, grandmother, aunt or
older cousin. You need to someone you can watch and learn from. You know the Bible says that the older women are to teach the younger ones.

Blessings and hugs, girlie!

If you don't like your position, change it. You are not a tree!
 
Today's worship service was completely carried out by the youth. They did praise and worship, announcements and even gave a small message today. It was incredible how they poured their hearts out to God and weren't ashamed. And to think to I woke up this morning complaining about getting up and these kids woke up on fire to worship God. It was very humbling.
 
GoddessMaker said:
I who has breathe at this moment will praise you Lord even though inside I feel a war going on.There part of me who is still so hurt and hasn't been touched and repels from any praising.I want to be optimistic and believe without a shadow of doubt that I will be healed of my physical affliction and also my internal pains.I'm tired of crying though Lord I'm tired of not being able to enjoy life bc I see so many things wrong with me.I have to stand on the rock and not believe that I'm inherently deformed and damaged as I know God doesn't create damaged people but this world has damaged me.Lord what I wouldn't do for the love of a real parent and support.But I know I'm 25 Im grown so I should just shut it up and just live alone.But I just want to feel love that is pure but I wonder if its even possible.
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No you shouldn't just shut up! I am in my 20s and still need my mother's love. Other ladies older than us still need their mother's love. It's ok to feel how you feel. It's the first step toward healing, acknowledgement of your pain. I commend you for acknowledging how you feel. I do believe God can heal all of us of our pain. He can replace all the years the locusts have stolen, He can renew us. You my dear are not damaged goods, please don't ever say that! Our words are powerful.

Maybe the other ladies can best guide you as to how you can start your healing, but I do agree with the woman who suggested an older spiritual mentor. God blessed me with some in my life, and they've been awesome. Pray he will send you someone.
 
MrsIQ I haven't been able to get close to anyone to allow that.I tried at work with 2 ladies but I see too many things that aren't meshing well.They are awesome and I observe them but I can't allow them to mentor me as I want someone who wants to mentor me.I don't want to ask anyone.I feel its more one sided.

I hope in the new year I will be able to get into a church where I may be able to lay my guard down just a little to see if there is anyone I can allow to mentor me.I'm picky bc I don't trust most women since I grew up with such horrid women.
 
I thank G-d for my church. I just thank Him. I can go anywhere in the world and find the same church....Him present and be able to reconcile and partake of Him. I am so grateful for this. I am so privileged to have come here..yet, who am I? Nobody!!! And He placed me deep within His heart? You just don't know...how thankful I am. :bouncegre Everytime, He gets there before I can...just waiting. He has shown me. BVM, I am so grateful for you leading me to Him. All those years in the past, when we prayed that prayer on that little card...of consecration...who would have known then what I would have been so privileged to have come to know now!!! In so respects, thank youuuuu!!!!!
 
GoddessMaker said:
MrsIQ I haven't been able to get close to anyone to allow that.I tried at work with 2 ladies but I see too many things that aren't meshing well.They are awesome and I observe them but I can't allow them to mentor me as I want someone who wants to mentor me.I don't want to ask anyone.I feel its more one sided.

I hope in the new year I will be able to get into a church where I may be able to lay my guard down just a little to see if there is anyone I can allow to mentor me.I'm picky bc I don't trust most women since I grew up with such horrid women.
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GoddessMaker,

You should be picky. You have to know if you can trust a person with your heart. I'll be praying that God sends her or them your way.

Also, look for a church with active small groups. That's another place where hopefully you'll be able to see other people talking about their issues in a safe place. And if you feel comfortable after a time, you can share as well.


If you don't like your position, change it. You are not a tree!
 
I want to be a bit transparent this evening.I think back on when I was highly active in church.I believe now I was so focused on title or what I was doing moreso than building my relationship with God.When you place your identity in anything besides God you will feel like the world moved from under you when its gone.I was the speaker at church I was the usher etc..I loved my label as I was praised for what I could do.Now I look and as much as I want to be apart of a church I can't.See when my roles where taken I was ignored and no longer viable.

I see this in so much in my life.I have identified myself as the fat girl.The dark girl.The broke one.The depressed one..or even worst the itch who wants to commit suicide.As I feel God is removing this labels I am starting to feel akward like what or who am I? I was reborn Feb 20,2010 after my incident and now I can't seem to go back to who I was then.I can't become as depressed without thinking there has to be something more to this.I can't quit.I'm not the my labels anymore I may be fat,poor,but I'm not the condition anymore.

Ok let me go relax before bed..Lord help me to work for you tomorrow so I don't displease you while working and I won't have to stay in hell I mean the desert I call work.
 
“Whatsoever a man sows, THAT shall he also reap” (Gal 6:7).

Your fervent prayer needs to be: “Lord, let me see my THAT. Stop letting me try to reap things that I have no rights over. Stop me from being confused about what I should be reaping. Stop me from trying to cash in on other people’s gifts.”


You cannot reap what belongs to others; you have to reap what is yours.
 
I just want to scream at work.I can't seem to enjoy this work.I know what the word says that we work for Jesus not for man.But I just want to work without working with people.God why didn't I have gifts that deal with computers or something.I don't hate having liberal art type talents I just wish I had the aptitude for technical.But I will say thank you Lord for getting my registration done today at the final hour.
 
you can't be tested, tried and made into pure gold in without 'people' in seclusion...

Be encouraged sweet Sis and keep hanging in there, things will get better


GoddessMaker said:
I just want to scream at work.I can't seem to enjoy this work.I know what the word says that we work for Jesus not for man.But I just want to work without working with people.God why didn't I have gifts that deal with computers or something.I don't hate having liberal art type talents I just wish I had the aptitude for technical.But I will say thank you Lord for getting my registration done today at the final hour.
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^^ Iwanthealthyhair67 I know I can count on you to keep me on the straight and narrow. I often feel like I'm so beanthe people at work which makes working with them inbearable.I don't know when or what it will take to not feel this way but this inferiority complex makes working with people hard.I always feel I have to work extra hard and when I push people out it just plays with my mind set that people really don't care anyway bc they have basically ignored me or will make remarks like oh you talking now..it hurts bc they can't see the things Im working on mentally or what things I have had to change to get here..but that's life.
 
All this talk about choir reminds me of my former parish and the cantor, bless her soul, sang so much for Our L-rd. But she'd bring us to tears....of laughter ahahaha! I know she sang for G-d and that she was formally trained...but L-rd have mercy! We were once in the cry-room and we cried alright. I couldn't help it...beet red...I'm cracking up right now. The folks in front of us on the other side of the glass were holding it in, too. She sounded like a cross between a soprano tweety bird with lento falsetto...somehow buffalo is in the imagery. It was AWFUL but on key! But to the L-rd, it's sweet! G-d, help us to see it how You see it...and then again, G-d has a true sense of humor. We are all wonderous parts of the Body.
 
Doing 'extra' is tiring and it hurts when nobody notices your effort...I pray that one day you accept yourself faults and all, more people care than what you think ...when you begin to get comfortable in your own skin you won't care so much about how others feel about you ...besides there is only one persons opinion that really matters and HE already accepts you as you are ...

GoddessMaker said:
^^ @Iwanthealthyhair67 I know I can count on you to keep me on the straight and narrow. I often feel like I'm so beanthe people at work which makes working with them inbearable.I don't know when or what it will take to not feel this way but this inferiority complex makes working with people hard.I always feel I have to work extra hard and when I push people out it just plays with my mind set that people really don't care anyway bc they have basically ignored me or will make remarks like oh you talking now..it hurts bc they can't see the things Im working on mentally or what things I have had to change to get here..but that's life.
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Got invited to a church retreat , but my student salary did not afford me the liberty to say yes. Yet I prayed and asked God if it is His will for me to go please make a way. Well I got a call that someone in my church will be sponsoring me to go. God is soooooo awesome. I'm so excited!!!
 
What you see is what you get: Our perception of who we are has a great influence on our emotional, relational, and spiritual well-being. We tend to act in harmony with what we perceive ourselves to be. If you see yourself as a failure, you will find some way to fail no matter how hard you want to succeed. If you see yourself as adequate and capable because of your relationship with God, you will face life with greater optimism and perform nearer to your best.
 
I know this may be weird but I'm unusually calm today.Like everything in me is real tranquil.I can focus on things real clear.I'm on that rough spot of the month,bank account is on the extreme lean diet and I'm shockingly quiet inside.Like I'm optimistic about my future and what not.I'm scared that I'm this calm as it's quiet before the storm.I don't feel I'm out of the darkness valley so what gives.
 
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