NATURAL MEN WHO DO NOT LIKE NATURAL WOMEN...OXYMORON?

[westNDNbeauty]

See Related Video.

So my YouTube viewers voted for me to interview the one guy (out of 5) with long dread locs for my blog. Based on the comments it seems that the interview left a bitter taste in some women's mouths after reading how this natural man views women with natural hair.

Read Related Interview.

Is it safe to assume that we as women assume because a man is natural he will view women, who are also natural, in a more positive light?


Note: When I speak of a man being natural, I really mean a man with natural hair who has made a conscious effort/choice to grow it beyond a fade/caesar/low boy/high top/etc.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Yeah I was a bit put off by his comments BUT I've never assumed.....ok well yeah I guess I thought men with locs would be more accepting....but I've never really met a guy who has something AGAINST a well groomed natural woman. I've only heard that problems arise when the natural hair isn't styled and it's just....there. So I really dont know what my vote should be so I guess I'm not gonna vote.

 

[davisbr88]

If the actual interview wasn't bad enough, his comment "clarifying" it was even worse. I HAD to comment after that. I was heated.

 

[weaveadiva]

If the actual interview wasn't bad enough, his comment "clarifying" it was even worse. I HAD to comment after that. I was heated.

[highlight]here was his response:[/highlight]

hello followers
ok let me clear the smoke cause this is crazy ... ladies don't feel bad not everybody has good hair today so i can see why you need a lot more extra .. lol my bad that was wrong.. You can have bad hair in this world today and be an outstanding person. Hair is something that you are blessed with long or short weaved or locked.. Yes im from Africa.. thank you .. The hair texture question i was confused so i just did my best @ trying to answer the question.. Thanks Vixen.. Textures i like are curly, wavy, straight, and locked .. Thanks 4 not voting for me didn't know this was a Contest anonymous Genius ..lmao .. Don't hate cause i got nice locs .. get in the corner .. Follow me @imodel thanks for your love and support .. shoutout to the haters and women with nice hair.. So what if i might not like it just as long your boo does you should be cool

 

[davisbr88]

^^ exactly. I was thinking, "are you serious?!" I had to put in my 2 cents after that. Some people were giving him the benefit of the doubt, but that response definitely cleared all doubts.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Wooooow at that response smh somebodies a little to full of himself

 

[NikkiQ]

Who is this cat??? He needs to come off his high horse and step into the real world with everyone else.

 

[Tiye]

So does anyone care to give the short version of what he originally said about women with natural hair?

Most black men are natural technically speaking as in most do not relax/perm their hair. So I guess "natural man" means "natural man with long hair". Well their taste/preferences vary. Vis a vis locks - I don't expect every man with locks to like natural haired women. I'm a woman who has worn locks in the past but for the most part I prefer men with short hair.

 

[davisbr88]

^^ He said that if he had a girlfriend with natural hair and he didn't approve of her texture, he would let her know. The comment sort of rubbed me the wrong way, but I didn't plan on commenting until I read his response (listed above). How do you equate someone's hair with their character? (Also, OP, maybe you can just include the link to the interview instead of having to click on a video, that then leads you to the blog - I wasn't quite sure what the point of that was).
And I voted "no" that I don't expect natural men to like natural women, because I am natural, and I prefer a clean-cut man. I don't think there's anything wrong with a preference but his response was ludicrous.

 

[Yoshi3329]

What a jerk!

That 'response' was disrespectful and he knows it. He should kick his own @ss.

 

[chocolat79]

I do ASSUME that natural men like natural women, but that would be a fallacy in thinking on my part because I have also ASSUMED that these same BM with locs would also be with BW mostly and I'll honestly say I've seen more of them with WW, than BW. So, although I voted yes, I realize that it would be an incorrect assumption actually.

Ok, I responded on the blog that I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because it seemed that perhaps he didn't understand the question fully. The clarification though was interesting and maybe goes into what I said above. Anyway, this is no different than BM dating a BW based strictly on skin color. So, if he wants to be ignorant with it, go right ahead. There are plenty men who LOVE natural "bad" hair, LOL, so I can't even worry about one or few who don't. All I can say is, we asked, he told and that's that. #kanyeshrug

 

[omegachick31]

I am natural and I'm not attracted to men with locs, braids, twists, afros or anything I would not consider clean cut so No I don't expect natural men to be attracted to me because I am natural. What I do expect is for them to respect it but I expect that from any man although expectations can always fall short. I'm sure women chose him as the guy they most wanted to hear from mainly because of his looks and his hair but what they expected and what they got wasn't congruent... so now those same women are pissed at him for his opinion (while it can be considered distorted) it is still his opinion I mean he is just some random who was lucky enough to have you listen to his view.....and if you think about one thing he said that is correct...if your SO likes it that is all that matter..

 

[Qtee]

Everyone has a preference..he stated his..I dont like braids or a fro on a man..I also dont like perms on men either..its either clean cut or well manicured locs..This is my preference..everyone isn't going to like natural hair..and thats ok..as long as my man and I luv it..

 

[nikolite]

"Natural" men aren't any different from regular black men, IMO. They simply grow their hair longer. Dreads and cornrows are just as much a style for them as caesar cuts and bald heads are for others. These same guys aren't more likely to embrace free-form afros or locs.

Plus many men (of all races) feel that they can be natural and walk around just like they are born because they are men. Hence why they'd never consider shaving their bodies, relaxing their hair, or wearing make-up unless it was a personal choice (they aren't required to do so by society). Those are things that women have to do to fit into a beauty ideal that men impose. Men don't have to conform to beauty ideals, because well, they're men--they're value is in their brains and their prowess and they are perfect the way they are. (*Please note the sarcasm).

So I'm not shocked when I hear a "natural" guy put down our hair. We are still the objects of their desire--the same rules don't apply to them. Good hair/bad hair/light skin/dark skin are deep issues for many black men regardless of how they choose to wear their hair because it pertains to Western beauty ideals that apply only to women.

I also think this is why black men can be coveted in our culture (and many of them know this and exploit this) while black women with the same features are denigrated.

 

[brittanynic16]

I have no problem with what he said. He didn't say anything against certain hair types. He just said he has certain like and dislikes. He expresses what he wants. What's wrong with that?

 

[Sianna]

Honestly, his comments weren't all that surprising to me. We all know that there are many people who are ignorant and prejudiced against certain textures of black hair. This is nothing new.

I found it hilarious (in a sad way ) that he went on to say that you could still be a good person even if your hair is "bad." WTF does that even mean??!! Was that his way of making those of us with "bad" hair feel better?! I mean REALLY?! smh!

But again, not surprising at all! There are MANY people who believe that curly hair better and that tighter coils and kinkier textures need to be "fixed" hidden or otherwise altered in order to be acceptable.

I ain't mad at him. He has his own preference and I'll not knock him for it. Hey, I'm natural and I don't really like guys with dreads so... whatever. *shrugs*

 

[PJaye]

One of the things I've learned through the passage of time is that everyone who chooses to wear locs does not do so as a result of overstanding their significance, or as an external expression of a higher level of consciousness. Since locs are a mere styling option in contemporary society, it would be unwise to presume that all wearers have an evolved level of consciousness.

Clearly, this guy’s words speak to his character, upbringing and world view. He’s already shown the world who he is; all that remains is for people to believe him and act accordingly.

 

[omegachick31]

he went on to say that you could still be a good person even if your hair is "bad." WTF does that even mean??!!

Gurrrl...you is so crazy..it mean that God still love you and although you haven't been blessed with the best of naps...he has seen fit to provide beauty supply stores all over the world so you can at least maintain and hopefully won't go crazy and shoot somebody cause if your hair is bad it mean you bad....God help those who help themselves you know...lol

 

[lilsparkle825]

His clarification was awful, and I was really upset that he had the nerve to throw in an advertisement for himself. "You can have bad hair in this world today and be an outstanding person"....lol....what THEE hayle does hair texture have to do with personality? That's like me saying "You can be dark skinned in this world today and still be cute" or some other equally dumb mess. Ain't nobody checkin' for him after saying something like that. Delusions of grandeur indeed.

 

[Dposh167]

i don't like people who sugarcoat.....

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

OP, why give someone so backwards a platform for publicity like that? Why not put your focus on the many forward thinking brotha's that have their head on straight and adore a woman proud to wear her coils? Why add to the negativity when you could be promoting the positives and encouraging a newbie natural?

 

[westNDNbeauty]

OP, why give someone so backwards a platform for publicity like that? Why not put your focus on the many forward thinking brotha's that have their head on straight and adore a woman proud to wear her coils? Why add to the negativity when you could be promoting the positives and encouraging a newbie natural?

The viewers selected who I were to interview. I'd hope one man's opinion would not discourage a natural newbie or anyone for that matter in doing what's best for them. But I trust there are plenty of other guys that have more positive opinions of women with natural hair. Check out Cendino's interview (last week). I already have a guy for my next interview and his SO is natural so one can safely assume his views will be on a more positive note.

Also, I think OmegaChick explained my sentiments well.

....What I do expect is for them to respect it but I expect that from any man although expectations can always fall short. I'm sure women chose him as the guy they most wanted to hear from mainly because of his looks and his hair but what they expected and what they got wasn't congruent... so now those same women are pissed at him for his opinion (while it can be considered distorted) it is still his opinion I mean he is just some random who was lucky enough to have you listen to his view.....and if you think about one thing he said that is correct...if your SO likes it that is all that matter..

 

[song_of_serenity]

LMAO @

.but you're acting like you have a fantastic grade of hair. You're on the same slave ship as the rest of us bruh. get over it

Seriously, he's straight from Africa, darkskinned with 4b hair and has the AUDACITY to speak negatively of hair that isn't curly or wavy or (assuming if nappy) locked? HIS OWN hair texture?? This isn't just about preference, so those who want to comment about that don't get it twisted.

Preference is "I love blondes with straight hair" but when you add into it "But those with bad hair? Ugh, PLEASE lock it or get in the corner." when you have quote unquote "bad hair" yourself!

I wonder how he feels about skin tone? Wouldn't be surprised if he spoke negatively of dark skin either.

But he did say "worry about what your man thinks, not me." So yeah. It's just so WEIRD to see someone speak negatively about attributes they have themselves but YET...YET be cocky and pompous. I'm convinced some black men like this see themselves out of the judging criteria. Their expectations for black women don't apply to black men because we tend to not be as picky.

 

[andromeda]

He's entitled to his preferences but the way he expressed them comes off as ignorant, braggadocious, and just...nasty. I'm not surprised by his preference.

One of the things I've learned through the passage of time is that everyone who chooses to wear locs does not do so as a result of overstanding their significance, or as an external expression of a higher level of consciousness. Since locs are a mere styling option in contemporary society, it would be unwise to presume that all wearers have an evolved level of consciousness.

Clearly, this guy’s words speak to his character, upbringing and world view. He’s already shown the world who he is; all that remains is for people to believe him and act accordingly.

As usual, ita, especially with the last part

Lol@ "overstand"

 

[Dposh167]

boy....that word "preference" is so over-used at times

 

[davisbr88]

^^ ITA. In some cases, it's truth. In other cases, it seems like plain old discrimination.

 

[LittleLuxe]

His first response seemed pretty general but it sounds like after the fallout occurred he wasn't trying to write a serious correction. He stated his opinion and when folks didn't like it he wasn't bothered to try to appeal to them, so to speak.

It sounds more like he's clowning and cheesing (joking, tossing in an advertisement, rambling) which makes me wonder why you ladies are giving him any satisfaction of getting worked up or even taking it that seriously?

His opinion is hurtful but it is his. If he had felt less attacked he might have made more effort to actually explain his pov and open up a dialogue but when that train went off the tracks he didn't bother to...as another poster put it, sugarcoat, or even respond seriously.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Don't we all discriminate?

I like tall men with broad shoulders.

Do I discriminate against short men/skinny men?

Yes, all the time.

Do they cry and try to get taller by wearing heels.

Not at all, they just go to women who don't care about height.

Similarly, no lady should take this to heart. This is his preference, and as he stated if your boo likes it, that's all that matters. Perhaps he didn't articulate his thoughts in the best possible way but it is what it is. He sure made me laugh, especially when he threw the line ''don't hate 'cause I got nice locks'' .. nice locks ya know. Personally locks have always looked like worms to me, and Medusa always springs to mind. But some people pull them off, like this gentleman (lol he's very gentle, isn't he) Well he still looks nice. But if my SO looked like him, and had those locks, I'd try and get him to cut them. That's just me. He just stated if his SO had a hair texture he didn't like, he'd tell her. What's wrong with that? He just stated what he likes.

 

[Rocky91]

meh...he doesn't surprise me at all. i can't even care anymore about men's view on hair-i just can't. *** that.
hella ignorant guys walking around on campus shaking their dreads.
he is sexy, i'll give him that.

 

[EllePixie]

His "clarification" was worse than what the he initially said...I know that some men don't like natural hair on a woman. Frankly, I don't give a dang...if he wants to tell me he doesn't like it, cool. I also have a right to respond in the way I find appropriate.