Your thought please, ladies...

[mango387]

When I first started working after graduation, I was in a pretty bad shape.
I had never been a serial dater, and I was mourning (being ridiculous in retrospect) the loss of my first serious relationship (Actually, it was the one that I thought would lead me down the aisle). I hate to admit on LHCF, but I actually let myself go a little emotionally and physically.

Enter new guy...

I was having an awful day at work, and someone delivered a gift to my classroom. It was from one of my coworkers.

Here are his positive traits:
Christian, Single, Values Marriage and Fidelity, Great Work Ethic, Attractive
Listens, Always seems to call or come by on my worst days
Working on a MA, but also wants to go to law school
Loves his mother who balances a career/family well, Sends me flowers and cards, Product of a two-parent household

So what's the problem? I realize that he is a great catch that I haven't had to pursue. At the same time, I am horribly fearful that I will start loving him, and he will stop loving me. (That's kind of what happened before). I am ready to move on with my life, but I am afraid of being hurt too. To make matters worse, he has been transferred to a different school. Does anyone have any thoughts, because I want to make this work?

***He hasn't said that he is ready for marriage, and I am not quite ready either. I think I would be ready in a year though.

 

[cicilypayne]

He sounds like a great guy and I just think you are a hopeless romantic. Your first love/ relationship is not a blue print on how relationships will go for you, and just because it ended and you had a long mourning period does not mean that's the script you will have to follow. I think you are way ahead of the horse here..if you don't know if you are ready to love him then why are you thinking about your wedding calendar. If he has not even mentioned the M word and your not sure if you can let yourself love him.
You will meet alot of great guys and some will have the things your looking for, but if you think Love and heartache plays out like a Lifetime movie or Danielle Steele's latest novel I gotta say Pull up your brakes honey. Let things happen naturally this relationship might be sweet but casual and you may or may not fall deeply in love. You may or may not miss him when he transfers, you may or may not marry him, and he may or may not hurt you. You seem like you got all these ideas and your relationship is too new for that..stop putting pre conceive notions onto this relationship. Have fun..don't have kleenex waiting on standby and put away the wedding calendar until you meet a guy that makes your head spin, and heart beat. The real thing not a checklist.

 

[daydreem2876]

Dear OP,

Maybe you shoud just stop thinking so much and go with the flow.

Signed,

One who thinks to much and does not go with the flow

 

[dlewis]

Dear OP,

Maybe you shoud just stop thinking so much and go with the flow.

Signed,

One who thinks to much and does not go with the flow

I agree. All that thinking will get you in trouble sometimes.

Enjoy the ride. If he's serious he'll let you know.

 

[gabulldawg]

When I first started working after graduation, I was in a pretty bad shape.
I had never been a serial dater, and I was mourning (being ridiculous in retrospect) the loss of my first serious relationship (Actually, it was the one that I thought would lead me down the aisle). I hate to admit on LHCF, but I actually let myself go a little emotionally and physically.

Enter new guy...

I was having an awful day at work, and someone delivered a gift to my classroom. It was from one of my coworkers.

Here are his positive traits:
Christian, Single, Values Marriage and Fidelity, Great Work Ethic, Attractive
Listens, Always seems to call or come by on my worst days
Working on a MA, but also wants to go to law school
Loves his mother who balances a career/family well, Sends me flowers and cards, Product of a two-parent household

So what's the problem? I realize that he is a great catch that I haven't had to pursue. At the same time, I am horribly fearful that I will start loving him, and he will stop loving me. (That's kind of what happened before). I am ready to move on with my life, but I am afraid of being hurt too. To make matters worse, he has been transferred to a different school. Does anyone have any thoughts, because I want to make this work?

***He hasn't said that he is ready for marriage, and I am not quite ready either. I think I would be ready in a year though.

I TOTALLY could have wrotten most of this post word for word!!! Particularly the bolded parts... I have actually started going to counseling, which I hope will help me get over my past relationship, as well as ready myself for my next relationship(s). I would also recommend relaxing and going with the flow. DEFINITELY easier said than done. TRUST me, I know.

Good luck to you!

 

[mango387]

Wow! I was talking to my mom about something totally unrelated, and she told me verbatim that I was thinking too much.

I promise you that five years ago, I was almost in the "I am woman, hear me roar" category. I never thought I would be so anxious about a man. I'll admit that I do need to relax a bit.

 

[hopeful]

...
So what's the problem? I realize that he is a great catch that I haven't had to pursue. At the same time, I am horribly fearful that I will start loving him, and he will stop loving me. (That's kind of what happened before). I am ready to move on with my life, but I am afraid of being hurt too. To make matters worse, he has been transferred to a different school. Does anyone have any thoughts, because I want to make this work?

***He hasn't said that he is ready for marriage, and I am not quite ready either. I think I would be ready in a year though.

You need to relax chica. Don't be "horribly fearful". To live a fulfilling and happy life I believe you have to take some chances. Just don't be careless with your heart and really own the responsibility to protect it. The thing is you can't completely trust anyone but God. No one on this earth is perfect and even the most wonderful guy will let you down sometimes.

You have to try to get to the point that if some guy stops loving you, you are like well that is his loss and you know what is wrong with him to just up and stop loving me, I mean really he is tripping. You can't own anyone's mess. I think we as women when we are let down take it very personally and own way too much responsibility. Oh I'm not pretty enough, I shouldn't have said this or that to him, or if I had only lost weight or was a better cook. So the last guy who broke your heart, you gotta let him own that mess. Heal your precious heart and don't let anyone else make you "horribly fearful". Maybe this guy is the one, maybe he isn't. Take it one day at a time, have fun, and continue to take good care of you.

 

[jamerichameleon]

Try and relax a little bit and go with the flow. Don't let being fearful of love keep you from potentially experiencing a great friendship and/or relationship. Continue to take care of yourself physically and emotionally while allowing yourself to have some fun. Try not to worry so much about how, when, or even if the journey with him will end...just enjoy the ride.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

I know your pain dear; it's easily to be anxious & apprehensive about someone new especially if they seem too good to be true.

Just remember that things will progress naturally just as they should without you mulling over every detail & hypothetical situation. If you & him are meant to be together, him moving to a new school to work is irrelevant; if you're not meant to be with him, seeing him daily wouldn't make him the right one.

Just breathe & enjoy him for all that he is without imposing wild expectations good or bad.