Your Man and Your Friends

cocoberry10

cocoberry10

Well-Known Member
Okay, I’m single, but I know this is an issue for some ladies. How do you deal:
(1) With friends that are trying to get with your man? (I really want this one answered). Also, do you keep this friend away from your man or not?

(2) When your friends do not like your man?
 
1- i'd be careful about considering someone who is trying to cop my man to be my friend. that's enemy type behaviour.

2- i would'nt let my man choose my friends and vice-versa.
 
1. - Well that's grounds for dismissal. A real friend wants happiness for you and does not envy you to the point she'd back stab you to get what you have.

2. I agree with the above. I'm quite capable of picking my own friends and man without the help of a committee.
 
1. That friend is gone. Plain and simple. The second my friend expresses interest in a man, is the moment he loses any sexual appeal. Point plank if she wants him then i as a friend back off... Lose her now.
 
cocoberry10 said:
Okay, I’m single, but I know this is an issue for some ladies. How do you deal:
(1) With friends that are trying to get with your man? (I really want this one answered). Also, do you keep this friend away from your man or not?

(2) When your friends do not like your man?
Click to expand...

I'm like this - we all have friends for different reasons.

1 - You're not a real friend. You're somebody I hang out with, whatever. But if I don't trust you, you're not a friend. But on the flip, if my man is stupid enough to chase me AND my girl, then forget him too. They BOTH can go.

2 - It depends on how they state it. I've been blessed with friends who will meet a new dude and be like "you'll grow out of it" (which basically means hes ok for the time being, but will eventually need to go). And they're usually right.

BUT if they REALLY don't like him, like can't stand the sight of him, I've got to go with my friends. There's got to be a reason. ANd maybe I'm too "lovestoned" to see it, but I gotta go with my girls.
 
1.) Not a friend, she'd be kicked to the curb for LIFE! And even if the relationship with said man ends, that "friendship" would not resume. Hell to the naw..can't have people like that IN your life.

2.)It depends on the friend and her reasoning. There is a friend that I trust sooo much, that I know truly cares about my well-being as I am for hers. She's not the type to tell me ANYTHING about her personal feelings about my life decisions if she doesn't like it, UNLESS it's life-threatening or she's truly worried, she respects my choices, so if she DID say something, I'd at least get to the bottom of why that is and I may put some thought into it, if it's something she brings to my attention and I can't argue about it or change her view based on knowing him better than she does.
 
cocoberry10 said:
Okay, I’m single, but I know this is an issue for some ladies. How do you deal:
(1) With friends that are trying to get with your man? (I really want this one answered). Also, do you keep this friend away from your man or not?

(2) When your friends do not like your man?
Click to expand...

1. Ditch her. if he seemed to like her coming on to him ditch him too. i've been through this. it hurts at first but having them around will be a lot worse and more stressful for you.

2. i'd find out why they don't like him. if it's because of how he treats you then you should consider what your friends say. if it's something superficial like the way he talks or dresses then ignore them.
 
MsNadi said:
I'm like this - we all have friends for different reasons.

1 - You're not a real friend. You're somebody I hang out with, whatever. But if I don't trust you, you're not a friend.
2 - It depends on how they state it. I've been blessed with friends who will meet a new dude and be like "you'll grow out of it" (which basically means But on the flip, if my man is stupid enough to chase me AND my girl, then forget him too. They BOTH can go.hes ok for the time being, but will eventually need to go). And they're usually right.

BUT if they REALLY don't like him, like can't stand the sight of him, I've got to go with my friends. There's got to be a reason. ANd maybe I'm too "lovestoned" to see it, but I gotta go with my girls.
Click to expand...

You sound just like me:lol:
 
1. I would cut that woman out of my life completely

2. They don't have to like my man, he's mine. As long as they're respectful to him for my sake.
 
I would not bring my man around any so-called "friends" that I suspected do not like him OR want to get with him. They just wouldn't see him.

My SO is anti-social. lol So, he only goes around my friends when I ask him to and I try to keep that at a minimum. There is only one of my friends he actually really TRUSTS enough to feel comfy around so he doesn't mind her. But, even with that, I don't see the point in having everyone together often unless it's a couples thing and, even then, my SO isn't really gonna go for it more than 2 or 3 times a year.

I agree with the other ladies...if your girl is checking out your man...she ain't your girl. :nono:
 
This is not limited to just friends...one of my first cousins did this to me when were in high school and me and her used to be so close we could wear each others skin...needless to say, I still dont talk to her unless there is some family thing going on like a funeral, etc.
 
cocoberry10 said:
What would be signs that she is trying to get with your man, etc.? Thanks!
Click to expand...

  • Pay attention to how she is responding to him.
  • Her level of eye contact with him.
  • What she says to him.
  • If she seems a little TOO endearing...or is physical, i.e. touching his arm while laughing, etc.
  • Watch what she does when you leave the room and when you return. Where is her attention?
  • Really most of her attention should be on YOU....if more is on your man than is on YOU....then, that chick want your man. :sad:
 
I had one of those "friends" and cut her off when SO complained that when I was not around (like in the OTHER room or stepped out for a minute) he got weird vibes from her. She also made some side comment once to him that was totally out-of-the-blue like 'I could do X better than she could' or something crazy. She was cut off permanently.

Like CBC's SO, mine is kind of anti-social too...
 
marie170 said:
This is not limited to just friends...one of my first cousins did this to me when were in high school and me and her used to be so close we could wear each others skin...needless to say, I still dont talk to her unless there is some family thing going on like a funeral, etc.
Click to expand...

Same thing happened to me.:perplexed
 
I had a friend that didn't like my man.

But she didn't like him for the wrong reasons, if that makes sense.

Her objections came off like jealousy. Jealousy that I spent more time with him (in a committed relationship I don't play in the clubs every night) than with her. Jealous that I had a man over to cook for me and lay it down good. And contempt that he didn't find her attractive. She was used to guys tripping over her "pretty" eyes :rolleyes:.

What's funny was, those two were so much alike. Both very selfish and hated each other. Oil and water.

Guess what? Now they are both gone!!
 
I keep a relaxed eye on everyone. Period.

Friends that want him: No longer friends. That's not loyal behavior.

Friends that hate him: Hate, as in really hate? I'd have to know why. If they couldn't keep it in check they'd be on pause. Hate is such a strong word.
 
marie170 said:
This is not limited to just friends...one of my first cousins did this to me when were in high school and me and her used to be so close we could wear each others skin...needless to say, I still dont talk to her unless there is some family thing going on like a funeral, etc.
Click to expand...

I’m sorry to hear about this Marie170. That’s unfortunate!
 
CantBeCopied said:
  • Pay attention to how she is responding to him.
  • Her level of eye contact with him.
  • What she says to him.
  • If she seems a little TOO endearing...or is physical, i.e. touching his arm while laughing, etc.
  • Watch what she does when you leave the room and when you return. Where is her attention?
  • Really most of her attention should be on YOU....if more is on your man than is on YOU....then, that chick want your man. :sad:
Click to expand...

Thanks for the tip CBC! That makes sense. I think I had a friend like this once!!!!!!
 
cupcake said:
I had one of those "friends" and cut her off when SO complained that when I was not around (like in the OTHER room or stepped out for a minute) he got weird vibes from her. She also made some side comment once to him that was totally out-of-the-blue like 'I could do X better than she could' or something crazy. She was cut off permanently.

Like CBC's SO, mine is kind of anti-social too...
Click to expand...

:eek::eek::eek: The nerve of her!!!!!!
 
winterinatl said:
I had a friend that didn't like my man.

But she didn't like him for the wrong reasons, if that makes sense.

Her objections came off like jealousy. Jealousy that I spent more time with him (in a committed relationship I don't play in the clubs every night) than with her. Jealous that I had a man over to cook for me and lay it down good. And contempt that he didn't find her attractive. She was used to guys tripping over her "pretty" eyes :rolleyes:.

What's funny was, those two were so much alike. Both very selfish and hated each other. Oil and water.

Guess what? Now they are both gone!!
Click to expand...

I know the bolded red part was serious, but it made me giggle!!!! I find that too, some women expect every man is going to fall over her. Every man has different taste!!!!!!!!!
 
SleekandBouncy said:
I keep a relaxed eye on everyone. Period.

Friends that want him: No longer friends. That's not loyal behavior.

Friends that hate him: Hate, as in really hate? I'd have to know why. If they couldn't keep it in check they'd be on pause. Hate is such a strong word.
Click to expand...

As always, this is a great way to look at things!:yay:
 
Wow this thread is interesting because I just lost a friend over the same thing- except she accused me of being the one trying to get with her man!!! :eek:

Case in point I have had two boyfriends in the same time frame and neither of them were him!

I've gone over it a million times and asked all of our friends and they all say she went crazy after the second boyfriend treated her like garbage.

Here's the story, I can't help it that all of her exes and I become friends:

1. Matt- they dated for almost 3 years and she didn't want to be with him. He and I had some mutual interests and I took him and his little brother to a rock concert with my free hookup. She called herself "pushing him" onto me since we seemed to get along so well. Case in point- Matt just got married and I attended the wedding.

2. Chris- Human Ken Doll Do you hear me! lol He was her best friend growing up and then they tried dating and he's such a shallow ass that at one point he told her that he was 1 bra cup size shy of being good enough to marry. We're more acquaintances than anything and I dated his sociopath friend for a while. Other than that I don't hate the guy and if I see him I always give him a hug and stop to talk.

3. Ben- She and this guy were inseparable. I met him for the first time when we all went out together with mutual friends. We have A LOT in common and she became jealous of me because he always asked about me and came up with her to visit me. He saw a pic of me and noted that he thought I was attractive. As soon as I saw him I high fived her on finding sich a good looking guy. Would I even dream of it? HELL NO and nothing ever sketchy has happened between us that would look compromising. I had my own love interests at the time and hell he's gone out with just me and my respective boyfriends for crying out loud. She accused him of liking me and nicknamed him my biggest fan. Well they didn't last and he broke up with her. Both of them on the phone calling me (drama...) then she tells him not to call me because I'm HER friend. That pissed both of us off. By this time he had met all of our mutual friends and became friends with our whole crew. Meanwhile they're both on rotations in med school. She chose to study abroad and he stayed here. Naturally I saw him (ALWAYS with a group of friends) more often than her because plane tix to Hong Kong and Mexico can be pricey. I always picked her up from the airports wherever she was going next and by that time I had my first job out of college etc... They had broken up well over a year since now and what can I say? Ben and I are very good friends. She has since moved across the country and won't return my calls except one weird brief message she wrote in spanish talking about needing space and accusing me of ruining her relationships :eek:

Any thoughts or opinions?
 
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Wow, I’m still digesting your post. I will give you a quick response and come back later with a longer one. Some men (just like some women) are going to be attracted to a variety of women. Of course, you may find your friends man attractive, but for me, if that’s my friends man, that’s a wrap! No matter what. I’ve been in situations where my friends’ man tried to have inappropriate convo with me (i.e. what do you look for in a boyfriend, you are so pretty, etc.). I cut it off, b/c I don’t even want to jeopardize their relationship. I don’t think you are doing anything wrong per se, but it is a little odd that you have become so close with all of your friends exes. Put yourself in her shoes, and I will try to have a better answer when I get back. I’m not saying you are like this, but there are some women out there (and some men) who seem to become more attracted to a person when he’s with someone else. I will be back!
JenFleets said:
Wow this thread is interesting because I just lost a friend over the same thing- except she accused me of being the one trying to get with her man!!! :eek:

Case in point I have had two boyfriends in the same time frame and neither of them were him!

I've gone over it a million times and asked all of our friends and they all say she went crazy after the second boyfriend treated her like garbage.

Here's the story, I can't help it that all of her exes and I become friends:

1. Matt- they dated for almost 3 years and she didn't want to be with him. He and I had some mutual interests and I took him and his little brother to a rock concert with my free hookup. She called herself "pushing him" onto me since we seemed to get along so well. Case in point- Matt just got married and I attended the wedding.

2. Chris- Human Ken Doll Do you hear me! lol He was her best friend growing up and then they tried dating and he's such a shallow ass that at one point he told her that he was 1 bra cup size shy of being good enough to marry. We're more acquaintances than anything and I dated his sociopath friend for a while. Other than that I don't hate the guy and if I see him I always give him a hug and stop to talk.

3. Ben- She and this guy were inseparable. I met him for the first time when we all went out together with mutual friends. We have A LOT in common and she became jealous of me because he always asked about me and came up with her to visit me. He saw a pic of me and noted that he thought I was attractive. As soon as I saw him I high fived her on finding sich a good looking guy. Would I even dream of it? HELL NO and nothing ever sketchy has happened between us that would look compromising. I had my own love interests at the time and hell he's gone out with just me and my respective boyfriends for crying out loud. She accused him of liking me and nicknamed him my biggest fan. Well they didn't last and he broke up with her. Both of them on the phone calling me (drama...) then she tells him not to call me because I'm HER friend. That pissed both of us off. By this time he had met all of our mutual friends and became friends with our whole crew. Meanwhile they're both on rotations in med school. She chose to study abroad and he stayed here. Naturally I saw him (ALWAYS with a group of friends) more often than her because plane tix to Hong Kong and Mexico can be pricey. I always picked her up from the airports wherever she was going next and by that time I had my first job out of college etc... They had broken up well over a year since now and what can I say? Ben and I are very good friends. She has since moved across the country and won't return my calls except one weird brief message she wrote in spanish talking about needing space and accusing me of ruining her relationships :eek:

Any thoughts or opinions?
Click to expand...
 
cocoberry10 said:
Wow, I’m still digesting your post. I will give you a quick response and come back later with a longer one. Some men (just like some women) are going to be attracted to a variety of women. Of course, you may find your friends man attractive, but for me, if that’s my friends man, that’s a wrap! No matter what. I’ve been in situations where my friends’ man tried to have inappropriate convo with me (i.e. what do you look for in a boyfriend, you are so pretty, etc.). I cut it off, b/c I don’t even want to jeopardize their relationship. I don’t think you are doing anything wrong per se, but it is a little odd that you have become so close with all of your friends exes. Put yourself in her shoes, and I will try to have a better answer when I get back. I’m not saying you are like this, but there are some women out there (and some men) who seem to become more attracted to a person when he’s with someone else. I will be back!
Click to expand...

Ben and I have never had any innapropriate contact or conversations even after they broke up and to this day. I have a bunch of other girlfriends with boyfriends that I have not had this problem with. They also both lived 4 hours away from me. The other case in point, Ben has driven and or flown places to hang out with our mutual group of friends- this happened months AFTER the break up and I have NEVER made a trip to go see him. We have also NEVER hung out alone together.
 
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JenFleets said:
Ben and I have never had any innapropriate contact or conversations even after they broke up and to this day. I have a bunch of other girlfriends with boyfriends that I have not had this problem with. They also both lived 4 hours away from me. The other case in point, Ben has driven and or flown places to hang out with our mutual group of friends- this happened months AFTER the break up and I have NEVER made a trip to go see him. We have also NEVER hung out alone together.
Click to expand...

Okay, here’s my post-lunch response. I think this is a two-fold problem. One is that your friend is probably a little insecure with herself (hence the comments she’s made about her boyfriend being your biggest fan). On the other hand, some of these guys may have actually liked you, whether you realized it or not. Although it’s not my responsibility to keep my friend’s man “in check,” if any of my friend’s boyfriends act questionably, I’ll kind of be a little cold to them. And this isn’t because I’m worried about doing anything with any of them, b/c I hate cheating! I do not need to make another woman feel insecure about her man. However, once your friend has broken up with someone, she cannot force you not to associate with this person. That’s not totally fair. I would continue living my life and let her “cool off.” In time, she will probably come back around. If she doesn’t then you may have to just take a loss on this friendship. However, a question I need answered from you is this…If your friend told you it bothered her so much that you were friends with one of her exes, would you end this friendship?
 
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