You nought him a gift/ He didn't...

[SimpleKomplexity]

So my friend guy and I have been talking for a month. I bought him a cheap ($10) shirt that I found on sale, wrapped it up and put it under the tree for him.

Thsi is the same guy I made the other post about why don't guys buy their family Christmas presents for parents friends etc, but can buy things for themselves. I guess he is embarrassed that he didn't get me anything. He has been MIA for the last few days. He'll call me for a few minutes, but after I ask him to come get his gift, he has to go.

He told me I shouldn't have gotten him a gift. I explained to him, I give during the holidays not in hopes to get something in return. If I feel like giving, I just do because of the deeper meaning behind it, and it's the giving season. lol Maybe he doesn't buy it, cuz I still have seen, heard, or gotten a txt/call from this boy erplexed

I should regift/rewrap that bad boy and give it next year to someone lol What would you do?

 

[lexi84]

I only give to people that I care about and share the same feelings for me. Since you've only been "talking" to him for a month, your gift wasn't necessary. Dont get me wrong, it was a very sweet and thoughtful thing, but you should only give to people you know will appreciate it.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I only give to people that I care about and share the same feelings for me. Since you've only been "talking" to him for a month, your gift wasn't necessary. Dont get me wrong, it was a very sweet and thoughtful thing, but you should only give to people you know will appreciate it.

We've been close friends since I was 11, and we just begun talking. We great up together, so I've given him gifts in the past also, but many years ago though. Maybe now it's different since he's older, or maybe it's because we are talking now *shrugs*

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I only give to people that I care about and share the same feelings for me. Since you've only been "talking" to him for a month, your gift wasn't necessary. Dont get me wrong, it was a very sweet and thoughtful thing, but you should only give to people you know will appreciate it.

in his defense you've only known him a month and yall really didnt set up a gift exchange or discuss exchanging gifts. It probably put him in an uncomfortable position cuz now he feels like he has to give you something eventhough you say its not that serious. If Ive only known him a month, I think saying a simple merry xmas is more than enough.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

I think he thinks that you got him a gift this year because you guys are "talking", and he didn't reciprocate. All the gifts you gave as friends are null because now there are other feelings involved. Whereas before it could just be buying him any old thing and vice versa, since you guys are talking now, the feeling and meaning behind your gifts now are (or at least, seem) different.

I'm not sure if I would've given a gift or not, because as you say, you guys were friends since 11, but now you're dating. If he said not to buy him anything though, I probably wouldn't have.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I think he thinks that you got him a gift this year because you guys are "talking", and he didn't reciprocate. All the gifts you gave as friends are null because now there are other feelings involved. Whereas before it could just be buying him any old thing and vice versa, since you guys are talking now, the feeling and meaning behind your gifts now are (or at least, seem) different.

I'm not sure if I would've given a gift or not, because as you say, you guys were friends since 11, but now you're dating. If he said not to buy him anything though, I probably wouldn't have.

I know for me I really couldnt afford to buy anyone anything for Xmas this year other that my gram ,mom, and nephew..so i told people who where interested in exchanging gifts that I was unable to do it this year. i would have been really upset if someone went ahead and bought me something anyway.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Hmm so should I just stop bringing up the gift thing...I think I'ma just wait til he calls me and if he doesn't bring it up, I won't

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I know for me I really couldnt afford to buy anyone anything for Xmas this year other that my gram ,mom, and nephew..so i told people who where interested in exchanging gifts that I was unable to do it this year. i would have been really upset if someone went ahead and bought me something anyway.

He told me I shouldn't have gotten him anything after I told him I got him something. I didn't tell him I was going to get him anything, I just did on my on time and told him on Christmas Eve that I did

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Were you expecting him to get you a gift?

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Were you expecting him to get you a gift?

Nahh, Like I said earlier, I give to whomever I feel like giving to. Since a little girl, I was taught me not to expect something in return. Besides, Christmas is everyday with me.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Well, at least you didn't invest too much money.....I blow ten bucks playin on dumb stuff so.....

Now let me tell you how men think. The reason why you haven't heard from him is because he pumped his breaks for a minute, because in his mind, he probably thinks you're moving too fast....sorry but that is how some men think.... he'll come around, but on his own time. I would leave it alone for now and let him come around. you didn't do anything wrong and it was a good gesture....he just wasn't ready for it yet.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Well, at least you didn't invest too much money.....I blow ten bucks playin on dumb stuff so.....

Now let me tell you how men think. The reason why you haven't heard from him is because he pumped his breaks for a minute, because in his mind, he probably thinks you're moving too fast....sorry but that is how some men think.... he'll come around, but on his own time. I would leave it alone for now and let him come around. you didn't do anything wrong and it was a good gesture....he just wasn't ready for it yet.

That's what I was thinkin' too..... I think I'ma just give him so time like I said earlier, and let him call me. If he never brings up the gift again, I will never bring it up again and keep rollin.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Nahh, Like I said earlier, I give to whomever I feel like giving to. Since a little girl, I was taught me not to expect something in return. Besides, Christmas is everyday with me.

Be careful with that.

I used to be an extremely generous person, especially with the men in my life, and they usually took my kindness for weakness.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Um, I wouldn't have bought a gift for him a month in but after the fact...

His behavior would warrant the end of any "talking" going on. How old is he? I noticed you referred to him as a boy and I'm thinking his behavior is boy-ish. In general, I don't like shady/inconsistent type men so his sporadic communication would be enough for me to tell him to kick rocks.

I get that it's only a month and he didn't want the gift but to play hide and go seek because of it is childish.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Be careful with that.

I used to be an extremely generous person, especially with the men in my life, and they usually took my kindness for weakness.

I mean by that, I'm blessed. I receive things everyday or buy them on my own. Everyday is Christmas for me because I am always getting something, and I don't have any true needs for anything. Because of that, I don't midn if i give a gift and don't receive anything back. I bought a few of my friends things for Christmas, and I didn't get much in return, but I didn't give with that in mind. That's I felt about giving to him also. I'm thinking maybe I should have kept that $10..really 7.50 loool in my pocket

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Um, I wouldn't have bought a gift for him a month in but after the fact...

His behavior would warrant the end of any "talking" going on. How old is he? I noticed you referred to him as a boy and I'm thinking his behavior is boy-ish. In general, I don't like shady/inconsistent type men so his sporadic communication would be enough for me to tell him to kick rocks.

I get that it's only a month and he didn't want the gift but to play hide and go seek because of it is childish.

Yeah you know I his shadiness doesn't bother me, because I don't have any emotional attachments going on. I honestly don't see our relationship going anywhere. We're not on the same page, and we don't think on the same level. We will always just be good friends because of some other things.

 

[gabulldawg]

I guess I'm one of the few who don't think you did anything wrong. You said you've known him for a while, and had gotten him gifts before, so I don't see why he's acting funny about you getting him a gift now! I'm a blunt person, so I would probably ask him straight up if he's coming to get his gift or not, and to let me know so I can either give it to him or take it back to the store (and get myself something ). I guess to him that would also show that I didn't think it was a big deal, and maybe he would lighten up a bit if he actually was feeling "pressured" by the gift.

I'm not one to beg someone to do something over and over again. But I would probably just try to clarify whether he was actually going to get the gift or not, so there wouldn't be a misunderstanding if he tried to come get the gift a few weeks later and it was already back at the store.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Yeah you know I his shadiness doesn't bother me, because I don't have any emotional attachments going on. I honestly don't see our relationship going anywhere. We're not on the same page, and we don't think on the same level. We will always just be good friends because of some other things.

In the OP, you said the 2 of you were "talking"...are you talking or are you just friends? And if it really didn't bother you, him not calling wouldn't have even made you skip a beat much less ask our opinions.

It's your business, but undefined relationships can get sticky and ugly fast. If you honestly don't want anything with him, then fine, but you should probably stop referring to him as your talker and expecting him to call. If you're more than friends, be honest with yourself about that and your expectations because being in denial will only get your feelings hurt in the long run.
And whether you're emotionally attached or not, you deserve to be treated well. You can't wait until you're attached to command being respected and given attention.

 

[tatiana]

I am one of those people who don't buy Christmas gifts for other people and that includes family. Every once in awhile I have received a gift and I felt uncomfortable. For most people Christmas is fun and wonderful but not everyone share these thoughts. Not everyone has a family to spend Christmas with. Most people who celebrate Christmas thinks EVERYONE celebrates Christmas (gift giving, food, and etc.) which is not true.

I think you like this guy and that is why you are somewhat hurt by his action don't be. I'm sure he will call you for New Years. If not its his lost not yours.

In the future, you may want to ask weeks in advance if you want to exchange gifts either it be Christmas or birthday.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

sooo He ended up calling me today to see me before he left to go out of town. I gave him his gift and he showed me a bag in his car for an ipod radio transmitter. he just got an ipod so I was like, "Aww no fair I've been wanting one of those for FOREVER loool and you got it before me" He started blushin and said this is for you! So I told him I didn't give him a present so he could get me anything, I just wanted to get him something. lol he was like, "Ok then give me my ipod transmitter back and blushed lol." lol I laughed and he put the transmitter in my hands. I hope he doesn't think I bought him something for him to do the same, I didn't. But I really appreciate his gift. That was really sweet of him.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

In the OP, you said the 2 of you were "talking"...are you talking or are you just friends? And if it really didn't bother you, him not calling wouldn't have even made you skip a beat much less ask our opinions.

It's your business, but undefined relationships can get sticky and ugly fast. If you honestly don't want anything with him, then fine, but you should probably stop referring to him as your talker and expecting him to call. If you're more than friends, be honest with yourself about that and your expectations because being in denial will only get your feelings hurt in the long run.
And whether you're emotionally attached or not, you deserve to be treated well. You can't wait until you're attached to command being respected and given attention.

I think many qomen think of "talking" as a relationship. I do not. If I say I'm talking to someone, I think of it as talking to a person on a deeper level than friendship, and just seeing where life takes you. I don't know if it will mold and evolve into a relationship or not, we're just taking things one day at a time. I was not expecting him to call, but it was out of the norm for him not to call therefore I wanted to know if I had done something wrong that could hurt his feelings or our friendship. This situation isn't about respect or anything, I just wanted to know how you ladies felt about the situation and look at another perspective in case I had acted wrongly so I would know how to react.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I think many qomen think of "talking" as a relationship. I do not. If I say I'm talking to someone, I think of it as talking to a person on a deeper level than friendship, and just seeing where life takes you. I don't know if it will mold and evolve into a relationship or not, we're just taking things one day at a time. I was not expecting him to call, but it was out of the norm for him not to call therefore I wanted to know if I had done something wrong that could hurt his feelings or our friendship. This situation isn't about respect or anything, I just wanted to know how you ladies felt about the situation and look at another perspective in case I had acted wrongly so I would know how to react.

I understand what "talking" is. My point is that you cannot allow certain behaviors during "talking" and then suddenly not be ok with them when the "talking" becomes more than talking. If you weren't expecting him to call, it would not have mattered that he didn't. This thread would not even exist and his behavior would not appear altered if you were not expecting a call/text from him.

Nevertheless, enjoy your talking. I hope it works out however you desire.

 

[firecracker]

Next time he calls tell him boy/dude/man/whatevayoucallem you betta come get this darn gift I don't know why your tripping I bought you a gift because I wanted and could stop tripping or stay MIA. I know that sounds kinda upfront but I tell folks whatswhat and those that know me expect it.

 

[Filmatic]

I would have given that gift to someone else or taken it back quick. If he even stiffed at me funny let alone act funny. I like giving as well, but people acting funny is just not my thing. I'd rather give it to someone who would appreciate it.

 

[Vinyl]

Wow, your $10 yielded an iPod? Dang.

I think he probably felt guilty for not getting you anything. In the future if he asks you not to give a gift I wouldn't get him one, because he probably already knew he was going to feel bad if you got something and would feel obligated to get one as well.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

Wow, your $10 yielded an iPod? Dang.

I think he probably felt guilty for not getting you anything. In the future if he asks you not to give a gift I wouldn't get him one, because he probably already knew he was going to feel bad if you got something and would feel obligated to get one as well.

i know! is he shy or something?

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

It wasn't an IPOD it was the thing that hooks the ipod to the car so you can hear it through the speakers. Yup he is very very very shy. I'm very appreciaitve, but I hope he didn't feel obligated to get me something because those weren't my plans.