You Have Too Many Rules

[sj10460]

So, one of the guys I'm dating told me I have too many rules and I need to recognize he's a man and not a little boy

He texted me at 1:05am and wrote, "Hey watz up wru doin" I texted him back a straight face and said, "It's late, why are you texting" He said he wanted to know what I was doing. I told him sleeping and don't text me anymore. He got upset and asked why and I told him, "I told you before not to text me this late and you repeatedly do so, therefore you don't respect me." That's what he told me I have too many rules.

I gave him his walking papers just now but I thought this would be a good thread for "our rules". I honestly don't think I have many but my ones are:

- Don't call me/text me after 10pm unless I give you permission (I don't care if it's a weekend)
- Don't call me before 10am
- I don't kiss on the first date/2nd/3rd (I don't like kissing and I have to really like a guy to kiss them)
- You can't come to my apt until I'm comfortable. Even if we're going out, I meet them at the location and take a cab home. I don't care if he drives, he's not driving me home.

 

[snillohsss]

He texted me at 1:05am and wrote, "Hey watz up wru doin" .

Girl damn the time he sent you the text...and the rest of your grievances.

I would write him off based on how he wrote his initial text alone! what does that even translate to in English!?

 

[sj10460]

Girl damn the time he sent you the text...and the rest of your grievances.

I would write him off based on how he wrote his initial text alone! what does that even translate to in English!?

What are you doing. I told him about that before too.

 

[cyrealla]

Girl damn the time he sent you the text...and the rest of your grievances.

I would write him off based on how he wrote his initial text alone! what does that even translate to in English!?

 

[guyanesesista]

Girl damn the time he sent you the text...and the rest of your grievances.

I would write him off based on how he wrote his initial text alone! what does that even translate to in English!?

It took me a little while to figure it out.

There was this guy I used to casually took to around my way like when I was passing his house to go to the train. We eventually exchanged numbers and this dude's first call is at 1:30 in the morning. I never took him seriously. I only talked when he called during non booty call hours and he would always ask me why I wouldn't answer when he called late. I'd always say that I was sleeping even when I wasn't. He just couldn't catch up on the trend or he was playing stupid.

First time he asked me out he asked me to go to his friend's house for game night. Boy what? Can I get some dinner and a drank? Like a proper date? Do I look stupid?

 

[nlamr2013]

Girl we have the same 'rules' also I don't really appreciate cursing around me, and ungentlemanly behaviors.

 

[firecracker]

You should have told him his parents obviously didn't have enough rules because he has no home training.

 

[melissa-bee]

If he was a "man" he wouldn't need to tell you. And any man would a least recognise the fact that calling a lady he is seriously interested in at 1am in the morning is not respectable.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Just damn!

Stick to your rules, change the "style" of the candidates. Hell, they all want the cookies; you just have to weed out those that only want the cookies, and have no real interest in getting to know "you".

At 1:05AM (or PM) you should not have to translate a "mans" communication to basic english. He's a keeper only if you're an alternative schools grammer teacher. Clearly he just want's cookies.

 

[SoopremeBeing]

Just from reading your post, a good rule would be don't ask another question when I've already given you an answer before.

I dont get why some men dont accept the firsr answer you give them, sheesh!

 

[cocosweet]

He was lucky to even get a text back at that hour. You were nice.

 

[kismettt]

He was lucky to even get a text back at that hour. You were nice.

right? the only way i'm texting anyone back at 1AM is if i'm out.

and the only reason i assume you are texting me at 1AM is b/c you're drunk. idk anyone who just sends a text at 1AM just cause.

 

[Phoenixsky13]

I think those rules are fine. But do you tell men your rules up front? I usually don't I just follow them. I think my biggest rule is respect my word. Prime example some guy my friend tried to hook me up with asked me to send him a pic. (we had never met)

Since we ha already exchanged pics. I said no. He really tried to argue with me via text about why I didn't want to send another one. I was done and that was it. No means no.

 

[RegaLady]

He was lucky to even get a text back at that hour. You were nice.

Actions not words. He wouldn't have gotten a text back from me the first time

ETA: Here is the issue with rules. To many women talk about them, but I think the message is clear when it is followed by actions. I think to keep telling a man not to disrespect you is tiresome. A simple no response to disrespect/ behavior that offends seems to do the trick, IMO

 

[barbiesocialite]

A friend of mine texts like that specifically when he's pissed or mad at me.

I think it's funny and hate passive-aggressiveness-- and I'm a jerk--so I'll wait hours (I'm usually the one that will respond at 3AM) or even the next day to respond with "??????", as if I don't know what he's talking about. Sometimes I'll act like I never got the message.

 

[Phoenixsky13]

Actions not words.

ETA: Here is the issue with rules. To many women talk about them, but I think the message is clear when it is followed by actions. I think to keep telling a man not to disrespect you is tiresome. A simple no response to disrespect/ behavior that offends seems to do the trick, IMO

I completely agree, I think laying all your rules out and explaining rules and providing guidelines for someone else's behavior undermines the respect you want and actually tempts the man to try to test your boundaries.

 

[sj10460]

I think those rules are fine. But do you tell men your rules up front? I usually don't I just follow them. I think my biggest rule is respect my word. Prime example some guy my friend tried to hook me up with asked me to send him a pic. (we had never met)

Since we ha already exchanged pics. I said no. He really tried to argue with me via text about why I didn't want to send another one. I was done and that was it. No means no.

I don't get this! I had to cut someone off for asking for pictures as well. You know what I look like and we're friends on fb, why are you pressed to have pictures of me in your phone. That freaked me out and I had to cut him off as well.

Actions not words. He wouldn't have gotten a text back from me the first time

ETA: Here is the issue with rules. To many women talk about them, but I think the message is clear when it is followed by actions. I think to keep telling a man not to disrespect you is tiresome. A simple no response to disrespect/ behavior that offends seems to do the trick, IMO

I def need to do better with this. It happened too many times before I cut him off. When there are no consequences for actions people will keep testing you since you are allowing them.

A friend of mine texts like that specifically when he's pissed or mad at me.

I think it's funny and hate passive-aggressiveness-- and I'm a jerk--so I'll wait hours (I'm usually the one that will respond at 3AM) or even the next day to respond with "??????", as if I don't know what he's talking about. Sometimes I'll act like I never got the message.

I don't understand why men over 21 text like that. erplexed Like dude you're 30 get your life

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't understand why men over 21 text like that. erplexed Like dude you're 30 get your life

ITA. It's annoying. However, in my friend's case, I understand when he does it. He used to put in a lot of work with me in general and I think he's tired of getting his feelings hurt yet he still likes me. So wants to appear detached while trying to engage in conversation, but it's stupid bc I never text him, he always texts me. And it doesnt matter if he texts properly or stupid abbreviations, I'm still just not going to gaf anyway. I'm doing me, he should worry a lot less about me lol So I'm never bothered, he just ends up making himself more upset and creating more work for himself when I send him those damn question marks in response two days later

I don't think this is the situation with your guy tho

 

[sweetlaughter]

I put my phone on silent at night to avoid this mess.

 

[Menina Preta]

I have rules but I don't tell my prospects the rules, I show them....meaning, I don't answer texts past a certain hour or have long drawn out convos via text.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I have rules but I don't tell my prospects the rules, I show them....meaning, I don't answer texts past a certain hour or have long drawn out convos via text.

THIS

If you're not playing games and truly don't answer texts after a certain time or that come in a certain form, simply don't answer/respond.

Men know what they can see/experience, not what they hear. They tend to have selective hearing anyway

 

[naturalmanenyc]

It sounds like he thinks of you as a booty call type. Men place women in certain boxes and treat them accordingly. I am guessing this is not the first time he sent you a text in the middle of the night and you replied. He took that first time as a cue to keep doing it and you keep responding despite telling him to stop the behavior.

The way to handle men like him is totally ignore them. If he wants to fall in line an act like a decent gentleman, then he will get a response. Until then, ignore him.

I'd be careful with him though, if you decide to talk to him again. He may be the type to "act" like he is okay with your "rules" but he really has no plans to be serious with you.

It's better to not announce your rules to men but instead just know what you will and will not tolerate as part of your weeding out process.

 

[yardyspice]

It sounds like he thinks of you as a booty call type. Men place women in certain boxes and treat them accordingly. I am guessing this is not the first time he sent you a text in the middle of the night and you replied. He took that first time as a cue to keep doing it and you keep responding despite telling him to stop the behavior.

The way to handle men like him is totally ignore them. If he wants to fall in line an act like a decent gentleman, then he will get a response. Until then, ignore him.

I'd be careful with him though, if you decide to talk to him again. He may be the type to "act" like he is okay with your "rules" but he really has no plans to be serious with you.

It's better to not announce your rules to men but instead just know what you will and will not tolerate as part of your weeding out process.

Two things:

1. Are you telling guys your rules upfront?

2. naturalmanenyc Can a guy from a booty call-er to a potential SO?

 

[Ogoma]

It sounds like he thinks of you as a booty call type. Men place women in certain boxes and treat them accordingly. I am guessing this is not the first time he sent you a text in the middle of the night and you replied. He took that first time as a cue to keep doing it and you keep responding despite telling him to stop the behavior.

The way to handle men like him is totally ignore them. If he wants to fall in line an act like a decent gentleman, then he will get a response. Until then, ignore him.

I'd be careful with him though, if you decide to talk to him again. He may be the type to "act" like he is okay with your "rules" but he really has no plans to be serious with you.

It's better to not announce your rules to men but instead just know what you will and will not tolerate as part of your weeding out process.

I was wondering the same thing: why even respond? Her response tells him she is not serious about her "rules".

 

[naturalmanenyc]

yardyspice

Yes, I think a guy can go from the booty caller type to a SO.

However, if he was a successful booty caller, meaning the woman gave in to his sexual requests in the middle of the night once, twice or more often, I am not sure if that is reversible. You can't take the coloring back.

 

[Menina Preta]

THIS

If you're not playing games and truly don't answer texts after a certain time or that come in a certain form, simply don't answer/respond.

Men know what they can see/experience, not what they hear. They tend to have selective hearing anyway

I totally agree. When I start dating a guy, I'm always unavailable for last minute dates. When we become exclusive, then I relax on the "rules" but before then, nah uh...No last minute dates, no late night booty call texts, no hanging out in apts just to hang out without a planned date (we don't always have to go somewhere, but some sort of activity should be planned), and no last minute cancellations or rescheduling on a chronic basis. Also, I offer to split the bill on the first couple of dates, if you take me up on the offer, then you're relegated to the "peace, homie" pile...

IME (from what I've seen from my friends) when you spend time telling them your rules, they just think you're crazy and humor you enough to see how many rules they can get you to break. It turns into a game.

 

[FelaShrine]

So, one of the guys I'm dating told me I have too many rules and I need to recognize he's a man and not a little boy

He texted me at 1:05am and wrote, "Hey watz up wru doin" I texted him back a straight face and said, "It's late, why are you texting" He said he wanted to know what I was doing. I told him sleeping and don't text me anymore. He got upset and asked why and I told him, "I told you before not to text me this late and you repeatedly do so, therefore you don't respect me." That's what he told me I have too many rules.

I do the same..what you did wrong here though is answer. You can tell someone not to text you t a certain time and then reply when they do. when you ignore there stupid late night texts, they will know you men business and stop.

and I agree with @snillohhhs! I plain out let them know that I dont do abbreviations.

 

[aribell]

Standards are great, but explaining yourself puts you on the defensive.

If you just refuse to acknowledge or respond positively to behavior you don't like, then it'll be him sitting there wondering what it is he is/is not doing to impress you enough instead of him being able to point and try and find fault with the rules you listed.

 

[sj10460]

Perhaps he looks at me as a "booty call" but I don't think he text me thinkng that's what the end result would be. (I'm sure he hopes this) We're friends on fb and I updated my status so he saw I was up. In his mind he probably thinks it's okay to text since he knows I'm up. However, I still find it disrespectful to do something against my wishes. In any event I took it as a lack of respect.

I don't say my rules are xyz so follow them or else, but when someone "breaks one of my rules" I let them know that they did something I didn't appreciate.

But this thread is going in the wrong direction. I don't need advice on when or not to respond to a text message. I asked about you ladies dating rules. Perhaps I shouldn't have included the details that led to this thread.

To answer yardyspice question, yes you can go from a booty call to a SO. A close friend of mine from college recently married his booty call. I think ultimately it comes down to the amount of respect a person has for you and if they're willing to see you beyond the physical

 

[aribell]

Ok, only after re-reading did I catch that we were supposed to share our own rules.

My rule is basically respect, and I think I've been pretty good at knowing when a man is being respectful or disrespectful/overly familiar without maintaining a list of do's and don'ts. That's just me, but I don't end up treating all men the same because one may do something and its perfectly innocent/with good intent, and another might do the same thing and be ignored.