You Guys' Opinion On Young Love/Marriage Plz

[Extremus]

I seem to value you guys' opinion a lot for some reason, and I just wanted to know what's your views on young marriages. You see, I'm 20 yrs old and my SO and I are planning to get married. I hope we aren't rushing things, and I only feel this way because I get that "Ya'll are too young" talk from elders. I mean, I'm not you and my SO is not your husband, so everyone is different. (That's my respense to elders with that advice, most of the time). I feel if you've found someone you want to stick with, then you should do just that (especially if he treats you well).

Please share any of your personal experiences/stories, views, what you've witnessed or anything like that.

TIA

 

[EMJazzy]

My brother and SIL were 19 and 21 when they got married and they are still happily married to this day, they are now 36 and 38. If you found your partner for life then go ahead and get hitched!! I didn't find mine til I was 35 but then again I wasn't looking all that hard either.

 

[firecracker]

What's your rush? At twenty you haven't lived and experienced enough to know who you are and what life is all about. Its nothing wrong with growing together though.
Uh I don't think I'd be smart mouthing the elders if I were you. Especially those that know the both of you. Not everyone is the same but the proof is in the pudding. Look at marriage statistic for the young and old. If you survive a young marriage with is usually the young and severely broke stage you should be ok in your 30's. Money and stress is usually the major factor in marriages going bad.

I have a few questions:

Have you completed your education? Have you guys been together long? Are you living on your own already? What are you guys spending and saving habits like? Do you have a good and secure job?
Do you have money saved up to cover 3-6 months expenses? Have you guys thought about pre marriage and credit counseling?

I don't suggest you guys having kids for a minute if you decide to get married this young because they really will make it harder for the both of you.

I hope you think before you leap. Nothings guaranteed in life but "life without a plan is a plan for failure".

Good luck youngen!

 

[keandra]

I say this with a great deal of happiness for you and your soon to be (HOPFUL) husband make sure you got your education and he has his and NO ONE will say anything about you being married young. You will have all of what everyone thinks you should and no more complaints from anyone promise. IF they are still complaining after that they are just being protective. I always say don't let Gods gifts pass you by and if you feel he is it for you then go head and marry that man. I will tell you I went to my husbands country of Morocco and my family was furious with me but they live and learn and get over it if they love you okay. Love ya Wish both of you the best!

 

[MrsQueeny]

I was 19 when I got married and we will make 10 years this coming July. I didn't get that kind of response you are dealing with because I had lived a full life by the time I was 19. Plus the people who knew me, knew I wouldn't just jump into something if I didn't know or felt I was doing the right thing. There is no right or wrong here when it comes to relationships because I know people who dated for years, waited, and still ended up being divorced. For us the decision came down to what God said concerning what we should do. Just make sure you seek you premarital counseling and discuss EVERYTHING!!! Talk about your dreams, fears, likes, dislikes, goals, etc and make sure you guys are on the same page. HTH Q

 

[MsKipani]

I think to each his own. My sister and Bro In Law got married at 21/22...14 years later they are still happily married. They were and are one of those couples that you just knew had it and would last. They also had a history - were friends in high school and then got together later on. Me on the other hand, if I married the guy that I was "in love" with at 20, I'd be divorced now. Some people are ready at an early age and other's aren't. I'm still not ready for marriage and I'm with a great person, but that's me.

I think you should ask some of the questions that the other ladies have posed for you. In the end though, it's you and your fiance in the relationship - NO ONE ELSE! Do what is best for you. Go with your gut. I'd also get counseling first, but that's key at any age. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and if you think you and your guy are ready at 20 then that's ultimately your choice! Think on it, pray on it, and whatever is meant to be will be

 

[Bunny77]

It's funny, because a few years ago I would have said "Wait," but now, I'm like, hey, if you want to get married, then go for it.

It's nice to see young folks WANTING to get married instead of putting it off years and years and years, having some babies in between and then never ending up getting married at all!

Now, marriage takes a lot of maturity and there will be ups and downs, but if it's something you and your SO feel strongly about and are committed to doing, then why not?

 

[Laginappe]

It's funny, because a few years ago I would have said "Wait," but now, I'm like, hey, if you want to get married, then go for it.

It's nice to see young folks WANTING to get married instead of putting it off years and years and years, having some babies in between and then never ending up getting married at all!

Now, marriage takes a lot of maturity and there will be ups and downs, but if it's something you and your SO feel strongly about and are committed to doing, then why not?

Depending on the day and situation I might agree.

Given how folks feel about marriage these days, I get warm and fuzzy about young people wanting to marry.

At the same time, I get worried.

My opinion? If you've done the work beforehand, then I'm about marriage. Regardless of your age. (unless you're like 14!)

And by work I mean asking and answering some serious hard questions. My personal quick test is passing along the book "The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say I Do"

This book takes things down to a detailed level. And if you can't or won't answer them honestly then you're not ready for marriage.

Of course, it takes a serious level of maturity to even claim to answer some of these questions honesty so...

I think most people your age are not ready for the trials marriage presents in todays society. Most people do not have a support plan in place for marriage.

 

[Bint Yusef]

I got married at 22( a year after I completed grad school). All the people in my life with long term good marriages got married young including my parents( who were together 30+ years before my dad passed) and his parents who are at the 30 something years mark too. I do not personally place a lot on value on what people/society think you are supposed to be doing in your 20s, because I dont see any evidence that its extremely beneficial, moreso to the contrary but thats another conversation. I would hold off on children though, because as a married young couple there is a lot to experience together before starting the rest of your family.

 

[MsKipani]

I got married at 22( a year after I completed grad school). All the people in my life with long term good marriages got married young including my parents( who were together 30+ years before my dad passed) and his parents who are at the 30 something years mark too. I do not personally place a lot on value on what people/society think you are supposed to be doing in your 20s, because I dont see any evidence that its extremely beneficial, moreso to the contrary but thats another conversation. I would hold off on children though, because as a married young couple there is a lot to experience together before starting the rest of your family.

I agree on waiting on kids. My sis & bro in law were married for about 10 years before they had my niece (that was by choice and medical reasons). The good thing out of that though was that they had time to really build themselves as a married couple. They got to enjoy their 20's with each other - going out when they want, traveling when they want. It was a great bonding time for them pre-daughter and it continues to be better now that they have a little one

 

[lexi08]

I am generally against young marriage unless you have finished your education and have a stable job and are living on your own. Also, you may find in 5-10 years you are a different person and may not want to be with your husband anymore. If you go through with the marriage, absolutely do not have any children early on.

 

[Much2much41]

I would say to first get your education. You mention that you are 20. Is your SO older than you? A lot of times things go smoother if the man is a bit older. I know of two couples that got married HELLA young (14, 15), and both couples are happily married after close to 40 years. I think it depends on the maturity level of the people involved. I know of some men close to 40 years old that STILL aren't mature enough to be married, so it really depends on the person. One word of advice: Please don't sass your elders. Did you consider asking them why they feel you should wait? Perhaps they see something in you that you don't see in yourself. Keep in mind when addressing them that they are the very people you will need in the event that you need counsel down the road.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I know that divorce statistics say people who marry under 25 are more likely to get divorced, and since I work in statistics I am always looking at them, however, this doesn't mean this will be your case.

I would just say get some pre-marital counseling and that might be helpful in helping you both to decide if now is the right time. My parents and grandparents were both married young and are both still married. But my mother always told me not to marry young and I'll be 25 by the time my wedding happens.

However, my best friend who married at 22 is now getting a divorce at 24. And I agree with Much2much. Sometimes people see things in people that they don't see in themselves or their partner. Because I was not surprised in the least bit when my friend said she was getting divorced.

 

[FlyyGyrl]

I am 21 and my SO is 25 and we will be getting married soon. We both have our degrees, good jobs, and make more (separately not together) than most of the naysayers. Not to say that finances dictate the success of a marriage, but that is something people always want to try to bring up. People will say what they want to. If you were 30 with a great job and no man they would say 'well she spent so much time on her books she never found a man. Now she'll be alone for the rest of her life' . If you didn't want to get married but you had kids they would say something for that too. For every situation there will be someone speaking out against you. Don't look for affirmation from other people. Find it in God and find it in yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect time. When people tell me am ruining my life I try to stay polite, just smile and nod. I believe that if you listen to yourself you will know if the person is right and if now is the time. I think that many people who get divorced had uneasy feelings when they were getting married. So listen to yourself, and if you believe in God pray about it. Best of luck to you.

 

[Farida]

Statistically young people have greater chances of divorce.

I say it matters on an individual level.

Lemme quote a movie, sad but I believe it. You know you are ready to get married when you can put somebody else completely before yourself. Even if it means quitting your job, moving, holding off on education etc etc.

I'll be young when I get married next year. I've date SO for 4 years. We're both Christian and we want to live a life that is pleasing to God and honestly having long courtships make it hard to do so.

I'm not your typical twenties child. I was forced by circumstance to grow up real quick. I did the clubbing thing in my teens, I'm pursuing my education. I don't feel "robbed" of anything.

People grow up and change. Whether you get married at 30 or 40, ten yrs later you will both be different people. The marriage has to change with change and that's the only way to survive.

If you get married young I'd say:
1. Know this person VERY well. Date for at least 2 years. 1 yr to know the person, another year to react to your knowledge.
2. PRE MARITAL counselling!
3. Get your finances straight - how will you survive without parents' $$?

 

[Extremus]

Wow! Lots of respenses, I didn't expect that....thanks.

First thing that I want to clear up is that I didn't/don't mouth argue, or disrespect the elders that advice me in any way. I have the utmost respect for my elders.

Each response had GREAT advice, thanks. I def. will talk to the SO about the pre-marriage counseling & I do want to purchase that book, sounds helpful & interesting.

 

[Extremus]

What's your rush? At twenty you haven't lived and experienced enough to know who you are and what life is all about. Its nothing wrong with growing together though.
Uh I don't think I'd be smart mouthing the elders if I were you. Especially those that know the both of you. Not everyone is the same but the proof is in the pudding. Look at marriage statistic for the young and old. If you survive a young marriage with is usually the young and severely broke stage you should be ok in your 30's. Money and stress is usually the major factor in marriages going bad.

I have a few questions:

Have you completed your education? Have you guys been together long? Are you living on your own already? What are you guys spending and saving habits like? Do you have a good and secure job?
Do you have money saved up to cover 3-6 months expenses? Have you guys thought about pre marriage and credit counseling?

I don't suggest you guys having kids for a minute if you decide to get married this young because they really will make it harder for the both of you.

I hope you think before you leap. Nothings guaranteed in life but "life without a plan is a plan for failure".

Good luck youngen!

At first, I didn't want to answer your question because all of the answers were mostly "no". Even though, this is not something I want to hear, I appreciate your honesty and for being real. I may not "look too good" by my answers, but what the heck... I can only be real about it.


Have you completed your education? i'm assuming you mean college, but no
Have you guys been together long? we've been really good friends/bestfriends for about a year and together a year next month

Are you living on your own already? in Dec
What are you guys spending and saving habits like? don't know exactly what you mean
Do you have a good and secure job? well, we work together, and we've been there for a year, but I don't believe that that means I'm secured b-cause nothing's guaranteed
Do you have money saved up to cover 3-6 months expenses? yes

Have you guys thought about pre marriage and credit counseling? never thought about it until after hearing you guys' responses.

 

[Extremus]

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