You Found Condoms In Dh's Car

[LivingDoll]

There isn't a whole plan I detail because it's hard to imagine what you will do until it happens. But I know for sure, I would start by asking . So far in our marriage, we confront each other about stuff so it isn't a balls to the wall thing for me. It's what we do.
He may not tell me the truth and I don't care. It's a mental benefit to me to verbalize it.

Understood.

It is hard to imagine what you'll do until it happens. I get that.

 

[FemmeFatale]

First off, I said some women, not all. Second, respectfully speaking...I am in no way seeking validation of my opinion. I said what I said. It's just an assumption based upon observations that I have made, plain and simple.

No need to get defensive, I thought you had some real tea or something.

 

[LivingDoll]

No need to get defensive, I thought you had some real tea or something.

My bad, I apologize for my tone...thought you were coming for me.

 

[007PMP]

Aww...no need to gaslighting me just because I don't think the way you do. I sincerely wasn't mad or upset.

Sweetie it’s not that serious—no gaslighting here. I don’t even know you so why would I waste my time trying to offend? Sorry you took it that way. *shrug*

 

[007PMP]

No need to get defensive, I thought you had some real tea or something.

Why? He got caught and got laid again. Win-win.

We got laid

But my relationship is much different than most folks posting in this thread. I’m not saying my man wouldn’t cheat (he could) but the way our relationship is set up, we both agree on the woman and it eliminates the need to sneak. Now thats a win-win for us So my response was tailored to what I would do if he “cheated” or slept with another woman without me.

 

[007PMP]

Not everyone lives by that cookie cutter form of monogamy.

 

[ThePromise]

...

 

[greight]

Honestly real G's move in silence.

I wouldn't say anything until I felt comfortable with a plan.

Also one of the things I've noticed throw men off is when you react the opposite of how they think you'll react. It's amazing when I just sit there and listen and let them sweat it out

The Scorpio in me would lay in wait. Collect evidence, hire an investigator, research great divorce lawyers, move money...

I don't ask questions in situations like this. I know folks who can lie quickly....too quickly. I would move to protect. He can explain his side to the lawyer. Lol

 

[Theresamonet]

Move in silence for what though?

 

[IslandMummy]

Move in silence for what though?

To puncture his tyres discreetly. Obviously.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

Move in silence for what though?

Cause not saying anything gets everyone what the want. Kinda like how the guy didn't mention he needed some condoms. You find them and then you don't say anything to him about it and then BAM! Wingardium leviosa! Everything works out in everyone's favor.

 

[007PMP]

If I were in a conventional relationship like I was when married, I would have deprived myself of sex out of anger and went to asking a ton of questions. The house would have been hellish until I felt okay or had some form of assurance. But the reality is its all a false sense of security when dealing with the offender because they will instinctively move to preservation on many levels.

Idk it’s weird but if you take a deeper look at self you can sometimes find other ways to handle these situations and maybe realize that it’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life. But again to each their own. I’m a perv my man is a perv and cheating is kinda void because of the things we like and we love cultivating a safe environment for us to be us together. No need to hide when you’re accepted as is including the desire to experience physical gratification from another person. The divorce rates wouldn’t be so high if folks walked in their truths.

He may confess and never sleep with the girl or guy again but does that solve the confliction? He’ll be suffering in silence and so will the woman because she’s still stuck on the disbelief that he desired someone else (as if that’s a crime).

 

[intellectualuva]

I'm in the middle. Were going to talk about it, but after I've processed my thoughts and watched you with a bit more awareness. He can answer as he wishes, but I walk into the conversation with a bit more clarity (and maybe information as I've been gathering intel I may have missed) than emotions.

 

[Ms. Tarabotti]

That's why I asked her (or whoever the OP is talking about) if this is a conversation that she wants to have.
Some women are okay with 'cheating' (however you define it ) as long as they don't know about it. Some women are of the school of 'yeah men cheat but as long as he comes home to me at night, it's all good'. Still for others it's a deal breaker. You have to decide what is best for you.

I also think that you should know your husband well enough to know when he is lying or being less than forthcoming with the truth. The little sensation in your gut, his little tells (actions or behaviors that he does unconsciously while lying) and other mannerisms are all things that you should be aware of and listen to.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

The Scorpio in me would lay in wait. Collect evidence, hire an investigator, research great divorce lawyers, move money...

I don't ask questions in situations like this. I know folks who can lie quickly....too quickly. I would move to protect. He can explain his side to the lawyer. Lol

Yes! Starting wit the hidden camera.

 

[PopLife]

The Scorpio in me would lay in wait. Collect evidence, hire an investigator, research great divorce lawyers, move money...

I don't ask questions in situations like this. I know folks who can lie quickly....too quickly. I would move to protect. He can explain his side to the lawyer. Lol

All dis! All that crying and asking why is for the birds....

 

[mensa]

Dancinstallion, I hope you're ok.

Please check in with us to let us know how you're doing.

 

[greight]

Move in silence for what though?

I can only speak for me, but I'm the type of person who likes her ducks in a row and to have a plan. If I see condoms, then I want to prep for the worst case scenario first before having the conversation. I want to get more information (if possible) because there may be things that I may not have paid attention to so that's step 1.

The point is I rather not react in the moment. I would feel best confronting the situation head on knowing that I have a plan.

 

[Theresamonet]

I can only speak for me, but I'm the type of person who likes her ducks in a row and to have a plan. If I see condoms, then I want to prep for the worst case scenario first before having the conversation. I want to get more information (if possible) because there may be things that I may not have paid attention to so that's step 1.

The point is I rather not react in the moment. I would feel best confronting the situation head on knowing that I have a plan.

For me, this seems backwards and like a waste of time/energy. For one, if you just ask the question, you may find out there is nothing to investigate further. That there is a perfectly innocent explanation...

Secondly, just about every good investigation starts with bringing the suspect in and calmly asking the pertinent question(s). That’s how you know if they’re lying and hiding something, that’s how you know in what direction to go to build your case or investigate further. First line of defense should always be your own intuition and common sense, IMO. I want to look my husband in the eye and gauge his reaction. Asking the question doesn’t mean you can not still move stealthily after the fact. You don’t have to let on that you know he’s lying and you’re about to F his whole world up.

I don’t understand running out lining ducks up, consulting divorce attorneys, spending money on PI’s, when you haven’t asked your man a single solitary question. That doesn’t seem like the behavior of someone in a healthy relationship.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

For me, this seems backwards and like a waste of time/energy. For one, if you just ask the question, you may find out there is nothing to investigate further. That there is a perfectly innocent explanation...

Secondly, just about every good investigation starts with bringing the suspect in and calmly asking the pertinent question(s). That’s how you know if they’re lying and hiding something, that’s how you know in what direction to go to build your case or investigate further. First line of defense should always be your own intuition and common sense, IMO. I want to look my husband in the eye and gauge his reaction. Asking the question doesn’t mean you can not still move stealthily after the fact. You don’t have to let on that you know he’s lying and you’re about to F his whole world up.

I don’t understand running out lining ducks up, consulting divorce attorneys, spending money on PI’s, when you haven’t asked your man a single solitary question. That doesn’t seem like the behavior of someone in a healthy relationship.

Are folks (outside wide open relationships) still having sex with dude whilst moving in silence? Is he getting birthday/anniversary/Christmas presents while you working on your exit? I’m not dogging the strategy I’m just tryna figure out how long he gets all the benefits of not cheating.

 

[greight]

For me, this seems backwards and like a waste of time/energy. For one, if you just ask the question, you may find out there is nothing to investigate further. That there is a perfectly innocent explanation...

Secondly, just about every good investigation starts with bringing the suspect in and calmly asking the pertinent question(s). That’s how you know if they’re lying and hiding something, that’s how you know in what direction to go to build your case or investigate further. First line of defense should always be your own intuition and common sense, IMO. I want to look my husband in the eye and gauge his reaction. Asking the question doesn’t mean you can not still move stealthily after the fact. You don’t have to let on that you know he’s lying and you’re about to F his whole world up.

I don’t understand running out lining ducks up, consulting divorce attorneys, spending money on PI’s, when you haven’t asked your man a single solitary question. That doesn’t seem like the behavior of someone in a healthy relationship.

Lol I didn’t say that I would do all of that. I wouldn’t consult a divorce attorney nor spend money on a PI. I would honestly take 2 to 3 days max to get it together because I know I wouldn’t react well if I confronted head on. This is about my emotional well being and allowing myself to feel in control about an issue that is about to rock my world.

It’s taking that personal inventory first and foremost, because it could be nothing but it could be a full fledged cheating relationship. Asking the question is step 1: the second is what am I going to do in the moment after I hear an answer I do not like?

I also wouldn’t be having sex with him until after the conversation and I’m satisfied with his answer

 

[JudithO]

My intention in asking the question wasn't to make anyone feel stupid. My intention was to probe into the reasoning behind asking about condoms in his car knowing that very few people immediately admit to infidelity (even when caught outright...). I know LOTS of women who decided to stay with men that cheated, and continue to cheat after those discussions. I mean, let's face it...just asking him is only a means to a resolution. I just wanted to know the whole plan...

Unpopular opinion...I think on this forum (as in real life), *SOME* women like to portray that they are so adult, mature, independent, and balls to the wall big and bad but operate in a very passive state in their marriages. They just don't want anyone to know. This isn't intended for anyone in particular, just my personal opinion about what I've observed in the last 10 years as a member here.

I guess it depends on the type of relationship you have.... I don't think it's fair to generalize and expect that all men would cheat (and lie)... In my particular case, I'm 95% certain that my husband would never cheat (and plan to stay married to me) BUT I'm 100% sure that he couldn't lie to me about it even if he tried... I know him that well (body language, tone of voice, eye contact etc). That isn't to say that our marriage is perfect and mature... very far from it... This year was our 9th year anniversary, and honestly the first one that we have been very happy to be married to each other... lol... the previous years have been conversations about whether staying together is the right thing to do, and what it means for the family etc...

 

[Taleah2009]

I guess it depends on the type of relationship you have.... I don't think it's fair to generalize and expect that all men would cheat (and lie)... In my particular case, I'm 95% certain that my husband would never cheat (and plan to stay married to me) BUT I'm 100% sure that he couldn't lie to me about it even if he tried... I know him that well (body language, tone of voice, eye contact etc). That isn't to say that our marriage is perfect and mature... very far from it... This year was our 9th year anniversary, and honestly the first one that we have been very happy to be married to each other... lol... the previous years have been conversations about whether staying together is the right thing to do, and what it means for the family etc...

Thank you for your honesty here.

 

[Naveah2050]

I would sneak around and gather some more evidence before confronting him. He’s obviously sloppy so there must be other loose ends.