You did what......

[Bmack]

Good for her. Folks are all up in arms but aren't bashing the man for causing this situation in the first place. Women are just supposed to be the world's whipping post, even from other women. We're quick to talk about what ish we wouldn't take from a man, but the second a woman acts on it - she's condemned.

Often, leaving a man and taking the kids just becomes a paycheck issue for him - not a punishment or a lesson.
He's a grown arse man - it's about time he learns what her experience has been like.

That's what I am saying. What happen to all the women not having it. Please with all that. I am glad she did this ish. Now, he sees being a mom is no damn joke!

 

[Bmack]

I think this is part of the problem, why would your childrens father know what to do? Not directly at only u, but I think men are let off the hook when it comes to be responsible parents. If you worry about their well being then so should he!

hmmm.. I don't know if I could do it. I have three kiddos and I would be constantly worrying: is dad letting the baby cry, is he doing x,y or z? Is he feeding them more than hotdogs & McDonalds everyday? What about the homework and does he remember the oldest is allergic to orange juice & is he getting them to school on time?And, the other host of things I do as a mom on a daily basis.

The worry alone would probably cause me to get my kids.

I do see her point though: why is mom ALWAYS the one left to keep it together? Why is mom always the one left to deal with the kids, even when there is an able-bodied daddy in the picture?

She's taking some time to get herself together, show him a lesson and I can certainly understand it, just don't know if I could do it - unless I had to. I don't even think I would want split custody with my dh because if I have to force him to be this kinda parent, it's probably better for the kids that he only get them every other weekend.... I dunno.

 

[ambergirl]

^^^ so what I'm hearing is that just because men are often irresponsible women should say to h*ll with it too? That just doesn't make sense to me. If neither one of them wants to parent those kids when the **** hits the fan then why did they have so many?...birth control...it's a good thing.

 

[Ladybelle]

I think this is part of the problem, why would your childrens father know what to do? Not directly at only u, but I think men are let off the hook when it comes to be responsible parents. If you worry about their well being then so should he!

not that he wouldn't know what to do, it's just that it would be hard for me to relinquish complete control to him like that especially knowing that I had been their main caregiver up until things went South. I feel it would be in the kids best interest to keep everything as normal as possible, including keeping me in their lives as I had always been.

I think as a mother, I have a natural ability to nurture and no matter how well my dh might father - he's not mommy. So, as a mommy- I don't see myself being able to just leave my kids with dh full time. No matter what the circumstances, I would want to be the full time parent. Not that DH couldn't do it. He could, but I'd rather. I do it better.

If something happens to me, I would want my mom & sister to continue to help dh in providing that motherly/nurturing thing that mom's do.

 

[bgsix]

I guess he wasn't expecting her to react that way. See, I that would kill me because I have to see my kids daily. Men are very capable of doing of the things they take for granted. Just like mom took care of 6 kids, daddy can do the same.

The wife did not forget about her children. She did maintain daily contact and frequent visits. Women can't win for losing. I suppose it would have been better had she been depressed/crying all the time in the bed, losing her mind, barely feeding/taking care of the kids while the kids witnessed all of this while their father was out on the prowl

Sure, this isn't a perfect situation where neither party will come out as the winner, however her actions did serve a purpose. I am glad she did it and also that she and the kids are in therapy. Keep us update op.

 

[silenttullip]

She did a great thing

 

[Michelle1971]

I guess he wasn't expecting her to react that way. See, I that would kill me because I have to see my kids daily. Men are very capable of doing of the things they take for granted. Just like mom took care of 6 kids, daddy can do the same.

The wife did not forget about her children. She did maintain daily contact and frequent visits. Women can't win for losing. I suppose it would have been better had she been depressed/crying all the time in the bed, losing her mind, barely feeding/taking care of the kids while the kids witnessed all of this while their father was out on the prowl

Sure, this isn't a perfect situation where neither party will come out as the winner, however her actions did serve a purpose. I am glad she did it and also that she and the kids are in therapy. Keep us update op.

Either way, what the kids are witnessing isn't a good thing. Not a healthy situation at all. Oh, and the father was still trying to reconnect with the side chick in the earshot of his oldest daughter. He didn't have to go out on the prowl. Luckily she moved on.
It's funny that people are saying that women can't win for losing but there is a better way to handle the situation and if you (not you necessarily but whomever) don't think that those children aren't the least bit affected by her bouncing; your wrong. *shrug*
But hey, she did her thang right...standing her ground...sticking it to him...what a mess. I'm glad that she's in therapy and hopefully taking the kids.

 

[ambergirl]

Either way, what the kids are witnessing isn't a good thing. Not a healthy situation at all. Oh, and the father was still trying to reconnect with the side chick in the earshot of his oldest daughter. He didn't have to go out on the prowl. Luckily she moved on.
It's funny that people are saying that women can't win for losing but there is a better way to handle the situation and if you (not you necessarily but whomever) don't think that those children aren't the least bit affected by her bouncing; your wrong. *shrug*
But hey, she did her thang right...standing her ground...sticking it to him...what a mess. I'm glad that she's in therapy and hopefully taking the kids.

Girl you hit the nail on the head. Why on earth would we as women want to emulate the sorry behavior and lack of responsibilty some men have as fathers? Wouldn't we rather reach for a higher standard of behavior then trying to hit the door and leave the house before he does?

I understand this woman is in pain and struggling and so I'm really not trying to dog her. Situations like this are hard and it's hard to know what the right decision is. Where I'm scratching my head are all the people who think this is just great....that I don't get.

 

[Bmack]

Why do we automatically assume that men are not capable of parenting...if that is the case why have children with a man who can't hold it down?

What if somethinng happened to a women where the man had to step to the plate completely?

 

[Naveah2050]

That's what I am saying. What happen to all the women not having it. Please with all that. I am glad she did this ish. Now, he sees being a mom is no damn joke!

I totally agree - firstly, if she had kicked him out they would have been under one parents' care only and he would be swanning around with no responsibilities with his sidepiece - this would still have the same effect on the kids as what she is doing now, maybe even worse as she could have fallen into some depression and not been able to care for them properly. He has been there partly at least when she was raising 6 kids so I dont really think he is incapable of looking after them alone - he may not want to but he should have enough experience by now to do it, and if he cant do it then this says more about their relationship than even the cheating.

Secondly - and this is key to me - staying in this sort of environment when you have young men and women (ie teenagers) is not healthy it reinforces certain behaviour is ok when it is not -we all wonder why some men think its ok to stray on their mates and why some women think its ok to stay with men that mistreat them. She has to set an example to her young children that are old enough to understand that it is not ok for daddy to make mummy cry with other women or to disrespect her. frankly if this doesnt teach him her value then nothing will. Raising six kids alone is no joke nor is it a decision she should take on lighghtly so I applaud her for taking time out for herself before she embarks on this.

As long as she is still visiting and in touch with them all the time the kids will know mommy still loves them, often it is when daddy leaves with the otehr woman and maybe started his own family that kids start to doubt if they are loved.

 

[Naveah2050]

^^^ so what I'm hearing is that just because men are often irresponsible women should say to h*ll with it too? That just doesn't make sense to me. If neither one of them wants to parent those kids when the **** hits the fan then why did they have so many?...birth control...it's a good thing.

why should he be incapable of looking after HIS OWN kids?? like another poster said earlier, god forbid if she dropped dead tomorrow what would he otherwise do? would that be grounds for taking the kids away from him? would he have to marry another woman or take them to the grandparents?

As women we make too many excuses for men, for me if he cannot look after his own kids this is probably just as bad if not worse than the cheating in my book because that means she is already a single parent regardless of whether he is around.

 

[ambergirl]

why should he be incapable of looking after HIS OWN kids?? like another poster said earlier, god forbid if she dropped dead tomorrow what would he otherwise do? would that be grounds for taking the kids away from him? would he have to marry another woman or take them to the grandparents?

As women we make too many excuses for men, for me if he cannot look after his own kids this is probably just as bad if not worse than the cheating in my book because that means she is already a single parent regardless of whether he is around.

See this is where I think we look at this differently. This isn't about him. Who cares about him? This is about her behavior as a parent. Even if he was the most perfect parent in the world I would still think her leaving the way she has seems childish. They both had those kids and they BOTH should be responsible for them. Period.

This little game of of leaving him to do everything because that's what she did in the past is some tit for tat mess. She should have been asking him to behave like a parent all along. If she did not want to be the custodial parent while they worked this out, fine. What an adult would do is adopt an arrangement in which BOTH of them handled kid care duties.

ETA: What I find funny is that people don't seem to see that there are other choices then what she's doing or what's more typical, of men leaving and being absent dads. There are better ways of working things out if folks put their emotions aside

 

[Ladybelle]

I think this is part of the problem, why would your childrens father know what to do? Not directly at only u, but I think men are let off the hook when it comes to be responsible parents. If you worry about their well being then so should he!

See this is where I think we look at this differently. This isn't about him. Who cares about him? This is about her behavior as a parent. Even if he was the most perfect parent in the world I would still think her leaving the way she has seems childish. They both had those kids and they BOTH should be responsible for them. Period.

This little game of of leaving him to do everything because that's what she did in the past is some tit for tat mess. She should have been asking him to behave like a parent all along. If she did not want to be the custodial parent while they worked this out, fine. What an adult would do is adopt an arrangement in which BOTH of them handled kid care duties. Instead now she's sitting around getting hair and nails done, having her daughter spy on him, and laughing about how tore up he looks.... ...

ETA: What I find funny is that people don't seem to see that there are other choices then what she's doing or what's more typical, of men leaving and being absent dads. There are better ways of working things out if folks put their emotion aside

ITA. If the shoe were on the other foot & he did this to her, we would be talking about what a dog he was and how he ought to be ashamed of himself. Shoot... he did do this to her while he was out with his sidepiece and no one is applauding that behavior. Why is it different because it's a SHE that's doing it?

Again I say, I understand WHY she's doing it - I just don't think I could. True enough, sometimes men just don't get what we go through as mommies/wives and she's forcing him to get it via this action.

 

[NaturallyGraceful]

I say kudos to her. My mom went through depression twice when I was young & looking back I would have preferred this situation with Mom happy & constantly checking on me while out of the home than "depressed Mom" in the home. Kids aren't stupid, they know more than we give them credit for. They are also very resilient-especially if you talk to them. To think that they can't rebound from this is faithless. They'll be fine.

She didn't abandon her kids as many men do, she left them in the very capable hands of their father. She's still a very active figure in their lives-much more than most men who leave their families.

This is headed towards divorce, so hopefully this time he's had with the kids will give him a better appreciation for what he's going to have to deal with permanently on a joint custody basis.


I think it's great that she took time for her & to get her head together. A broken & depressed mom is horrible to live with-I remember that being very stressful for me because I didn't know what was going on & if it would ever end, but alas, it passed & we're all fine.

 

[Krymsonkween]

Update: Over all he has done a good job. It was hard in the beginning but one thing I can say he did not say the heck with this u get these kids.

No he may not do it the way she would but he is doing it. Like I said the kids hair is looking better. He took them to his moms and the pony tails where a mess. He asked he sister to fix it for him she said nope they are your kids you keep trying u will get it right.

He thought he was gonna leave them with his mom and dad while he had some me time. He mom and dad said no we where just on our way out.

So he took them to chucky cheese and made a day of it. They will start therapy monday.

 

[Michelle1971]

I say kudos to her. My mom went through depression twice when I was young & looking back I would have preferred this situation with Mom happy & constantly checking on me while out of the home than "depressed Mom" in the home. Kids aren't stupid, they know more than we give them credit for. They are also very resilient-especially if you talk to them. To think that they can't rebound from this is faithless. They'll be fine.

She didn't abandon her kids as many men do, she left them in the very capable hands of their father. She's still a very active figure in their lives-much more than most men who leave their families.

This is headed towards divorce, so hopefully this time he's had with the kids will give him a better appreciation for what he's going to have to deal with permanently on a joint custody basis.


I think it's great that she took time for her & to get her head together. A broken & depressed mom is horrible to live with-I remember that being very stressful for me because I didn't know what was going on & if it would ever end, but alas, it passed & we're all fine.

No one has stated that the kids are stupid or insinuated that they are and you are right...they DO know more than people give them credit for. That is why I am saying to believe that they will be fine and unaffected by this situation is a bad assumption to make because from the oldest to the 1-year-olds, they will be affected by BOTH of their childish behavior.
I am glad that it seems as though he is taking responsibility for his kids...for now.
Even though the family members are saying no to him now, he will probably find another chick to help him out on the days he has custody.

 

[ambergirl]

No one has stated that the kids are stupid or insinuated that they are and you are right...they DO know more than people give them credit for. That is why I am saying to believe that they will be fine and unaffected by this situation is a bad assumption to make because from the oldest to the 1-year-olds, they will be affected by BOTH of their childish behavior.
I am glad that it seems as though he is taking responsibility for his kids...for now.
Even though the family members are saying no to him now, he will probably find another chick to help him out on the days he has custody.

So true, so true on all accounts. I don't know why people don't think this kind of stuff doesn't effect the kids....even the babies. If kids are impacted when dad leaves and comes back only on weekends why wouldn't they be impacted when mom (who it seems like was the primary caregiver) leaves? I bet you dimes to donuts the youngest ones cry for their mom every day.

 

[bgsix]

So true, so true on all accounts. I don't know why people don't think this kind of stuff doesn't effect the kids....even the babies. If kids are impacted when dad leaves and comes back only on weekends why wouldn't they be impacted when mom who (it seems like was the primary caregiver) leaves? I bet you dimes to donuts the youngest ones cry for their mom every day.

How's that any different than the kids crying for their daddy? In my household we have 2 primary caregivers -me & dh. It would be foolish to think the situation like this would not impact the kids-heck the whole family is/was impacted by the ordeal.

 

[NOEChic]

So true, so true on all accounts. I don't know why people don't think this kind of stuff doesn't effect the kids....even the babies. If kids are impacted when dad leaves and comes back only on weekends why wouldn't they be impacted when mom who (it seems like was the primary caregiver) leaves? I bet you dimes to donuts the youngest ones cry for their mom every day.

How's that any different than the kids crying for their daddy? In my household we have 2 primary caregivers -me & dh. It would be foolish to think the situation like this would not impact the kids-heck the whole family is/was impacted by the ordeal.

when my daddy left i didnt care nor did it affect me

 

[calmsensual1]

^^^ so what I'm hearing is that just because men are often irresponsible women should say to h*ll with it too? That just doesn't make sense to me. If neither one of them wants to parent those kids when the **** hits the fan then why did they have so many?...birth control...it's a good thing.

So what are they supposed to do? Stay in the same household? They may fight, argue etc which is ALSO bad for the kids.

SOMEONE had to leave. If the mom leaves, then the child may end up resenting the mom. If the dad leaves, they may end up hating the dad. Currently, the fathers usually leave...which is why there's so much male bashing in western society.

This is about options. What options do they have?

 

[ambergirl]

So what are they supposed to do? Stay in the same household? They may fight, argue etc which is ALSO bad for the kids.

SOMEONE had to leave. If the mom leaves, then the child may end up resenting the mom. If the dad leaves, they may end up hating the dad. Currently, the fathers usually leave...which is why there's so much male bashing in western society.

This is about options. What options do they have?

If you read through the thread you'll see that my issue isn't with the mom leaving, it's with way in which she left. If she did not want to be the custodial parent the option she had was to develop a plan for leaving that included co responsibility for their six kids since they are both equally responsible. From what was posted that did not sound like what she did.