Yesterday I Broke Up With My Boyfriend

lalla

lalla

Well-Known Member
We had been together for several years. He had never had a job. I didn't resent him for that but I could not take it any longer.
So he left yesterday without taking any of his stuff. I spent the night calling him and messaging him to no avail.
This morning, I found in my mailbox his cellphone, his insurance card and a letter telling me: I am killing myself. Thank you for everything. I love you.

I ran to the police station. Several hours after, I know he is dead. I will go identify the body tomorrow.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's distracting me from the reality I guess. I hurt so much I don't feel anything.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do you have anyone to talk to? You must be in shock right now.

I will say a prayer for you and for him.
 
Thank you. I know it was not my fault. I did as much for him as I could. I do not think I could have kept him from doing this.
But I feel it was such a waste. He was brilliant, kind, generous. And now he's dead. And I'm trying to explain why to hid friends and family who didn't even realize he was depressive.
 
lalla said:
Thank you. I know it was not my fault. I did as much for him as I could. I do not think I could have kept him from doing this.
But I feel it was such a waste. He was brilliant, kind, generous. And now he's dead. And I'm trying to explain why to hid friends and family who didn't even realize he was depressive.
Click to expand...

I am so sorry for your loss OP. I will keep you and his family in my prayers.
Despression is no joke.:nono:
 
Wow....:hug2:

I hope you have a good support system. You will need them to help you through this tough time. Please seek counseling. Sending many good vibrations your way.
 
OMG I am soooooo sorry for your loss. My gosh, my heart fell when I read your post.
((((((hugs and prayers))))
 
They offer counseling at the police station. I'll look for a more permanent one later. I can't realize he did that. He was with me when my brother killed himself two years ago.
 
(((lalla))) I hope that you will be ok. If you need to talk, please seek out counseling to get you through this. I'm sorry for your loss and the loss that the rest of his loved ones are feeling.
 
Lalla ~ I hope this isn't too personal. If you don't want to answer I understand.

I see now that your are in Paris. I have read that unemployment is very high, especially for minorities. Is that why he was unable to find a job or was he just not motivated to work?
 
Many things.
He didn't want to use his (very good) network.
Sent resumes but did not call them back or mail them again when he got no answer. He got two very positive answers from large corporation but didn't have a work permit at the time.
Plus his (residential) status was not fixed.
 
lalla said:
They offer counseling at the police station. I'll look for a more permanent one later. I can't realize he did that. He was with me when my brother killed himself two years ago.
Click to expand...

I can't believe you've been through this twice. Life is truly unfair sometimes.

Please take all the counseling they offer you and give yourself all the time, love and patience you need to be able to move forward.

I'll keep you in my thoughts tonight.
 
lalla said:
We had been together for several years. He had never had a job. I didn't resent him for that but I could not take it any longer.
So he left yesterday without taking any of his stuff. I spent the night calling him and messaging him to no avail.
This morning, I found in my mailbox his cellphone, his insurance card and a letter telling me: I am killing myself. Thank you for everything. I love you.

I ran to the police station. Several hours after, I know he is dead. I will go identify the body tomorrow.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's distracting me from the reality I guess. I hurt so much I don't feel anything.
Click to expand...

OMG, I am so sorry to hear this. But I dont understand, are you saying that you know he's dead in that you truly believe he went ahead and committed suicide...or have you been officially informed.

In any event, you will be in my prayers. Again, I'm so sorry.
 
lalla said:
Many things.
He didn't want to use his (very good) network.
Sent resumes but did not call them back or mail them again when he got no answer. He got two very positive answers from large corporation but didn't have a work permit at the time.
Plus his (residential) status was not fixed.
Click to expand...

Life is so tough for immigrants in Europe. I've seen many become depressed.
 
Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear this. I pray you have someone who you can spend some time with while you work through this. I will send prayers for you.
 
Is he really dead? Or you just have a feeling? And why would you identify te body tomorrow? Why not today?

If he is dead sorry for your loss.
 
ChasingBliss said:
OMG, I am so sorry to hear this. But I dont understand, are you saying that you know he's dead in that you truly believe he went ahead and committed suicide...or have you been officially informed.

In any event, you will be in my prayers. Again, I'm so sorry.
Click to expand...

I know he is dead because they showed me pictures. I know he committed suicide because surveillance camera and the cop say so.
 
pookaloo83 said:
Is he really dead? Or you just have a feeling? And why would you identify te body tomorrow? Why not today?

If he is dead sorry for your loss.
Click to expand...

I had a very bad feeling before, that's why I kept calling him. Now, after seeing the pictures and talking to the cop, I know he is dead.

Apparently they have to set up a meeting time to see the body. I don't really know why I couldn't do it today.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. Definitely go to the counseling sessions, you must be distraught beyond words after all you've been through. Sending up prayers :rosebud:
 
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