FemmeCreole
Island Gyal
what she said^^^
Anyways we've never directly asked each other that question. We've had conversations about people we've been with but never shared numbers. No point to that.
Would you tell your partner how many other people you've been with?
- Thread starter JudithO
- Start date
Anyways we've never directly asked each other that question. We've had conversations about people we've been with but never shared numbers. No point to that.
I know the persons with larger numbers won't want to answer and I get it here 
so are there any external resources that tell how people keep track of larger numbers? I know Blanche from the golden girls kept a book 
but im sure that would take a lot of time if you ain't Blanche.
so are there any external resources that tell how people keep track of larger numbers? I know Blanche from the golden girls kept a book but im sure that would take a lot of time if you ain't Blanche.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
I know the persons with larger numbers won't want to answer and I get it here
My boy keeps a stat book. He's a whore +
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
If your number is high according to the man asking, he might view you as a woman with lose morals and might not take you seriously. Quite juvenile of a position. I'm not sure if women don't care as much about the number because it's expected of men to have a high number OR if she is unwilling to share their number.Not sure why partners need to know this about each other. I don't want to think about my SO other with anyone else.Sent from my iPad using LHCF
This poll has a slutty skew. Only 9% of women have had more than 15 partners and the median is 3.6. You need lower numbers.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n.htm#numberlifetime
I have nothing to hide, but if I had a lot more sexual partners than average I would keep it to myself.
Only 9% of women have had more than 15 partners and the median is 3.6. You need lower numbers.http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n.htm#numberlifetime
I have nothing to hide, but if I had a lot more sexual partners than average I would keep it to myself.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
That's not the only reason. There are too many to count besides a juvenile mindset about numbers. People may want to know if you are selective or not and vice versa. That may matter to someone. People may want to be with someone whose views align with theirs. Some view sex as expression, others view it as connection. Some may have religious connotations others may not. Some may think about other spiritual things such as ties, others don't think it matters. Some want to make specific choices about who they want to enter their bodies, others may think those people are prudes and so on. Then of course there are the juvenile and b.s things of guys wanting to be with a lot of people and wanting women with a few but then I think why would anyone want to be with that silly guy but hey that's just me.
This poll has a slutty skew.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n.htm#numberlifetime
I have nothing to hide, but if I had a lot more sexual partners than average I would keep it to myself.
The question is how many partners would you SAY you've been with if asked. Not how many partners have you actually had. So it really doesn't matter what the stats say, you know what I mean? lol
For the record, I dont think the # of partners you've been with says ANYthing useful about your life (even from a spiritual standpoint). There are screwed up people on both ends of the spectrum, but the number can cause people to make assumptions so I get the hesitation to reveal the number.
Also, I dont think people who have low numbers (0,1,2 etc), are much different from (7,8,9,10).. lol... Hence the wide range of the poll. My moral and personal convictions forced my to stay at the lowest end of range, but everyone doesn't believe what I believe.... I think it's interesting though cos I never had to have the convo. I wonder how I'd have been if my number was higher, or I didnt know everyone in DH's history...
Also, I dont think people who have low numbers (0,1,2 etc), are much different from (7,8,9,10).. lol... Hence the wide range of the poll. My moral and personal convictions forced my to stay at the lowest end of range, but everyone doesn't believe what I believe.... I think it's interesting though cos I never had to have the convo. I wonder how I'd have been if my number was higher, or I didnt know everyone in DH's history...
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
It's one data point. For me, if a man will stick it anywhere, that's a red flag.
I wouldn't be looking to hold it against someone. I would be looking to see if it was a really out there number. I would encourage a woman to find out if she is exposing herself to a man that has been with large quantities of partners as that can signal another kind of issue.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
i never ask because no matter what the number is - if it's too low or too high or just right; literally no matter what category it will fit in - i will assume he is lying. also it's just a can of worms i really don't want to open. i dont want to be making all kinds of judgment calls and assumptions based on something that in reality i don't feel is some kind of measuring stick for a person's value and self esteem/mental health/whatever attachments people like to put on sex. i dont attach sex to mental problems of varying negative concepts, which i think is what people are really looking for when they want to know how many people you slept with.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't because men don't need to know all of that imo.
On the flip side, I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who has say more than 5 partners. His lifestyle is really not aligned with the type of man I want to be in a relationship with. That is my preference.
On the flip side, I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who has say more than 5 partners. His lifestyle is really not aligned with the type of man I want to be in a relationship with. That is my preference.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
This made me think of an article someone posted in another thread about men who have had very high rate of partners are incapable of being satisfied in a monagomous relationship even when they actually are ready to settle down. They are used to variety and tend to have high expectations that no one woman can fulfill. They are sexual knowitalls and tend to not listen to the needs of the partner.
But just how many men actually only had 5 or less partners. I knew 17 yr old boys who lost count of how many girls they hit off. I dont know maybe it's just where I come from.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
i would think that article is taking about an excessive number of partners, like a compulsive number. because from what i can tell from others and my own experience after a certain point you just get bored. ****ing new people - who cares? whats the point? youd get bored.
i think its far more likely that someone who has had a lot of partners would reach a point where they just want to be quieted down and relaxing with one person. we are more likely as a species to be inclined to the routine. what youve described seems more likely to me to be the work of addicts or deviants.
i know people in open marriages and relationships and almost all of them are because the men want it that way. this implies to me that its not about the rush or thrill of a new partner. it tends to walk hand in hand with a manipulative, immature personality and a certain inability to connect in an adult way.
there are people who just like sex and have a lot of it, and i imagine for those people the thrill eventually becomes repetitive. for people who always NEED a new partner, thats based much more in some mental or emotional desire that imo wouldnt make them a great choice of a long term partner in the first place.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
I am in no position to speak from a multiple partner perspective so all I can do is read stuff and listen to others who have actually had the experience then hear how they view relationships and life based on those experiences. Great post.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
Those are huge ranges in the poll.
Even when the # is 0, I don't think it's a question to answer.
Yes, Susan Walsh's "manwhore" article. Yeah, it's pretty straightforward. The average number of partners in that study was 11 and for each partner, marital satisfaction decreased. # of partners had nothing to do with whether the men eventually settled down, only how satisfied sexually they ultimately were in marriage given their history.
Apparently the average # for men is somewhere around 6. I think if you split under from over 35, the average for the under 35 group would be significantly higher.
Even when the # is 0, I don't think it's a question to answer.
Yes, Susan Walsh's "manwhore" article. Yeah, it's pretty straightforward. The average number of partners in that study was 11 and for each partner, marital satisfaction decreased. # of partners had nothing to do with whether the men eventually settled down, only how satisfied sexually they ultimately were in marriage given their history.
Apparently the average # for men is somewhere around 6. I think if you split under from over 35, the average for the under 35 group would be significantly higher.
MuziqizLyfe
Well-Known Member
How can you verify that number though? You really only can go on their word and it's my guess that the average person fudges that number a bit depending on who they are talking to
I also think age and relationship history can put the number in proper perspective. I wouldnt expect a woman who didn't marry until her thirties to have the same number as someone who married in her early 20's right out of college. The one who was single may have racked up a higher number but it doesnt mean she was necessarily promiscuous. My best friend and I have drastically different numbers but I married young, she's not married yet.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
I don't think it's age as much as how selective you are. Sure the older you are, the more possibilities for higher numbers. But still if you slept with a lot of people in college and someone else was selective, then their numbers will be lower by the time they reach their thirties even if you married early and so on.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
off to look it up. This is interesting.
Lilmama1011
Well-Known Member
I have learned not to say yours because guys are never direct. I have told SO mine and I have asked him and he has laughed it off. But then we all know that it's better for a guy(society wise) to pretend he has had so much he can't count. My first bf said would claim he had sexual encounters and it turned out he was a virgin smh
shespoison
Well-Known Member
Eh. I told him an honest ballpark when we first met because idgaf. I didn't know we would end up together 2+ years later. And he doesn't care at all. And I ain't no saint.
But honestly, I usually wouldn't if it's someone I want to date seriously....it depends on how judge mental I believe the man to be. I did once for shock value to this very conservative African Man and he had stupid sh*t to stay but it did not stop him from trying to be in a relationship with me.
But honestly, I usually wouldn't if it's someone I want to date seriously....it depends on how judge mental I believe the man to be. I did once for shock value to this very conservative African Man and he had stupid sh*t to stay but it did not stop him from trying to be in a relationship with me.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Youre right. Most guys I've known always seem perfectly fine and even proud to boast numbers. Some even like to speak of sexing women around the world as if that is a one up on regular guys from the hood who didnt get out much. But yeah, many of them have got to be stretching truth.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
How can you verify that number though? You really only can go on their word and it's my guess that the average person fudges that number a bit depending on who they are talking to
I cannot verify everything everyone tells me, but once I get a general idea of the amount of sexual partners you've had via our conversations, it will be enough to know if I want our relationship to progress or not.
I probably asked for a number once, probably, can't remember.
I know the type of man I want to be with and I don't budge.
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