Would you move to another state with your.....boyfriend?

[chicacanella]

Ok, I've known women who want to be married that do this. No they aren't even engaged but they take the plunge and move with their boyfriend to another state.

I personally couldn't see myself doing this since you really have no basis for committment and we could get to that state and we break up. Yeah, it could happen being married to but at least I have some legal claim to something he has but without marriage, not so much.

What do you think? Would you?

 

[Much2much41]

HEYELL NAW!!! At the least, a fiance with wedding arrangements complete, but husband would be preferable. No way would I do it with a boyfriend.

 

[cutiebe2]

give me dat rock and ill move anywhere wit u baby!!!
anything less and im staying where im at with my Mommy

 

[MissJ]

No, I was asked before and didn't do it. I told him I would do it if I were engaged to him. He said he didn't have a ring. I said I didn't need a ring. I said that he'd just have to tell both of our family, and that would be a big enough commitment for me. Well, he said that after we moved, he would propose. I tearfully asked, "What's the difference between doing it now and a few months from now?" Then I visited him like a month later, and just last week he told that after that visit he was "real sold" on me. If he had had the money then, he would have proposed. Whew! Did I dodge a bullet. That guy was and still is h*ll on wheels!

 

[firecracker]

You mean "live off him" right?

 

[chicacanella]

That's how I feel to ladies. Like, "Ok, I am good enough to move to another state with you but not good enough to marry?" What gives?

Seems like some ladies, speaking of my friends, will do anything to keep a man.

 

[Bunny77]

HEYELL NAW!!! At the least, a fiance with wedding arrangements complete, but husband would be preferable. No way would I do it with a boyfriend.

Right!

Now I know of women who have moved to be with their man about 3-4 months before the wedding... but the point is, the WEDDING was planned and the move had been planned in advance of that.

Other than that... and the wedding would have to be REAL close... I would never move for a man unless he was my husband.

 

[chicacanella]

Right!

Now I know of women who have moved to be with their man about 3-4 months before the wedding... but the point is, the WEDDING was planned and the move had been planned in advance of that.

Other than that... and the wedding would have to be REAL close... I would never move for a man unless he was my husband.

Me neither, gurl........

 

[winterinatl]

That's how I feel to ladies. Like, "Ok, I am good enough to move to another state with you but not good enough to marry?" What gives?

Seems like some ladies, speaking of my friends, will do anything to keep a man.

Right. He isn't giving up anything the way you are; he doesn't really have anything to lose by breaking up with you.

I know couples where this has happened; a big move bwn states was planned, ole dude was supposed to go first and secure job and apartment, then she would come later. And of course he also secured another girlfriend . And she still moved to a whole new place without her family not knowing he was cheating.

That situation sucks because you moved mostly for him and it's harder to be motivated to dump a loser once you are living with him and are all alone in a place.

 

[chicacanella]

Right. He isn't giving up anything the way you are; he doesn't really have anything to lose by breaking up with you.

I know couples where this has happened; a big move bwn states was planned, ole dude was supposed to go first and secure job and apartment, then she would come later. And of course he also secured another girlfriend . And she still moved to a whole new place without her family not knowing he was cheating.

That situation sucks because you moved mostly for him and it's harder to be motivated to dump a loser once you are living with him and are all alone in a place.

I don't understand the logic of alot of people in relationships but they will be like, "It works for us." A couple of months later they are broken up but she doesn't want to say anything cause it wasn't logical to begin with and she knew it.

 

[lexi08]

No. If I am not good enough for you to marry, why the hell would I make a major change in my life to move to be with you. I've seen too many cases over the years where the move does not go as planned and the woman ends up with the short end of the stick.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Depends on the purpose of the move, and where I am in my life. People make decisions for other reasons besides going away to be a wife and push out babies and never come back. I've done it before without marriage or engagement and I don't regret it, I loved loved loved the experience. And people can say what they want but as long as you are at peace with all your life decisions, to hell with what they think. This thread reminds me of "There Eyes Were Watching God" when Halle went away with T-Cake and came back to town in her overalls and barefoot and her neighbors were all, "I knew she's be back" and they had no idea what she experienced and Halle herself had no regrets because of appreciation for the experience, not sorrow because it didn't last forever..nothing does, even marriage. I love the quote in the beginning of that movie "There's two things a woman has got to find out about for herself, she's got to find out about living and loving"

 

[MzLady78]

3028619]Depends on the purpose of the move, and where I am in my life. People make decisions for other reasons besides going away to be a wife and push out babies and never come back.[/b] I've done it before without marriage or engagement and I don't regret it, I loved loved loved the experience. And people can say what they want but as long as you are at peace with all your life decisions, to hell with what they think. This thread reminds me of "There Eyes Were Watching God" when Halle went away with T-Cake and came back to town in her overalls and barefoot and her neighbors were all, "I knew she's be back" and they had no idea what she experienced and Halle herself had no regrets because of appreciation for the experience, not sorrow because it didn't last forever..nothing does, even marriage. I love the quote in the beginning of that movie "There's two things a woman has got to find out about for herself, she's got to find out about living and loving"

Exactly.

I did it but there were a number of reasons. I was bored with my life in Boston and was in desparate need of a change. So when I was asked, I didn't think twice.

Even with all the bullshyt, I don't regret going at all. It was something I needed to do for myself.

 

[Nola Darling]

I'm doing it right now. My SOs job relocated him and we missed each other so much. He would truck is 5 hours to see me every weekend and it was getting tiresome for him.

The only thing I hate about it is that I miss my siblings and the town I'm isn't for me. Actually it isn't for the both of us and we plan on moving back home as soon as one of us finds a new J-O-B, haha.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Exactly.

I did it but there were a number of reasons. I was bored with my life in Boston and was in desparate need of a change. So when I was asked, I didn't think twice.

Even with all the bullshyt, I don't regret going at all. It was something I needed to do for myself.

Right. Can't live life being afraid to live it, especially when you're young. No one is going to go through life without making mistakes, it's a human guarantee but growth and good things come out of them. More often the not the off-beaten trail or the one less travelled is the one that leads you exactly where you want and should be in life.

 

[dlewis]

I don't think I could do it. But I understand when others do.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Well I did it. I got engaged and move to another state with him. We broke up later before a marriage even took place.

I moved down there, had a job already waiting for me. He got us a very nice apartment already set up...So our basic needs were straight,I already had an income as did he, etc

However, our relationship fell apart because of our attitudes about many things and our unwillingness to compromise.

Our intentions were good though I guess. But as they say the road to hell is paved with good intention...

 

[ChasingBliss]

Exactly.

I did it but there were a number of reasons. I was bored with my life in Boston and was in desparate need of a change. So when I was asked, I didn't think twice.

Even with all the bullshyt, I don't regret going at all. It was something I needed to do for myself.

I know exactly what you mean. I dont regret a thing either even with all the mess. I've learned so much from my experience. And in spite of my relationship not working out, I really enjoyed living in that state. I made a lot of good friends and epxerienced many things I wouldnt have if I had stayed here. I also found my impetus to go to back to college living down there. So I KNOW there was good reason for me being there...It just wasnt the obvious.

 

[MzLady78]

Right. Can't live life being afraid to live it, especially when you're young. No one is going to go through life without making mistakes, it's a human guarantee but growth and good things come out of them. More often the not the off-beaten trail or the one less travelled is the one that leads you exactly where you want and should be in life.

Yep.

I figured I'm young, I don't have any kids, I was gonna leave my job anyway so it seemed like the perfect time to make moves.

 

[spelmanlocks]

Yes I would, but it was he who followed me to another state. I was in tears everytime he dropped me off at the airport or I took him to the airport so he just decided to come up here. We are engaged now, but I see nothing wrong with a couple following each other. Sometimes taking a few risks in life is worth it.

 

[simplertimes]

give me dat rock and ill move anywhere wit u baby!!!
anything less and im staying where im at with my Mommy

Me too!

 

[DayStar]

i wouldnt, maybe if we were a few months away from a big wedding or something, but just being my boyfriend isnt a great reason for me to pick up and move my entire life ...sorry

 

[tatje]

I sure would not. What kind of craziness?!! Would a man pick up and move for me? Why would I move somewhere for a maybe? No real commentiment. Sorry, I am already real particular about where I live and would want to live and love stability so I am just not going to move anywhere. I'm sorry but I don't believe in rationalizing this. What if we move from Florida to Virgina and he realizes he doesn't like it and wants to move again? Naw, not for me.

 

[foxxymami]

Depends on the purpose of the move, and where I am in my life. People make decisions for other reasons besides going away to be a wife and push out babies and never come back. I've done it before without marriage or engagement and I don't regret it, I loved loved loved the experience. And people can say what they want but as long as you are at peace with all your life decisions, to hell with what they think.

Right. Can't live life being afraid to live it, especially when you're young. No one is going to go through life without making mistakes, it's a human guarantee but growth and good things come out of them. More often the not the off-beaten trail or the one less travelled is the one that leads you exactly where you want and should be in life.

I know exactly what you mean. I dont regret a thing either even with all the mess. I've learned so much from my experience. And in spite of my relationship not working out, I really enjoyed living in that state. I made a lot of good friends and epxerienced many things I wouldnt have if I had stayed here. I also found my impetus to go to back to college living down there. So I KNOW there was good reason for me being there...It just wasnt the obvious.

Exactly.

I did it but there were a number of reasons. I was bored with my life in Boston and was in desparate need of a change. So when I was asked, I didn't think twice.

Even with all the bullshyt, I don't regret going at all. It was something I needed to do for myself.

AMEN!
I whole-heartedly agree with these posts. I'm in the process of moving to where he is right now. I am happy that we'll be closer but I'm more excited about embracing this new city and moment for all that it's worth. I want me and SO's rlshp to work out with all my heart, but the reality is that that might not happen. We might end up getting married, we might have a horrible breakup. No one knows what the future holds so why hold back in the now, in the present? I don't regret any of my decisions I've ever made.....it's either resulted in something beautiful or a lesson learned. I cherish it all and keep it moving, because at the end of the day I know that I felt peaceful about my decision. I want to live my life, and I mean really live it good; i only have one life to do it.....so I want to always stay true to myself.

Like Svelte said, the sole intention may not be a move with the hopes of marriage.....so, if you're in a place in life where the timing is right, you're ready to take on new experiences (and possibly learning lessons), and you feel at peace about it then I think there's nothing wrong with that

 

[PeopleTalkDaily]

I am actually in this process right now..

I am willing to do it...

As my boyfriend is willing to move for me..The ball is actually in my court. He willing to come to MD as I am checking out of I really want to live in Mass...

But I think it's a part of living and growing and experiencing thing you never thought you would..

Our plan though is to get married I am not shacking up with no man that is not my husband. I have done it for many years 12 to be exact and i refuse to live with someone ever again...

So if you want to do it..DO IT and make the best of it..

We can't live our life in fear....

 

[Farida]

I wouldn't.

Maybe if it is a town I wanted to move to and I had a lot to gain personally from going there in terms of school/opportunities/cost of living. Basically a place I would have gone sans him.

As for me uprooting my entire life to go to a place because he wants to? Not until he makes me his wife.

 

[chicacanella]

Depends on the purpose of the move, and where I am in my life. People make decisions for other reasons besides going away to be a wife and push out babies and never come back. I've done it before without marriage or engagement and I don't regret it, I loved loved loved the experience. And people can say what they want but as long as you are at peace with all your life decisions, to hell with what they think. This thread reminds me of "There Eyes Were Watching God" when Halle went away with T-Cake and came back to town in her overalls and barefoot and her neighbors were all, "I knew she's be back" and they had no idea what she experienced and Halle herself had no regrets because of appreciation for the experience, not sorrow because it didn't last forever..nothing does, even marriage. I love the quote in the beginning of that movie "There's two things a woman has got to find out about for herself, she's got to find out about living and loving"

Understood. But I am talking about women following a man everywhere in hopes of him proposing or one day settling down with her. Women with the aim of getting married who think if they will do this, somehow the man will come to his senses.

Now, if marriage isn't your aim then of course it wouldn't matter. But I've had too many friends do this and end up breaking up with the guy with nothing to come back with. I mean, they've gained nothing but experience, and I truly can't even say they've gained that.

 

[MzLady78]

Understood. But I am talking about women following a man everywhere in hopes of him proposing or one day settling down with her. Women with the aim of getting married who think if they will do this, somehow the man will come to his senses.

Now, if marriage isn't your aim then of course it wouldn't matter. But I've had too many friends do this and end up breaking up with the guy with nothing to come back with. I mean, they've gained nothing but experience, and I truly can't even say they've gained that.

Oh hell naw.

 

[firecracker]

Right. Can't live life being afraid to live it, especially when you're young. No one is going to go through life without making mistakes, it's a human guarantee but growth and good things come out of them. More often the not the off-beaten trail or the one less travelled is the one that leads you exactly where you want and should be in life.

I agree with the above to a degree. I still say "live off him" if you go cuz your sacrificing and you should benefit financially. The man must be able to afford you so you don't come out broke and starting all over again after the learning experience. Everyone has to make choices that they can live with not what others can live with.

 

[chicacanella]

AMEN!
I whole-heartedly agree with these posts. I'm in the process of moving to where he is right now. I am happy that we'll be closer but I'm more excited about embracing this new city and moment for all that it's worth. I want me and SO's rlshp to work out with all my heart, but the reality is that that might not happen. We might end up getting married, we might have a horrible breakup. No one knows what the future holds so why hold back in the now, in the present? I don't regret any of my decisions I've ever made.....it's either resulted in something beautiful or a lesson learned. I cherish it all and keep it moving, because at the end of the day I know that I felt peaceful about my decision. I want to live my life, and I mean really live it good; i only have one life to do it.....so I want to always stay true to myself.

Like Svelte said, the sole intention may not be a move with the hopes of marriage.....so, if you're in a place in life where the timing is right, you're ready to take on new experiences (and possibly learning lessons), and you feel at peace about it then I think there's nothing wrong with that

See some of you are actually thinking about this logically. I know women, who've gone and move to another state with no job, hardly no money and are just depending on their "man" for everything. I just can't get down with that and am the type of woman to be like, "Why do we have to move to another city and do all these big things before you marry me?" I mean, obviously if we are monogamous and thinking of moving we would have been dating for some time, at least 8-9 months, just marry me now for goodness sakes. Yeah, being that marriage is the aim of me and most of my friends while in a relationship, that is why most of them moved. I'm 22, it's not like I am getting any younger.