Would you move to another country with a man you are not married to?

[Divine Inspiration]

OP, I noticed you suggested WMLB in another thread...

Ask yourself what a B would do...

A doormat would follow, a dreamgirl would get a proposal.

 

[MD_Lady]

... now that he's there with his family, he doesn't really want to come back and he wants me to move there with him, he hasn't said anything solid about marriage, and I honestly don't want to go there without knowing that our relationship is really moving forward.

It sounds like you've answered your own question why are you second guessing yourself? To answer the original question: If given the opportunity, I wouldn't move anywhere with a man I wasn't married to... and even then, the move would require some discussion...

 

[MzLady78]

Girl, I've moved to another state to be with a guy, with disasterous results (do a search if you want the gory details).

I wouldn't do it.

 

[Transformer]

Deep down you know that this guy put on track shoes and wings and flew away from you (fast). I'm sure you know that in the P.R. family bonds are tight...so in addition to his fickleness (not really) you are going to have to satisfy him, his immediate family and the third cousins twice removed. Also what example would you be setting for your daughter. She has a father somewhere?? that she should be maintaining a relationship.

You sound like a realist and just seeking confirmation. Next! The guy in the cubicle two rows in front of you has been dying for your cell phone number!

 

[Candy1978]

OP, I noticed you suggested WMLB in another thread...

Ask yourself what a B would do...

A doormat would follow, a dreamgirl would get a proposal.

I know...I've been going over the last chapter over and over, I know I will do the right thing, and honor my intuition....just nice to get some confirmation when ur getting ready to make a big decision.....we've been togther for 2 years, and for 90% of the time we've had a good relationship....but I'm not stupid, I didnt just graduate from highschool, and I know what's up..so I am going to do the righ thing..It's all good I am love and will attract love....thanks for all the advice and confirmation

 

[Candy1978]

Deep down you know that this guy put on track shoes and wings and flew away from you (fast). I'm sure you know that in the P.R. family bonds are tight...so in addition to his fickleness (not really) you are going to have to satisfy him, his immediate family and the third cousins twice removed. Also what example would you be setting for your daughter. She has a father somewhere?? that she should be maintaining a relationship.

You sound like a realist and just seeking confirmation. Next! The guy in the cubicle two rows in front of you has been dying for your cell phone number!

Her father doesn't want to have a relationship with her...I've tried

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

hellz to the nawl. I probably would move to another state with my SO, but not to another country, unless he was my husband. If you are young and looking for adventure then i'd say go for it...but if you are at the point where you are ready to settle down then i'd say don't do it. because if things dont work out then you will feel like you have given up sooo much of yourself and wasted so much of your time and made the ultimate sacrifice for him all for nothing. And i know he doesnt want to feel pressured for marriage, nobody does... but what about the pressure that he's putting on you, to move with no commitment... thats hella pressure!. Its not like he's rushing into it...after 2yrs, he should already be ready to do it. He needs to man up and do it, or just let you go and find someone who will...

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I know...I've been going over the last chapter over and over, I know I will do the right thing, and honor my intuition....just nice to get some confirmation when ur getting ready to make a big decision.....we've been togther for 2 years, and for 90% of the time we've had a good relationship....but I'm not stupid, I didnt just graduate from highschool, and I know what's up..so I am going to do the righ thing..It's all good I am love and will attract love....thanks for all the advice and confirmation

I feel you on the confirmation thing. We all need to be tipped every now and then.

I think you'll be fine.

 

[MissNina]

Definitely not. He's got to be kidding. IDK how he would even get it in his head that you would even contemplate it without marriage. Not engagement, but actually took the vow and changed the last name. I wouldn't move down the street with someone without the ring, but that's just me.

 

[hopeful]

Deep down you know that this guy put on track shoes and wings and flew away from you (fast). I'm sure you know that in the P.R. family bonds are tight...so in addition to his fickleness (not really) you are going to have to satisfy him, his immediate family and the third cousins twice removed. Also what example would you be setting for your daughter. She has a father somewhere?? that she should be maintaining a relationship.

You sound like a realist and just seeking confirmation. Next! The guy in the cubicle two rows in front of you has been dying for your cell phone number!

This (the bolded) is a very tough pill to swallow but I think you may be right.

 

[DragonPearl]

You should not go, especially since you have a daughter.

That was the first thing that came to my mind.

 

[DragonPearl]

Yes I would be taking her with me, she thinks it's kind of cool, especially when I told her that the everyhing we have here in the states, they have in Puerto Rico. She is currently homeschooled, so I would just continue doing that, but I honestly don't think I"m moving under those circumstances anyways.

Does she speak Spanish? There are still cultural differences between PR and the states...

In PR, you're going to be on his turf, on his family turf, and you know in the islands how families ties are very powerful. If there are problems, where do you turn for support or help? Can you find a decent job while down there or will you be depending on him and his family to support you? What if the relationship with your SO doesn't work out? Then you'd be schlepping yourself and your daughter back to the States...

If this man values you and the relationship, then it's time for a long distance relationship. If what you two have together is strong, he will propose. I wouldn't relocate for any man who feels he is not ready to say "I do".

 

[NOEChic]

Nope and I am in the military. So my hubby HAS to move with me, or I have to move with the next guy i get with b/c i am getting a divorce. I would not do it without a commitment, i would visit, but that is about it

ETA: especially since you have a daughter you dont wanna get down there and get stuck

 

[Candy1978]

Does she speak Spanish? There are still cultural differences between PR and the states...

In PR, you're going to be on his turf, on his family turf, and you know in the islands how families ties are very powerful. If there are problems, where do you turn for support or help? Can you find a decent job while down there or will you be depending on him and his family to support you? What if the relationship with your SO doesn't work out? Then you'd be schlepping yourself and your daughter back to the States...

If this man values you and the relationship, then it's time for a long distance relationship. If what you two have together is strong, he will propose. I wouldn't relocate for any man who feels he is not ready to say "I do".

I have had long distance relationships before, and I am not willing to maintain one for a long period of time. I have been with him for almost 2 years (2 months shy of 2 years to be exact), at this point I am going to walk away from the relationship. We've been through too much (good & bad), to reduce it to a long distance thing "to see what will happen" ...if he wants me that bad he will propose and if he doesn't then I really haven't lost anything.....

 

[Candy1978]

Does she speak Spanish? There are still cultural differences between PR and the states...

In PR, you're going to be on his turf, on his family turf, and you know in the islands how families ties are very powerful. If there are problems, where do you turn for support or help? Can you find a decent job while down there or will you be depending on him and his family to support you? What if the relationship with your SO doesn't work out? Then you'd be schlepping yourself and your daughter back to the States...

If this man values you and the relationship, then it's time for a long distance relationship. If what you two have together is strong, he will propose. I wouldn't relocate for any man who feels he is not ready to say "I do".

Yes my daughter speaks spanish.....we've been to PR many many times. Relocating to Puerto Rico is not the problem, it's going there without being married that IS the problem. I know how PR is, I have never had a "tourist" experience in PR, I know the "real" Puerto Rico....as in where the casarios.aka...projects are, how the system works, how things are done down there, and all that stuff. He doesn't live in the projects his house is very nice, but all those problems about his turf and his family are some of the things that have hindered me moving, and I have decided I AM NOT going to move there without being his wife.... b/c 2009 is all about me being fully happy and not compromising my happiness to fit into something I'm not comfprtable with........If he decieds to have a change of heart , sweep me off my feet,. and marry me, then I will go to PR with no probs. I have my own business that I can still maintain there in PR, and my daughter and I are both very comfortable with Puerto Rican culture....

 

[Transformer]

Yes my daughter speaks spanish.....we've been to PR many many times. Relocating to Puerto Rico is not the problem, it's going there without being married that IS the problem. I know how PR is, I have never had a "tourist" experience in PR, I know the "real" Puerto Rico....as in where the casarios.aka...projects are, how the system works, how things are done down there, and all that stuff. He doesn't live in the projects his house is very nice, but all those problems about his turf and his family are some of the things that have hindered me moving, and I have decided I AM NOT going to move there without being his wife.... b/c 2009 is all about me being fully happy and not compromising my happiness to fit into something I'm not comfprtable with........If he decieds to have a change of heart , sweep me off my feet,. and marry me, then I will go to PR with no probs. I have my own business that I can still maintain there in PR, and my daughter and I are both very comfortable with Puerto Rican culture....

Bravo for you! You knew the right thing to do for yourself and your daughter.

After all why should all the commitments and sacrifice be on your side of the equation.

Bravo! It's his move now!

 

[msdeevee]

NO!!...Not at all.

Do not uproot your life for a man that is hesitant to commit to you. You are committing to a drastic life change but he hesitates to commit to you. 2 years is a long time to date and you were living with him and he still doesn't know if he wants to marry you.

No way!! It will be heartbreaking now but imagine your heartbreak if your relationship ends and you're over there away from family and friends and have to start over alone.

 

[neenzmj]

No, I would not move to Puerto Rico.

 

[hopeful]

I'm glad you've made a decision that is best for you and your daughter. I wish you the best and I really do hope things work out with you and your bf.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

no i would not

 

[Candy1978]

NO!!...Not at all.

Do not uproot your life for a man that is hesitant to commit to you. You are committing to a drastic life change but he hesitates to commit to you. 2 years is a long time to date and you were living with him and he still doesn't know if he wants to marry you.

No way!! It will be heartbreaking now but imagine your heartbreak if your relationship ends and you're over there away from family and friends and have to start over alone.

So true, this is the main reason why my chest gets tight every time I think about moving over there not being married, granted marriage is not the cure all, but in my particular situation, it would put things on a different , more level playing field, where I feel confident, and feel like things are "ours" rather than his.....I appreciate the support 4 Real

 

[hopeful]

Have you told him your decision yet?

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

I didn't read all of the comments, but'r uh....boyfriend needs to get his paperwork in order and get on ova to the states...damn dat. You get over there, he starts whippin on u, and here u stuck like chuck. Hell to da nizzo would i move to da next state, let alone to an island...chile puleez....your parents won't be able to get ova there to you....stay right here on US soil.... plus the jobs ain't payin over there anyway...

 

[Candy1978]

Have you told him your decision yet?

no I haven't....to be honest with you...I plan on telling him this weekend, when I have the time, I am working and going to school right now..(will be graduating first week of January!!!!), and I get home at 10 at night most nights of the week, My winter break starts Friday, so I plan on telling him when I can sit down and talk, I've been ignoring him for most of the week..he's been calling me like 50 times a day!..like mami what's up, what's wrong

 

[hopeful]

no I haven't....to be honest with you...I plan on telling him this weekend, when I have the time, I am working and going to school right now..(will be graduating first week of January!!!!), and I get home at 10 at night most nights of the week, My winter break starts Friday, so I plan on telling him when I can sit down and talk, I've been ignoring him for most of the week..he's been calling me like 50 times a day!..like mami what's up, what's wrong

@ the bolded. Well good luck, hope it goes well.