Would you move in with...

C

chestnutblonde

Well-Known Member
your significant other, if they claim that they would cover the rent, and you would have to pay nothing? So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 yrs, he lives at home and so do I. His mother has sold the home so he has to move, however, he wants me to move in with him. I told him that right now, it would not be cost effective for me to give up free living to pay rent. However, he says that he will pay the rent, he just wants me to live with him. Ladies, if you were me, what would you do? Would you move in, or not? Thanks!
 
Boyfriend? NO! DH and I didn't move in together until we had an engagement on our hands and a savings plan for a wedding (plus plans towards other financial obligations). Only then did we pick a location and move in together.
 
:nono::nono::nono:

I wouldn't do it. But that's just me.

We can have 3-4 day sleepovers and such, but I like the security of having my own place if something was to go down. Plus if this is his first time moving out of the nest (I could be wrong) why don't you wait to see his paying habits first. Seriously. There would be nothing worst than you to move in somewhere "rent free" and the man is struggling to pay the bills or is very inconsistent with money.
 
NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not until we really talked it out. why does he want to pay all of the rent? if he pays all of the rent, does that mean everything will be on you (cooking, cleaning, utilities, phone bill, cable, etc.)? if you guys get into an arguement would he get angry and kick you out since it would be "his" name on the lease? talk it out with him and if you arent comfortable, get your own place.
 
That would be a bad move. Both of you need to experience living on your own or getting married before you make that kind of commitment. Best believe if you moved in with him and he is paying the rent, then he would be paying the cost to be the boss and expect things from you as if you were married. I know he would want you to cook, clean, do whatever, questions you about things that you feel like you shouldn't have to.
 
Not if you ever want to marry him.
People that cohabitate have a much higher divorce rates.
You know that old saying... don't buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
 
danithefatty said:
NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not until we really talked it out. why does he want to pay all of the rent? if he pays all of the rent, does that mean everything will be on you (cooking, cleaning, utilities, phone bill, cable, etc.)? if you guys get into an arguement would he get angry and kick you out since it would be "his" name on the lease? talk it out with him and if you arent comfortable, get your own place.
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That would be a H.A.M! Holding that over her head, holding the rent against her whenever he wants to....:nono: I'm not against them moving in together, but both names on the lease, an engagement, a money plan, and a wedding need to be in place, IMO.
 
The reason why he says he'll pay everything is due to the fact that i'm doing major savings right now, 401K, Roth IRA, money markets accts, etc, so I cannot afford rent in NJ. I advised him that if we wait, we can buy a home instead of renting...IDK :ohwell:
 
ClassyND said:
That would be a H.A.M! Holding that over her head, holding the rent against her whenever he wants to....:nono: I'm not against them moving in together, but both names on the lease, an engagement, a money plan, and a wedding need to be in place, IMO.
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He wants to get married...I'm the one that holding things up...I'm working on my career right now and cannot afford to stray from that right now...its really weird b/c I'm older than he is and he's giving me what most women want, a place to stay, wants to be married, etc.
 
:nono:

He's saying this stuff now, but when them bills start coming in he gonna be looking at you like:

:ohwell: "Uh, baby girl, what you got on the rent"

You are gonna be like :look:

Dont do it...
 
chestnutblonde said:
The reason why he says he'll pay everything is due to the fact that i'm doing major savings right now, 401K, Roth IRA, money markets accts, etc, so I cannot afford rent in NJ. I advised him that if we wait, we can buy a home instead of renting...IDK :ohwell:
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Let him get the apartment alone (since he has to anyways) and give yourself more time to think about it. Seriously.

Yall been together for 5 years, why the rush? Sounds like he ain't going nowhere. Take some time out and look around at the other couples that cohabitate that you know of. You probably will notice a trend.
 
chestnutblonde said:
The reason why he says he'll pay everything is due to the fact that i'm doing major savings right now, 401K, Roth IRA, money markets accts, etc, so I cannot afford rent in NJ. I advised him that if we wait, we can buy a home instead of renting...IDK :ohwell:
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I think you DO know...
I like your game plan :grin:
You don't have to move in with him if you're
already living somewhere for free... I think
he'll respect you more if you don't say yes...
he won't admit it, but it's true.
Don't let him mess with your money girl...
stick to your plan!!!
 
I think whatever works best for you is what you should do...only you know your situation and if your not comfortable moving in with him, dont move in. Whose to say that you two wont get married if you move in? You might or might not, Im not even sure if you want to get married because some women dont. Do you all plan on staying together for the long term? If you two arent buying a house before marriage (which I would consider a BIG financial commitment) move in if you feel confident in he'll have the bill money ready and on time every month.
 
Ok so Imma tell you not to even though I live with somebody.

Look, until you can afford to pay for an apartment/house/whatever should something happen where he can't, stay where you are.

I won't say not to give moving in together some thought down the road and if you do, give it some really long and hard thought, but right now IMO it isn't the best thing for you or him from the sounds of it. From your posts its very rushed...and moving in with someone isn't something you should rush. Waiting until you're sure thats exactly what you want isn't the end of the world.

-A
 
I appreciate all of the responses thus far. I guess I should have noted a lot more in my original post. So here goes:

*I do feel like this is the individual that i will marry (he's ready, i'm not, I still feel somewhat young at 25 to be married)
*I do want to live with him, however, I'm not a fan of renting...I feel like it's money that goes down the drain. I would definitely prefer to buy a house, but not before we've made the committment to be married.
*I dont feel that he would throw it in my face if I dont pay rent, however, I've been very autonomous (besides assistance from immediate family only when necessary), when taking handouts. I always feel like i have to pull my own weight in any situation.

Keep the input coming ladies, it's greatly appreciated!!
 
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This may sounds strange considering I live with my SO.Don't get me wrong my situation is tight, but given your situation I wouldn't do it. But my main reasons would be because you can still stay nights with him at his place whenever you want and still have a home to return to. Plus I would feel bad living off of his money and I would be worried that he may try to be too controlling because of that.
 
explain it to him just like you just did to us. he should understand and encourage him to still get the place even if its just for him. there will always be sleepovers!

chestnutblonde said:
I appreciate all of the responses thus far. I guess I should have noted a lot more in my original post. So here goes:

*I do feel like this is the individual that i will marry (he's ready, i'm not, I still feel somewhat young at 25 to be married)
*I do want to live with him, however, I'm not a fan of renting...I feel like it's money that goes down the drain. I would definitely prefer to buy a house, but not before I'm made the committment to be married.
*I dont feel that he would throw it in my face if I dont pay rent, however, I've been very autonomous (besides assistance from immediate family only when necessary), when taking handouts. I always feel like i have to pull my own weight in any situation.

Keep the input coming ladies, it's greatly appreciated!!
Click to expand...
 
even if he offered to pay for everything I would still feel bad, I would have a clear conscience if I took care of my own things even if I have to struggle to do that. ....and when yall get heated with eachother him supporting you will be the first thing he throws back at your face. I guarantee that.
 
sky_blu said:
I think whatever works best for you is what you should do...only you know your situation and if your not comfortable moving in with him, dont move in. Whose to say that you two wont get married if you move in? You might or might not, Im not even sure if you want to get married because some women dont. Do you all plan on staying together for the long term? If you two arent buying a house before marriage (which I would consider a BIG financial commitment) move in if you feel confident in he'll have the bill money ready and on time every month.
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ITA!! I am in a similar situation and SO's mom is selling in a few months. I'm just going to finish school first and then if things are still going smoothly (which i'm sure they will be) we will probably buy a house. I'm with the Chestnut on the rent being a waste of $$.
 
chestnutblonde said:
your significant other, if they claim that they would cover the rent, and you would have to pay nothing? So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 yrs, he lives at home and so do I. His mother has sold the home so he has to move, however, he wants me to move in with him. I told him that right now, it would not be cost effective for me to give up free living to pay rent. However, he says that he will pay the rent, he just wants me to live with him. Ladies, if you were me, what would you do? Would you move in, or not? Thanks!
Click to expand...

No, I wouldn't. My financial independence is too important to me.
 
I wouldn't do it either. I would stay over on occasion but not move in. My SO raised this question to me as he's looking to by a house in the next 6 months and I was like :ohwell:. I live in my house rent free and I like my freedom and space. No way I'm moving with him even though he said I wouldn't have to pay rent. There's no ring on my hand. :nono:
 
I agree with the ladies. I wouldn't recommend moving. You're in an excellent position right now, why rock the boat? You can always sleep over if you want to, but have the peace of mind that you have you own place. Like others said, this would be his first time living on his own. He should do it alone, at least for a while. Otherwise you may end being a replacement for his mother. You don't want that. Even though he said it would be rent free, being as independent as you are, you'll probably insist on contributing to the household bills, which would take away funds from your current financial goals. In other words, you would be putting your goals on the backburner in order to meet his.

A year ago, I might have said yes, but since then I've seen first hand what cohabiting can do to a woman :nono:.
 
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