Would you monitor your husband's computer usage

[Faithfullover]

If you supected him of cheating?

My co-workers and I got into a discussion a few minutes ago because one of my co-workers said she put a computer monitoring software on her husband's computer because she caught him sending emails to an old girlfriend and she later found out they were cheating. Instea dof getting rid of him she installed a computer monitoring software that monitors everything he does from the sites he visits to the emails that he sends. One of my co-workers said she thought it was wrong to spy on him because she obviously didn't trust him (his track record hasn't been the greatest).

So you know I had to come back to my computer and do a search for computer monitoring software and I was at how many are out there and what they can do. But my real question is it really this serious? Would you ladies go through these lengths to keep tabs on your husband or would you do like I did with my first one and let it go?

Mya

 

[NaturallyBlonde]

My aunt did the software thing with her ex and went into his BP page and put that he was a sociopath and a dog and alla this and that. But she took him back.

I went into my ex-husbands email once (before we were married) and found out that he had been emailing an ex. I don't even know why I married him, that was the beginning of the end...

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Only if I suspected something.............

 

[JustKiya]

*blink*

I don't know. If I just suspected? I would ask him, first, to be honest. I know, I know, gives him time to cover his tracks - but I couldn't break our trust by snooping on him without giving him a chance to explain himself - even if I suspected he had already broken trust.

If I found anything solid - like homegirls emails - we wouldn't even need to talk - he'd be moving out. Ain't no need to keep an eye then - I already know!

Honestly, I would most likely just hack into his accounts. What, I'm a computer tech, I've got the skillz.

 

[NYAmicas]

Heck yes I would!

 

[kismettt]

well i mean, if he already had cheated (and the evidence was discovered through e-mail) & you take him back...it seems pointless. either believe he has learned & will never cheat again or let him go. :-/ all that excess just proves you dont forgive/trust him & i would never want to feel like i have to go THAT FAR to keep him from cheating/know if he is cheating again.

if i suspected it but was unsure, im not sure. hes not a child and id be livid if he put some monitor on my computer

 

[missware2003]

My aunt did the software thing with her ex and went into his BP page and put that he was a sociopath and a dog and alla this and that. But she took him back.

I went into my ex-husbands email once (before we were married) and found out that he had been emailing an ex. I don't even know why I married him, that was the beginning of the end...

What type of software did she buy?

 

[LoveLiLi]

I'm not married, but I was trying to work things out with an ex, and I put a key logger on his computer. That was a done deal. Hear me - a done deal! A wrap! Finito.

I'm happy that I did it and wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I felt the need to. My current SO is on the computer more than my ex, but I have not put a keylogger on his computer because he seems trustworthy.

 

[daydreem2876]

NO! (i am not married )

But i feel like he is a grown man with the capabilties to make choices. If I have to be 007 to monitor what he is doing on a computer then it is really time to re-evaluate the relationship and kick him too the curb.

 

[moonglowdiva]

Wow!!!! Trust is hell when your dealing with man. To answer the question, No I would not because I would just check cookies and it will tell you all the site that you or him have visited. If your computer savy you could work it without hims knowing that you have cheatware investigating. If I found out that he was cheating his @$$ would be dismissed. You don't play with marriage like that. I wouldn't try to work it out, I would be through because cheating is a character flaw, an issue he would have to work out alone. It is pitiful that a piece of @$$ is worth more than to love, honor, cherish, and obey.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I wouldn't need software to find out what I would need to know.
Good intuition, and a cookie crumb would fall somewhere... from changes in his behavior... to a shift in his patterns....

 

[sky_blu]

If you have to do all that then you don't need to be with him. Those software programs are usually designed to monitor your children's computer usage with all the pervs out there. Not to babysit and spy on your grown arse husband. SMDH.

 

[daydreem2876]

I wouldn't need software to find out what I would need to know.
Good intuition, and a cookie crumb would fall somewhere... from changes in his behavior... to a shift in his patterns....

^^^^ITA... The slightest change sends up a red flag

 

[blasianbeauty]

Wow!!!! Trust is hell when your dealing with man. To answer the question, No I would not because I would just check cookies and it will tell you all the site that you or him have visited. If your computer savy you could work it without hims knowing that you have cheatware investigating. If I found out that he was cheating his @$$ would be dismissed. You don't play with marriage like that. I wouldn't try to work it out, I would be through because cheating is a character flaw, an issue he would have to work out alone. It is pitiful that a piece of @$$ is worth more than to love, honor, cherish, and obey.

But cookies can be deleted though, right? I'd say do it if you suspect something but he's not being forthcoming.

 

[JustKiya]

But cookies can be deleted though, right? I'd say do it if you suspect something but he's not being forthcoming.

But that's a guilty sign in and of itself, esp. if you also empty the recycle bin (on Windows) as nothing really 'goes away' when you delete. And if you are deleting cookies & emptying bins, you are hiding something. Bottomline.

 

[NaturallyBlonde]

What type of software did she buy?

Its called Net Detective. This was wayyyy back in the day.. like '02. I think it logged all websites and keystrokes.

ETA: It also captures screenshots.

 

[Highly Favored8]

If only I suspected DH of cheating.

No, I am not married yet.

 

[Ms Red]

We would have probably come to blows (or whatever) before I felt the need to do all of that. That detective feeling is a BAD feeling to have. I wouldn't rule anything out if I suspected my (future) DH of cheating... but hopefully my intuition and God-given common sense would have tipped me off before detective mode kicked in.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

My husband is a Network Engineer. There is no way in the world I'd be able to catch him doing dirt on the computer, if he was intent on hiding his tracks.


If he was just an average cat, though, YES I surely would put some software on his computer. Having hard evidence of infidelity can prove helpful in divorce proceedings.

 

[Radianthealth]

No I wouldn't monitor his usage. I would listen to my instincts though.

DH has never given me a reason to not trust him so I wouldn't feel comfortable monitoring his computer usage.

I think things like this always come to light eventually

 

[skatergurljubulee]

If he never cheated, then definitely no. Even if I suspected. I'd ask him point blank. And b/c I'm married, I know all his give aways and his triggers (DH is VERY honest and can't tell a lie to save his life. lol I can't think of one time where if he lied, I didn't catch him). Now, if he had cheated previously and we'd worked out why he cheated and resolved the issue, I'd still ask him point blank. I'd be calm about it- no need to yell and scream. I'd tell him calmly that I thought we'd worked it out and I thought we were in the marriage for keeps (plus, the calm, controlled voice ALWAYS unnerves him because he expects the screaming). What is going on WITH HIM that he feels he needs to cheat. The first time I may have been dropping the ball (not that I'd be to blame for his cheating), but you better believe I'd have rectified it. Then...well, I've never truly dealt with cheating before, but I'm almost positive that he wouldn't be sleeping at home anymore. Once shame on you, twice shame on me.

But, I'd never install software! lol For mr, if I feel the need to install software, than I shouldn't be married to him/ in a relationship with him in the first place! Where's the basic foundational trust?

PLUS, DH is a software developer and website developer. He built my current computer for me! LOL He'd know the minute I put it on my computer! LOL

 

[natural_one]

I did. I suspected somethings and asked my ex straight to his face and he said nothin was going on, but I knew he was lying. I installed the software and it recorded every keystroke that was made and sent it to me via email. From that I got his password to his email accounts and found out everything and then some..

Some may say it wasnt the right thing to do, but for me it was something I had to do cause I was going crazy from the stress and not knowing. I dont regret it and would do again if I had to.

 

[bermudabeauty]

Yes you can use it as a bargaining tool when you are trying to get paid in a divorce. LOL but true!

 

[LadieCrn]

But that's a guilty sign in and of itself, esp. if you also empty the recycle bin (on Windows) as nothing really 'goes away' when you delete. And if you are deleting cookies & emptying bins, you are hiding something. Bottomline.

LMAOI routinely delete cookies and empty my bins on my computer and my cell phone. I also delete text messages soon after I get them, I delete my call history at least once a day. I am not hiding anything, I just hate clutter

 

[GeorginaSparks]

LMAOI routinely delete cookies and empty my bins on my computer and my cell phone. I also delete text messages soon after I get them, I delete my call history at least once a day. I am not hiding anything, I just hate clutter

OMG me tooo. SOmetimes i even completely delete a program, download it again and start from scratch. i do the same with my cell phones.

 

[Zaynab]

Nope. What you look for you find, and then what are you gonna do with the evidence? Women kill me with "I need evidence" then they get it and what? Most say, well I need more or that's enough. HA, what you need to see penis in vagina?

That wife is still sitting there instead of getting rid of him, basically she just wanted to know "the specifics of what he was doing". The only reason to spy on someone is to use it for evidence in a divorce, otherwise, I don't have time. I am probably one of the few women who does not look through their dh's phones, check his email, etc. To be honest, I just don't have time and I don't care that much If dh is doing something, I will find out eventually. I focus on keeping dh on his toes, like I'm so flyy you need to be watching me instead of the other way around That's where women mess up, show these men that they are lucky to be with you and need to be checking you (well not really) but you know what I mean.

 

[life_is_great]

Yes, I did. I bought the computer monitoring software, it was very enlightening.

 

[Tee]

I am a firm believer in 'Be careful what you look for; you might just find it."

If a person has trust issues with their SO, the relationship should be reevaluated.

 

[JustKiya]

LMAOI routinely delete cookies and empty my bins on my computer and my cell phone. I also delete text messages soon after I get them, I delete my call history at least once a day. I am not hiding anything, I just hate clutter

OMG me tooo. SOmetimes i even completely delete a program, download it again and start from scratch. i do the same with my cell phones.

Well, yeah, if you've always had the habit of doing that - that's something different.

But if all of a sudden you just START doing it? Kinda off, ya know?

 

[TLC1020]

The bolded is so true...

Originally Posted by LadieCrn
LMAOI routinely delete cookies and empty my bins on my computer and my cell phone. I also delete text messages soon after I get them, I delete my call history at least once a day. I am not hiding anything,

I do this too^^^

Nope. What you look for you find, and then what are you gonna do with the evidence? Women kill me with "I need evidence" then they get it and what? Most say, well I need more or that's enough. HA, what you need to see penis in vagina?

That wife is still sitting there instead of getting rid of him, basically she just wanted to know "the specifics of what he was doing". The only reason to spy on someone is to use it for evidence in a divorce, otherwise, I don't have time. I am probably one of the few women who does not look through their dh's phones, check his email, etc. To be honest, I just don't have time and I don't care that much If dh is doing something, I will find out eventually. I focus on keeping dh on his toes, like I'm so flyy you need to be watching me instead of the other way around That's where women mess up, show these men that they are lucky to be with you and need to be checking you (well not really) but you know what I mean.