Would You Date a Man...

[DivineNapps1728]

...you were in no way attracted to if he was a "good catch"?

I believe that in order to have a successful relationship there needs to be some sort of attraction physical or otherwise to spark interest at least.

My mom is trying to hook me up with this young man that's expressed interest in me. This guy is educated, family oriented, God-fearing, terribly sweet, but I'm not feeling him; I can't put my finger on it, but there's something off about him to me. Beyond the bad vibes I don't find him attractive or enjoy the company he keeps.

In the back of my mind I keep thinking about how I always say I want a guy who has something going for him, etc, but now I've encountered one & I'm running in the other direction lol; in a perfect world I'd give him a chance before I wrote him off, but I know I wouldn't be serious...I like his credentials not him, why play with someone's emotions.

On the flipside he could be exactly what I've always wanted & I'm losing my soulmate...

naw, lol, something just doesn't sit right bout dude.

Would anyone date the perfect man (good job, honest, loving, [insert what you like/want here]) if you were in no way attracted to him beyond his credentials?

 

[aribell]

Would anyone date the perfect man (good job, honest, loving, [insert what you like/want here]) if you were in no way attracted to him beyond his credentials?

I would not become serious with someone I was not attracted to, no matter what his credentials were. I think that would be somewhat selfish, since everyone deserves to be with someone who is really into them.

But, I would definitely date someone who was a good catch to get to know him better and see if something more developed. You just never know.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

I would not become serious with someone I was not attracted to, no matter what his credentials were. I think that would be somewhat selfish, since everyone deserves to be with someone who is really into them.

But, I would definitely date someone who was a good catch to get to know him better and see if something more developed. You just never know.

ITA with the bolded! I dunno why, but I can't even talk (by "talk" I mean go thru that early dating/precusor to dating with intent to get together getting to know you phase) to someone no matter how great they look on paper if I'm not feeling them. I'd go into friendship mode by default.

 

[kinkicurlyfyne]

You'd be surprised. Sometimes something can follow. But usually, I am exactly how you are. I think I may have slipped up on the same situation, and I kinda like him. But I would never have gotten to know him because he's not really my type. Not hideous, just not my type.

 

[dlewis]

I would date him. Sometimes maybe even most times you can grow to like/love someone.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

...you were in no way attracted to if he was a "good catch"?

I believe that in order to have a successful relationship there needs to be some sort of attraction physical or otherwise to spark interest at least.

My mom is trying to hook me up with this young man that's expressed interest in me. This guy is educated, family oriented, God-fearing, terribly sweet, but I'm not feeling him; I can't put my finger on it, but there's something off about him to me. Beyond the bad vibes I don't find him attractive or enjoy the company he keeps.

In the back of my mind I keep thinking about how I always say I want a guy who has something going for him, etc, but now I've encountered one & I'm running in the other direction lol; in a perfect world I'd give him a chance before I wrote him off, but I know I wouldn't be serious...I like his credentials not him, why play with someone's emotions.

On the flipside he could be exactly what I've always wanted & I'm losing my soulmate...

naw, lol, something just doesn't sit right bout dude.

Would anyone date the perfect man (good job, honest, loving, [insert what you like/want here]) if you were in no way attracted to him beyond his credentials?

I would at least go on one date with him but if your instincts tell you something is off about this person then be alert.

 

[Deluxe]

...you were in no way attracted to if he was a "good catch"?

I believe that in order to have a successful relationship there needs to be some sort of attraction physical or otherwise to spark interest at least.

My mom is trying to hook me up with this young man that's expressed interest in me. This guy is educated, family oriented, God-fearing, terribly sweet, but I'm not feeling him; I can't put my finger on it, but there's something off about him to me. Beyond the bad vibes I don't find him attractive or enjoy the company he keeps.

In the back of my mind I keep thinking about how I always say I want a guy who has something going for him, etc, but now I've encountered one & I'm running in the other direction lol; in a perfect world I'd give him a chance before I wrote him off, but I know I wouldn't be serious...I like his credentials not him, why play with someone's emotions.

On the flipside he could be exactly what I've always wanted & I'm losing my soulmate...

naw, lol, something just doesn't sit right bout dude.

Would anyone date the perfect man (good job, honest, loving, [insert what you like/want here]) if you were in no way attracted to him beyond his credentials?

Go with your first instinct. The fact that something feels off about him to you is enough to stay away in my opinion. You don't want to be shocked and pissed 6 months from now.

 

[MizAvalon]

Nope, would be a waste of time for me. Feelings don't "grow" with me. If I am not attracted to you, I never will be. Period.

Not to mention, you said you already feel something is off with him and you don't like the company he keeps. I bet he is very much like the company he keeps, why else would he be hanging around them otherwise?

 

[awhyley]

Would anyone date the perfect man (good job, honest, loving, [insert what you like/want here]) if you were in no way attracted to him beyond his credentials?

No, I couldn't. My 'front' just wouldn't allow it.

Also, it doesn't make sense (and it's kinda) mean, to make a guy think that something may develop when I already know that nothing is going to happen. If you have a bad vibe, listen to your gut. If he was your soulmate, you would know.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

A 'safe' place date is just a date, you are not going to marry him. You will always wonder if you missed your soulmate so go have a cup of coffee.

 

[anon123]

Why not? If you're just dating, go out on a date or two. You may just not know him well enough or might be misinterpreting some signals for him. And if you're at a dating time in your life, it's not like going out on a date with him is somehow going to prevent you from finding someone else if he's not the one for you. You can date multiple people. Girl, go on and have a decent night out with a good meal!

 

[Finesse]

I would date him. Sometimes maybe even most times you can grow to like/love someone.

I agree.


A lot of times you may be attracted to someone physically, but cannot stand them any other way....it happens, I have lived it

 

[JustKiya]

I would go out with him at least 2 or 3 times. I wouldn't 'date' him, but I would see if maybe a little more exposure might uncover something I could be attracted to/interested in.

If after that, I still wouldn't wave at him from across the street for fear he'll come over and chitchat, I'd let it go.

And what do you mean about the company he keeps? Birds of a Feather and all that - that might keep me away, period.

 

[angenoir]

I would go out with him a couple of times and keep an open mind. Sometimes its worth it to give people time.

And sometimes those guys we are so deeply attracted to... it turns out that that's all there is.... the personality and values can be off.

And remember chemistry however strong can fade...

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I'd say give him a chance.

I was not attracted to my DH when I first met him. But the more I talked to him, the more I saw that we were on the same page. He was starting to appeal to me more and more the more I got to know him.

Today, I am very attracted to him, and I'm glad I didn't totally blow him off because I didn't have that initial attraction. I would have lost out on a great man.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

And what do you mean about the company he keeps? Birds of a Feather and all that - that might keep me away, period.

One of his "best" friends is a compulsive lying, draining, drama king who's more than a few cards short of a deck. ICK!!!

I'd say give him a chance.

I was not attracted to my DH when I first met him. But the more I talked to him, the more I saw that we were on the same page. He was starting to appeal to me more and more the more I got to know him.

Today, I am very attracted to him, and I'm glad I didn't totally blow him off because I didn't have that initial attraction. I would have lost out on a great man.

I get what your saying, maybe I'm being to rigid. I'm still not going for him cause my feelings about things are usually right, but in general it couldn't hurt to be more open.

 

[asubeauty]

Nope. I know, I tried. This guy was perfect on paper: had a PhD, working on an MD, strong faith, nice family, and I KNEW that if I was with him, I'd be treated like a queen. I know attraction can grow, so I stayed in there for months, I tried to like him, I swear... but in the end I couldn't get over his body hair (no joke!!! ) and I could never imagine kissing him on the lips. It just didn't work. I couldn't force it.

 

[SimpleBrooklyn]

Let me preface this by saying I'm single and not looking for anything serious right now.

So my girl tells me about this guy friend of hers. She thinks we would really hit it off. So we exchange numbers. Text and talk for like a month or so. We really vibed on the phone.

So we decide to meet up. I got there first. I'm waiting. Before I got there I was like I don't care what he looks like cuz its not going to be like that. But in the back of my mind I'm like "hey you never know".

This guy is a middle school math teacher (love that he's helping out the community), loves basketball (me too), is goofy (like me), sarcastic (thats me too) and just chill (yup, me again).

So I wait, then I see this guy walk up on me. And its him.....not attracted to him at all. ANd that was based off of the vibe we already had going. I just could not muster up that feeling of "I think I am attracted to him"

In person we talk and the conversation is great, the jokes are coming, I felt comfortable, but i am not attracted to him.

I'm not the type to dis a guy cuz I'm not attracted to him. Sometimes I really try to make it happen (the attraction), but nothing.

We still chat and we're supposed to hook up, but I dunno about anything else. I don't want it to feel like a pity attraction, so i'm watching my behavior around him and keeping it neutral.

So to answer your question,....I would hang with that dude, an possibly try and give it a chance, but I'm not forcing it. If its not there, its not there. We can be cool though.

 

[SimpleBrooklyn]

I'd say give him a chance.

I was not attracted to my DH when I first met him. But the more I talked to him, the more I saw that we were on the same page. He was starting to appeal to me more and more the more I got to know him.

Today, I am very attracted to him, and I'm glad I didn't totally blow him off because I didn't have that initial attraction. I would have lost out on a great man.

I usually do this. Meet a guy and get to know is personality, etc. But in my recent situation that I posted I got to know him first, so when I met him, I knew there was nothing else I could do to. At that point I knew him already, We talked, got to know each other for a month.

I would never diss a dude because of less than attractive looks until I got to know him better. That usually clears things up for me.

 

[natural2008]

if you have a funny feeling and something is not right them follow your instinct girl.

 

[natural2008]

i dont believe that you have to be attracted 100% to the person. You can grow to love the person. you would rather have someonw who has it together and not attractive than someone who is attractive and aint worth a penny.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

...

naw, lol, something just doesn't sit right bout dude.

Would anyone date the perfect man (good job, honest, loving, [insert what you like/want here]) if you were in no way attracted to him beyond his credentials?

You're right, there has to be a physical/chemical and emotional attraction. If it's not there, it's not there. I'd follow my instinct and not settle just because he has other things going on. There are many others out there with his credentials and much more whom you'll find attractive. Trust your gut. If something sets wrong with you, then there's probably something there that's unacceptable.

 

[MsChelle]

I would probably go out with him on ONE date just to see what he is like. And if your instincts are still telling you that something isn't right you don't have to go out with him again. Give him a chance before you write him off totally. You may not find the love of your life in him but you could find a friend. Trust yourself.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

One of his "best" friends is a compulsive lying, draining, drama king who's more than a few cards short of a deck. ICK!!!



I get what your saying, maybe I'm being to rigid. I'm still not going for him cause my feelings about things are usually right, but in general it couldn't hurt to be more open.

I hate to say this to you...but he's gay. Don't do it. He's on the DL. I mean, you weren't saying he's a great catch but you just didn't feel a spark. You said you find something off about him.

I don't know your religious affiliation, if there is one. But there's a thread over in the christian forum about courting versus dating. Might want to check it out. You sound like you're not about the okie doke!! LOL.

 

[Divine_Order]

I would rather date an unattractive man that was good to me and was successful than an attractive man that treated me like crap and stayed asking me for gas money.

 

[daydreem2876]

Like my grandmother used to say "it does not hurt to go to dinner and be cordial".

I think sometimes we can rely too much on that instant spark that attracts us to a man. Sometimes, you have to take the opportunity to get to know someone before you can see their real assets. You may end up missing out on a good man. I do know someone who stated that at first she was not physically attracted to a man but after their first date, that was it for her. They have been married for 10 years with 2 kids.

 

[sky_blu]

I tried it after a couple of convinces and I don't regret it but it wasnt for me.

 

[akgirl]

Girl, I tried it, on a couple of occasions. The most recent occasion, I truly didn't follow my gut. I figured he would grow on me as I came to love him since he was such an amazing person. I did come to care about him deeply and we got along famously..."LIKE BEST FRIENDS" and that's it. I rarely let him touch me and it ended up hurting him a lot. I will never make that mistake again.

So please, follow your gut for your sake, and his. The one you are seeking is out there, but you just need to be paitient and DON'T SETTLE.

 

[sexyeyes3616]

A good catch to me, mean someone who is going to treat me right. Not this might be harsh but I cant date someone who is ugly But as long as he was ok to look at. I would date him even if I wasn't attracted to him.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

I hate to say this to you...but he's gay. Don't do it. He's on the DL. I mean, you weren't saying he's a great catch but you just didn't feel a spark. You said you find something off about him.

I don't know your religious affiliation, if there is one. But there's a thread over in the christian forum about courting versus dating. Might want to check it out. You sound like you're not about the okie doke!! LOL.

Hahaha @ the bolded! Hmm...I'd never questioned his sexuality, I've worried about his friend's though. You never know

I would rather date an unattractive man that was good to me and was successful than an attractive man that treated me like crap and stayed asking me for gas money.

Me too, but a guy doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous to catch my eye; I can be attracted even if he isn't terribly attractive. The thing is that regarding people I've had strong friendships & relationships with there has always been something that's drawn me to them, with dude there's nothing, no spark, no interest, no desire to glance twice. Typically I can look into someone's eyes and just click with them, not in a passionate way, it's just I know there's reason to get to know them better...again, with him my radar say no way.

Girl, I tried it, on a couple of occasions. The most recent occasion, I truly didn't follow my gut. I figured he would grow on me as I came to love him since he was such an amazing person. I did come to care about him deeply and we got along famously..."LIKE BEST FRIENDS" and that's it. I rarely let him touch me and it ended up hurting him a lot. I will never make that mistake again.

So please, follow your gut for your sake, and his. The one you are seeking is out there, but you just need to be paitient and DON'T SETTLE.

Thanks for sharing that. I wouldn't want to lead anyone on. & you're so right about not settling. I'm not trying to go around in circles for months.

A good catch to me, mean someone who is going to treat me right. Not this might be harsh but I cant date someone who is ugly But as long as he was ok to look at. I would date him even if I wasn't attracted to him.

See I'm the opposite. Cute or not if we click I'll give it a try...but as I get older and think about having children one day I definitely prefer handsome men I have a connection with than aesthetically un-pleasing men that I vibe with... I REFUSE to have lil frankenstein looking babies!!! I'd have to send them back & start fresh