Would you date a divorced man with a child if you were/are single w/ no kids?

Cinda2503

Cinda2503

New Member
I am 27, single, never been married, and no children. I met a man who is 32 divorced and has a 5 year old little boy. I always told myself I wouldn't get involved with a man with children until I was at least 30. The problem is this man is so everything. He is funny, cute, nice, sexy, etc.... I am trying to get over him having a child but I can't work it out it my head. It is really bothering me. Should I just call it quits or am I being stupid in this day and age when most people in my age box have children? please help I need some advice.
 
Only my ex no other man. I need to be number one and if he has a child I can't be number one so that's why I can't do it.
 
I am always curious when people quantify the number of children a man/woman should have...He is a divorced man that is 32, that means he was willing to be responsible man in a marriage that failed, the alternative could be single man w/ multiple baby mamas.

Personally I don't see the problem. Unfortunately, YOU have a 50% chance of staying married in this society. (If you go on the stats.) 50% is not that good anymore. Divorce is more common and it is the reality of our society.

Give him a chance....(if you don't pm me his phone number, I will take a 32 yr man that is wonderful w/ a child)

Girl, hush your fuss and enjoy that man!!
 
It would depend on his relationship w/the child and the mother. If he is having any sort of drama with her, it's a dealbreaker, if he is so wrapped up in his child that the child can do no wrong, it's a dealbreaker, and if he can't understand that I would come first as a wife, it's a dealbreaker. He would have to be very balanced in how he treats me and the child, or I wouldn't be able to do it.
 
I advise the OP to go with how she feels because it's her choice and she can miss out on a guy who would be great for her if she acts hastily on her decision.
 
girl give him a chanc if he is so good! My male friend has a 8 year old son so i can relate to your anxiety initially. There is no way im letting go of this guy, he is amazing all together and a EXCELLENT ACTIVE FATHER!

Hush and live life....you never know!
 
thanks for the advice ladies:grouphug3:

I was all ready to break up the "relationship"before we really got started. I was watching all those bridals show on WE tv today. :nono: My mind was creating scenarios and problems that haven't even occured yet:perplexed Intially, i was thinking I didn't want to be involved with a man that I knew I didn't want to end up marrying. I am beginning to feel like I would like to be married sometime in the future so I think I was putting to much pressure on the whole situation. so much for living in the present huh?:grin: I'm going to just let it take it's course and feel out the whole situation.......
 
Gosh since I've never been married nor do I have children, I want a fresh start. The last thing I want to be bothered with is a baby momma or ex wife when it comes to my household.
 
Of course I would and I have.
Might be missing out on a good man just because he has a chiild from a previous marriage.
 
drasgrl said:
I need to be number one and if he has a child I can't be number one so that's why I can't do it.
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Pretty much how I feel. That kid ain't going nowhere, but I'm sure you know that already.

Seems you have decided to give it a try, so best of luck to you.
 
My current BF is 31 divorced with 1 child. I am 26 no kids, never married.

Let me tell you this man treats me better than any man ever has. He is a single parent to his child. THe mother lives out of state and the child goes with her in the summer.

I first thought I could never do it. But with his situation there is no crazy baby mama drama. And the divorce was so long ago. He got married when he entered the Navy at 19 was divorced by 21. He had other relationships since then.

Now i will say I am beginning to think the marriage and then divorce has left him with some emotional baggage. In that he is sooo concerened with making sure I am "The One" he doesnt want to mess up twice, yada yada.

I think that contributes to the fact that he treats me like a queen, which is good, but he also is always second guessing if we are in it for the long haul. He doesnt want another failed marriage. We have only been dating 7 months, so I think its a bit pre-mature but given his background I understand.

So yes it can be done. There may be hang-ups. But every guy has one. I thought the main issue was going to be the child, or baby mama. But its really him and his emotional baggage from a failed marriage 10 years ago...go figure.
 
Cinda2503 said:
I am 27, single, never been married, and no children. I met a man who is 32 divorced and has a 5 year old little boy. I always told myself I wouldn't get involved with a man with children until I was at least 30. The problem is this man is so everything. He is funny, cute, nice, sexy, etc.... I am trying to get over him having a child but I can't work it out it my head. It is really bothering me. Should I just call it quits or am I being stupid in this day and age when most people in my age box have children? please help I need some advice.
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I did it. I married him, too. It takes a LOT of adjustment, and a lot of "putting others first". You just have to decide if he's worth it, if you want an instant family, and are you up for the challenge. :spinning:
 
I just started seeing a guy that's 38 and divorced w/ a child. IT's sort of strange for me but he's sweet, nice and a gentleman...there aren't too many of his type out there so I"m giving him a chance. :yep: We'll see how it goes. Right now, I don't know too much about his relationship w/ his ex and how they are.
 
I did.

My ex was divorced with a 13 year old daugher when we started going out.

It was fine, no drama- probably because she was old enough to maintain her relationship with her father without her mother being too involved.

But I probably wouldn't do it again. I don't know if I'll be that lucky next time around.

And there definitely was a kind of "been there, done that" mentality on his part. He wanted (and still wants) more kids, but he's not necessarily a fan of marriage.
 
Cinda2503 said:
I am 27, single, never been married, and no children. I met a man who is 32 divorced and has a 5 year old little boy. I always told myself I wouldn't get involved with a man with children until I was at least 30. The problem is this man is so everything. He is funny, cute, nice, sexy, etc.... I am trying to get over him having a child but I can't work it out it my head. It is really bothering me. Should I just call it quits or am I being stupid in this day and age when most people in my age box have children? please help I need some advice.
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I have been in your boat before and I kinda have the same idea that it is rare that a man over 30 may not have been married and have a child..

I just want to make sure that he is taking care of that child and the type of relationship he has with that childs bother.. I used to be like I am not dating you if you have a kid or are married but I think I may have missed out on a few really nice guys because of this.. I say go for it..
 
i was more willing to date a man with kids (divorced or not) before i had a child of my own... now i wouldn't.

my only advice to you is, build the relationship with the man, not his child. cuz if you get close to that kid and then you and the man don't work out... you're messing with that KID'S emotions. not cool. :perplexed see how you and the guy are gonna work out. and if you know you can't deal with kids, well, this would be a good time to find the exit.
 
I would...but I would prefer him not to. I find that as Im getting older what I wasnt feeling then doesnt bother me so much now. Plus I have to be realistic. For one I tend to like older men 10-15 years older than i do, For two the odds of a man not having a child significantly decreases as I get older. If I am a not married by the age of 35 and expect a man 5-10 years older than I am not to have children is...well thats unrealistic....again not impossible but unrealistic.
 
andrea said:
I have been in your boat before and I kinda have the same idea that it is rare that a man over 30 may not have been married and have a child..

I just want to make sure that he is taking care of that child and the type of relationship he has with that childs bother.. I used to be like I am not dating you if you have a kid or are married but I think I may have missed out on a few really nice guys because of this.. I say go for it..
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I used to not want to date a man with ex wife and kids baggage, but as I got older I realized the above. I opened my mind to it and it was for the best.
 
Strange as it may seem, dating a divorced guy with children wouldn't be a big deal at all for me since I am 100% sure he won't be getting any (children) from me! I don't mind a "ready made" family and would embrace his children as my own.

My only restrictions would be that the child is beyond a certain age so that there is no emotional baggage still attached with the Mr. and the mom and also need to make sure how many he has b/c that means if he has an entire brood of them, if we decide to make a life together, a huge chunk of our finances will be going to child support:sad: (just being real). As far as being divorced, that part really doesn't bother me either b/c in a strange kind of way, a person that has been married before (however unsuccessful he was at it) at least has an idea of what marriage is like and doesn't just have the fantasy of wanting to be married and no clue what it's all about.

So to answer your question, whether he has children really wouldn't be an issue; HOW MANY he has would be a bigger issue.
 
Cinda2503 said:
I am 27, single, never been married, and no children. I met a man who is 32 divorced and has a 5 year old little boy. I always told myself I wouldn't get involved with a man with children until I was at least 30. The problem is this man is so everything. He is funny, cute, nice, sexy, etc.... I am trying to get over him having a child but I can't work it out it my head. It is really bothering me. Should I just call it quits or am I being stupid in this day and age when most people in my age box have children? please help I need some advice.
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There's your answer. To have a successful long-term committed relationship, especially if you looking to get married, you need to love and enjoy his child. You can't just "get over" a child or put it in the back of your mind. I don't think there is anything wrong with not being ready for that.
 
MuseofTroy said:
Gosh since I've never been married nor do I have children, I want a fresh start. The last thing I want to be bothered with is a baby momma or ex wife when it comes to my household.
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That would be my biggest concern. Maybe I watch too much tv, but it seems like men try to look for the craziest woman they can find & then have a baby with them.
 
Much2much41 said:
It would depend on his relationship w/the child and the mother. If he is having any sort of drama with her, it's a dealbreaker, if he is so wrapped up in his child that the child can do no wrong, it's a dealbreaker, and if he can't understand that I would come first as a wife, it's a dealbreaker. He would have to be very balanced in how he treats me and the child, or I wouldn't be able to do it.
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I completely agree with this. My first reaction was to say no because that's always my reaction to men with children but if he were really willing to put in the work to cultivate OUR relationship, then I *might* consider it.

That is under almost perfect circumstances though. Most likely my final answer would still be no.:nono:
 
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