Worried

[LivingDol1]

Hi ladies,

My boyfriend just called me. He's flying back to the city tonight. He's been in his hometown or Portland for the last week. We were just catching up on how our weekends went. He told me that he met one of the directors at his job who heard his story. Before my boyfriend and I started dating, he took his current job b/c they have an office in Portland. He said that he'd eventually want to move back at some point. He's been delaying the process because 1) we are dating and serious about our relationship and 2)he just moved into a new apt and 3) he wants to gain more skills on the job here.

He told me that they said it would be good to have him in Portland so if he was ready, he could transfer whenever. But my boyfriend sort of brushed it off.

Immediately I got worried. I don't think I can handle long distance. We've talked about me moving there with him eventually should he decide to make the move... We'd have to be married.

I don't know if I should bring up my worry when I see him in person tomorrow... Or just leave it alone? He's never been solid about a deadline to move. Maybe 2 years? The last time we talked about it, he said maybe its not Portland. Maybe we move to a different city. Ugh, I feel like I'm jumping to conclusions.

Thoughts?

 

[crlsweetie912]

Hi ladies,

My boyfriend just called me. He's flying back to the city tonight. He's been in his hometown or Portland for the last week. We were just catching up on how our weekends went. He told me that he met one of the directors at his job who heard his story. Before my boyfriend and I started dating, he took his current job b/c they have an office in Portland. He said that he'd eventually want to move back at some point. He's been delaying the process because 1) we are dating and serious about our relationship and 2)he just moved into a new apt and 3) he wants to gain more skills on the job here.

He told me that they said it would be good to have him in Portland so if he was ready, he could transfer whenever. But my boyfriend sort of brushed it off.

Immediately I got worried. I don't think I can handle long distance. We've talked about me moving there with him eventually should he decide to make the move... We'd have to be married.

I don't know if I should bring up my worry when I see him in person tomorrow... Or just leave it alone? He's never been solid about a deadline to move. Maybe 2 years? The last time we talked about it, he said maybe its not Portland. Maybe we move to a different city. Ugh, I feel like I'm jumping to conclusions.

Thoughts?

I would bring up the subject of Portland and see where he's at. Then if you have to go deeper into specifics. Maybe he already talked with his superiors about needing time where he is. Maybe there's a window that he has to be back by and he has a plan. Just don't worry and jump to conclusions until you have all the information.

 

[LivingDol1]

I would bring up the subject of Portland and see where he's at. Then if you have to go deeper into specifics. Maybe he already talked with his superiors about needing time where he is. Maybe there's a window that he has to be back by and he has a plan. Just don't worry and jump to conclusions until you have all the information.

Thanks. I can say for certain that he doesn't have a hard deadline. I think for him, he wants to feel confident and settled before considering it. He says that sometimes he doesn't feel like an adult. He also worries about job security. The office out there is tiny compared to the one here. But his best friends live there with their wives and his entire family is there... I know, it's a possibility.... But it's just a possibility.

 

[hopeful]

Sorry you are worried. I honestly don't have any suggestions on what to do. But I wanted you to know that I understand how you feel and hope this works out in a positive way and that it gets resolved sooner than later so that you don't have to worry too long.

 

[TeddyBear]

The only advice I have for you, is don't relocate to a new city and make him a priority unless he is willing to marry you first and make you a priority in his life.
Ask him about the move, but in a neutral manner.

 

[LivingDol1]

The only advice I have for you, is don't relocate to a new city and make him a priority unless he is willing to marry you first and make you a priority in his life.
Ask him about the move, but in a neutral manner.

Thanks. We got that part out of the way early in our relationship. We are on the same page about being married first before even living together.

I talked with my dad about it. He thinks I need to stop over thinking b/c my SO doesn't seem like the type to make big decisions too quickly.... But I should keep an open dialogue with my SO about it.

I'm not ready to move. I don't even have a driver's license!

 

[TeddyBear]

LivingDol1, sometimes in life, changes are good, see changes as "opportunities" to grow & succeed with your partner and don't think negative about a move as a married couple.

I agree with your dad, stop overly thinking and go with the flow, and remain neutral for the moment.

 

[Briabiggles]

You don't need a drivers license in Portland.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[TeddyBear]

LivingDol1, are you feeling better? I hope you are much feeling better. Everything will work out, don't worry too much.

 

[LivingDol1]

LivingDol1, are you feeling better? I hope you are much feeling better. Everything will work out, don't worry too much.

Hi! Yes, I'm feeling better. My SO and I talked more about it and things are good. He's in no rush to move back to OR.... Main reasons being our relationship and the need to be married before moving. He also wants to build a home for himself,(he just got an apt) and get settled in his job here before wanting to go anywhere.

So, that made me feel better and confirms that he really is serious about us having a future.