I'm lost & need advice. Please Help!

[CandiceC]

there is somewhat of a rush because my boyfriend really wants me to move in. But now i have pretty much decided its best if i stay home. I plan on sitting down & talking to him tommorrow about my decision

Him really wanting you to move in isn't a rush. He doesn't have any choice but to wait for you to be ready! He'll have to develop some patience regarding this.

I'm glad you decided to stay home. If he's truly there for you and the baby as he says he is, you can always make another decision later.

 

[hopeful]

If your boyfriend is trying and is a good man to you, I think you should try to keep your family in tact. Only you can decide whether you want to move in with him or not. I don't agree with the message your family member is sending: Get pregnant by a supposed loser, and then go find a better man to take care of you and the other man's baby.

ITA. That is a bad and dangerous message.

 

[anon123]

Of course none of us can decide for you. But you're already pregnant with his child, he wants you to be with him and you want to move in with him, so I really don't know what the problem is. What, specifically, do you lose by moving in with him? Given the limited information we have, if it were me, I would move in with him. It sounds like something both of you want and it gives your child the benefit of living in the same home as his or her father.

 

[qchelle]

If I was in that situation, given everything you've told us about him, I would move in with him.

Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck with whatever you decide! Maybe keep us updated?

Sent from my WX445 using WX445

 

[ashleymichelle1]

Of course none of us can decide for you. But you're already pregnant with his child, he wants you to be with him and you want to move in with him, so I really don't know what the problem is. What, specifically, do you lose by moving in with him? Given the limited information we have, if it were me, I would move in with him. It sounds like something both of you want and it gives your child the benefit of living in the same home as his or her father.

The issue w/ me moving in w/ him is the fact we don't have a ton of money and will be living off one income until I find a job.. I feel like we would be in over our heads...

 

[ashleymichelle1]

So I talked to my bf last night about the move in situation. I told him how I felt and how I felt it was best to hold off on the move for a while...he was pretty upset. He kept saying how he wanted to be w/ me & the baby everyday and he will feel like a "visitor" having to come over my moms and visit w/ us. I also told him me and the baby can stay at his apartment sometimes on the weekend so we can feel more like a family and he wont feel like a visitor. Hes not happy about the situation but he understands how it will be the best thing for now..

 

[ThickHair]

So I talked to my bf last night about the move in situation. I told him how I felt and how I felt it was best to hold off on the move for a while...he was pretty upset. He kept saying how he wanted to be w/ me & the baby everyday and he will feel like a "visitor" having to come over my moms and visit w/ us. I also told him me and the baby can stay at his apartment sometimes on the weekend so we can feel more like a family and he wont feel like a visitor. Hes not happy about the situation but he understands how it will be the best thing for now..

Be careful weekend visits can turn into week long visits. That is how a lot of people end up moving in together.

 

[Pamsc]

I just want to tell you my story sweetheart....get out of it what you may. I really do hope it helps you though.

I was 19yrs living at home with my mother and knee deep into my Sophomore year of college. I found out the day I went to get my birth control pills I was pregnant. Like you, I didn't know what to do, but 2 things were for sure. 1. I was keeping my baby and2. I was finishing college(which I did Halleulah thank you Jesus!!!) My boyfriend was working a minimum wage job and living with his sister. He was 21. Once I told him I was pregnant, he immediately stepped his game up. It motivated him to want to do better. He found another job paying double what he was making and went back to school. We also moved in together when our son was 10days old. Our priority at that time was providing a stable loving enviroment for our son. We worked hard, and studied hard. Move forward a few years later, we got married and remain together and happy today. I have been with him for over 13yrs! We still only have one son, but that's all we wanted.

My point is, things looked bleak in the begining, but you have to trust the person YOU are. We don't know your boyfriend, so only you can attest to his character. People were saying all kinds of things about my now Husband, (his living with his sister, making little money ect)but I knew in my Heart(like most women do) that I had a good hard working brother. Yes, there were hiccups along the way, but nothing God couldn't help us get over.

Take inventory honey, if this is someone you love and he is a decent man, do what's right for you and the baby. Like someone said, you don't want to be somebody's baby momma. Also, don't worry about not having had time to live on your own...you never will now...even if you don't move in with your bf...you are a mother and roomate situations just don't have that sorority house excitement once you become a parent.

Good luck and God Bless.

 

[imaccami]

I don't understand why only having one income would be a reason not to move in with him. You only have one income whether you live with him or live with your mom. Is your mom threatening not to help you if you move out?

Based on what you've said, I would move in with him. He wants to be around you and the baby, and you say you love him and he loves you. So, I would do it, if it doesn't work out, move back in with mom. That's where she wants you anyway.

 

[carcajada]

So are you saying you believe a couple should marry first?

Yes. Yes. Yes! It would have saved dh and I a year of avoidable stress.

Eta: I strongly disagree with everyone encouraging you move in with him. The last thing you need is relationship stress on top of a new baby on top of financial stress that will ultimately take a toll on your relationship (and a bad environment for baby).

We never had financial stress when we shacked and it was still hard. I didn't work either. Just the emotional toll it takes alone was enough. I have a newborn now and couldn't imagine going through motherhood with a shacking set up. That's just me. Good luck op!

 

[ashleymichelle1]

I just want to tell you my story sweetheart....get out of it what you may. I really do hope it helps you though.

I was 19yrs living at home with my mother and knee deep into my Sophomore year of college. I found out the day I went to get my birth control pills I was pregnant. Like you, I didn't know what to do, but 2 things were for sure. 1. I was keeping my baby and2. I was finishing college(which I did Halleulah thank you Jesus!!!) My boyfriend was working a minimum wage job and living with his sister. He was 21. Once I told him I was pregnant, he immediately stepped his game up. It motivated him to want to do better. He found another job paying double what he was making and went back to school. We also moved in together when our son was 10days old. Our priority at that time was providing a stable loving enviroment for our son. We worked hard, and studied hard. Move forward a few years later, we got married and remain together and happy today. I have been with him for over 13yrs! We still only have one son, but that's all we wanted.

My point is, things looked bleak in the begining, but you have to trust the person YOU are. We don't know your boyfriend, so only you can attest to his character. People were saying all kinds of things about my now Husband, (his living with his sister, making little money ect)but I knew in my Heart(like most women do) that I had a good hard working brother. Yes, there were hiccups along the way, but nothing God couldn't help us get over.

Take inventory honey, if this is someone you love and he is a decent man, do what's right for you and the baby. Like someone said, you don't want to be somebody's baby momma. Also, don't worry about not having had time to live on your own...you never will now...even if you don't move in with your bf...you are a mother and roomate situations just don't have that sorority house excitement once you become a parent.

Good luck and God Bless.

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's great to know that a struggling young couple really can make it and build their life together. I feel much more optimistic after hearing your story..

 

[ashleymichelle1]

I don't understand why only having one income would be a reason not to move in with him. You only have one income whether you live with him or live with your mom. Is your mom threatening not to help you if you move out?

Based on what you've said, I would move in with him. He wants to be around you and the baby, and you say you love him and he loves you. So, I would do it, if it doesn't work out, move back in with mom. That's where she wants you anyway.

My mother said that if I move in w/ him I will be his full responsibility & she won't really help me out. But this is also the same woman who when I told her I was pregnant got extremely angry and told me I had to move out of her house immediately but 2 days later showed up at home w/ a brand new baby crib and newborn clothes. Lol

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I worry that if you stay with your mom, she or your other family members will interfere with your bfs interaction with the baby. If he is a good man and wants to be a good father, it will be that much harder for him to develop a bond with your child when you all aren't living together. And on top of that your family doesn't care for him. I think it will be easy for them to try to push him away.

On the other hand I'm one who doesn't believe in shacking either. You could go to the courthouse and get married and try to do right by your baby, but I hate to encourage anyone to get married just because you're pregnant. And I don't know you well enough to know if you two are mature enough to handle that.

All that to say none of us online can really give you sound advice without knowing you and your bf. Your parents may be right. Either way you have a lot to think about and I wish you the best.
Sent from my HTC Evo

 

[Simply_elle]

Alright lady...

I got pregnant at 19... I really really wasn't into the "unwed mom at home" scenario, So I planned to move out. I figured my mom knew I was up to something..Sat me down and explained that it sucks however, It's not about me anymore...And it was my job now to give this little person my absolute best.

I was advised to stay at home, I had crazy help raising my daughter...

However.

I was to find gainful employment
Finish college
...And essentially become super mommy

I know some may scoff and say I had it easy, whatever. Dealing with the family takes great strength and patience!!! So many times I wanted to "move out" but I knew that her quality of life wasn't possible on our own. I've grown so much in these years and my daughter has blossomed into a respectful amazing little girl. To sum it up...

Your mom/family may provide a WAY bigger support net than you and you DBF can do alone, they have raised babies and dealt with life's blows, they know how hard it is...at 20 my DD's dad had NO clue..even though he had the best intentions...My mom understood my tears of frustration and could help me constructively. Also mom and dad were working with a bit more money than I was so...that helps.

6 years later mama has her nursing degree..working on her masters...(I still live at home but we're happy here ) NO WAY I would've made it on my own...OR with my bf. Financial problems have a way of pigeon holing you in a rut..dead end jobs, money issues ect. ALL of my "own their own" peers (with babies) haven't finished school, had more kids..I'm guessing live in peen is tempting?, and are not really bettering themselves. *shrug*


Go to school raise that baby, and let grandma help as MUCH as she likes...For she is your "definite" and I'm sure you and DBF are in lurve but shacking up ain't the business from what I've seen.

BTW: Initally My mom was pissed too, and not only does my DD look just like her(old wives tale), they are inseparable and the she's best grandmother I could EVER ask for


ETA: I'm getting some self doubt here...If YOU aren't ready to be a live in mommy/GF then don't do it!!! Get mommy together, and get where your comfortable with yourself and what you bring to the table. Then go for the happily ever after. My biggest confidence is knowing that I can hold my own, whenever...however. You deserve that