Why Some Women Aren't Wife Material

I don't buy into this anymore. There are so many different types of women who get married. From the conservative church mouse to the ho'd-up video vixen. There really isn't a mold. It's a matter of two people finding one another, discovering compatibility whilst having the desire to start a family.
 
recent celebrity example that comes to mind is Pippa Middleton. With her long, luscious hair and legs to die for, Pippa is one of the most eligible women on the planet. The sister-in-law to the future King of England possesses an undeniable sex appeal, not to mention perhaps the most lusted-after derriere in the world.
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I wanna freaking hurl. :ohwell:
 
What about the stippers that get married? Anyone can be a wife if she wants the man to be her husband and he wants her to be his wife.
 
Sorry I don't have the quote, but another interesting point was that men who are serial co-habiters marry slower than those who've never co-habited, or for whom this partner is the first they've lived with.

Basically, men who have played house with several partners get used to it that and don't feel pressed to move to the next step. If you're his first, you have better chances of getting married.
 
SweetNic_JA said:
I don't buy into this anymore. There are so many different types of women who get married. From the conservative church mouse to the ho'd-up video vixen. There really isn't a mold. It's a matter of two people finding one another, discovering compatibility whilst having the desire to start a family.
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This 100%
I also feel this topic is very obsessive for some people I've encountered and I just don't see the big deal.
 
The only thing I took away from the article is another reason not to live with a man I'm not married to. All kinds of women get married.
 
I do feel like some of the stuff here is kinda true to my life though.

Like I attract sooooo many guys, but I have some problems inspiring them to commit. I thought it was just due to where the guys were in life at the time, but that whole fun, sexy party girl is a big part of my image. I'm not ashamed of it, that's just the stage I am in life/maturity. .:shrug:.

I def have other qualities, I just think I need to do a better job of relaying other aspects of my personality to the guys I date.
 
For me I took away that woman should start looking for a husband at 28. I have always thought that, and recently ran into a gentleman that insist marringin the your late 20s earlier thrities was a total mistake. I have to co sign the the living together. I don't play house.
 
Any woman that wants to be married can get married. I do agree with what the article says about not letting your relationship just float along with no clear goal in sight. I've seen lots of women let their prime years go right down the drain because they didn't speak up and make their intentions clear early on.
 
Interesting comment:

"Heard years ago that men rarely marry the woman they truly love because they can't handle all the emotions it brings. Can't agree more! I have heard this too. And it explain why so many men end up with someone who looks/behaves like a flatmate rather than a lover. Whatever went on between Pippa and Alex they obviously weren't right for each other so let's move on!"

The article makes it seem that women are just standing there waiting for it. I'd think that, if a relationship failed, it was from both hands, not just the "unmarriage material" likeness of the woman.
 
Guitarhero said:
Interesting comment:

"Heard years ago that men rarely marry the woman they truly love because they can't handle all the emotions it brings. Can't agree more! I have heard this too. And it explain why so many men end up with someone who looks/behaves like a flatmate rather than a lover. Whatever went on between Pippa and Alex they obviously weren't right for each other so let's move on!"

The article makes it seem that women are just standing there waiting for it. I'd think that, if a relationship failed, it was from both hands, not just the "unmarriage material" likeness of the woman.
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Wow. That's kind of sad actually. They're settling because they don't want to put themselves out there. Seems sort of cowardly
 
Theo said:
I do feel like some of the stuff here is kinda true to my life though.

Like I attract sooooo many guys, but I have some problems inspiring them to commit. I thought it was just due to where the guys were in life at the time, but that whole fun, sexy party girl is a big part of my image. I'm not ashamed of it, that's just the stage I am in life/maturity. .:shrug:.

I def have other qualities, I just think I need to do a better job of relaying other aspects of my personality to the guys I date.
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Theo

I call it the Concubine Curse, i.e., a woman who is delightful and fascinating and men see her as a fun, light thing that they can play and flirt with, but not marry or commit to, because it'll ruin the fantasy and escapism. At some point you'll have to figure out if playing muse is good enough for you. The author made some good points in this section.

There’s another good reason why men eschew sexiness in favour of other qualities when they look for a wife...Men are attracted to qualities such as loyalty, discretion and kindness when they look for a wife. Feisty and flirty is fine for a girlfriend. It’s just not what men want in life partners.
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This past year I've seen many of my male friends - serious catches - marry the most uninspiring Molly's, i.e, regular, basic, sweet and approvingly presentable women who have very little verve, glint, or originality. I'm starting to believe that men actually really do prefer these types of women as wives.
 
LaBelle Africaine29 said:
Theo

I call it the Concubine Curse, i.e., a woman who is delightful and fascinating and men see her as a fun, light thing that they can play and flirt with, but not marry or commit to, because it'll ruin the fantasy and escapism. At some point you'll have to figure out if playing muse is good enough for you. The author made some good points in this section.

This past year I've seen many of my male friends - serious catches - marry the most uninspiring Molly's, i.e, regular, basic, sweet and approvingly presentable women who have very little verve, glint, or originality. I'm starting to believe that men actually really do prefer these types of women as wives.
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I think this is apart of the male ego. Female sexuality is portrayed as a bad thing or as a thing to be feared in our society. We see this fear exhibited by both men and women
Men are afraid to get cheated on or hurt by such a woman so they go for something "safe"

All ego. Not saying anything is wrong with plain women, if that's who you are. I just don't believe anyone should change themselves to become like this
 
SweetNic_JA said:
I don't buy into this anymore. There are so many different types of women who get married. From the conservative church mouse to the ho'd-up video vixen. There really isn't a mold. It's a matter of two people finding one another, discovering compatibility whilst having the desire to start a family.
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Thank you! I was starting to feed into this but then I read a simple quote that put it all in perspective for me: there is nothing you can do to make a man love you, the man who will love you will do so whether you have spinach stuck between your teeth or a skirt riding up after you leave the bathroom. Hey, I said it was simple:).
 
LaBelle Africaine29 said:
Theo

I call it the Concubine Curse, i.e., a woman who is delightful and fascinating and men see her as a fun, light thing that they can play and flirt with, but not marry or commit to, because it'll ruin the fantasy and escapism. At some point you'll have to figure out if playing muse is good enough for you. The author made some good points in this section.

This past year I've seen many of my male friends - serious catches - marry the most uninspiring Molly's, i.e, regular, basic, sweet and approvingly presentable women who have very little verve, glint, or originality. I'm starting to believe that men actually really do prefer these types of women as wives.
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Its not just you my brother and his friends had this same exact talk last night. Hell it was like you were in the room with them because your whole post is exactly how they and alot of others guys felt. I guess like another poster said ego is involved but for a different reason than I thought. When they were having the convo yesterday it was more of they didn't want to have children with women where the children/themselves can get teased about being with known play things :lol: I think that's most guys nightmare right there.
 
intergalacticartist said:
I think this is apart of the male ego. Female sexuality is portrayed as a bad thing or as a thing to be feared in our society. We see this fear exhibited by both men and women
Men are afraid to get cheated on or hurt by such a woman so they go for something "safe"

All ego. Not saying anything is wrong with plain women, if that's who you are. I just don't believe anyone should change themselves to become like this
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Yes and no. Anyway, I think women who are unhappy (because not all are) about being plagued by the Concubine Curse need to reevaluate a ton of things, and then find the perfect balance if they are to evolve into a different sphere in their lives.
 
I agree with LaBelle, it does depend where a women is in her life. For the most part, I've been pretty happy with my dating life. I've also been on both side of the equation, I used to be quite the homebody.

Now I'm a lot more outgoing, have seen and done a lot more, and showcase more aspects of my personality, and the types of guys I attract has changed. I wouldn't say I'm a concubine :lol:, but I am a girl that attracts a lot of attention, guys have lots of fun with, the one female friend that makes the girlfriends uncomfortable, the girl who guys come to to complain about their relationship. It is what it is. I'm not necessarily unhappy about it, actually it's been fun and I learned a lot, but I'm ready for something different now.

I am a little troubled by the idea that just cuz a girl is fun, means that she's loose. Unfortunately, now that I think about it, it may explain some things :lol:. I'm actually more conservative than most, but guys have tried so many ridiculous things with me its comical. I have stories for days :lol:
 
Flawless_JYM said:
Its not just you my brother and his friends had this same exact talk last night. Hell it was like you were in the room with them because your whole post is exactly how they and alot of others guys felt. I guess like another poster said ego is involved but for a different reason than I thought. When they were having the convo yesterday it was more of they didn't want to have children with women where the children/themselves can get teased about being with known play things :lol: I think that's most guys nightmare right there.
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This is such crap though! Do men get teased about being "play things"?

Why must women be shamed out of their sexuality?
 
intergalacticartist said:
This is such crap though! Do men get teased about being "play things"?

Why must women be shamed out of their sexuality?
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I don't think it's crap to men and of course men don't get teased for being "play things". I don't feel women are being shamed out of their sexuality. If general you are comfortable being that type a chick you aren't even worried about that stigma. I just know a nice amount of black guys(can't speak on other races regarding this) aren't going to want to wife you if you are known as a "play thing". To me it's no different than peoples dating preferences. It is what it is some things benefit you some don't regarding relationships and what's expected. No one of us is going to change it so we might as well get down with rules of the current game until they change. That's how I feel about it.
 
Flawless_JYM said:
I don't think it's crap to men and of course men don't get teased for being "play things". I don't feel women are being shamed out of their sexuality. If general you are comfortable being that type a chick you aren't even worried about that stigma. I just know a nice amount of black guys(can't speak on other races regarding this) aren't going to want to wife you if you are known as a "play thing". To me it's no different than peoples dating preferences. It is what it is some things benefit you some don't regarding relationships and what's expected. No one of us is going to change it so we might as well get down with rules of the current game until they change. That's how I feel about it.
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OK but why don't men get stigmatized when it's basically the same thing they are doing, or even worse?

What if people don't like "the game"?
But how does "the game" change if no one ever challenges it?

What if people don't want to play games and define their own destiny?

If no one ever challenged anything there would still be Jim Crow laws, lynching, and women still wouldn't be allowed to vote

All I'm saying is that it's very easy to go by the status quo. It's takes courage to live life the way you want to without trying to please others

There have been SOOOO many women who are ashamed of their bodies and have never even had an orgasm before because they think sex is something that is only for men. Many girlfriends and wives are being treated as live blow up dolls

If someone is very conservative because that is who they are, that is fine. If you are just doing something because you are scared to break away from is quite boring to me, honestly.

It's almost like settling. Why not live the way you want and not settle? Also, I believe this repression is so institutionalized people don't even realize it
 
Wait. What is going on here? Detour. :lol:. I'm the one who brought up "concubine" curse and I'm not even sexually active. What I'm mainly describing is a type of trope of a woman who plays a certain role in man's life - to fascinate and to entertain...doesn't really have to involve sex at all.
Theo. I'm cosigning like a Founding Father.

I am a girl that attracts a lot of attention, guys have lots of fun with, the one female friend that makes the girlfriends uncomfortable, the girl who guys come to to complain about their relationship. It is what it is. I'm not necessarily unhappy about it, actually it's been fun and I learned a lot, but I'm ready for something different now.
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intergalacticartist said:
OK but why don't men get stigmatized when it's basically the same thing they are doing, or even worse?

What if people don't like "the game"?
But how does "the game" change if no one ever challenges it?

What if people don't want to play games and define their own destiny?

If no one ever challenged anything there would still be Jim Crow laws, lynching, and women still wouldn't be allowed to vote

All I'm saying is that it's very easy to go by the status quo. It's takes courage to live life the way you want to without trying to please others

There have been SOOOO many women who are ashamed of their bodies and have never even had an orgasm before because they think sex is something that is only for men. Many girlfriends and wives are being treated as live blow up dolls

If someone is very conservative because that is who they are, that is fine. If you are just doing something because you are scared to break away from is quite boring to me, honestly.

It's almost like settling. Why not live the way you want and not settle? Also, I believe this repression is so institutionalized people don't even realize it
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I agree with what your saying but change in the relationship realm will never come until both genders get rid of gender roles and expectations. I don't know you but I'm pretty sure you aren't going this hard for double standards that benefit you. If I'm wrong I'll gladly admit so. This to me is the problem both genders want change but often times only for the stuff that don't benefit them and it rarely works because the other group is like *** with that bogus deal.
 
Flawless_JYM said:
I agree with what your saying but change in the relationship realm will never come until both genders get rid of gender roles and expectations. I don't know you but I'm pretty sure you aren't going this hard for double standards that benefit you. If I'm wrong I'll gladly admit so. This to me is the problem both genders want change but often times only for the stuff that don't benefit them and it rarely works because the other group is like *** with that bogus deal.
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To me that doesn't even qualify under gender roles. IMO gender roles are like women cook, clean, rear children while men provide and fix things.
I also believe that many people don't fit into neat little boxes of "traditional" or "modern" roles. I don't think it's that black and white. What if a person likes some things from traditional roles but some from modern roles?
I think people need to talk to their mates and figure out what works for them.
I'm just challenging you to think of things in a different way


You give a great debate Flawless_JYM
 
intergalacticartist said:
To me that doesn't even qualify under gender roles. IMO gender roles are like women cook, clean, rear children while men provide and fix things.
I also believe that many people don't fit into neat little boxes of "traditional" or "modern" roles. I don't think it's that black and white. What if a person likes some things from traditional roles but some from modern roles?
I think people need to talk to their mates and figure out what works for them.
I'm just challenging you to think of things in a different way


You give a great debate Flawless_JYM
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I agree 1000% with this and it is nice to have a discussion where you can have differing opinions and keep it civil. Peace.
 
LaBelle Africaine29 said:
I call it the Concubine Curse, i.e., a woman who is delightful and fascinating and men see her as a fun, light thing that they can play and flirt with, but not marry or commit to, because it'll ruin the fantasy and escapism. At some point you'll have to figure out if playing muse is good enough for you. The author made some good points in this section.
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LaBelle Africaine29, SUCH a good name for it! :lol: That was me, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I was empowered by my sexuality so, while I was nobody's 'play thing' or literal concubine, analogies definitely could have been made... and I would have :giggle: and kim. If I had continued on that path, I'd probably be a kept woman by now. For me, though, it started to feel empty. I went through a(n admittedly short) time of self-reflection. When I came out, I stumbled upon a guy who didn't care about my storied past. We met in college, so he knew several of the guys quite well and didn't give a dang. I chose him, out of many, many, many :look: possibilities and he's proud to have won me.

Like you said, some women are 'cursed' to be happy, light, joyful, beautiful in their fashion. I realize now that some men don't *need* that in a wife. Some men contain those qualities within themselves and those are the ones who will enjoy you, play with you, and marry a woman nothing like you, 'saturnine', if you will. Because those types of men require a structure, a 'real world' aspect that you can't provide for them. Otoh, a more 'saturnine' man may find your charms immensely appealing, as I found with mine. It's about balancing energy, yin and yang. You rarely see a couple where both are considered the 'belle of the ball,' do you? More often, one is the extrovert and one is the introvert- same thing.
 
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