Why men love bishes.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
I haven't read it but I have read many discussions about it on here and from what I've heard, I agree with most of its concepts. But I think the b-word is confusing to some people. Some women think that they can't be a B because they are so sweet and nice. They think people mistreat them because they are so sweet and nice. So there's this choice of being sweet and nice and being mistreated or being a B and getting your way and getting the guy. I personally don't think being sweet and nice has anything to do with anything. If you are being mistreated you are suffering from low self-esteem and care more about other people and their feelings than your own, nothing sweet about that to me. In fact I think it is supremely bishy to allow others to mistreat you because while you aren't being a B to others you are being a B to your own self.
Loving and caring about yourself and your own needs is sweet and kind IMO. Not chasing after men and allowing them to pursue you shows that you believe you are worth pursuing. Not jumping at his every request like a puppy shows you have some dignity. Unfortunately so many want to believe they are nice that they try to make others who don't roll like that feel like they are being a B. The title sells books. It should really be something like Why Men (who have a tendency to be selfish jerks) Love Women Who Love Themselves First and More and Don't Put up with Foolishness
but that's too long and boring.
Loving and caring about yourself and your own needs is sweet and kind IMO. Not chasing after men and allowing them to pursue you shows that you believe you are worth pursuing. Not jumping at his every request like a puppy shows you have some dignity. Unfortunately so many want to believe they are nice that they try to make others who don't roll like that feel like they are being a B. The title sells books. It should really be something like Why Men (who have a tendency to be selfish jerks) Love Women Who Love Themselves First and More and Don't Put up with Foolishness
but that's too long and boring.
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
it's a great book, every woman should read it. I bought a copy for my sister for her birthday.
ETA: Thread hijack alert! Please forgive me
I had a situation lately when I thought of you hopeful and some of your excellent threads that we've had in the past, esp on the merits of women being a bit self-centered. And I got it, men really do respond to women who put themselves first and are a bit demanding.
In this case it was my dad. SO a few years ago, he decided he was out of the birthday business as he put it. So he wasn't buying gifts. Well fine. Well this year, I turned 30. I told him and my mom a few months ago, that I expected a present as it was a milestone bday. Well he tried to say 'well your sister is turning 25 so that's a milestones too and blah blah..'
Me: That's between you two. Just understand, I expect a present.
Him: A few more excuses
Me: That's good and all, but I expect a present.
About a week ago, he brought it up again like 'well maybe I'll let you skip a payment' (he lent me my down payment for my house so I pay them back)
Me: That's not a present, besides my payments are automated and I don't want to have to mess with that.
So on my bday, I got an email from him that said Happy birthday, i didn't for get your gift, love you. And I guess I didn't reply quickly enough because I got a text saying the same thing.
Sooo we'll see what happens (and yes I realize that this is a weird example) but it really made me realize that the concepts we discuss are right. 1) Men really do want to please the women in their lives and 2) it really is ok to demand/expect to be treated well by those that claim to love you.
---Hijack over
ETA: Thread hijack alert! Please forgive me
I had a situation lately when I thought of you hopeful and some of your excellent threads that we've had in the past, esp on the merits of women being a bit self-centered. And I got it, men really do respond to women who put themselves first and are a bit demanding.
In this case it was my dad. SO a few years ago, he decided he was out of the birthday business as he put it. So he wasn't buying gifts. Well fine. Well this year, I turned 30. I told him and my mom a few months ago, that I expected a present as it was a milestone bday. Well he tried to say 'well your sister is turning 25 so that's a milestones too and blah blah..'
Me: That's between you two. Just understand, I expect a present.
Him: A few more excuses
Me: That's good and all, but I expect a present.
About a week ago, he brought it up again like 'well maybe I'll let you skip a payment' (he lent me my down payment for my house so I pay them back)
Me: That's not a present, besides my payments are automated and I don't want to have to mess with that.
So on my bday, I got an email from him that said Happy birthday, i didn't for get your gift, love you. And I guess I didn't reply quickly enough because I got a text saying the same thing.
Sooo we'll see what happens (and yes I realize that this is a weird example) but it really made me realize that the concepts we discuss are right. 1) Men really do want to please the women in their lives and 2) it really is ok to demand/expect to be treated well by those that claim to love you.
---Hijack over
Last edited:
melissa-bee
Well-Known Member
Its a good book. I gave my friend some advice from why men marry *****es and it worked. She was saying I should be a relationship expert even though I told her I read it. I haven't been in a relationship since reading these books but I've had to use these tips against 1 woman who I volunteer for.
cutiebe2
Well-Known Member
I read through the book, I should flip through "Why Men Marry Bs" as well. I am a nice person and always will be. I try to be that fun loving sweet girl. Being a push over is a totally different thing. I make sure to make a strong voice. I will not put a guy before myself especially when 1. the relationship isn't that serious 2.He hasn't done the same for me.
100 Attraction Principles from "Why Men Love B!tches"
1. Anything a person chases in life runs away.
2. The women who have the men climbing the walls for them aren’t always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don’t appear to care too much.
3. A woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge to the degree that a man doesn’t feel he has a 100 percent hold on her.
4. Sometimes a man deliberately won’t call, just to see how you’ll respond.
5. If you start out dependent, it turns him off. But if it is something he can’t have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it.
6. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.
7. Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer.
8. The biggest variable between a ***** and a woman who is too nice is fear. The ***** shows that she’s not afraid to be without him.
9. If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the ***** will prioritize her dignity above all else.
10. When a woman doesn’t give in easily and doesn’t appear docile or submissive, it becomes more stimulating to obtain her.
11. Being right on the verge of getting something generates a desire that has to be satisfied.
12. A man knows which woman will give in to last-minute requests.
13. Whether you have terms and conditions indicates whether you have options. Almost immediately, you present yourself as a doormat or a dreamgirl.
14. If you smother him, he’ll go into defense mode and look for an escape route to protect his freedom.
15. Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he’ll resent it. Let him give what he wants to give freely; then observe who he is.
16. A ***** gives a man plenty of space so he doesn’t fear being trapped in a cage. Then..he sets out to trap her in his.
17. If you tell him you are not interested in jumping into a relationship with both feet, he will set out to try to change your mind.
18. Always give the appearance that he has plenty of space. It gets him to drop his guard.
19. More than anything else, he watches to see if you’ll be too emotionally dependent on him.
20. He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner.
21. If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her as more beautiful, he’ll also take him time to appreciate who she is.
22. Sex and the “spark” are not one and the same.
23. Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t.
24. Every man wants to have sex first; whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, you become his girlfriend without him realizing it.
25. A man intuitively senses whether sexuality comes from a place of security or from a place of neediness. He knows when a woman is having sex to appease him.
26. Bad habits are easier to form than good ones, because good habits require conscious effort. Waiting encourages this effort.
27. If you pull the sexual plug at the last minute, he’ll label you a tease.
28. If he makes you feel insecure, let your insecurity be your guide.
29. A quality guy fantasizes about a woman who genuinely loves sex.
30. Any time a woman competes with another woman, she demeans herself.
31. When there is that undeniable “spark,” there is only one key to the lock.
32. Let him think he’s in control. He’ll automatically start doing things you want done because he’ll always want to look like “a king” in your eyes.
33. When you cater to his ego in a soft way, he doesn’t try to get power in an aggressive way.
34. When you appear softer and more feminine, you appeal to his instinct to protect. When you appear more aggressive, you appeal to his instinct to compete.
35. He’ll let a woman who becomes his doormat pay for dinner on the first couple of dates, but he wouldn’t think of it with his dreamgirl.
36. The token power position is for public display, but the true power position is for private viewing only. And this is the only one that matters.
37. If you give him a feeling of power, he’ll want to protect you and he’ll want to give you the world.
38. When a woman acts as though she’s capable of everything, she gets stuck doing everything.
39. Men don’t respond to words. They respond to no contact.
40. Talking about the “relationship” too much takes away the element of the “unknown” and thus the mystery.
41. Men respect women who communicate in a succinct way, because it’s the language men use to talk to one another.
42. When you are always HAPPY; And he is always free to GO; he feels LUCKY.
43. If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.
44. Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves.
45. A woman looks more secure in a man’s eyes when he can’t pull her away from her life, because she is content with her life.
46. The second a woman works overtime to make herself fit his criteria, she has lowered the standard of that relationship.
47. You jump through hoops any time you repeatedly make it very obvious you’re giving your “all.”
48. You have to keep from being sucked down into quicksand. Unless you maintain control over yourself, the relationship is doomed.
49. Jumping through hoops often has a negative outcome: He sees it as an opportunity to have his cake and eat it, too. But when you stay just outside his reach, he’ll stay on his best behavior.
50. The nice girl gives away too much of herself when pleasing him regularly becomes more important than pleasing herself.
1. Anything a person chases in life runs away.
2. The women who have the men climbing the walls for them aren’t always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don’t appear to care too much.
3. A woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge to the degree that a man doesn’t feel he has a 100 percent hold on her.
4. Sometimes a man deliberately won’t call, just to see how you’ll respond.
5. If you start out dependent, it turns him off. But if it is something he can’t have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it.
6. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.
7. Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer.
8. The biggest variable between a ***** and a woman who is too nice is fear. The ***** shows that she’s not afraid to be without him.
9. If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the ***** will prioritize her dignity above all else.
10. When a woman doesn’t give in easily and doesn’t appear docile or submissive, it becomes more stimulating to obtain her.
11. Being right on the verge of getting something generates a desire that has to be satisfied.
12. A man knows which woman will give in to last-minute requests.
13. Whether you have terms and conditions indicates whether you have options. Almost immediately, you present yourself as a doormat or a dreamgirl.
14. If you smother him, he’ll go into defense mode and look for an escape route to protect his freedom.
15. Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he’ll resent it. Let him give what he wants to give freely; then observe who he is.
16. A ***** gives a man plenty of space so he doesn’t fear being trapped in a cage. Then..he sets out to trap her in his.
17. If you tell him you are not interested in jumping into a relationship with both feet, he will set out to try to change your mind.
18. Always give the appearance that he has plenty of space. It gets him to drop his guard.
19. More than anything else, he watches to see if you’ll be too emotionally dependent on him.
20. He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner.
21. If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her as more beautiful, he’ll also take him time to appreciate who she is.
22. Sex and the “spark” are not one and the same.
23. Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t.
24. Every man wants to have sex first; whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, you become his girlfriend without him realizing it.
25. A man intuitively senses whether sexuality comes from a place of security or from a place of neediness. He knows when a woman is having sex to appease him.
26. Bad habits are easier to form than good ones, because good habits require conscious effort. Waiting encourages this effort.
27. If you pull the sexual plug at the last minute, he’ll label you a tease.
28. If he makes you feel insecure, let your insecurity be your guide.
29. A quality guy fantasizes about a woman who genuinely loves sex.
30. Any time a woman competes with another woman, she demeans herself.
31. When there is that undeniable “spark,” there is only one key to the lock.
32. Let him think he’s in control. He’ll automatically start doing things you want done because he’ll always want to look like “a king” in your eyes.
33. When you cater to his ego in a soft way, he doesn’t try to get power in an aggressive way.
34. When you appear softer and more feminine, you appeal to his instinct to protect. When you appear more aggressive, you appeal to his instinct to compete.
35. He’ll let a woman who becomes his doormat pay for dinner on the first couple of dates, but he wouldn’t think of it with his dreamgirl.
36. The token power position is for public display, but the true power position is for private viewing only. And this is the only one that matters.
37. If you give him a feeling of power, he’ll want to protect you and he’ll want to give you the world.
38. When a woman acts as though she’s capable of everything, she gets stuck doing everything.
39. Men don’t respond to words. They respond to no contact.
40. Talking about the “relationship” too much takes away the element of the “unknown” and thus the mystery.
41. Men respect women who communicate in a succinct way, because it’s the language men use to talk to one another.
42. When you are always HAPPY; And he is always free to GO; he feels LUCKY.
43. If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.
44. Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves.
45. A woman looks more secure in a man’s eyes when he can’t pull her away from her life, because she is content with her life.
46. The second a woman works overtime to make herself fit his criteria, she has lowered the standard of that relationship.
47. You jump through hoops any time you repeatedly make it very obvious you’re giving your “all.”
48. You have to keep from being sucked down into quicksand. Unless you maintain control over yourself, the relationship is doomed.
49. Jumping through hoops often has a negative outcome: He sees it as an opportunity to have his cake and eat it, too. But when you stay just outside his reach, he’ll stay on his best behavior.
50. The nice girl gives away too much of herself when pleasing him regularly becomes more important than pleasing herself.
51. The relationship may not be right for you if you find yourself jumping through hoops. When something is right, it will feel easier and much more effortless.
52. When you nag, he tunes you out. But when you speak with your actions, he pays attention.
53. When a man takes a woman for granted, he still looks for reassurance that she is still “right there.”
54. When the routine becomes predictable, he’s more likely to give you the same type of love he had for his mother–and the odds that he will take you for granted increase.
55. Negative attention is still attention. It lets a man know that he has you–right where he wants you.
56. When you treat him casually as though he’s a friend, he’ll come your way. Because he wants things to be romantic, but he also wants to be the pursuer.
57. A little distance combined with the appearance of self-control makes him nervous that he may be losing you.
58. A man takes a woman for granted when he’s interested, but will no longer go out of his way.
59. When you nag, you become the problem, and he deals with it by tuning you out. But when you don’t nag, he deals with the problem.
60. If you take his chores away from him and praise someone else for doing it, he’ll want his chores back.
61. When you nag, he sees weakness.
62. He perceives an emotional woman as more of a pushover.
63. In the same way that familiarity breeds contempt, a slightly aloof demeanor can often renew his respect.
64. He’ll forget what he has in you, unless you remind him.
65. Many women talk a lot out of nervousness–which is something that men will often perceive as insecurity.
66. Talking about feelings to a man will feel like work. When he’s with a woman, he wants it to feel like fun.
67. Forcing him to talk about feelings all the time will not only make you seem needy, it will eventually make him lose respect. And when he loses respect, he’ll pay even less attention to your feelings.
68. In the beginning, the only thing you need to pay attention to is whether he keeps coming around, because he’ll only be able to suspend or hide his emotions for so long.
69. Men treat women the way they treat other men. They “play it cool: because they don’t want to appear weak or desperate.
70. The element of suprise both inside and outside of the bedroom is important to men, and it adds to the excitement.
71. Don’t always do the same thing over and over in the bedroom. Vary it so that it doesn’t become a predictable routine.
72. Most men tend to disrespect a woman who appears to be too malleable.
73. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. It will not only earn his respect, in some cases it will even turn him on.
74. Men often automatically assume that a *****ier woman will be more assertive in bed, and that a nice girl will be more timid.
75. When a man falls in love, suddenly he’ll go out of his way and think nothing of it. He’ll do things for this woman he wouldn’t have done for anyone else.
76. He’ll never respect you as being able to hold your own unless you can stand on your own too feet financially.
77. You have to show that you won’t accept mistreatment. Then you will keep his respect.
78. Your pink slip is maintained when you can stand on your own–with him or without him. He should never feel that you are completely as his mercy.
79. When a man views a woman as a “little girl” or a sister he has to take care of, the passion diminishes. He doesn’t want to make love to his sister.
80. The ability to choose how you want to live, and the ability to choose how you want to be treated are the two things that give you more power than any material object ever will.
81. In a relationship of any kind, if one person feels the other person isn’t bringing anything to the table, he or she will begin to disrespect that person.
82. Financial neediness is no different than emotional neediness; in both instances, he can still get the feeling that he has a 100 percent hold on you.
83. Regardless of how pretty a woman is, looks alone will not sustain his respect. Appearance may pull him in, but it is your independence that will keep him turned on.
84. When a man is very consumed with not being taken advantage of, this is a sign that he’s “on the take.”
85. People will show you they have self-respect simply by virtue of the fact that they want to carry their own weight.
86. The more independent you are of him, the more interested he will be.
87. If you make it too obvious that you’re excited to get something, some people will be tempted to dangle a carrot in front of your face.
88. When you alter the routine, your not being there is what will make him come around. Men don’t respond to words. What they respond to is no contact.
89. Don’t give a reward for bad behavior.
90. He simply won’t respect a woman who automatically goes into overdrive to please him.
91. If he doesn’t give you a time, you don’t have a date.
92. Often the best way to adjust or fix the problem is by not letting him know it’s being fixed. When you alter your availability or change a predictable routine, it will mentally pull him back in.
93. Once you start laughing, you start healing.
94. You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face.
95. A man feels he’s won, or conquered a woman, when she eats out of the palm of his hand. At which point, he begins to get bored.
96. The tension that arises with a slightly *****y woman gives a subtle feeling of danger to a man. He feels slightly unsure because she is never in the palm of his hand.
97. A “yes” woman who gives too much sends the impression that she believes in the man more than she believes in herself. Men view this as weakness not kindness.
98. Be an independent thinker at all times, and ignore anyone who attempts to define you in a limiting way.
99. Truly powerful people don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage someone who doesn’t give it to them.
100. The most attractive quality of all is dignity.
52. When you nag, he tunes you out. But when you speak with your actions, he pays attention.
53. When a man takes a woman for granted, he still looks for reassurance that she is still “right there.”
54. When the routine becomes predictable, he’s more likely to give you the same type of love he had for his mother–and the odds that he will take you for granted increase.
55. Negative attention is still attention. It lets a man know that he has you–right where he wants you.
56. When you treat him casually as though he’s a friend, he’ll come your way. Because he wants things to be romantic, but he also wants to be the pursuer.
57. A little distance combined with the appearance of self-control makes him nervous that he may be losing you.
58. A man takes a woman for granted when he’s interested, but will no longer go out of his way.
59. When you nag, you become the problem, and he deals with it by tuning you out. But when you don’t nag, he deals with the problem.
60. If you take his chores away from him and praise someone else for doing it, he’ll want his chores back.
61. When you nag, he sees weakness.
62. He perceives an emotional woman as more of a pushover.
63. In the same way that familiarity breeds contempt, a slightly aloof demeanor can often renew his respect.
64. He’ll forget what he has in you, unless you remind him.
65. Many women talk a lot out of nervousness–which is something that men will often perceive as insecurity.
66. Talking about feelings to a man will feel like work. When he’s with a woman, he wants it to feel like fun.
67. Forcing him to talk about feelings all the time will not only make you seem needy, it will eventually make him lose respect. And when he loses respect, he’ll pay even less attention to your feelings.
68. In the beginning, the only thing you need to pay attention to is whether he keeps coming around, because he’ll only be able to suspend or hide his emotions for so long.
69. Men treat women the way they treat other men. They “play it cool: because they don’t want to appear weak or desperate.
70. The element of suprise both inside and outside of the bedroom is important to men, and it adds to the excitement.
71. Don’t always do the same thing over and over in the bedroom. Vary it so that it doesn’t become a predictable routine.
72. Most men tend to disrespect a woman who appears to be too malleable.
73. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. It will not only earn his respect, in some cases it will even turn him on.
74. Men often automatically assume that a *****ier woman will be more assertive in bed, and that a nice girl will be more timid.
75. When a man falls in love, suddenly he’ll go out of his way and think nothing of it. He’ll do things for this woman he wouldn’t have done for anyone else.
76. He’ll never respect you as being able to hold your own unless you can stand on your own too feet financially.
77. You have to show that you won’t accept mistreatment. Then you will keep his respect.
78. Your pink slip is maintained when you can stand on your own–with him or without him. He should never feel that you are completely as his mercy.
79. When a man views a woman as a “little girl” or a sister he has to take care of, the passion diminishes. He doesn’t want to make love to his sister.
80. The ability to choose how you want to live, and the ability to choose how you want to be treated are the two things that give you more power than any material object ever will.
81. In a relationship of any kind, if one person feels the other person isn’t bringing anything to the table, he or she will begin to disrespect that person.
82. Financial neediness is no different than emotional neediness; in both instances, he can still get the feeling that he has a 100 percent hold on you.
83. Regardless of how pretty a woman is, looks alone will not sustain his respect. Appearance may pull him in, but it is your independence that will keep him turned on.
84. When a man is very consumed with not being taken advantage of, this is a sign that he’s “on the take.”
85. People will show you they have self-respect simply by virtue of the fact that they want to carry their own weight.
86. The more independent you are of him, the more interested he will be.
87. If you make it too obvious that you’re excited to get something, some people will be tempted to dangle a carrot in front of your face.
88. When you alter the routine, your not being there is what will make him come around. Men don’t respond to words. What they respond to is no contact.
89. Don’t give a reward for bad behavior.
90. He simply won’t respect a woman who automatically goes into overdrive to please him.
91. If he doesn’t give you a time, you don’t have a date.
92. Often the best way to adjust or fix the problem is by not letting him know it’s being fixed. When you alter your availability or change a predictable routine, it will mentally pull him back in.
93. Once you start laughing, you start healing.
94. You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face.
95. A man feels he’s won, or conquered a woman, when she eats out of the palm of his hand. At which point, he begins to get bored.
96. The tension that arises with a slightly *****y woman gives a subtle feeling of danger to a man. He feels slightly unsure because she is never in the palm of his hand.
97. A “yes” woman who gives too much sends the impression that she believes in the man more than she believes in herself. Men view this as weakness not kindness.
98. Be an independent thinker at all times, and ignore anyone who attempts to define you in a limiting way.
99. Truly powerful people don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage someone who doesn’t give it to them.
100. The most attractive quality of all is dignity.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
I read it, the advice seems sound. However I asked my males friends if they cosign the principles. This book was written by a woman, and no matter how much sense she makes, we think differently than men.
Basically what I gather from the book is that one should have boundaries. One should enforce those boundaries. Men understand your boundaries via your actions, not words. Don't compromise on your boundaries for men...well this goes for anybody really. People respect you more if you have boundaries in the first place. Having boundaries don't make you mean, or even a beyotch, it just means that you are a person and you will not be walked all over.
In my case my bedtime is 10pm. I am in bed at 10pm. My "friend"
tried inviting me over by texting me at 11pm. I told him i'm in bed at 10pm, you'd best get at me around 9pm. He was like "are you serious?". Ya know what? He text me again at 9:49pm one evening and he did not get a response.
Let me tell you. This negro now texts as early as 6pm when he wants to see me. Case closed.
Basically what I gather from the book is that one should have boundaries. One should enforce those boundaries. Men understand your boundaries via your actions, not words. Don't compromise on your boundaries for men...well this goes for anybody really
. People respect you more if you have boundaries in the first place. Having boundaries don't make you mean, or even a beyotch, it just means that you are a person and you will not be walked all over.In my case my bedtime is 10pm. I am in bed at 10pm. My "friend"
tried inviting me over by texting me at 11pm. I told him i'm in bed at 10pm, you'd best get at me around 9pm. He was like "are you serious?". Ya know what? He text me again at 9:49pm one evening and he did not get a response.Let me tell you. This negro now texts as early as 6pm when he wants to see me. Case closed.
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runwaydream
Well-Known Member
that book saved my relationship.
AyannaDivine
Well-Known Member
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
runwaydream
how so?
do you think they still don't have respect even if you decide to change during the relationship? for example: setting boundaries, sticking up for yourself, etc.
how so?
do you think they still don't have respect even if you decide to change during the relationship? for example: setting boundaries, sticking up for yourself, etc.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
Got 'em in check!!!
Actually he'll hit me up on his lunch break to give me a larger window since I have life. But if he's hard pressed he'll reach out at 8:45pm trying to catch me right before I get in bed
. We've come a long way, yo.
erplexed... I think that is key, not being needy... 
Anakinsmomma
Well-Known Member
I read both. I think it had a big influence on how I acted when I met my husband. I was the stereotypical nice girl and by being a babe in charge of herself, I finally got back all the love I gave.
Plus some of the stories cracked me up!
runwaydream
Well-Known Member
sweetvi
at the time we were arguing like every day and it was mostly bc of me. i was putting a lot of focus on the relationship, on problems that i wanted to be fixed right away, constantly getting angry, expecting him to know what he was doing wrong without giving any hints on what that might be. i was also too needy. basically he was at his wits end. he didn't really express that this bothered him but then had a massive blow up one day and said he didn't know what to do anymore. he was just sick of arguing. the next day something told me to read the book (it was lying on my bookshelf) and i saw so many things that i did wrong. i made myself too available. i stopped doing the things that i loved without realizing it. i made the rlshp all about him. there was too much focus put on him, all the arguing was making the rlshp seem like a chore. something he didnt want to do anymore, i was taking all the fun out of it. i had to learn to relax. to always stay at a distance so that he was always chasing me. let it be fun and continue to live my life w.o him. dont put things aside for him. dont be afraid to let him wait. discuss things once and then let it go, dont keep harping on it.
after doing these things, there was a complete turn around. he went back to going out of his way to please me like he did in the beginning of the rlshp. we went from having intense arguments every day to hardly arguing at all. the rlshp is much more relaxed. i started putting more focus on things that i enjoy and he likes that about me. almost 3 mths later and we're doing well. we still have ups and downs of course, but it wasn't like it was before and we're both much happier this way.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Excellent point! These ideas can apply to men and women.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Need to read these books...I think I lost some of my B factor over time.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
^^^^
read, re-read, and read again
And practice implementation in steps
read, re-read, and read again
And practice implementation in steps
curlcomplexity
formerly qtslim83
Read this whole thread yesterday....coincidentally as I was going through an old box of stuff I found my copy
Dusted it off and began reading it at work during break. Also downloaded the PDF to my phone...stayed up reading it last night until I fell asleep . I hadn't realized all the things I was doing wrong until I reread this.
Dusted it off and began reading it at work during break. Also downloaded the PDF to my phone...stayed up reading it last night until I fell asleep . I hadn't realized all the things I was doing wrong until I reread this.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
I LOVE this book. I cannot put it down. And I'm mad at myself for not reading it sooner.
Kalani
Well-Known Member
These are so true.
6. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.
9. If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the b**** will prioritize her dignity above all else.
23. Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t.
43. If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.
99. Truly powerful people don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage someone who doesn’t give it to them.
6. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.
9. If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the b**** will prioritize her dignity above all else.
23. Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t.
43. If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.
99. Truly powerful people don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage someone who doesn’t give it to them.
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