MissJ
Well-Known Member
I've been posting stuff about marriage lately at MJJForum because of my disappointments. Yesterday, I posted this which is from Essence Magazine. Then this black guy got mad. It's the same black guy who got mad at that white lady on the race thread.
Why He Won't Marry You, Men Speak from the Heart...
Ben Jones
By all the measures that have come to matter, Ben Jones is a prize. Standing six feet, three inches tall, with a smooth shaved head, he is dark-chocolate handsome, college-educated and well on his way to becoming a millionaire as a vice-president at Conway Del Genio & Co., LLC, a New York City boutique investment-banking firm that specializes in middle-market and acquisitions and restructuring troubled companies. At 31, he owns an apartment in the city and a house in the country, and he drives a luxury car that is as sleek as he is. He spends about three days of every week traveling for his job, leaving time for personal relationships limited. Still, when he is home, Jones often enjoys female companionship. He admits to sometimes dating more than one woman at a time if he's not in a committed relationship. These days, however, most of the women Jones dates don't want to play. They want to get married. "I'm fine with that," he says, "because I'm at the point where I'd like to settle down, too. But I haven't found what I'm looking for."
Of course, Jones is a lot less pressed to figure out what he's looking for than the women of his age group. For one thing, men's biological clocks aren't prone to winding down. For another, Jones makes enough money to hire a housekeeper. He has an assistant at work and plenty of women, if that's what he wants. And, he says, "I can cook better than most of the women I know. I can clean just as well, and I don't need someone to supplement me financially or help raise my standard of living," In other words, Ben Jones doesn't need a wife for all the old traditional reasons Black men used to need wives. "Maybe that's a bad thing," he concedes, "because there's no overwhelming need to get married other than for love. I've been in love--but never enough to get married."
The luxury of waiting to marry is the one thing women don't feel they have. Like their male colleagues, they've probably spent their twenties rising in a career, which means by the time they hit their thirties, the alarm is sound loudly on their biological clocks. If they're going to marry and have families, this is the time to do it. And typically they want to marry one of those good-catch brothers who can match, or even surpass, their own achievements-- the very guy who's in no hurry to settle down.
Jones is well aware that, as a man, when it comes to choosing a mate, his age hardly matters. "A woman's pool of marriage partners starts to shrink as she gets older," he observes. "But a man's pool only gets larger. Right now I could marry anyone--women from age 26 to a couple of years older than I am--and the pool will just grow as I get older."
Then this lady from Europe posted this to me:
"Not all men are selfish and have an 'i'm alright jack/i don't need no-one' attitude.
I admit decent men who know how to love, honor and cherish a woman are getting fewer and further between, but hey, if I can find one here in the UK - sure thing u'll get one over there Sshanique. (I know of one decent man right here on the board - but I ain't sayin who - cuz if his head gets any bigger its gonna crash right thru my comp screen)."
Then that black guy got mad and posted this:
"I am so sick of that garbage. There aren't fewer men out there who are good enough for women. There isn't something in the water making men less qualified to be get married. Could the problem lie with the fairer sex? Could it be ladies that maybe you need to stop b*tching about the smaller pool of men and concentrate on the available men out there? Are all you women perfect and the men getting dumber by the minute? Nope, the men await and when you spend less time derided them, they may actually stay away from the white girls."
Then I said that some of us black women are checking out white men, too.
Then he said this:
"Strangely enough, this particular post wasn't directed at you, but you brought something interesting to light. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to mixed dating. If a black man dates a white girl, he is ignoring his black women and dating the enemy. If a balck woman dated the white man, its because there aren't enough black man out there. I love double standards...
By the way, since some of you get anal, I am not saying anybody in particular said this. This is what I hear.
Go ahead and find yourself a perfectly good white boy..."
I don't understand why he's so mad.
Why He Won't Marry You, Men Speak from the Heart...
Ben Jones
By all the measures that have come to matter, Ben Jones is a prize. Standing six feet, three inches tall, with a smooth shaved head, he is dark-chocolate handsome, college-educated and well on his way to becoming a millionaire as a vice-president at Conway Del Genio & Co., LLC, a New York City boutique investment-banking firm that specializes in middle-market and acquisitions and restructuring troubled companies. At 31, he owns an apartment in the city and a house in the country, and he drives a luxury car that is as sleek as he is. He spends about three days of every week traveling for his job, leaving time for personal relationships limited. Still, when he is home, Jones often enjoys female companionship. He admits to sometimes dating more than one woman at a time if he's not in a committed relationship. These days, however, most of the women Jones dates don't want to play. They want to get married. "I'm fine with that," he says, "because I'm at the point where I'd like to settle down, too. But I haven't found what I'm looking for."
Of course, Jones is a lot less pressed to figure out what he's looking for than the women of his age group. For one thing, men's biological clocks aren't prone to winding down. For another, Jones makes enough money to hire a housekeeper. He has an assistant at work and plenty of women, if that's what he wants. And, he says, "I can cook better than most of the women I know. I can clean just as well, and I don't need someone to supplement me financially or help raise my standard of living," In other words, Ben Jones doesn't need a wife for all the old traditional reasons Black men used to need wives. "Maybe that's a bad thing," he concedes, "because there's no overwhelming need to get married other than for love. I've been in love--but never enough to get married."
The luxury of waiting to marry is the one thing women don't feel they have. Like their male colleagues, they've probably spent their twenties rising in a career, which means by the time they hit their thirties, the alarm is sound loudly on their biological clocks. If they're going to marry and have families, this is the time to do it. And typically they want to marry one of those good-catch brothers who can match, or even surpass, their own achievements-- the very guy who's in no hurry to settle down.
Jones is well aware that, as a man, when it comes to choosing a mate, his age hardly matters. "A woman's pool of marriage partners starts to shrink as she gets older," he observes. "But a man's pool only gets larger. Right now I could marry anyone--women from age 26 to a couple of years older than I am--and the pool will just grow as I get older."
Then this lady from Europe posted this to me:
"Not all men are selfish and have an 'i'm alright jack/i don't need no-one' attitude.
I admit decent men who know how to love, honor and cherish a woman are getting fewer and further between, but hey, if I can find one here in the UK - sure thing u'll get one over there Sshanique. (I know of one decent man right here on the board - but I ain't sayin who - cuz if his head gets any bigger its gonna crash right thru my comp screen)."
Then that black guy got mad and posted this:
"I am so sick of that garbage. There aren't fewer men out there who are good enough for women. There isn't something in the water making men less qualified to be get married. Could the problem lie with the fairer sex? Could it be ladies that maybe you need to stop b*tching about the smaller pool of men and concentrate on the available men out there? Are all you women perfect and the men getting dumber by the minute? Nope, the men await and when you spend less time derided them, they may actually stay away from the white girls."
Then I said that some of us black women are checking out white men, too.
Then he said this:
"Strangely enough, this particular post wasn't directed at you, but you brought something interesting to light. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to mixed dating. If a black man dates a white girl, he is ignoring his black women and dating the enemy. If a balck woman dated the white man, its because there aren't enough black man out there. I love double standards...
By the way, since some of you get anal, I am not saying anybody in particular said this. This is what I hear.
Go ahead and find yourself a perfectly good white boy..."
I don't understand why he's so mad.
